Why is he back in touch?

[Jingle14]

Just over a week on and I've gone from being deeply depressed and having that horrible, tight 'squashed' sensation in my chest to feeling pretty pi$$sed off and slightly angry now. I feel played, like a long forgotten toy that's been found at the back of the cupboard, picked up and then dropped again after a brief period of interest.

 

Since the lunch, there has been virtually no contact. As I've mentioned, I texted to thank him for lunch and he replied 15 hours later! This week, I saw a trailer for a show about a hotel that was very special to us - 'our' place, in fact. I was going to go back to no contact but I couldn't resist (given the recent 'friendly' communication, it didn't feel inappropriate) and texted him to let him know and alluded to a really funny thing that happened there. He replied but only 'haha, that was funny'.

 

I'm toying with the idea of emailing him to ask, in the most diplomatic and unconfrontational way possible, what this contact has been about. I'd like to say 'I'm a little confused. You contact me out of the blue, the first time you've instigated any contact in 4 years, send me a birthday card when I've not even had a simple text before, and increasingly long and friendly, chatty emails and texts, suggest lunch - which was all very nice and 'polite' - and then you disappear again. I'm wondering what its all been about? I'd hoped this would have become clear at the lunch but it didn't and a suitable time to ask didn't come up'.

 

Is this a really bad idea? I just want to retain - and maintain - my dignity now but I'm pretty cross, when he knows full well how I (still) feel (he's not stupid) that he's dipped into my life again and then out of it, with no explanation. And then it will definitely be no contact, after all, what's the point?

Edited May 30, 2015 by Jingle14

[Jingle14]

On reflection, I've decided I won't be contacting him again. I'm not pursuing him and any contact would only be taken as doing exactly that. I don't need to prove myself. In fact, if anyone needs to prove themselves, it's him!

[lilacwine]

On reflection, I've decided I won't be contacting him again. I'm not pursuing him and any contact would only be taken as doing exactly that. I don't need to prove myself. In fact, if anyone needs to prove themselves, it's him!

 

Yeah, I agree. It's pointless to contact him now. I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting. It's so cruel of that guy to toy with your emotions as you stated that he clearly knows you still have strong feelings for him.

 

I believe this last "closure meeting" will help you move on more easily. I'm sure before this you were still harboring hope of a second chance. Your effort to go to that lunch was not wasted. It helps you move forward. I hope I'll hear more updates from you, not about this guy, but about the next boyfriend who will treat you like gold. Good luck Jingle, thank you once again for sharing your story with us. We just need to accept in life that sometimes the people we truly love can never love us back. Great lesson learned though.

 

I'm still curious as to what you're gonna say to him if one day he contacts you again?

[brokengirl85]

Hello there. I think he's not interested. I read you said he is the one and I feel deeply sorry for you.

I hope you can overcome all this and be happy with your life again. I know it will be tough for you but you need to realize he doesn't care about you. All these years, you only were his yo yo and now he doesn't even bother in having sex with you. I really would try to focus on yourself because when a man is not even interested in the easy sex you're offering ( indirectly, I mean. You know you're an easy piece for him, right?) this is s red flag.

 

I hope that you can just forget about this guy. He's not the one, the one is someone who actually wants to be with you.