How to cope when husband leaves you!!

[elaine567]

Hi elaine yeah the girl he has starting seeing is a work colleague so i guess you are right that they most likley have pre planned to be together...

 

The girl he has started dating has had 3 tries of ivf with her ex partner and they failed everytime, a couple of months ago she and her ex started to go down adoption route but fast forward two months shes walked out on her partner, his kids (who she has helped raise)

 

My husband has got low sperm so this was the reason we had to go down ivf route so if he wants kids he will need ivf.

 

When he confessed all his sins to me he swore that the last 2 years since we got back together he has not cheated on me and throughout the 2 years we have been happy and loved up. You think this was a lie?

I don't know, but she seems to have her feet firmly under the table and I doubt he has only been seeing her for 2 weeks.

[Lion Heart]

Sandy lee i would love to find someone who will love me for being me, i suppose he has been a good liar as if i rewind my life by 2 months we were happy all loved up him constantly telling me that we are the happiest we have ever been, then a couple of months prior to that we were in florida having the best holiday of our lives.

 

Why do you think he would do and say all these things then end our marriage and get with someone new straight away.

 

I have found out that he has been with this girl for 2 weeks and last nite he introduced her to his dad (his mum refused to meet her) i feel like this has hurt more than anything as i have lost him and my biggest fear is to lose his family also. How can he do that so soon, its like he has replaced me and erased me from his memory plus i cant believe the cheek of the girl as she asked to meet them...i have a small family (mum n dad and brother)and as i have been with my h for 11 years i see his family as my own and i dont want them to be taken away from me, i do understand that hes there son and i would never want them to fall out with him even though they are fumen with the way hes treated me but i still want contact with them

 

I have not felt hate for my h but i wish them unhappiness and hope they dont last, does that make me a bad person to wish that.

 

I hope one day i will have the confidence to go and meet someone and one day i will be happy but i just cant see this, maybe its too raw and im still in shock.

 

Lisa, you need to stay with us here on LS, it's open 24/7 so use it whenever you feel lonely, confused or want to contact exWH or his family.

 

Revisit previous posts to you.

You are definitely gonna meet someone. But pleeeeeaaaassse not now! Oh yeah I screamed that out and I'm gonna tell you why!

 

Darling girl you need to do ALOT of work on yourself. Your damaged self image. You're Questioning IF you'll ever meet someone, crikeys YOU WILL but he's gonna be the WRONG man in your state.... again. The wrong one.

 

Write a list (I'm into lists!) of ALL the incredible qualities you want in your next partner. Dream BIG because he's out there dreaming real big about YOU. Not the damaged confused you now, hurt and horribly vulnerable BUT the REAL YOU. The girl (yeah 31 is a girl ha ha), you KNOW you are. Nurture and nourish your great qualities, build your weaknesses up, no more door mat, people pleasing Lisa here no more - she's left the building! Buy books, ask here and get IC on how you can build up boundaries to protect yourself forever against these users. You haven't got a second to lose because you're SO WORTH getting past this and GROWING your amazing self.

 

My goodness Lisa, I'm 50 this year and I'm not concerned one jot about "meeting someone new". There a PLENTY of men out there. It's more about whether I'll think the next guy is ACTUALLY WORTH me!!!! So many men, Lisa, so little time!

 

Who's gonna recognize the real Lisa right now? Not your best match. You're already doing the hard yards in your weight loss. Push your sadness into this. Work it off. Raise those seratonin levels.

 

I mentioned b4 and pls take notice about your connection to exWH family. You've been hurt no.1 time now after finding out that father in law met di**wit's new poor sucker. TELL THEM you don't want to know ANYTHING about them. I've been thru separation from partners families I've loved too. Sorry to say but the truth is that they're collateral damage. If you keep up with the contact, you're always gonna be hurt (he's moved on), you're never gonna be able to move on. Even when you do, his family will be hurt that you have! Remember blood is thicker than water.

 

More later.

chin up. Big hugs from Oz.

Lion Heart.

[Mal78]

I have been with my partner for 11 years and married to him for 6 years and he has broken my heart! Where to start... Before we got marriedi found out that he was having an affair with a work colleague who lives round the corner from us (i found vile messages on his fone to her) i confronted him and he ended the affair and swore he would never cheat again. He left his current job and moved to work in a factory full of men. We married 2 yrs later and have had a happy relationship until the topic of trying for baby came on the cards..before we went to the clinic to be checked my husband came out with he wanted to get checked for std incase as he never got checked when he had the affair prior, his test was postive for clamydia my test came back negative (which i found strange) 3 yrs we tried to concieve and nothing happened so we decided to go to a fertility clinic to both get checked over, straight away i got the blame no tests were done we just got told i was too overweight and this was the reason why we were not concieving. Granted i had put on weight from when we first started dating but to be told that was the reason we were not having a baby put a big load of strain on our relationship and i think my husband started to resent me so a few years passed and then out the blue he announces he wants the relationship to be over as i was fat, ugly he could not bare to look at me i made him feel sick so off he went for 3 months. In the 3 months i got myself a personal trainer and totally changed my way of living eating healthier and exercising 4 times a week. I lost 1 and half stone in the 3 months and then a miracle happened and my husband came back to me We then went back to fertility clinic and they did tests on us they then found that i had a huge ovarian cyst (size of large water melon) on my right ovary and a smaller cyst on my left ovary, they had to operate straight away as they thought it could of been cancerous so i got both cysts removed and my right ovary which was so traumatic for me and i was sick for 4-6 months. Once i was well enough we went bk to clinic and my husband got told that his sperm was too low and the only way we were to have a baby was by having ivf... I needed time to make sure my body was upto the ivf so we went on an amazing holiday to florida and we have been so loved up until my bday 5 weeks ago he ended the marriage again saying he cant do ivf with me but he would with someone else. He then told me that he had made a profile on a dating website and hed been pretending to play snooker hes been meeting up with girls and sleeping with them throughout our marriage. I cant believe it as i feel like this person is not the person i know. Hes started dating someone and wants to start trying for a baby with them straight away... The pain i feel is really bad i have never felt so low in my whole life and idont know how to get through each day 11yrs we have been together and i dont know how to live without him.... Please any advice would be greatly appreiciated

 

Please re-read my highlight in your above post.

 

Seek IC. You need to work on you, your husband was no blessing or miracle. He has continued to show you who he is and when someone continues to show you who they are, believe them!

 

One day you will see not having children with this a $$hole was a HUGE blessing. His pattern with you most certainly could carry on to them.