TrustedthenBusted Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 Man... getting caught is sort of like getting Lasik isn't it? All of a sudden...BOOM, you instantly see very clearly what you had. Tough story. Sorry to hear it. From the sounds of it, your husband is the kind of person who don't take no **** from nobody. And I think you just found out that includes you too. Respect his choice. You actually made it for him. 4
10thengineerharrison Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 I know what I did is horrible and evil and in every way shape and from wrong. I know it is hard to understand but looking back I can not believe what I did and allowed. It will seem hypocritical because I am the one who is to blame but I don't understand how he can be so cold about this. I worry that he is just so strong he will just move past it and give me no chance. Do I think I deserve a chance? No. Do I desperately want a chance? Yes! I see my BS at our sons games and at school now and he walks among all these people that are aware of what I did and what happened and I know how that must hurt him, but he always has his head up and seems fine. I can see in his eyes he is different though and it kills me. I am in IC and it helps a bit for my depression but my IC says she can not help my BS unless I can get him to see her. He calmly told me he was not interested in seeing a councillor. I have tried everything I can think of to let him not how sorry I am and that I would do anything to fix this and he just refuses to talk to me about anything other than the boys. My older son wouldn't talk to me for weeks after he found out what happened and my BH was able to convince him to forgive me and let me know how much he still loves me. Doesn't that show that my husband still has love for me? He could have just allowed my son to hate his mother and probably felt justified in it but instead he has done the most for my children to reconcile with me. Is there anyone that has had success getting through to a BS that seemed completely unwilling to even discuss the events? He will not even entertain ANY discussion about it. That cant be good for him. Your husband sounds like a man with integrity. It also sounds like you are remorseful. Maybe remorseful enough to repair the marriage. But you do have to remember that it's up to him, entirely, whether to try recovery or not. The best thing you can do is give him the opportunity and the trust that he can make the right choices for him and your kids. You can't control his choices any more than he could control yours. ...which brings me to the point: If you are truly remorseful and that your affair was about poor choices and not who you really are as a person, look for ways to show who you really are through your actions and choices going forward. Not going on girls' nights out would be an obvious first step. It might sound silly for me to start with that, but think about it: You're on a divorce track at the moment, so obviously you won't go out drinking or that would just encourage your H to proceed with the divorce. But longer term? What would you do if the ink on the divorce papers had just dried and one of your friends asked you to go with the girls to celebrate your singleness with a few drinks? Your answer is important, because in a situation like this where your husband wants a divorce and won't talk to you, you have very few opportunities to show him you can be faithful going forward (and you've already rather dramatically demonstrated that you aren't). So, if you do end up divorced because that's what your husband wants (and you need to let him make his own choices), would you continue to try to show you can be trustworthy in case he changes his mind and wants to remarry at some point? Or would you go back on the market? -10th Engineer Harrison. P.S. I didn't mention this earlier because I wasn't sure you'd be back: From your description of that incident up until your husband showed up, it sounded like your AP was planning on taking you home and sharing you with his friends. Think about it.
drifter777 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 P.S. I didn't mention this earlier because I wasn't sure you'd be back: From your description of that incident up until your husband showed up, it sounded like your AP was planning on taking you home and sharing you with his friends. Think about it. Ding, ding, ding! Same here. OP was going to be the guest of honor at a gang bang. 3
Lion Heart Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 It was her choice & I think she understands she needs to take responsibility. I just can't & will never understand how people can think it's also their right to get involved with other people's lives when not asked? Would those same people publicly speak about their mistakes & sins? Until they can (or are mistake or sin free) they should just stay out of other's. It doesn't make the person that tells "better" of a person for it. This thread is about the WAYWARD WIFE attempting to R even though she has divorce papers. We need not quote the Bible though I'm tempted! I would like others to treat me as I treat them. I have CERTAINLY TOLD my friends about their cheating husbands and: A) they all thanked me - so far B) they all divorced the pieces of sh**..eventually C) they are ALL STILL my friends! Like attracts like in long standing relationships of any kind. If you are wayward then you keep that company for your own reasons. If you have strong morals and character you keep close company with this type of person, you uphold that and support this for your friends. It's got nothing to do with "sticking your nose in"! Crikeys it's got more to do with Married people keeping it in their pants!!!! Be aware of the company you keep. It tells you alot about yourself. I thank my WHs OW EVERY SINGLE DAY for exposing the truth to me when other spineless creatures knew and DIDN'T tell me. Ofcourse she was immoral and had her own selfish motives but the people who knew and didn't tell me? I'm addressing them 1:1 as occasions permit and I tell them exactly what I think of their lack of moral fibre, cowardice and coveting of knowledge they KNEW I HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW ABOUT. LION HEART. 2
