mrmayhem675 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I got the urge to text my ex yesterday and ask how her kids were doing. Instead of waiting it out and exercising self control I just went ahead and did it. Atleast I didn't do anything stupid in the text. Last time we texted was about a month and a half ago and we were arguing. Anyway I just asked how the kids were doing and two hours later she responded. To my surprise it was a positive response. I then wait six hours debating whether or not I should reply and further the conversation. I finally did and as soon as I replied she replied. She answered all of my questions about the kids, went into good detail and sent me a some decent length texts about them, she even joked around a little bit. But there was one text she sent that I didn't know how to take. She said, "Maybe they say I can be mean but what can you do". I think she may have been trying to get me to say something positive about her or something to that affect because she used to do that back when we were together. I didn't do that because I didn't want to be nice to her. We texted for about thirty or forty minutes then I ended the conversation.
sabd Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 she may have been trying to get me to say something positive about her I think you're grasping at straws here. Don't get roped back in. 1
Author mrmayhem675 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Now I'm wondering why she was so pleasant with me? Especially after we got into it bad a month and a half ago. It's probably because the guy she left me for went south and she's lonely etc. but I brought this mind boggle on myself.
Elias33 Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 We all make mistakes, then we learn. Keep on going strong, and move on. This talk is in the past now, and you're headed for the future. 1
badpenny Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Now I'm wondering why she was so pleasant with me? Especially after we got into it bad a month and a half ago. It's probably because the guy she left me for went south and she's lonely etc. but I brought this mind boggle on myself. Well you got THAT bit right.....
irresolute Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Are those your kids? No? Ok, no need to ask about them. You know your main interest were not the kids but to text her. And then you dissected every word and wasted 6 hours of your day debating what to reply. Useless. Go back to no contact. You can text her again when your interest for the kids is true and you don't care a shi.t about her anymore.
Author mrmayhem675 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 That's pretty low to think I just used her kids to talk to her. I've said in my other posts that I do care greatly about them and I did in fact text to check on then and see how they were doing. I didn't ask her how she was doing or anything about her matter of fact. I was more tore up over losing her kids than I was her. You can't someones heart and intentions over a forum. And I waited so long to reply because I was debating over whether I should further the conversation after I found out they were doing good, and I did but literally all we talked about were the kids.
gnick Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 I'm different than most people on here. If it hurts you to do this then you aren't ready yet but as long as it doesn't bother you and you don't expect anything I don't see anything wrong with texting every month or so to see how the kids are
Chi townD Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 This is a prime example on why NC is so important while you still have romantic feelings for our Ex's. We tend to over analyze everything! It's like, She/he sent me a smiley face emotocon. What the hell does that mean? Does it mean that she/he reflected on our relationship and it brought her/him happy thoughts? Does this mean they want to talk and get back together? Or are they secretly letting me know they've found someone else and is happy now? Are they rubbing it in my face? Should I call and find out if this is the case? IT'S A FRICKIN EMOTOCON!!!! 5
Author mrmayhem675 Posted March 11, 2015 Author Posted March 11, 2015 Well I've already put in two periods if no contact over a month long each time so I've put my work in there. And to be honest at first I thought texting her would upset me but after the initial text I didn't feel anything no nervousness or anything. So I guess I don't regret it too bad because I did find out they're doing great and little details about them. So as long as she'll act civil like she did I may check on them every month or two.
privategal Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Maybe you can look at three positive interraction as closure. Sometimes its harder when it ends on a sour note to move forward. I say block and keep NC now again. Its fine that you did. Now go silent and heal some more. It didn't blow up in your face so its cool, but more talk isn't good for you now.
Zahara Posted March 11, 2015 Posted March 11, 2015 Well I've already put in two periods if no contact over a month long each time so I've put my work in there. And to be honest at first I thought texting her would upset me but after the initial text I didn't feel anything no nervousness or anything. So I guess I don't regret it too bad because I did find out they're doing great and little details about them. So as long as she'll act civil like she did I may check on them every month or two. 15 days ago, you posted this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/517206-my-ex-crazy The only reason you feel okay is because you got a dose of attention from her. As long as she will act civil? After what you described in the attached thread and how she treated you -- the only reason you contemplate keeping in touch is your need to have some existence in her life and your fear of letting go.
SoThatHappened Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 mrmayhem, Take this advice and start to get over her, or ignore it and continue to set yourself back: Block/Delete/Remove her from every form of contact. Act like she died. Become a ghost to her to the point she may think you died. If you implement these NC tactics, come back in 5 months and thank us. 1
EgoJoe Posted March 12, 2015 Posted March 12, 2015 If you're tough enough to ask about the kids. That's ok. Keep it about the kids and don't read into anything. I understand that you care for them but don't use them as an excuse to deceive yourself either.
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