Author CalvinM Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 Ladies, if you think that is this dude's endgoal, then I have a bridge in San Fran to sell you. I notice that some of the women here are thinking that there is an emotional component to this guy's predicament, and that is something that I have noticed in some women. But from a guy's perspective, he just wants to see which woman he can securely sex with the most. I don't really have a feel that this guy is really into either of them. But I could be wrong. You would be wrong on that one.
Author CalvinM Posted March 8, 2015 Author Posted March 8, 2015 What happens when you catch her and the chase is over? Will you still be interested? Your best guess. I have always wondered about this. I have always presumed that once the challenge and chase are over, and you're "in" a relationship, the guy loses interest and is off and running to his next challenge. Calvin...true..not true? If not true, please explain why. Thanks a bunch! As I said, I have always wondered about it. If we're compatible, hopefully kids. I understand this broad brush I'm being painted with, but I'm a very loyal guy and as wonderful as seeing two women is, I'd like to settle down.
katiegrl Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 If we're compatible, hopefully kids. I understand this broad brush I'm being painted with, but I'm a very loyal guy and as wonderful as seeing two women is, I'd like to settle down. Unlike some others, I sensed that... Just be honest... but I sense you already know that too! 1
planb1973 Posted March 8, 2015 Posted March 8, 2015 The only risk I see, beyond what's been said already, is not gaining the clarity needed with respect to your feelings in order to ultimately make a decision to date only one. Let's say on a Monday you have a great date and sex with no. 1. You walk away thinking, wow I'm really into her, not thinking much about no. 2. On Wednesday you have a great date and sex with no. 2, walking away feeling you are totally into "her" and not thinking much about no. 1. This leaves you feeling ambivalent about BOTH and unable to make a decision. You are essentially giving little bits and pieces of yourself to both, instead of all of yourself to one. It creates a certain distance between you and each girl, which each will no doubt sense and not like. You run the risk of losing both girls as a result. Hope that makes sense! So very well said. I have been contemplating this as a huge regret in my new found single state. I was in the exact position as the OP with a couple of women for too long. In the end I lost them both. Each time I went on a date with one I would be thinking I need to break it off with the other, then change my stance the next day after a date with the other. It was emotionally taxing to the point that I wanted to run from them both because I could not give myself entirely to ether one. That was the first and only time I have ever been in that position, and I will never do it again, and don't even wish it on anyone. So OP. Flip a coin and just go for one. The grass will be greenest on the side you nurture!
kissmybooty Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Just FYI, You are on the wrong forum. This is "love"shack, not "****"shack.
Author CalvinM Posted March 9, 2015 Author Posted March 9, 2015 I see benefits to dating both of them. They've both been in long relationships with guys who didn't necessarily treat them right. Both would be very loyal, as far as I can tell. Both are really good communicators and make me laugh, which is very important to me. I'm definitely more attracted to the younger one, but I feel like the one with a kid would be more what I'm looking for long term, not quite as much of a free spirit, and I don't want any woman I'm with to feel like a caged bird, so to speak. I lived with someone like that and it was hard to trust that she was as into the relationship as I was. I went all in with my last relationship, so it's nice to have a little fun with both of them, but I realize that very soon they're both going to want something exclusive.
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I see benefits to dating both of them. They've both been in long relationships with guys who didn't necessarily treat them right. Both would be very loyal, as far as I can tell. Both are really good communicators and make me laugh, which is very important to me. I'm definitely more attracted to the younger one, but I feel like the one with a kid would be more what I'm looking for long term, not quite as much of a free spirit, and I don't want any woman I'm with to feel like a caged bird, so to speak. I lived with someone like that and it was hard to trust that she was as into the relationship as I was. I went all in with my last relationship, so it's nice to have a little fun with both of them, but I realize that very soon they're both going to want something exclusive. ARe you sure you are not just rebounding? still-love-my-ex
katiegrl Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Just FYI, You are on the wrong forum. This is "love"shack, not "****"shack. ^^Oh the irony... ..given your own internet moniker.