10thengineerharrison Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 That shows how great a man you may have lost by your choices. That shows TRUE character and I'd be honored to have him as a friend. It does not say anything about any love left for you. I allowed my wife a final phone call to end it with her AP and to have proper closure. I believe that showed true character as well. Instead of ending it gracefully she told him that she could not live without him and they could talk in the future. It's all documented in my postings here. I think I showed true character when I gave her a chance to explain that call and gave her yet another chance. She has taken that last chance and has run with it and has been NC since. No offense, but I wouldn't want to live like you must have to live after that. And I'm saying that, knowing that I did something similar, many times. It's been 13 years since d-day, and we're recovered (last 5 years or so), but I don't advise BHs try to reconcile anymore (without a divorce first, at least). -10th Engineer Harrison 3
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Verybrokenman- I am glad to hear at least one comment about being able to reconcile. I am terrified at you being one of the only ones. I am ready to do whatever he needs and work to show him I am worthy of a second chance but he will not give me the chance. Is there anything your wife said to you that opened that door? I understand everyone is different but I am frantic to the point of anxiety to do something to slow all this down. I am not saying I think I can fix this with a an apology or explanation but he has not asked me one single question. Not why, not how many times not even how could you do this to me. I just feel like if I could open the conversation about repairing this I could show how hard I will fight for us. Please if there is something your wife told you that stands out as helping you WANT to let her try I am desperate. You do counseling and fix you. This is all you can do and hopefully in time your husband will see the hard work you're doing and see that you're still the woman he fell in love with and married years ago. Focus on being the best mom to your kids and be good to yourself. Your H may not want to give you a second chance, maybe he is one it's one strike and you're out no matter what. I believe people deserve second chances if they are warranted of them and it seems you truly are ready to do everything and anything required to get that second chance and show your husband that you can be trustworthy again. Unfortunately is this out of your hands - Your H has (at least for now) chosen to walk away. Pushing him or trying to convince him to come back will only push him away - Because you're reacting out of desperation, he probably feels your remorse is not real, not genuine but more out of fear of losing him and the life you once had. Time and space may allow him to calm down and think things through, weigh the options. Let him come to you, don't reach out to him. Only speak to him when it has to do with the kids and don't bring up anything except the kids. Anything else will put him off and he'll shut you out. 3
Lion Heart Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 "Hadeverything" you need to read up real hard about people with ENTITLEMENT ISSUES. You will benefit from understanding Narcissism. Which is apparent by your thread too. This isn't about beating you up. Its about getting REAL. You said you "had everything" but where others would certainly say you did, you actually didn't. Not for you. That's why your work in IC needs to focus on above. So you were bored. You had millions of options that would have SUPPORTED your family, your roles, your self but instead went partying 3x a week?!? That in itself must have indicated your level of dissatisfaction with your life with "everything". You knew what you had and risked it all very willingly for your own thrills. I think you're only feeling sorry for yourself that your husband reacted with the 180 real fast and you're alone (or maybe not) 24/7 with yourself. You gambled, you lost. By your H actions it shows he knows he deserves FAR BETTER than your treatment of him, his marriage and the life he provided for you. I bet he also knows that another woman would JUMP at the chance to be with him. The next woman will know she's got everything and appreciate that every day. He** she might even have a job and stay faithful. Move on. You've crapped all over your marraige and family. The damage is too deep for a 2nd chance with you. The best you can do is try to enjoy your limited time with your children, attempt to reconcile with them and the deep hurt and betrayal THEY feel. Support them. Answer the hard questions honestly and hold them when they cry. IF they cry to you. They may never trust you completely again. With hard work you MIGHT be able to salvage your relationship with the kids. Narcissists are not known for working hard on meeting other's emotional needs. Move forward with doing as little damage to others from now on. Lion Heart. 3
road Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 a group of moms from the kid’sschool and sports and we would have a few drinks and dance and have a goodtime. One of the moms who was recently divorced brought along a guy she wasseeing and a few of his friends one night. All of these guys were bodybuilder type guys and they were so brash and almost obnoxious, but they seemedso confident and edgy I just felt attracted almost immediately. Theywere so different than our safe and wholesome family life several of the womanmade comments and we joked about how sexy they were. I can't believe that you could not see this divorced lady was divorced for a reason. I can't believe that you did not see this DL friend was told to bring around some ladies without there husbands around so there would be date bait for her OM's friends. You did not see you were being set up? Really? Do not give your BH an affair diary. The problem with that is you may not give him everything then he will think that you were holding back, which means you are still lying to him. Even if you give him everything you may think you did good. Though what you did is possibly you gave BH more information then he can handle. This is why is it always best to let the BH control the level of information about the affair that is revealed. You tell your BH that you understand that he may have questions about the affair and will answer all of his questions. Last tell your BH why you wanted him to stop kicking the OM's butt. That is if the reason was that you did not want BH to get arrested and do serious jail time and civil damage law suits. If it was you feeling bad for the OM then I do not think that would be a good idea. 2
Sassy Girl Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Not sure what you're trying to say. It's OK to cheat in a fair to middling marriage but not in a great one? Mr. Lucky No. Ill thank you for not putting words in my mouth
HereNorThere Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I wouldn't worry about your husband. With it being such a public display of manliness and integrity, I'm sure he'll find your kids a new mommy very, very soon. 10 bucks says it's one of your friends with you that night. Desperate housewife type women love stuff like this. 1
Sassy Girl Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I know I don't deserve a second chance. What I did is deplorable. I was a good wife and mother until the resent months. I know it is hard to believe that based on what I have done but it is true. I never for one moment stopped loving my husband. Sitting here today all the things I should have done are crystal clear. The boundaries I allowed myself to cross the poor judgement, the way I acted and allowed my AP to act seem to me today to be as awful as I am sure you all think they are. I am working with my IC to see how I was able to do these things and I will continue to do so regardless of what my husband does. I am willing to do anything for him and I only want the chance to show him that I will do ANYTHING not to lose him. I am so scared that once the divorce is finalized he will just keep moving on as fast as he has been. It seems like he is already gone but I am grasping at the chance that he still loves me and we can work through this. So many are telling me to just let him go but I feel physically unable to do that. It fills me with panic just to think about it. See that? The bold? You. You, you you you you. Entitled. Its not about you anymore. Your husband has taken you and your wants out of the equation. You dont get what you want anymore. You want to show you will do anything for him? Get out of this mindset. Its not about you anymore. Its about him, and what he needs to heal. You need to support that - whether its with you OR without you. Hes made himself clear. Respect that. 4
autumnnight Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 See that? The bold? You. You, you you you you. Entitled. Its not about you anymore. Your husband has taken you and your wants out of the equation. You dont get what you want anymore. You want to show you will do anything for him? Get out of this mindset. Its not about you anymore. Its about him, and what he needs to heal. You need to support that - whether its with you OR without you. Hes made himself clear. Respect that. I agree that any woman who is currently cheating on her husband or who is currently cheating with a man who is married has very serious entitlement issues. 1
Betrayed&Stayed Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I know what I did is horrible and evil and in every way shape and from wrong. I know it is hard to understand but looking back I can not believe what I did and allowed. It will seem hypocritical because I am the one who is to blame but I don't understand how he can be so cold about this. I worry that he is just so strong he will just move past it and give me no chance. Do I think I deserve a chance? No. Do I desperately want a chance? Yes! I see my BS at our sons games and at school now and he walks among all these people that are aware of what I did and what happened and I know how that must hurt him, but he always has his head up and seems fine. I can see in his eyes he is different though and it kills me. I am in IC and it helps a bit for my depression but my IC says she can not help my BS unless I can get him to see her. He calmly told me he was not interested in seeing a councillor. I have tried everything I can think of to let him not how sorry I am and that I would do anything to fix this and he just refuses to talk to me about anything other than the boys. My older son wouldn't talk to me for weeks after he found out what happened and my BH was able to convince him to forgive me and let me know how much he still loves me. Doesn't that show that my husband still has love for me? He could have just allowed my son to hate his mother and probably felt justified in it but instead he has done the most for my children to reconcile with me. Is there anyone that has had success getting through to a BS that seemed completely unwilling to even discuss the events? He will not even entertain ANY discussion about it. That cant be good for him. The most pressing question is "Why?". You must be able to answer that after much self-reflection and IC. So far your answer is boredom. You need to go deeper than that. That answer won't fly with your BH. Why did you throw your marriage, family, self-respect away for so little in return? You gave it all away for some POS meathead you barely knew. You gave it away dirt cheap to a guy you met in a bar. Your husband and kids had no say in the matter. You might have had a small chance if you had stopped the affair and confessed. Getting busted the way you did reduces your odds down to .01. 3
