RANT and question - She does not let me grow a beard

[Standard-Fare]

I once went from long black straight hair to red, curly hair at the hairdressers one day.

My bf at the time was not happy when he first saw me, and although he didn't say much, we split up not long after and looking back now, I believe he just didn't find me as attractive with my new look. This was a 3 year relationship and prior to the "new look" things were going well.

 

A big beard like you describe is a huge change and although you are loving the new you, she isn't, so you need to think carefully here, is the beard really more important than your relationship, especially with kids involved?

 

Yeah, there's an element here of playing around with identity/image that I can imagine the GF finds threatening, particularly at a time when she needs stability. The OP is deep into this relationship, he's fathered two children, and now he wants to shake things up and try on a new persona. It's about more than just the beard. I can see how that would be a little unsettling.

 

-- That is again playing devil's advocate, because I also completely understand and sympathize with your point of view, OP. I think this is one of those cases where there's just no easy answer or solution.

[CrystalShine2011]

Explain to her that you are growing it out, it makes you happy. The end.

[Art_Critic]

If she's pregnant with your second child and you still aren't married to her maybe that only adds to her insecurity too.

 

I'm sure this goes way beyond you growing a beard though.

 

I'm going with this... 2 children.. no marriage.. insecurities off the charts...

 

Have you asked her to marry you ?

[Allumere]

Her delivery sucks but to be honest full beards and mustaches are a totally turn-off to me so I can understand her not caring for it. A weeks worth of scruff, closely trimmed beard or soul patch is fine. Full beard to me is ---I can't go there. My stance would be "I love you, I will miss you but I still love you"

 

That said I think other posters are correct as there may be other things on her mind hence the really mean and inappropriate stance she has taken.

 

Words of advise, don't always believe what people tell you. Seen folks get some bad hair cuts and colors and heard all the compliments followed by the not so nice things folks were really thinking. Count on about half the folks complimenting you being sincere and the others just being nice (or so they think). The guys will always compliment as its a "plus one for all men"

[Els]

The OP's wife handled this such spectacular immaturity that I had my doubts about whether she was real.

 

But, giving this the benefit of the doubt... Healthy couples tend to be able to reach compromises about such things. "I'm going to grow a long beard and I don't care if you hate it!" to me is in the same ballpark as a woman saying, "I'm going to get a crew cut and I don't care if you hate it!" or "I'm going to let my leg hair grow out to their maximum length all year round and I don't care if you hate it!". None of the above is particularly attractive behaviour, or conducive to a romantic relationship.

 

I mean, yes, you are an adult and you have the right to do whatever you want with your body/hair, but if you do it despite your partner having explicitly told you that they hate it, then you surely cannot expect them to remain sexually attracted to you, right?

 

I might be a bit biased here, but I'm REALLY turned off by long beards on men. They remind me of old wizened men, which isn't an idea that gets me particularly hot and sweaty. I certainly wouldn't be handling it in the ridiculously childish manner that the OP's wife is, though.

[MissLilly]

Hello there,

 

I have a problem that is starting to bother me.

 

Been with my girlfriend for 10 years. We're both in our early 30s. We have one kid and she is expecting our second child in a few months.

 

I am balding since I'm 20. I'm now almost completely bald so I shave my head because I look stupid with the remaining hair.

 

My beard grows really fast. I always wanted to have a full beard. A long, full beard. Every time I tried to grow it, she complained about it and stopped having sex/kissing me until I shave. I always gave up growing because I didn't want to hear her complain about it all the time.

 

That's the kind of beard I want :

http://beardsstyles.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/long-beard-styles-for-men.jpg

 

She's pregnant and the doctor advised against having sex for a while. It's winter and it's cold. I said to myself, Why not! I'll have my full beard.

 

At first, she didn't really talk about it. I've been growing it for 2 months! That's a record! It looks great! I love the way I look with the beard. I feel more confident. Everone I know compliments me about it, saying that I look really good with it!

 

Except her! She won't stop. For the last week, she started asking "When will you shave your beard?". I said not now, I want to try a full beard.

 

Now she says really rude things like "You look ugly with the beard, shave it". "Why don't you shave it?" At least 20 times a day. All the time. She complains all day long. She looks at me and laugh at me, saying that I look like a retard with that beard. She also tells our kid "look at daddy, he is UGLY with the beard. Tell daddy that he's ugly and he needs to shave!" Then my kid says "Daddy you're ugly shave your beard". Wow.

 

This is really annoying. I own a small brewery/pub and to date, everyone I met who talked to me complimented me about the beard. I get compliments from male friends and women. I'm an entrepreneur, why would I do what I want?

 

I'm 30, I'm a dad and a business owner. Am I free to grow a fu***** beard for once?

 

Why is she trying to control me?

Is this childish behavior from her?

 

 

I don't know how you approached this situation with her, but if she's being mean, specially in front of your child, you need to address how you feel seriously, not making jokes or shooting it back. Call her in a corner and say very serious and calmly she's being annoying and disrespectful and you would love to grow your beard for a while because it makes you feel good. When we love somebody we want them to feel complete about their appearances and love them the same way, no matter how they look.

 

I wonder how she would feel if you stopped wanting sex with her because of a few pounds she gained here or there...

[Selfish]

Op, have you actually communicated to your wife how you feel about her treatment. Is she in a high risk pregnancy (the only reason I know for no sex)?

 

First off, now, while she is hormones riddled is NOT a good time to deal with this and upset her. You are just picking a terrible time. And high risk pregnancy makes it that much more unpleasant.

 

As to beards. I'm not a fan of really long ones. And short ones can be ouchy. But, its my husbands face. I don't linger kiss him when its short and he cant stand long.

 

I hate goat tees on him (and most men). I marrie him informing him of this (actually dated). But can he grow one? Sure, he just knows his attraction level to me drops (same with short short cuts on him). But I don't become "unattracted" to him or withhold sex. He dislikes short hair. So I choose to keep my hair long because that is his preferences.'i want to be sexy and attractive for him alone. And he feels the same way. So we dress and wear our hair how the other prefers not because we have to but because we want to.

 

We don't control or bully the other. We use open honest communication.

 

Get honest.

[stillmind]

Just another woman voicing support for the beard! My husband changes up his hair/facial hair all the time and I speak my opinion but I would never degrade him or insult him. Changing up hair is fun as long as it's well groomed! IMO spouses should support each other, not belittle each other over something as dumb as HAIR. jeesh!