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How to cope with the fact she had someone lined up after me?

Sandrino

By Sandrino
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Sandrino Established Member

Sandrino

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My ex left, and had her old boyfriend lined up ready to go after she was done with me. How do i deal with that? People say to get a new girl and make her jealous, but im not like her. I wish i could get with someone new so quick, but i cant. I'm still in love with her, dispite what she did to me and i dont know why..

 

I dont see girls in that way right now for some reason.. Is that bad? It feels pathetic, and i wish i could stop this bull ****. Its pathetic knowing shes out screwing some other dude, while im all alone. How do i deal with this?

 

She cheated on me with him, and also has cheated with me on him. Shes been back and fourth with us both, and now shes back with him.

EgoJoe Established Member

EgoJoe

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Since she has proven twice now that she's morally bankrupt. Why do you care what she thinks or what she's doing?

 

That's not rhetorical; ask yourself why and I think you'll have an epiphany.

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MGX Established Member

MGX

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It should be a relief that she's gone. The cycle is broken. Move on and don't look back.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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My ex left, and had her old boyfriend lined up ready to go after she was done with me. How do i deal with that? People say to get a new girl and make her jealous, but im not like her. I wish i could get with someone new so quick, but i cant. I'm still in love with her, dispite what she did to me and i dont know why..

 

I dont see girls in that way right now for some reason.. Is that bad? It feels pathetic, and i wish i could stop this bull ****. Its pathetic knowing shes out screwing some other dude, while im all alone. How do i deal with this?

 

*She cheated on me with him, and also has cheated with me on him. Shes been back and fourth with us both, and now shes back with him.

 

 

*What that tells you is that she doesn't value either of you.

 

Avoid her like the plague.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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You deal by being happy that someone of such low moral character self selected out of your life.

 

You can mourn the loss of companionship but not her departure. She isn't worth it.

 

Look back & determine if there were red flags you missed so you can avoid them in the future. The big one I see is that if she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you. Remember, she had you lined up when she left the guy she went back to.

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Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Established Member

Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646

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That really sucks she had someone the second she left you, really makes things hurt more.

 

Just erase her out of your life entirely and never contact her again.

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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How to cope?

 

Sounds trite but accepting that people do what they do regardless of consideration for others, respect, civility, legality, etc, etc, and then do what you do, whatever that is.

 

She's one of billions now. Yep, for sure you loved her. There will be a lot of 'hers' in life, probably the vast majority of whom will be transitory, so seeing this as one step along the path of life gives both hope for the future as well as closure to the past.

 

More practically speaking, spend time with your male pals (and don't abandon them when getting with a girlfriend or wife!) and do male things. Reclaim your center, your maleness. Then move forward. Lots of life to live.

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fitnessfan365 Established Member

fitnessfan365

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Yeah the real question is, why would you get serious with a woman that cheated on her BF with you? If she's sexy and fun to spend time with, fine. Keep her as a FWB to scratch the itch once and awhile. However, a woman with no integrity or moral compass should ever be considered long term material.

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Confusedcarl Member

Confusedcarl

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I think with every single answer on here including the one you've already contemplated internally has you understanding that if she was willing to cheat with you, she always be willing to cheat on you. When something better comes along she goes along wih it. Float on with your life, she was a weight you don't need.

 

Indulge in your self interests and hang out with your close friends and don't be subjective towards meeting someone new because of "her" your only robbing yourself at that point.

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Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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My ex left, and had her old boyfriend lined up ready to go after she was done with me. How do i deal with that? People say to get a new girl and make her jealous, but im not like her. I wish i could get with someone new so quick, but i cant. I'm still in love with her, dispite what she did to me and i dont know why..

 

I dont see girls in that way right now for some reason.. Is that bad? It feels pathetic, and i wish i could stop this bull ****. Its pathetic knowing shes out screwing some other dude, while im all alone. How do i deal with this?

 

She cheated on me with him, and also has cheated with me on him. Shes been back and fourth with us both, and now shes back with him.

 

I agree with the others here: walk away, work towards realizing that you are much better off to have broken the cycle, and cut your ties with her so that you achieve indifference.

 

Caring what she thinks, trying to make an impression, or to affect her in any way is just keeping a pathological connection between you, and it will keep you looking backwards, weigh you down, and impede your ability to heal and move forward. From this point on, she doesn't matter. Get away; look forward; move forward. The more you cut your ties to her (including caring what she thinks) the sooner you will move on into your life.