bubbaganoosh Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 What you don't or refuse to grasp is that he saw with his own eyes you cheating. He saw this guy lifting your skirt up and if that isn't bad enough, there's another guy there who saw it too and in any situation like that, your husband probably thought that both these guys were going to have a gang bang with your ass and for all we know they just might have because you didn't seem to mind flashing your ass to the OM buddy. Then you defend this bum when he got his big mouth shut and if that doesn't seal your fate nothing will. Time for you to face facts that he's done with you and if you have a shred of decency in you, you'll give him the space he deserves to heal and get his life in order. He might look and act all cool calm and collected on the outside but bet the house that he's in a great deal of pain and hurting far worse then you are. 3
Akheron Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 "I never for one moment stopped loving my husband." You never stopped loving him before, during, or after you banged the meathead? Did you love him while you stood idly by when your **** buddies were going to try and beat the **** out of your husband? "I am so scared that once the divorce is finalized he will just keep moving on as fast as he has been. It seems like he is already gone but I am grasping at the chance that he still loves me and we can work through this. So many are telling me to just let him go but I feel physically unable to do that. It fills me with panic just to think about it." Good. The pain you are feeling is the functional equivalent of a speck of fly **** on an elephants butt compared to the pain and humiliation your husband is experiencing. You made this **** sandwich, now you gotta eat it. Let him go. 1
Author HadEverything Posted March 13, 2015 Author Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) I was ready to not defend myself here because I know what I did is really low and I deserve the worst. I do want to clear up a few things though. I had a typo in my original story that I was going out a few times a week with friends. I meant few times a month. The man that called my husband is a friend of his and I hold no resentment towards him for what he did. I have had and will have no contact with AP ever again. He is less than nothing to me. Yes I get that AP played me and I suppose I was just another notch in his bed post but I dont think its fair to say I was on my way to a threesome with them. I have been served divorce papers and have a lawyer. He says the initial information my husbands lawyer has sent looks very fair. Even in all of this I can't fault the way he is treating me.... It makes me so sad. I didnt do anything to stop them attacking him because I was shocked and it happened so quickly. I told him to stop because it looked like he was killing AP and I wanted him to not kill him. Not for APs sake for m husbands. Edited March 13, 2015 by HadEverything 2
Mrs. John Adams Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I understand your sadness...I understand the trauma...I understand your loss. I am sorry you are going through this. The sadness , trauma, and loss you feel...is nothing compared to the sadness, trauma and loss your husband feels. You made the choice to do what you have done to yourself....he had no say...he had no choice. you stabbed him in his heart and twisted the knife. All he did to you was serve you divorce papers....and is being fair to you. I know it is not what you want...but your wants no longer matter. You have only yourself to blame. Infidelity sucks. I wish you the best in your new life. 7
oldshirt Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) Some responses and questions in bold below. I was ready to not defend myself here because I know what I did is really low and I deserve the worst. I do want to clear up a few things though. I had a typo in my original story that I was going out a few times a week with friends. I meant few times a month. this is called rewriting history. I have had and will have no contact with AP ever again. would you still be with him if he had won the fight? fair question. He is less than nothing to me. Amazing how quickly people get thrown under the bus once things come to light. Yes I get that AP played me and I suppose I was just another notch in his bed post but I dont think its fair to say I was on my way to a threesome with them. A day before you met the OM you would've said you'd never have an affair. When you started hanging out with him and flirting with him, you would've said he was just a friend and you'd never do anything with him. Once you made out with him you would've said you'd never go home with him. When you went home with him you said you were just going to talk and nothing would happen. Once you screwed him the first time you said it wouldn't happen again. Once you screwed him the second time you said you'd never do anything in public. Once you were heading to his car getting felt up by him and making out on mainstreet with him with his buddy right there at every step of the way, you really thing you have any credibility to say that it's not fair to assume you were going to do both of them?????? I have been served divorce papers and have a lawyer. He says the initial information my husbands lawyer has sent looks very fair. Even in all of this I can't fault the way he is treating me.... It makes me so sad. The fact his initial offers are fair per your lawyer means that he is serious about the divorce and doesn't want anything slowing down the process. If he was just