Hope Shimmers Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Legally it isn't even HIS home. It is MY HOME. THE MORTGAGE IS IN MY NAME. The bills are in MY name. And again you are WRONG. If you take photographs of a woman, pose her, and take photographs of it, you committed a crime. You take photographs of a rape in progress that happens in your home, you committed a crime. You take child pornography in your home, you are committing a crime. You can take all the photos you want, so long as you don't stomp all over another individuals rights. I'm done replying to you. You have zero sense of law. OP, there are no attorneys on this thread and no one can advise you other than an attorney. My own statements were based on a personal experience and my research of the law at that time, and consultation with an attorney as well. I'm glad you went to your own attorney and got accurate information. Sorry you have to deal with people who treat you like none of this is wrong. I am sorry for what you must be going through with your husband. I can't even imagine why he thinks this is okay or what you must be feeling. Best to you - 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 I'm not debating it on the technical/legal definition, I'm talking about actually going through with that portion of it. That part just seems insane to me. Does you husband know you've gone into exploring that? Because if he's already doing a horrible job of realizing the boundaries you have, I would think that will continue to push him into thinking you're going off the deep end over it. (Not saying you are, just saying how I think he'd react.) I wouldn't focus on the "internet" aspect of it with him at the moment, start with the marriage issue. Honestly, until he admits that he screwed up and apologizes, there is nothing to "start with". I have nothing to say to him until those words come out of his mouth. If he thinks I'm going off the deep end, so be it. Maybe I am. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) OP, there are no attorneys on this thread and no one can advise you other than an attorney. My own statements were based on a personal experience and my research of the law at that time, and consultation with an attorney as well. I'm glad you went to your own attorney and got accurate information. Sorry you have to deal with people who treat you like none of this is wrong. I am sorry for what you must be going through with your husband. I can't even imagine why he thinks this is okay or what you must be feeling. Best to you - As for my husband, until he admits he screwed up and until he feels sorry, there's nothing else to be done. I said to my husband what I had to say and that's that. Edited February 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 As for my husband, until he admits he screwed up and until he feels sorry, there's nothing else to be done. I said to my husband what I had to say and that's that. I don't know if you can change someone like that. And although it's disrespectful, the question is, why doesn't he realize it? I don't believe he's trying to hurt you. But there is just an underlying theme of "ownership" (that goes along with the "I can do whatever I want in my own house") that some people have. Maybe he just truly doesn't get how much it bothers you and the possible repercussions? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Personally, i get being angry over this. But op i hope your comments are a reflection of your anger and not your personality normally. The whole "my house" comments. I let my husband have private pictures of me. We do not use the cloud so nothinf sincs. They are on his password protected phone. Could they leak out? Yes of course but I love my husband and he very much enjoys me. Living paranoid is not my style. So i let him have this little thing. Dropbox that is not public is unimportant to this and not worth legal action. Violating your wishes is the issue and not being sorry for it is sad. But don't be a control freak punisher over this. Talk to him from your heart. If she still doesn't get it then let him know you don't know if you can be with a man who doesn't respect your wishes. Was he drunk? Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 I don't know if you can change someone like that. And although it's disrespectful, the question is, why doesn't he realize it? I don't believe he's trying to hurt you. But there is just an underlying theme of "ownership" (that goes along with the "I can do whatever I want in my own house") that some people have. Maybe he just truly doesn't get how much it bothers you and the possible repercussions? I don't understand how much more clearer I can make my feelings known. I have told him (and shown him) how I feel twenty ways from Sunday. There is no getting through to him. He's said what he has to say and I have said what I have to say and neither one of his budging. I refuse to, I am not wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 In Realist's defense, up until the last 10-15 years and still in certain places, he is correct. Most of these laws are relatively new, so I can understand that he's just not keeping up with the new Internet laws. The problem is that he could easily look this stuff, but it burns him so bad to be wrong and not just wrong, but wrong about a subject he is supposed to be an expert in, that he'd rather just stick with his misstatements. Personally I find the OP's attitude a little off. I'm hoping it is just her fresh anger but I'm wondering if maybe there is a lot more going on. I trust my husband. And love him a lot. If he did something I asked him to do I would be hurt and angry. But I wouldnt make a fedral case over it. Or over dramatisize it. I wouldn't claim the house was mine and not his. (For one thing who is on the mortgage means squat where I live when you are married or common law) Maybe this was the first time for this. But has disrespect been present before? Or has the OP always felt it was her house? I really do feel there is more to this. Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I don't understand how much more clearer I can make my feelings known. I have told him (and shown him) how I feel twenty ways from Sunday. There is no getting through to him. He's said what he has to say and I have said what I have to say and neither one of his budging. I refuse to, I am not wrong. What has been going on in your marriage up until now? Does he perhaps feel that taking a photo of you for his private enjoyment was truly harmless? And so he cannot fake remorse where he feels none? Have you had other head locks like this? Does he often disrespect your wishes? Do you always have your way and don't let him have his? (This can often create a "i dont care" attitude in the spouse who has to be the one to give in) Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 Personally, i get being angry over this. But op i hope your comments are a reflection of your anger and not your personality normally. The whole "my house" comments. I let my husband have private pictures of me. We do not use the cloud so nothinf sincs. They are on his password protected phone. Could they leak out? Yes of course but I love my husband and he very much enjoys me. Living paranoid is not my style. So i let him have this little thing. Dropbox that is not public is unimportant to this and not worth legal action. Violating your wishes is the issue and not being sorry for it is sad. But don't be a control freak punisher over this. Talk to him from your heart. If she still doesn't get it then let him know you don't know if you can be with a man who doesn't respect your wishes. Was he drunk? I'm not intending to make legal action. I was simply responding to a know it all user, who he thinks he knows better than my actual attorney. That being said, I'm not being a control freak punisher over this. I have talked to him from my heart and he still doesn't get it. He keeps drawing the line that he did nothing wrong and he has nothing to apologize for. I am not a person that normally cries, but I have done nothing but cry all last night and today. That's how devastated I am. I don't know how much more clearer I can make this: HE DOES NOT CARE HOW I FEEL. He has made that perfectly clear. No he was not drunk. He had a Mountain Dew with dinner. Also, when I say I was drunk, I am a lightweight. I had less than a half a bottle of wine. For me, that's drunk. Sad, but true. Also, given the fact that I have a friend (who was a teacher) - who did no wrong - lose her job over leaked naked photos (thanks to an ex), I'm not paranoid. I work in a profession where I have to be above reproach. He knew this when he married me, yet he still married me. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 What has been going on in your marriage up until now? Does he perhaps feel that taking a photo of you for his private enjoyment was truly harmless? And so he cannot fake remorse where he feels none? Have you had other head locks like this? Does he often disrespect your wishes? Do you always have your way and don't let him have his? (This can often create a "i dont care" attitude in the spouse who has to be the one to give in) Typically I am the one bending over backwards in our marriage and being pulled out of my comfortable zone. I have done a LOT for him, both in the bedroom and out of the bedroom. I do it because I love him, because that's marriage. The one thing (the ONLY THING) I have ever drawn a firm, hard line on is photographs. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Op, Do you think you could trust husband again if he apologized? Do you have children with him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) Op, Do you think you could trust husband again if he apologized? Do you have children with him? Honestly, it would be a LONG road to trusting him again. However, I would be willing to work towards rebuilding that trust if he would just own up to his mistake, feel remorse, and apologize. Yes, we have a child. She is 15 months. Edited February 21, 2015 by webmiss88 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 You are paranoid because of your job. It is paranoa to think someone will get those photos off your private dropbox. But as you said life experience has made you paranoid. I still think you can keep your focus on him ignoring your wishes. And stop worrying about the dropbox. Sounds to me though that he is self entitled and gets what he wants. And you enable that. I'd suggest you get into MC. There is a history here. Something like this does not just happen. If it did he would be full remorseful. So basically it is his attitude that shows this didnt just start now. If a child is involved I always recommend MC. And do your homework on them! And shop! Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I think a very long and serious talk is in orden, then. This kind of behavior tends to escalate with time, no matter how innocent it might seem to some people at first. Tell your husband exactly how you feel about his actions, and gauge his reactions (not just his words, his body language is the most important). Then you can make a final decision. Trust your gut. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 You are paranoid because of your job. It is paranoa to think someone will get those photos off your private dropbox. But as you said life experience has made you paranoid. I still think you can keep your focus on him ignoring your wishes. And stop worrying about the dropbox. Sounds to me though that he is self entitled and gets what he wants. And you enable that. I'd suggest you get into MC. There is a history here. Something like this does not just happen. If it did he would be full remorseful. So basically it is his attitude that shows this didnt just start now. If a child is involved I always recommend MC. And do your homework on them! And shop! So I'm paranoid and essentially this is my fault. Thanks. I feel SO much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 I think a very long and serious talk is in orden, then. This kind of behavior tends to escalate with time, no matter how innocent it might seem to some people at first. Tell your husband exactly how you feel about his actions, and gauge his reactions (not just his words, his body language is the most important). Then you can make a final decision. Trust your gut. I have. I get the same answer. Every time. He won't look at me. He tells me he did no wrong and he has nothing to apologize for. As for my gut? It's telling me run. As fast as I can. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 You are paranoid because of your job. It is paranoa to think someone will get those photos off your private dropbox. But as you said life experience has made you paranoid. I still think you can keep your focus on him ignoring your wishes. And stop worrying about the dropbox. Sounds to me though that he is self entitled and gets what he wants. And you enable that. I'd suggest you get into MC. There is a history here. Something like this does not just happen. If it did he would be full remorseful. So basically it is his attitude that shows this didnt just start now. If a child is involved I always recommend MC. And do your homework on them! And shop! No, she isn't "paranoid". She is being protective and responsible of her career. Which is educating grade-school children! As for dropbox, it's the internet. Someone else already posted on this thread about a breach of dropbox accounts. Even without that, the continued issue is that these photos exist and she doesn't want them to exist, she never consented to it, and her husband who has proven that he doesn't consider her requests in the matter is the one who was/is in control of where these photos ended up. Not to mention the huge issue with marital disrespect. And you don't see any problem with that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 So I'm paranoid and essentially this is my fault. Thanks. I feel SO much better. No, you are not being paranoid and this is definitely not your fault. You have a right to your feelings and a right to have those feelings respected. It's not like your husband did something against your wishes that was minor. Like mixing whites and colors in a load of wash after you asked him not to do that. We are talking about photographs of YOUR nude body. He knew without a doubt that you did not want these photographs taken so he did it anyways and he did it at a time when you were vulnerable and could not protect yourself. That is a huge violation of trust and it is disgusting. You are not wrong. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) No, she isn't "paranoid". She is being protective and responsible of her career. Which is educating grade-school children! As for dropbox, it's the internet. Someone else already posted on this thread about a breach of dropbox accounts. Even without that, the continued issue is that these photos exist and she doesn't want them to exist, she never consented to it, and her husband who has proven that he doesn't consider her requests in the matter is the one who was/is in control of where these photos ended up. Not to mention the huge issue with marital disrespect. And you don't see any problem with that? Someone who has no need for paranoa would understand and accept that dropbox is not the same as social media or other public sites. Someone with computer understandin would know things don't just accidently fall of it. Her fear and focus on his possibly accidental upload to drop box is a waste of energy. I never said it was her fault like she so eloquently stated (read people) I said he did not respect her wishes. This wasnt a dude who took a picture of his wife who had never said no. He ignored her clear (and apparently repeated) no and did so. If he had then actually shared the photo that would be even more horrible ontop. Dropbox is noise and distracting. This shouldnt even matter. What matters is he violated her privacy. I