Gloria25 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 Thanks Gloria, good to hear from you. He originally got in touch saying he'd like to meet me if I wasn't seeing anyone else. Not sure if that means he has romantic intentions or not, but he did ask me out and was going to take me for a meal. This is still planned as far as I can tell. We've talked a lot recently and he doesn't flirt in the way other guys do. He's been a gentleman but with the occasional hint dropped in that he's thinking of other things (mention of lovemaking, for example, which I thought was quite sweet as I really dislike it if all a guy does is flirt and try to talk sex when he hardly knows me). Can't remember what your question was now ... yes, I think there were some romantic intentions there but he's certainly keeping his cards up his sleeve, perhaps until we meet again. Prob is, I have a history of being uncertain and vague with guys and then becoming interested just as they give up on me Maybe he's given up. Ok, got it...makes sense now. Well, don't panic quite yet...I mean, when people first start "dating" I guess they might overload on chatting, spending time together, etc cuz of the "newness", emotional highs, and wealth of info to be shared. Then it slows down and gets routine. Now, even "if" he's talking to others right now, again, and I know its hard to bare, but until he gets to know you romantically and sees long term potential, I don't see why he shouldn't keep his options open. A lot of times you'll know for sure once you two have an "exclusivity" talk, but again, based on what you said here sound like even though you two known each other for a while, just "now/recently" you two are embarking on actual "dating". So, this RL is somewhat new if you ask me. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalShine2011 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 It's the moment when you care more about them than you do yourself. And it doesn't flip flop, it's a constant feeling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 to you spider owl? or have i posted it somewhere else and just repeated myself ...if so ...sorry...deb Sorry, no, I meant that I have felt like that before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Ok, got it...makes sense now. Well, don't panic quite yet...I mean, when people first start "dating" I guess they might overload on chatting, spending time together, etc cuz of the "newness", emotional highs, and wealth of info to be shared. Then it slows down and gets routine. Now, even "if" he's talking to others right now, again, and I know its hard to bare, but until he gets to know you romantically and sees long term potential, I don't see why he shouldn't keep his options open. A lot of times you'll know for sure once you two have an "exclusivity" talk, but again, based on what you said here sound like even though you two known each other for a while, just "now/recently" you two are embarking on actual "dating". So, this RL is somewhat new if you ask me. Good luck!!! You are right Gloria, it is new and very early stages yet. The regular phone calls made me feel like I knew him when in fact we've only met once and a while ago. We haven't been able to meet again recently for various reasons which I won't go into here, but which are totally legit. Of course he should keep his options open, we both should, still feels weird when you talk to someone almost every day. I honestly don't know what his intentions are; he is incredibly obscure and quiet about that. Most unusual! Link to post Share on other sites
loverboy69 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I've fallen for others so many times but if you were to ask me to recall any "exact moment," I realized it I honestly couldn't tell ya. For me it's one of those things like trying to remember what you were doing when you were 2 years old. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 He held me. He was sitting behind me, slipped his arm around me pulled my body into his and tucked his head into my neck. That was it... it was that hug. For another it was when he took my hand. We were walking side by side and he took my hand and gave it a squeeze. I lifted our hands up and looked at the quizzically, he looked at me, shrugged and smiled and that was that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 In my case I know that I'm falling in love when the thought of him makes me sick. In a good way. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 They say love is a choice. For 14 years following the break up of my marriage I was determined to chose to never fall in love again. I had a great single life, I relished living alone and not having to answer to anybody. I dated and had a great sex life. I thought I was immune from the love virus. Second date, first kiss, and cupid shot me in the tookess. I never had a chance. I knew it immediately. I did not have a choice. Going home that night, was one of the saddest nights of my life. As I realized how lonely I was. And she was the only one who could refill my life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 (edited) One guy I call an old flame was really never a proper boyfriend, but I fell hard for him, as did too many other women. It took me a little while, which is why I got to know him a little first and like him for more than his looks. I was very young, 21, working in a declining hippie bar mostly during the day just cleaning pool tables and taking care of a handful of customers at lunch. He came