pissed and wanted to stick it to you and make a statement, he would've asked for more than he was entitled. The fact he made it fair means your chances of changing his mind are nil. On Star Trek, this is where they transfer all the power from the impulse engines and auxiliary power to the forward deflector shields because they are going to be taking some serious incoming fire in a full frontal attack. Don't worry about IC or striving for MC or any kind of reconciliation attempts at this point. Put all your time and energy into preparing yourself for the divorce and your life after the divorce. Coming up with a game plan to handle the divorce proceedings and doing the 180 should be your primary objective at this point Once you are divorced and taking care of yourself on your own, you can start worrying about fixing your personal issues. You need to start working on saving your @$$ in the divorce and putting food on the table and taking care of your custodial arrangements with the kids etc. Edited March 13, 2015 by oldshirt 2
stillcold Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I was ready to not defend myself here because I know what I did is really low and I deserve the worst. I do want to clear up a few things though. I had a typo in my original story that I was going out a few times a week with friends. I meant few times a month. The man that called my husband is a friend of his and I hold no resentment towards him for what he did. I have had and will have no contact with AP ever again. He is less than nothing to me. Yes I get that AP played me and I suppose I was just another notch in his bed post but I dont think its fair to say I was on my way to a threesome with them. I have been served divorce papers and have a lawyer. He says the initial information my husbands lawyer has sent looks very fair. Even in all of this I can't fault the way he is treating me.... It makes me so sad. I didnt do anything to stop them attacking him because I was shocked and it happened so quickly. I told him to stop because it looked like he was killing AP and I wanted him to not kill him. Not for APs sake for m husbands. I'm sorry to say but the statement I bolded pretty much means it's over; there will be no reconciliation. The fact that he's treating you fairly means that he wants this to be over ASAP. Of course the fairness also comes from the fact that you're the mother of his children, but that still doesn't change the fact that it's as good as done. I'm sorry, I know it hurts but you must accept what is happening since this was one of consequences of your actions. 3
Akheron Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 "I have had and will have no contact with AP ever again. He is less than nothing to me." Oddly enough I believe you but not because I think you've come to understand what you've done. After reading your posts its apparent to me that you have this sense of being a prize to be won by the strongest man. also, what you don't seem to understand is that your husband wasn't fighting for you. He beat the crap out of mr wonderful and captain moron for himself. To reclaim his dignity and self respect. The reason he was looking at you with disappointment was because you weren't worth fighting for and now he knew it. What would you have done if your lover boy would have beaten your husband to a pulp? My guess is that you would have gone home with him and his side kick because they "won" you. 4
twosadthings Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 Your husband sounds like a strong man with dignity and integrity. He eventually will get over what you did to your family but unfortunately for you that will mean he has to first get over you. I'm sure it hurts him to see you, hear you and think about you, so stay out of his way and lessen his hurt. If you feel like you owe him something make yourself scarce except for housekeeping matters. Just sayin', Twosadthings 2
Lion Heart Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 I know I don't deserve a second chance. What I did is deplorable. I was a good wife and mother until the resent months. I know it is hard to believe that based on what I have done but it is true. I never for one moment stopped loving my husband. Sitting here today all the things I should have done are crystal clear. The boundaries I allowed myself to cross the poor judgement, the way I acted and allowed my AP to act seem to me today to be as awful as I am sure you all think they are. I am working with my IC to see how I was able to do these things and I will continue to do so regardless of what my husband does. I am willing to do anything for him and I only want the chance to show him that I will do ANYTHING not to lose him. I am so scared that once the divorce is finalized he will just keep moving on as fast as he has been. It seems like he is already gone but I am grasping at the chance that he still loves me and we can work through this. So many are telling me to just let him go but I feel physically unable to do that. It fills me with panic just to think about it. Hadeverything, Ok I'm reading your posts and I'm feeling your desperation and pain. I'm sorry for your pain right now on one level but on another you will never feel the consequences of your actions until you feel the pain. YOU HAD CONTROL of this all before your A. You're living with the consequences of your own ACTIONS. It's a jagged, bitter pill to swallow and you're refusing to swallow it. This is where your narcissism comes in - lack of empathy for the pain you're causing your H and sons. The embarrassment and humiliation your H & sons feel over your actions. YES IT'S PAINFUL for you but surely you knew this was where you'd land if you had an A AND your H found out? Surely?? You don't "like" the consequences but there you are. Living with the consequences, kicking and screaming about them when it's your own fault. You're complaining that your H won't talk with you about it? AND give you a chance at R? There is no reason at all why he should. Put YOU aside for 1 minute and reflect on THAT. I've left 1 previous marraige and at least 2 LTRs BECAUSE OF their affairs IMMEDIATELY. Now I'm a BW who's stayed. It's horrible! It was FAR FAR easier to cut and run FOR ME previously (certainly don't speak for another soul) just myself. There are similarities I see between your H and myself. I was strong in the relationships, good provider, faithful, loving and they all took it for granted and shat on my love, work, family everything. I gave them everything and the thanks I got was an affair?? You're kidding, right? 