I_Give_Up67 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 My progress is to get really frickin drunk tonight. I'll take a Bloody Mary please! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 My progress is to get really frickin drunk tonight. Cool ME TOO!!! Ha ha. Cheers. LH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 How did I miss this one? Ladies, ladies stop this I am not available. Damned shame too. Ha ha LH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 (edited) In fact, scientists are having the same debate within their discourse communities: Genes and Behavior Understanding the role of our genetic inheritance requires that we know how genes express themselves. One popular conception is of genes as templates stamping out each human trait whole cloth. In fact, genes operate by instructing the developing organism to produce sequences of biochemical compounds. In some cases, a single, dominant gene does largely determine a given trait. Eye color and Huntington’s disease are classic examples of such Mendelian traits (named after the Austrian monk, Gregor Mendel, who studied peas). But the problem for behavioral genetics is that complex human attitudes and behavior – and even most diseases – are not determined by single genes. Moreover, even at the cellular level, environment affects the activity of genes. Most active genetic material does not code for any kind of trait. Instead it regulates the speed and direction of the expression of other genes; i.e., it modulates the unfolding of the genome. Such regulatory DNA reacts to conditions inside and outside the womb, stimulating different rates of biochemical activity and cellular growth. Rather than forming a rigid template for each of us, genes themselves form part of a lifelong give-and-take process with the environment. The inextricable interplay between genes and environment is evident in disorders like alcoholism, anorexia, or overeating that are characterized by abnormal behaviors. Scientists spiritedly debate whether such syndromes are more or less biologically driven. If they are mainly biological – rather than psychological, social, and cultural – then there may be a genetic basis for them. The entire article here. I would be careful to confuse the truism that in the end, we are all driven by our genetic makeup with how we operate as organisms in a variety of environments. While on one level it would be true to say that Cognition is genetically determined (which is really only to say without particular genes/sets of genes cognition is not possible in a species) it is NOT the same thing to argue that the genes PRODUCED the facts of cognition. (i.e. it's specific characteristics.) Society was perfectly capable (genetically disposed) to not live in the "dark ages", we didn't need to wait for a gene for "enlightenment", we didn't need to wait for a genetic mutation for transforming our world view from say Geocentric to Heliocentric. We were already wired for this. It is one thing to say our genes give us the capacity to choose. It is another thing altogether to say our genes decide which things we include in our choices and which choices we make. Genetics does NOT explain our choosing to cheat. That is best explained through social and cultural factors, individual psychology, community psychology and behaviourl psychology. Not biological innateness. While each of us is capable of cognitive thought, this does not mean we all have the same cognitive understandings. One could argue then, that having a penis is the real cause of infidelity. Having a vagina is nature, not nurture, and the use of it is predetermined. This is simply not the case, and we all know this. The social practices through which women (with vaginas) and men (with penises) are of an enormous variety. Some are romantic (virginity) others economic (prostitution), familiar (reproduction), personal envy (penis size comparisons) etc. etc. What we DO WITH what NATURE has given us is far from exclusively within the realm of our genes. What is interesting, however, is the link between narcissism (a supposed measurable objective condition) and cheating. I think there is a lot to say about issues related to narcissism (even without going into the genetic level) because narcissists seem impermeable to social reconditioning of any kind. They like being narcissists. Im sure some are aware of their condition and might even recognise it's negative effects on their ability to have a stable family life, and must work at it. But I cannot accept that all narcissists are necessarily cheaters, and all cheaters are narcissists, any more than I can accept that cheaters have a legitimate claim to cheating for genetic reasons. I can see a debate roaring on Life's thread. If I understand it, the debate is based on strict views from a specific perspective. Isn't knowledge wonderful and isn't then adding our personal experience then leading to our own conclusions? Conclusions I would be happy to alter if enough evidence was presented. Nature = choices Nurture = choices CHOICES = CHOICES The debate could go on forever, as it could here too. This debate has raged for decades or centuries in my field of study and work. NOW most in my profession UNDERSTAND the debate from ALL angles but UNLESS we make a definitive STAND and work with ALL WE'VE GOT for the people we serve, we (ESPECIALLY I) will not let a person in my work depend on the excuses of their inherited personalities from family, nor the parenting they had because to use these reasons (excuses) means they are powerless to alter anything. AND THEY ARE NOT POWERLESS. They are empowered through our work to understand and through the knowledge that they seek to CHOOSE their CHOICES. ANYONE CAN MAKE GOOD CHOICES. ANYONE CAN MAKE BAD CHOICES. The choice is up to each individual. My life and my work are evident of individuals' good choices even AGAINST the odds, defying familial patterns and statistics. I could give you myriad of case studies where my work with an individual has altered the direction their life was taking IF they listened to such statistics or fell into family patterns demonstrated in their daily lives. As in my OWN life, I told, and tell THEM ALL, you've got a choice to make EVERY SINGLE time you reach a fork in the road. Are you gonna turn right? Or are you gonna turn left? YOUR CHOICE. No one else's. Yours. You CAN SEE where left takes people. And throughout the year but especially at Christmas THESE people who I met as children in THE MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL families you could ever imagine (and I see daily) contact me or come to my home for a BBQ (we even go camping with some). I am SO PROUD of the choices THEY made over the past 2-3 decades since working with them. All have families. All have stayed with the same partner to be good parents to their children. They are happy with their choices, with their partners and with their work. The fact they work at all defies statistics! I'm not saying they don't battle with their inherent natures or the sticky webs of familial issues in their extended families but they saw that their choices can AND DO change their own outcomes. They grew up in our work. They matured beyond their years because they had to. And the amazing thing is they OWN THE CHOICES they made, unlike many others. Sure I ranted but what's the point of debate that confirms that people have "no control over their choices", when INDEED we know they do. Lion Heart. Edited April 5, 2015 by fellini 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 Damned shame too. Ha ha LH Well let's pad Road's ego some more. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 In fact, scientists are having the same debate within their discourse communities: Genes and Behavior Understanding the role of our genetic inheritance requires that we know how genes express themselves. One popular conception is of genes as templates stamping out each human trait whole cloth. In fact, genes operate by instructing the developing organism to produce sequences of biochemical compounds. In some cases, a single, dominant gene does largely determine a given trait. Eye color and Huntington’s disease are classic examples of such Mendelian traits (named after the Austrian monk, Gregor Mendel, who studied peas). But the problem for behavioral genetics is that complex human attitudes and behavior – and even most diseases – are not determined by single genes. Moreover, even at the cellular level, environment affects the activity of genes. Most active genetic material does not code for any kind of trait. Instead it regulates the speed and direction of the expression of other genes; i.e., it modulates the unfolding of the genome. Such regulatory DNA reacts to conditions inside and outside the womb, stimulating different rates of biochemical activity and cellular growth. Rather than forming a rigid template for each of us, genes themselves form part of a lifelong give-and-take process with the environment. The inextricable interplay between genes and environment is evident in disorders like alcoholism, anorexia, or overeating that are characterized by abnormal behaviors. Scientists spiritedly debate whether such syndromes are more or less biologically driven. If they are mainly biological – rather than psychological, social, and cultural – then there may be a genetic basis for them. The entire article here. I would be careful to confuse the truism that in the end, we are all driven by our genetic makeup with how we operate as organisms in a variety of environments. While on one level it would be true to say that Cognition is genetically determined (which is really only to say without particular genes/sets of genes cognition is not possible in a species) it is NOT the same thing to argue that the genes PRODUCED the facts of cognition. (i.e. it's specific characteristics.) Society was perfectly capable (genetically disposed) to not live in the "dark ages", we didn't need to wait for a gene for "enlightenment", we didn't need to wait for a genetic mutation for transforming our world view from say Geocentric to Heliocentric. We were already wired for this. It is one thing to say our genes give us the capacity to choose. It is another thing altogether to say our genes decide which things we include in our choices and which choices we make. Genetics does NOT explain our choosing to cheat. That is best explained through social and cultural factors, individual psychology, community psychology and behaviourl psychology. Not biological innateness. While each of us is capable of cognitive thought, this does not mean we all have the same cognitive understandings. One could argue then, that having a penis is the real cause of infidelity. Having a vagina is nature, not nurture, and the use of it is predetermined. This is simply not the case, and we all know this. The social practices through which women (with vaginas) and men (with penises) are of an enormous variety. Some are romantic (virginity) others economic (prostitution), familiar (reproduction), personal envy (penis size comparisons) etc. etc. What we DO WITH what NATURE has given us is far from exclusively within the realm of our genes. What is interesting, however, is the link between narcissism (a supposed measurable objective condition) and cheating. I think there is a lot to say about issues related to narcissism (even without going into the genetic level) because narcissists seem impermeable to social reconditioning of any kind. They like being narcissists. Im sure some are aware of their condition and might even recognise it's negative effects on their ability to have a stable family life, and must work at it. But I cannot accept that all narcissists are necessarily cheaters, and all cheaters are narcissists, any more than I can accept that cheaters have a legitimate claim to cheating for genetic reasons. Holy donuts Batman! That's a long post. I need to pack a lunch next time. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 HEY LW!!!!!! That is me yelling at your hangover 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 HEY LW!!!!!! That is me yelling at your hangover Arghhhhhhhh! stop it! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 Got a call from one of the guys this morning. The xWGF is back with her boy toy. They went to a party last night and had a ball. She's not hiding him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Got a call from one of the guys this morning. The xWGF is back with her boy toy. They went to a party last night and had a ball. She's not hiding him anymore. Fast recovery.... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Got a call from one of the guys this morning. The xWGF is back with her boy toy. They went to a party last night and had a ball. She's not hiding him anymore. Wow. That reminds me of a Bette Davis quote, "Everybody has a heart. Except some people." 8 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Got a call from one of the guys this morning. The xWGF is back with her boy toy. They went to a party last night and had a ball. She's not hiding him anymore. Couldn't eat cake, so she settled for what she could do. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 The xWGF is back with her boy toy. It won't last. Trust me... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Got a call from one of the guys this morning. The xWGF is back with her boy toy. They went to a party last night and had a ball. She's not hiding him anymore. Are you jealous yet??? That's what she wants... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Doubt she ever broke it off with him. You didn't fall for her pity party and go back to be dumped on again. So now the real her is back. You dodged a ton of additional heartache on this one. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 I think this will help you in the long run , it shows you were right to dump her and it will help you erase any doubts you had .Its doubtful she ever stopped seeing that other guy .But now in future just tell your friends you dont want to hear a thing about her . 7 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 I'm sorry, was I supposed to be surprised by this news? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 It might feel like a punch in the gut in a way, but it also confirms leaving was the right thing to do. She doesn't deserve you. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 Are you jealous yet??? That's what she wants... I guess so. I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 I'm sorry, was I supposed to be surprised by this news? No. No I wasn't trying to surprise anyone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 I guess so. I don't know. This news should help you move on, LW. I know it's hard to hear but it just confirms that she isn't the type of woman she (mis)presented herself to be to you. Consider yourself lucky that you only lost a little bit of time, not a lot of years with this woman. Some day you will find a woman who deserves you, who knows it, and who treats you with the respect and love that you deserve. Don't lose hope. She's out there somewhere for you. This woman definitely wasn't "the one." 7 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Sounds like it could be a desperation move on her part too. She's way too classy to show up around her friends dateless. So what does she do? She shows up with the one of guys she used to destroyed her relationship! First class written all over that move. Some people are the types that cannot be alone, no matter who they settle for. I promise you still have not heard the last from her. Give it a week or two and she will be sending you another letter. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 LW..... I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes reading all of your posts. What that ANIMAL did to you is...HORRIFIC. And that is exactly the reason why SO many guys and women are terrified of TRUSTING anyone! It's not just that you spent your time, emotions and your love on this animal....but I mean, you freakin' changed your WHOLE life and MOVED to another state because you TRUSTED her and LOVED her....and after ALL of that, she ends up CHEATING on you?!?!? OMG..... I can only imagine how heartbroken you are and how utterly devastated you must be feeling....my heart goes out to you. There are a lot of good, thoughtful and heartfelt posts here by the other members who told you how they feel about your situation and how you should just close the book on this horrid relationship and move on....without EVER looking back. I can't say that I'd blame you if you never trusted another woman ever again; because it's going to take me a LOOONNNGGGG time before I ever trust another guy with my heart again - if I'm ever even able to do that. Women like me could only wish we could end up with a guy like you....who's thoughtful, respectful, loving, caring, considerate and giving. Unfortunately, that's just the way life is sometimes - the good people like us get screwed while the bad people (a.k.a. as ANIMALS) end up enjoying and actually getting a kick out of hurting good people. Yep, life definitely is NOT fair. I pray for your spiritual healing and that you end up getting to a good place in your life where you are happy again and enjoying your life with those you love and care about. I have to hurry up and submit this post because I'm in the midst of preparing for the arrival of my family for Easter dinner - but I felt so compelled to write to you to let you know that there ARE people who care...even people you don't know....and I also want you to know (as someone who has experienced a broken heart) that....you WILL be okay!!! . 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 LW..... I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes reading all of your posts. What that ANIMAL did to you is...HORRIFIC. And that is exactly the reason why SO many guys and women are terrified of TRUSTING anyone! It's not just that you spent your time, emotions and your love on this animal....but I mean, you freakin' changed your WHOLE life and MOVED to another state because you TRUSTED her and LOVED her....and after ALL of that, she ends up CHEATING on you?!?!? OMG..... I can only imagine how heartbroken you are and how utterly devastated you must be feeling....my heart goes out to you. There are a lot of good, thoughtful and heartfelt posts here by the other members who told you how they feel about your situation and how you should just close the book on this horrid relationship and move on....without EVER looking back. I can't say that I'd blame you if you never trusted another woman ever again; because it's going to take me a LOOONNNGGGG time before I ever trust another guy with my heart again - if I'm ever even able to do that. Women like me could only wish we could end up with a guy like you....who's thoughtful, respectful, loving, caring, considerate and giving. Unfortunately, that's just the way life is sometimes - the good people like us get screwed while the bad people (a.k.a. as ANIMALS) end up enjoying and actually getting a kick out of hurting good people. Yep, life definitely is NOT fair. I pray for your spiritual healing and that you end up getting to a good place in your life where you are happy again and enjoying your life with those you love and care about. I have to hurry up and submit this post because I'm in the midst of preparing for the arrival of my family for Easter dinner - but I felt so compelled to write to you to let you know that there ARE people who care...even people you don't know....and I also want you to know (as someone who has experienced a broken heart) that....you WILL be okay!!! . Thank you. Have a happy Easter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LifeWasted Posted April 5, 2015 Author Share Posted April 5, 2015 Have a happy Easter everyone! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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