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Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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And no, it's not at all unusual - and certainly not pathetic - that you aren't interested in dating at the moment. Dating someone new is not a revenge mechanism - it is for you, when you are sufficiently clear-headed (and clear of heart) and ready to do it. That may take a while.

 

There's nothing wrong with being alone, and you shouldn't frame it as "I'm alone while she's with someone." This is another part of breaking your ties to her: stop comparing yourself to her. "I need to be alone for a while now because that's where I am, and that's what I need to do to recover and get my life back and move on." It has nothing to do with what she may or may not be up to.

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Sandrino Established Member

Sandrino

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And no, it's not at all unusual - and certainly not pathetic - that you aren't interested in dating at the moment. Dating someone new is not a revenge mechanism - it is for you, when you are sufficiently clear-headed (and clear of heart) and ready to do it. That may take a while.

 

There's nothing wrong with being alone, and you shouldn't frame it as "I'm alone while she's with someone." This is another part of breaking your ties to her: stop comparing yourself to her. "I need to be alone for a while now because that's where I am, and that's what I need to do to recover and get my life back and move on." It has nothing to do with what she may or may not be up to.

 

I know, i wish i could see it that way. But the way i see it, im sitting at home, cleaning my car, thinking about her, while she on the other hand, is happily with the same dude she cheated on with me and having great sex. Thats how i see it. I know i need to think differently, and im also tempted to tell him that she was cheating on him again with me. Because he still doesnt know that. But the temptation of telling him is 50/50 because i have told him she cheated on him before, and he went back. Now she did it again, and it seems it doesnt matter to him, he'll take her back again.

 

I also need some sort of way to stop facebook stalking, because thats a big thing. I have blocked both of them on everything, but its so easy to unblock them and see what they are up to, and im not strong enough to resist.

 

The scary thing is, i've let her do this to me for so long, i feel like i'll go back every single time. Whenever she gets bored with him again, she'll cry to me, like she has always done this past year, multiple, multiple times. Shes my first, and she knows that, and she takes advantage of it..

 

I've wasted so much of my life on her, and i wish i could move on to someone new, or at least get over her. Its killing me, and i fear for my life. I smoke a lot of pot now, and drink alot, im just a changed person and everyone sees it.. Including my family. My family thinks i need someone special to talk to. But i hate that..

Satu Established Member

Satu

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Below is something I wrote and put into practice to help myself. It's not a perfect fit for you, but some of it might be useful.

 

************************************************************************************************

 

1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 2 litres a day for a male.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

  • Like 2
Price2Play Established Member

Price2Play

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Time to MAN up dude! CUT ALL TOXIC PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE! I have been exactly where you are right now, listen to the people in this thread. Read it 20 times if you have too.

 

Your ex is weak and so is her new guy! Desperation seeks desperation, let it go time to grow up.

 

Cut the weed and booze out for some time while you are going through this. Trust me there is zero need for them they are not helping you out at all! You sound really young and naive, you'll get over this and be fine.

 

Oh and by the way you are not alone, read this article.

 

Uh-Oh, Survey Says Half Of Married Women Have A 'Backup Husband' In Mind

Edited by Price2Play
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Sandrino Established Member

Sandrino

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Time to MAN up dude! CUT ALL TOXIC PEOPLE OUT OF YOUR LIFE! I have been exactly where you are right now, listen to the people in this thread. Read it 20 times if you have too.

 

Your ex is weak and so is her new guy! Desperation seeks desperation, let it go time to grow up.

 

Cut the weed and booze out for some time while you are going through this. Trust me there is zero need for them they are not helping you out at all! You sound really young and naive, you'll get over this and be fine.

 

Oh and by the way you are not alone, read this article.

 

Uh-Oh, Survey Says Half Of Married Women Have A 'Backup Husband' In Mind

 

So then whats the point? If 50% of women do that, then it doesnt matter if i keep going back to her.

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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So then whats the point? If 50% of women do that, then it doesnt matter if i keep going back to her.

 

Actually, even if that 50% number is accurate, if you go back to her, you have a near 100% chance that you are going to get messed up again.

 

Wouldn't you be better off taking your 50% chance on someone new?