in one day and asked to borrow a nickel for the phone. He had some long hair (kind of like David Cassidy hair) but was expensively dressed for a longhair, with a leather flag jacket and stuff no one had the money for. So I was skeptical because now he's asking me for a nickel. And I gave him crap about it. I said something like, "You're awfully well dressed for someone who needs to borrow a nickel." His answer was "Alimony." Turns out he was a commercial artist and he had made a poster for the bar. He used the phone and left. He returned a day or two later and repaid the nickel. This guy was so good looking and such a dandy compared to, well, literally anyone else in our crowd or indeed the whole midwest town, that I was just kind of shaking my head at him as an initial reaction. Then he started showing up at the busiest bar hangout on Wednesdays. We would exchange a few words. It was hard not to get besotted just from his looks alone. So he had my attention. And I didn't miss very many Wednesdays at this bar. One night I came in and stood by the little thigh-high wall that separated the aisle in the bar from the pool tables, and he was playing pool. Now, you have to understand this is midwest 1971 or so grungy hippie crowd. I was a little flash because I bought some vintage velvets and satins but still pretty grungy myself. So in this sea of blue jeans at this small crowded bar, here is this gorgeous guy all dressed in black. He's bent over the pool table about to take a shot, and he looked up from under a black fedora, which was covering one eye, directly at me with his one stark blue eye. And that was it. I was in for the rest of my life. I unraveled and stayed that way for a long time. He could still unravel me if only he would, but now he's on the other side of the world. It took me about 30 years to analyse what it was about that that had such an impact on me. I even talked to him about it 30 years later. It was his raw nerve (dressing like that in a redneck town - very dangerous) and the fact that he was recreating himself, transforming, becoming who he wanted to be, and his creativity. He really inspired me in that way. I was about to undergo a transformation from hippie to glam myself and find my true niche, and it wasn't easy in that environment for either of us. When I last saw him about 10 years ago, we spent a couple of days together meeting in a town I was going to a concert in. He lived in a neighboring state. He'd been out of the country for that past decade and nearly gotten himself killed. He'd lost a lot of his memory. I told him that story about first meeting him when he asked to borrow a nickel and then the time with the fedora. He said, "Did I pay you back the nickel?" I said, "Yes, I think you did," He said, "Hell, yes, I did." Edited March 5, 2015 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Shepp Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I dunno if there is just a moment and its love, y'know? I just think I kept falling in love with her lots of times.. Like 16 year old Alfie though he loved her the first time we camped out, I remember the way that the campfire made her eyes glint and we passed round whiskey someone nicked off his old man and later she slept cuddled up in my tent and I believed that was love. But I've had a million moments like that since: When I was stuck in hospital post bike crash First Christmas we spent together First kiss as an actual couple The day our sons were born The day our sons came home Our wedding day the moment she walked down the aisle When she cooked me breakfast just the other weekend and it was somehow simultaneously underdone and burnt but she looked so beautiful and she'd tried so hard, so I cleaned my plate I fall more in love with her over and over - I think that's how it works. click your fingers now we're in love. I wouldn't worry about over analysing how you feel - you feel how you feel doesn't really need labelling. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 Some wonderful, thoughtful responses. I can identify with it being painful as somehow it never seems to last, but that's probably just me. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Some wonderful, thoughtful responses. I can identify with it being painful as somehow it never seems to last, but that's probably just me. No, it's not just you. I had some extremely grueling times. A lot of it was just me and how I handle things. It was a learning process. I tried not to let the aftermath of a breakup just stop me from living, but I often felt quite dead inside while still seeing friends and men on the outside. I kept my life going through the pain, and I think that is an important reason I can look back without too many regrets. It's when you put your life on hold and feel you've wasted time that it really messes up your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 No, it's not just you. I had some extremely grueling times. A lot of it was just me and how I handle things. It was a learning process. I tried not to let the aftermath of a breakup just stop me from living, but I often felt quite dead inside while still seeing friends and men on the outside. I kept my life going through the pain, and I think that is an important reason I can look back without too many regrets. It's when you put your life on hold and feel you've wasted time that it really messes up your life. Honestly, I do understand that peraph. It's easy to decide to do something different or take a different attitude, but deep down feelings