then went on to express my concern that he is a self entitled azz and by her "bending over backwards" for him she may be enabling that. And that because they have a child I would recommend MC. Edited February 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude~T Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I have. I get the same answer. Every time. He won't look at me. He tells me he did no wrong and he has nothing to apologize for. As for my gut? It's telling me run. As fast as I can. I agree. Look up the 180. If he decides he is sorry I would stipulate mc and ic for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Selfish Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) So I'm paranoid and essentially this is my fault. Thanks. I feel SO much better. Like I said. You need to be paranoid for your job and obviously life has taught you that. i never said this was your fault. Unless you took the enabling comment that way. Many a person learns in life that sometimes they have enabled someone else. It doesn't make it your fault. It just means you stop the enabling. For yourself mainly but also because an enabled person is less likely to self improve when they have an enabler around. Pretty basic stuff. For instance it isn't your fault he is self entitled (if he is) That is his own flaw and issue. But if you have unknowngly enabled this behaviour you have fed into it and it has become problematic in your life. Edited February 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 (edited) Someone who has no need for paranoia would understand and accept that dropbox is not the same as social media or other public sites. Someone with computer understanding would know things don't just accidentally fall of it. Her fear and focus on his possibly accidental upload to Dropbox is a waste of energy. I never said it was her fault like she so eloquently stated (read people) I said he did not respect her wishes. This wasn'ta dude who took a picture of his wife who had never said no. He ignored her clear (and apparently repeated) no and did so. If he had then actually shared the photo that would be even more horrible on top. Dropbox is noise and distracting. This shouldn't even matter. What matters is he violated her privacy. I then went on to express my concern that he is a self entitled azz and by her "bending over backwards" for him she may be enabling that. And that because they have a child I would recommend MC. I use Dropbox everyday for work and I am quite familiar with social media sites, so I "get" that it's not the same as other internet sites where he might have deliberately posted a photo. However, the point I made before stands - it is still the internet and she gave no consent for her photo to be uploaded to the internet. Thus what her attorney said. Edited February 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude~T 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 Did you even read this or just get in a huff and out of sorts because you don't like the word paranoid. Like I said. You need to be paranoid for your job and obviously life has taught you that. i never said this was your fault. Unless you took the enabling comment that way. Many a person learns in life that sometimes they have enabled someone else. It doesn't make it your fault. It just means you stop the enabling. For yourself mainly but also because an enabled person is less likely to self improve when they have an enabler around. Pretty basic stuff. For instance it isn't your fault he is self entitled (if he is) That is his own flaw and issue. But if you have unknowngly enabled this behaviour you have fed into it and it has become problematic in your life. Yes I read it and given my profession and the fact that last year we had to change our dropbox passwords because our accounts were hacked, I am not paranoid. You essentially said that since I gave into his requests in the bedroom, I allowed this to happen (I "enabled" him). NEVER in a million years did it cross my mind that consenting to something in the bedroom would led to his complete and total disrespect on an issue that I clearly state (multiple times) NO on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author webmiss88 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Share Posted February 21, 2015 I agree. Look up the 180. If he decides he is sorry I would stipulate mc and ic for him. He will never decide he's sorry. We just had a two+ hour conversation on this subject and again according to him, he "did nothing wrong." He has every right to photograph me whenever and however he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 Someone who has no need for paranoa would understand and accept that dropbox is not the same as social media or other public sites. Someone with computer understandin would know things don't just accidently fall of it. Maybe her husband should have stored the photos in iCloud: Hack leaks hundreds of nude celebrity photos | The Verge Or he could have used Shapchat, they vanish in 10 seconds, right: Millions of accounts compromised in Snapchat hack - CNN.com Oh wait, he wanted security so he used Dropbox: Dropbox blames other services for claimed 7 million password hack | ZDNet Mr. Lucky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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