Teraskas Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Honestly though, what's the deal with women who give in on the 1st (or beyond) date ? Seems to me that I'm constantly encountering the opposite of this. It's a constant stream of women who admit to having done casual sex or fwb, yet they never yield on the first (or later) date. xD Oh well. ^^
stillafool Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 He's not going to dump the woman with the child (at least not yet) because he still wants to have sex with her while he enjoys "chasing" the other woman with whom he hasn't had sex with yet. I agree, Plus the fact that the woman with the child is out less than the other woman because she has a child. There would be less opportunity for OP to get caught out with the woman who has no child. He's not going to tell them about each other. 1
SearchingForMyself Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Honestly though, what's the deal with women who give in on the 1st (or beyond) date ? Seems to me that I'm constantly encountering the opposite of this. It's a constant stream of women who admit to having done casual sex or fwb, yet they never yield on the first (or later) date. xD Oh well. ^^ Thats because they arent sexually attracted to you. That, or they got burned a lot, either way, women like that I generally dont waste my time on. Im not going to jump hoops for you if youre not making this dating experience worthwhile.
catchthedrift Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Thats because they arent sexually attracted to you. That, or they got burned a lot, either way, women like that I generally dont waste my time on. Im not going to jump hoops for you if youre not making this dating experience worthwhile. Some people who date A LOT have just higher standards, and won't go on a second date with someone who the did not feel 100% connection with. I am like that too. I once went on a really great date with a guy who I had so much in common with and we clicked crazily, but I knew he'd be too much after a while, because we were so similar, so after texting back and forth for a while i broke it to him that i didn't see a second date happening any time soon... These things happen!
elaine567 Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 Honestly though, what's the deal with women who give in on the 1st (or beyond) date ? Seems to me that I'm constantly encountering the opposite of this. It's a constant stream of women who admit to having done casual sex or fwb, yet they never yield on the first (or later) date. xD Oh well. ^^ May be they see you as more of a long term prospect, instead of just a hook up?
losangelena Posted March 9, 2015 Posted March 9, 2015 I went all in with my last relationship, so it's nice to have a little fun with both of them, but I realize that very soon they're both going to want something exclusive. Eeesh. I could very well be overly sensitive, but it's phrases like that this make me cringe. Tell them you're waffling between them and another woman and see how "fun" it is then.
Author CalvinM Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Honestly though, what's the deal with women who give in on the 1st (or beyond) date ? Seems to me that I'm constantly encountering the opposite of this. It's a constant stream of women who admit to having done casual sex or fwb, yet they never yield on the first (or later) date. xD Oh well. ^^ They're not into you. I only go on second dates with women who have higher interest than I do. By the third date they're doing anything they can do get me to sleep with them. I'm guessing you're probably giving off a bit of desperation too. You need to be a little more reserved, aloof and act like you don't care if you sleep with them.itll make them want it more.
Author CalvinM Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Eeesh. I could very well be overly sensitive, but it's phrases like that this make me cringe. Tell them you're waffling between them and another woman and see how "fun" it is then. Grow up. I didn't necessarily mean sex. I went for dinner with the younger one on Sun and had a really good time. That's all I meant.
Teraskas Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 They're not into you. I only go on second dates with women who have higher interest than I do. By the third date they're doing anything they can do get me to sleep with them. I'm guessing you're probably giving off a bit of desperation too. You need to be a little more reserved, aloof and act like you don't care if you sleep with them.itll make them want it more. Hmm, sounds like a plausible explanation. Desperation doesn't fit me at all, more like an 'Meh, whatever, careless' attitude with regards to that. I mean, sure I haven't exactly had the opporunity to be sexually active for quite a long time and I generally don't ever disclose that on dates unless specifically asked, which hasn't happened as of yet. Unless women have somehow developed a mental mind probing device and can access this information at the back of my mind. xD Perhaps that, my frequent short-term memory loss, and the fact that I'm clueless to the vast majority of female signals as a result of non-verbal learning disorder. So all in all, the combination of these factors could highly likely produce this result. ^^
Teraskas Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 May be they see you as more of a long term prospect, instead of just a hook up? If they saw me as a long term prospect they wouldn't be rejecting me after the first date. :/
losangelena Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Grow up. I didn't necessarily mean sex. I went for dinner with the younger one on Sun and had a really good time. That's all I meant. OP, that's a rude thing to say. I prefaced my statement with, "maybe I'm being overly sensitive." There's no reason you need to respond so harshly; I didn't know what you meant. There are plenty of men who would have meant it the other way. This may be an Internet forum, but we are still people, after all.