have a life of their own and can be very insistent and painful. I'm getting to feel a bit p*d off with this guy actually. He's phoned me most days for about 6 weeks and we've texted back and forth every day, say a couple of times, nothing excessive. I don't usually let guys have this level of access because if I'm not sure about them it can feel like they are controlling my life, but for some reason I let it happen this time. Now, he's texting less, unable to call occasionally due to signal problems, and then randomly calls in the evening having ignored texts all day. We are supposed to be meeting soon but I'm backing off. This evening I didn't want to answer the call and didn't. So, could be back to no date again. Why can't I just meet a straightforward guy who doesn't mess about and make me feel like he might be stringing several women along? Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I know the exact moment I realized I was falling for my husband. He lived three hours away. When it was my turn to visit, I would take the bus because I didn't trust my driving back then. Normally, I absolutely hated the bus rides. I would always feel sick on the bus so of course the ride would seem to drag on forever. One day I got on the bus after having visited him. It seemed like the very next moment the bus was just 20 minutes away from my stop. I couldn't figure out where the last three hours had gone. Then I realized the time had flown by just because I'd been lost in thought dreaming about him. From that moment on, I was pretty certain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 We went to the movies and I hadn't had dinner so I got boneless wings (from regal, yeah...) and he offered to wait for them for me. He ended up missing about 10 minutes of the movie because they took so long. When he sat down and told me he got me buffalo sauce to go with them, he could tell I didn't like that sauce (although I didn't say so). He first offered to go get me blue cheese and a little while later offered to go get me a bottle of water, since it was spicy. I looked at him, how handsome he was and the absolutely genuine look of love and concern in his eyes and realized for sure how much I loved him. Yep. Cause of movie theatre food. I told him right then, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 We went to the movies and I hadn't had dinner so I got boneless wings (from regal, yeah...) and he offered to wait for them for me. He ended up missing about 10 minutes of the movie because they took so long. When he sat down and told me he got me buffalo sauce to go with them, he could tell I didn't like that sauce (although I didn't say so). He first offered to go get me blue cheese and a little while later offered to go get me a bottle of water, since it was spicy. I looked at him, how handsome he was and the absolutely genuine look of love and concern in his eyes and realized for sure how much I loved him. Yep. Cause of movie theatre food. I told him right then, too. Sounds such a considerate guy lissvarna, thanks for your story. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 Honestly, I do understand that peraph. It's easy to decide to do something different or take a different attitude, but deep down feelings have a life of their own and can be very insistent and painful. I'm getting to feel a bit p*d off with this guy actually. He's phoned me most days for about 6 weeks and we've texted back and forth every day, say a couple of times, nothing excessive. I don't usually let guys have this level of access because if I'm not sure about them it can feel like they are controlling my life, but for some reason I let it happen this time. Now, he's texting less, unable to call occasionally due to signal problems, and then randomly calls in the evening having ignored texts all day. We are supposed to be meeting soon but I'm backing off. This evening I didn't want to answer the call and didn't. So, could be back to no date again. Why can't I just meet a straightforward guy who doesn't mess about and make me feel like he might be stringing several women along? Great. He goes from checking up on you all the time to losing momentum because he's able to have access to you all the time. If he wasn't so extreme and just sounds like he's collecting women, I'd tell you "stop being available and go date and socialize" to see if it would renew his interest, but honestly, he sounds too extreme for me to advocate you try to get him back. He's probably doing this to a dozen women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spiderowl Posted March 7, 2015 Author Share Posted March 7, 2015 Great. He goes from checking up on you all the time to losing momentum because he's able to have access to you all the time. If he wasn't so extreme and just sounds like he's collecting women, I'd tell you "stop being available and go date and socialize" to see if it would renew his interest, but honestly, he sounds too extreme for me to advocate you try to get him back. He's probably doing this to a dozen women. Thanks for your reply preraph. I must apologise. I started another thread about this guy because things went downhill shortly afterwards and I was feeling alone: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/518420-don-t-know-what-i-m-doing-here I think you are right, by the way. I don't think he's doing this to others but I do think he's the kind who loses interest if he feels he's winning. Link to post Share on other sites
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