CalvinM Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 I haven't seen her in almost two months. We're on good terms. She's 35, I'm 33. We went for lunch together when I was in Montréal at the same restaurant we went to for one of our earlier dates at the end of October when I was in town for a concert. We dated for almost five months. I can say for certain that shes someone I'd like to have a family with, but the distance and my work schedule made things hard for her. We've discussed living together/having a family, but at this point, she can't see herself in Ottawa and I've mentioned moving to Montréal to be with her, but she's concerned I don't speak enough French.
lauren13 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 Really? You not speaking enough French is her concern? What industry do you work in? (I'm from Canada)
Author CalvinM Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 I'm a freelance graphic designer during the day, but also work a job at night for the benefits. She turned 35 in May and sent me a list of things she's looking for in a partner. "At 35 years old, things I want out of a relationship, in a nutshell. 1) Good partnership, companionship, connexion, bond, fun, friendship 2) A guy who fits in my life, I fit in his. Friends, lifestyle, French speaking, schedule, family 3) Making plans, hobbies, small trips, weekend getaways, beach, vacation 4) A family unit, a home, with kids if we both want them"
Author CalvinM Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 For most of our relationship I worked either one weekend or both, which caused a lot of issues. I've been at my other job two years and pleaded to have weekends off, which I now have, only it's every second weekend. There are a few threads on here for back story, if you're interested. She's met some of my friends, I've met hers. We all get along despite my French being rusty. My previous ex is also Francophone and we were together three years, so I fail to see it as that big of an issue. I would have no issues raising kids speaking French, in fact, I'd prefer it.
lauren13 Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 The whole "French speaking" thing sounds a bit fishy to me tbh. In the end of the day if you really want to be with someone you don't care what language they speak. Sounds more like an excuse. But that's just my opinion.
Author CalvinM Posted December 23, 2014 Author Posted December 23, 2014 Here is an example of the email she sent after we broke up. "Dearest My name, I have thought about us a lot these past couple of days, weeks actually, I can't think of much else. I've cried a lot too, felt sad, and thought a lot of the bad but mostly the good times we had together. At the moment I feel like it was the good decision to end our bf/gf relationship, and I don't think we should rekindle it. It breaks my heart to say it, but I don't think the relationship would make me happy right now, and in return I would not be able to make you happy like you deserve. Only time will tell if this was a good decision, but right now I feel like it is, I feel like my feelings and my affections towards you, and yours towards me, and our complicity, are sadly not sufficient to make the relationship one that works for both of us in the foreseeable future. As such, I don't think we should plan to see each other in August (when I had my holidays.. we did and were intimate). I will not be reaching out to you for a while, to give you space and to mark the different situation. If however you need to reach out, call, text, whatever, I'll be here. I just don't want to confuse things by contacting you all the time, but don't hesitate to if that's what you want. I'll check in on you in a little while (she messaged me a few days after this email was sent when I didn't respond). I am sorry for all the hurt I've caused you, I never meant any of my actions to cause hardship for you. Her name xx"
evanescentworld Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 In a nutshell, the only thing that will work here is to eliminate all contact, not to maintain it. When you still have strong feelings for someone, continuing to see them, just keeps ripping the stitches out of the wound.... You need to eliminate every way of connecting with her. Friendship doesn't work when Love blocks clarity. If you're broken up - then break it all off. Every single component of it. That way is the only way to come to terms with the fact that you two will never be together. Go complete No Contact (see link above).
SoThatHappened Posted December 23, 2014 Posted December 23, 2014 She didn't break up with you because you're not the most fluent French-speaking guy in Canada. Who knows why she actually broke up with you, but the fact is she did. NC for you to move on and heal. No more emails, no more texts, no more phone calls. Anything short of her begging for you back is going to hurt you. NC is also the best way to get her back, but don't use it for that. "I don't think this will work because your French isn't perfect." Pleeeeeeeeeease!
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