Author CalvinM Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 I've been attacked for most of this thread, and you want to talk civility? lol Anyway, I ended things with the woman with a daughter. I don't feel great about it, time will tell I suppose. I didn't want to be the type of guy who sleeps with multiple women, so I have that going for me at least. She deleted me off facebook, and last time I checked earlier this morning, was still sending angy, accusational messages mixed with ones trying to get me to take her back, or give her a reason why I wasn't happy. I'm trying not to be a jerk, but telling her that we both want different things didn't seem to work.
Author CalvinM Posted March 10, 2015 Author Posted March 10, 2015 Hmm, sounds like a plausible explanation. Desperation doesn't fit me at all, more like an 'Meh, whatever, careless' attitude with regards to that. I mean, sure I haven't exactly had the opporunity to be sexually active for quite a long time and I generally don't ever disclose that on dates unless specifically asked, which hasn't happened as of yet. Unless women have somehow developed a mental mind probing device and can access this information at the back of my mind. xD Perhaps that, my frequent short-term memory loss, and the fact that I'm clueless to the vast majority of female signals as a result of non-verbal learning disorder. So all in all, the combination of these factors could highly likely produce this result. ^^ Trust me when I say this. When you meet the right woman, you won't feel the need to sleep with her on the second or third date. Spending quality time with her will be more than enough. 3
Eighty_nine Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 I've been attacked for most of this thread, and you want to talk civility? lol Anyway, I ended things with the woman with a daughter. I don't feel great about it, time will tell I suppose. I didn't want to be the type of guy who sleeps with multiple women, so I have that going for me at least. She deleted me off facebook, and last time I checked earlier this morning, was still sending angy, accusational messages mixed with ones trying to get me to take her back, or give her a reason why I wasn't happy. I'm trying not to be a jerk, but telling her that we both want different things didn't seem to work. Why don't you just tell her you were dating around and met someone you were more interested in (or a better fit with, or whatever)? Seriously, you'll be doing her a HUGE favor. She won't be wondering "where she went wrong" and I bet she leaves you alone after that.
Eighty_nine Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 They're not into you. I only go on second dates with women who have higher interest than I do. By the third date they're doing anything they can do get me to sleep with them. Ew. Bad strategy, and this more than anything you've said in this thread makes you look like a d*ck. You need to date higher quality women if the ones you date are "doing anything they can" to get you to sleep with them by the third date.
katiegrl Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Ew. Bad strategy, and this more than anything you've said in this thread makes you look like a d*ck. You need to date higher quality women if the ones you date are "doing anything they can" to get you to sleep with them by the third date. Agree, and I was rather surprised (and disheartened) when I read that post from Calvin.
Teraskas Posted March 10, 2015 Posted March 10, 2015 Trust me when I say this. When you meet the right woman, you won't feel the need to sleep with her on the second or third date. Spending quality time with her will be more than enough. Much appreciated for the advice. Ironically that has happened in previous relationships haha. ^^ The whole reason why I posted that is because I was wondering whether or not there was something profoundly wrong with me. I constantly seem to attract 'those' types of women, whereas I'm not really a guy who goes all the way with regards to intimacy on the 1st or 2nd date. Call me old-fashioned, but I'm more interested to getting to know them as a person with intimacy following shortly thereafter. Seems to me that such kind of guys are rare and more often than not it's frequently frowned upon in today's dating scene. :S Therefore, I was wondering whether or not I should stick to my personality or change drastically, heh.
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