MGX Established Member

MGX

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Some women do tend to have men waiting in the wings, if the main guy falters somehow. There's some guy who she had to refuse because she was with her current lover. Now that the lover is gone, she can contact that guy now.

 

It's like that Beyonce song "Irreplaceable", where she kicks out her boyfriend and tells him that his replacement will be there in a minute.

 

There are women already in relationships have guys they can choose from, just like the single women.

MGX Established Member

MGX

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So then whats the point? If 50% of women do that, then it doesnt matter if i keep going back to her.

 

Then find one who doesn't want to give you up!

 

You go back to her, this will happen all over again. Break the cycle and start over fresh with someone who won't cheat on you.

 

Forget her and find someone else!

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Sandrino Established Member

Sandrino

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Some women do tend to have men waiting in the wings, if the main guy falters somehow. There's some guy who she had to refuse because she was with her current lover. Now that the lover is gone, she can contact that guy now.

 

It's like that Beyonce song "Irreplaceable", where she kicks out her boyfriend and tells him that his replacement will be there in a minute.

 

There are women already in relationships have guys they can choose from, just like the single women.

 

Yeah he is the main guy, and im just the replacement. But i dont know, because she has cheated on both of us. So maybe its her not knowing what she wants in her choosing. She goes to him, then she cheats on him with me. Then she'll cheat on me with him. I think calling him the main guy, or calling me a rebound isnt even the case anymore, because she has treated us both equally terrible.

 

We both have tied our self esteem to her to a point where if we dont have her, were unhappy. But we both know she'll just keep doing what she does.

 

He does have the upper hand though because they've been together longer. I've been with her almost a year.. They've been with each other 3 years.

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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Yeah he is the main guy, and im just the replacement. But i dont know, because she has cheated on both of us. So maybe its her not knowing what she wants in her choosing. She goes to him, then she cheats on him with me. Then she'll cheat on me with him. I think calling him the main guy, or calling me a rebound isnt even the case anymore, because she has treated us both equally terrible.

 

We both have tied our self esteem to her to a point where if we dont have her, were unhappy. But we both know she'll just keep doing what she does.

 

So it seems like the one thing you can be sure of is that if you go back to her, you will be treated terribly. Isn't this exactly the reason NOT to go back to her? Seems pretty straightforward, unless you enjoy the pain. Or perhaps the pain is preferable to the uncertainty of heading in a new direction.

No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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No, don't make her jealous or anything. Go no contact and keep it up for life, girls like these are okay to bed but not okay to have a relationship with.

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Sandrino Established Member

Sandrino

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So it seems like the one thing you can be sure of is that if you go back to her, you will be treated terribly. Isn't this exactly the reason NOT to go back to her? Seems pretty straightforward, unless you enjoy the pain. Or perhaps the pain is preferable to the uncertainty of heading in a new direction.

 

How long will the pain last? It kills me every day, and each day im tempted to call her, but i never do. Its always her, but when she does, i give in. I miss her so much and i dont even know why when she did all these terrible things to me. How long will this pain last?

persevere Established Member

persevere

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I know it hurts, but it's likely she had thoughts about him, or worse, before you broke up. My ex was back on online dating the day she broke up with me, or before (?) and was cheating. It's best to just go NC and move on. It's a lot easier said than done. Sometimes, no matter how much garbage the other slings on us, it just takes a while. I wouldn't go back to her. As others have said, she'd just do it all over again. Spend your time focused on someone, who you will eventually meet, who is honest and a good person worhty of your attention.

LifeWasted Established Member

LifeWasted

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Shut down your facebook page and never go back on it. You don't need FB. I don't go on it and I live a perfectly normal life. If you use it for business, switch over to LinkedIn.

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Sandrino Established Member

Sandrino

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I know it hurts, but it's likely she had thoughts about him, or worse, before you broke up. My ex was back on online dating the day she broke up with me, or before (?) and was cheating. It's best to just go NC and move on. It's a lot easier said than done. Sometimes, no matter how much garbage the other slings on us, it just takes a while. I wouldn't go back to her. As others have said, she'd just do it all over again. Spend your time focused on someone, who you will eventually meet, who is honest and a good person worhty of your attention.

 

I feel like i could have done something to make her choose me over him. Like maybe i was too boring, or bad at sex, i mean she did take my virginity, does that mean im bad at sex. Maybe i didnt do something she wanted or something. i dont ****ing know..

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