2nd chance NO. No one DESERVES a 2nd chance. Affairs are NOT MISTAKES. They are willful actions of a selfish married person who disregards their vows and craps on their spouse and family for the sake of their own excitement factor. People who cheat need to be thanking their BS that R ever even crossed their minds! Let alone that their BS is even willing to go through he** by having the unfaithful partner in their face every day wanting, expecting and demanding ANYTHING from them. R is NOT A RIGHT. I guarantee that if you weren't satisfied with your marriage / family life BEFORE YOUR A, you would literally hate the discomfort of R. It's incredible that your H went to the trouble of finding you new accommodation and didn't "napalm" you like other BSs have received in response to their As. There's so much you could be grateful for, instead it's not "enough" for you. Well face it, neither was your previous life, you showed THAT plainly to your H and he gave you a reality check. Just FYI even if your H is holding his head up high, turning up to events that he knows you'll be at and looks fine? He's doing exactly what he NEEDS to do to move on. He's shattered but don't think for 1 nano second that he wants to line up for another serving of what you dished up. He's holding it all together through sheer strength and determination that YOU will not cross the line he's drawn to be damaged any more by you. The image he HAD of you as a loving, faithful wife was blown up into a million pieces the night he busted you. He's seen the real you, thanks to the decency of another man, and he doesn't want any part of that person. Your exH loves his children and is wise enough to understand that they love(d) their mother. They need a mother. His support of your relationship with them has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with love for you from him. Nothing. If he feels like I did when I had a DD with my previous WH, it was ALL about her. Nothing at all to do with WH. I didn't "bad mouth" him to DD, I did everything I could to support that relationship. She's 22 now and her biological father is still the same. She's seen it with her own eyes. You've got choices from here on in. I really hope for your children's sake, you can show humility and gratitude that they want anything to do with you. Some WSs end up very lonely people indeed. Don't let that happen. Work on yourself. Be worthy of their love. It may not be unconditional anymore. I'm not trying to scare you at all just please realise that while you're wailing about the situation you're in, your children are growing up. LH 6
truncated Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) It sounds like your husband may have a hard time forgiving you, and it may be that, for both your sake, it is best if you move on. try and find a way to parent well together and give your kids a good life. Learn from this. Ask yourself if being with one man for life is really what you want, deep down. If being with only one guy really isn't what you want ( maybe it is, I don't know) then don't remarry. Live a single life where being monogamous is not an issue. If being with one man is something that you do want, then do what it takes to learn why you did what you did and how to keep it from ever happening again. What happened was bad, really bad, but that doesn't mean that the rest of your life has to be. Edited March 13, 2015 by truncated
lovinDKT3 Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 HadEverything, you should respect your husbands wishes and give him the divorce. Its what he needs for himself. You did what you felt you needed to do in your affair without giving him a say in that decision. Accepting the divorce doesn't mean you have to give up, however getting him to talk to you won't fix anything. Your words mean nothing and may not for a long time. Let him know your goal is to become a better person, a better mother and maybe along the lines a better version of the woman he fell in love with. Then set out to do those things. With that you will become a healthier person for yourself and your children. Maybe if the stars line up he will indeed see that woman he fell in love with. If not, then you just move on with your life. I wish you the best of luck.. 5
troubadour Posted March 13, 2015 Posted March 13, 2015 (edited) Akheron said: "I have had and will have no contact with AP ever again. He is less than nothing to me." Oddly enough I believe you but not because I think you've come to understand what you've done. After reading your posts its apparent to me that you have this sense of being a prize to be won by the strongest man. also, what you don't seem to understand is that your husband wasn't fighting for you. He beat the crap out of mr wonderful and captain moron for himself. To reclaim his dignity and self respect. The reason he was looking at you with disappointment was because you weren't worth fighting for and now he knew it. What would you have done if your lover boy would have beaten your husband to a pulp? My guess is that you would have gone home with him and his side kick because they "won" you. Assuming that this thread is real.... I agree 100% with Akheron's post. Edited March 13, 2015 by troubadour 1
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