Anyone here ever have a mutual friend dig up some intel on your crush? How did it go?

[Els]

When you say she's in her 20s, do you mean closer to 20 or closer to 30?

 

I mean, yeah, when I was 19, a classmate asked me out by note. And I thought it was cute, at that time. But now, in my mid-late 20s, if I was single and was asked out by note by someone who was in his 30s, I'd find it a little bit... strange?

 

If she's old fashioned and fairly young and a 'note' kind of girl, I suppose it isn't a bad idea. Definitely beats fishing around with the colleague. What are you going to do if she doesn't respond to the note or allude to it the next time you talk though? And are you SURE you want to be doing this with a co-worker in a small work environment?

[Teknoe]

When you say she's in her 20s, do you mean closer to 20 or closer to 30?

 

I mean, yeah, when I was 19, a classmate asked me out by note. And I thought it was cute, at that time. But now, in my mid-late 20s, if I was single and was asked out by note by someone who was in his 30s, I'd find it a little bit... strange?

 

If she's old fashioned and fairly young and a 'note' kind of girl, I suppose it isn't a bad idea. Definitely beats fishing around with the colleague. What are you going to do if she doesn't respond to the note or allude to it the next time you talk though? And are you SURE you want to be doing this with a co-worker in a small work environment?

 

She's 26, but she seems to be far more innocent/naive than your average 26 year old. She even told me that she is naive.

 

I'm pretty sure she will respond to the note; otherwise, I wouldn't think of sending it. I mean, we're already pretty good work friends. For her to never respond would be highly unlikely, so such a thought doesn't cross my mind to be honest. It would be too awkward for her NOT to respond, even if it's a no.

 

Am I sure I want to do this with a coworker in a small work environment? Part of me is willing, and part of me is scared. But that's part of life, right?

 

Plus, I'm planning to apply elsewhere come summer time. No guarantees I get a new job, but I'll try at least.

 

Anyway, if we're a right match for each other, I would like to explore this, and that's the whole purpose of dating -- to see if we're compatible for the long term.

 

Just knowing her the way I do, I think she might appreciate a note.

[Teknoe]

Hey guys,

Decided to tell my coworker today to axe the "fish for intel" plan. Told her I need to ask out my crush like a man, and face whatever happens head on.

 

I plan to ask her out very casually. My coworker agreed with me. She said a note might make it seem like too big a production. It might make it more awkward if she rejects me. A casual ask out resulting in rejection would produce less awkwardness.

[Dybbuk]

Good on you Teknoe!!! I really do hope it goes well. Let us know what she says. I think a note is cute too, but then I agree with your friend... if she has to write a 'rejection' back... not so fun.

 

Best of luck!

[MidwestUSA]

Hey guys,

Decided to tell my coworker today to axe the "fish for intel" plan. Told her I need to ask out my crush like a man, and face whatever happens head on.

 

I plan to ask her out very casually. My coworker agreed with me. She said a note might make it seem like too big a production. It might make it more awkward if she rejects me. A casual ask out resulting in rejection would produce less awkwardness.

 

I'm glad you came to the right decision. Intel and notes is just so high school. Or actually, grade school.

 

Good luck!

[Teknoe]

Thanks everyone.

 

Yeah, I'm glad I came to my senses, too. I'll get a fast response, and it'll help my confidence and develop that "who cares?" attitude when it comes to asking a girl out. So many guys text or email to ask a girl out. I should man up and do it in person.

[JuneJulySeptember]

The way I think about it more and more is that you should have done what you wanted, and not asked other people for their advice, and just dealt with the consequences. And that goes with most things in dating.

 

It's a little out of control. People will reject a perfectly good man/woman based on the manner in which they show they like them? I can tell you I wouldn't do that. When you get to the point where you have to look out for stuff like that, then THAT is when dating becomes an intricate little game.

 

Think about rejecting someone that you could legitimately have awesome times with in life because the way they asked you out was slightly immature, though genuine.

 

I won't judge, but I'll just say it's passing up a possible good chance. I mean, you're a romantic and possibly a little iffemenate. You like notes and indirect contact. Hey, cool beans, that's the kind of guy you are. Most women don't like it, let em pass and live out your life.

Edited February 27, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[Teknoe]

The way I think about it more and more is that you should have done what you wanted, and not asked other people for their advice, and just dealt with the consequences. And that goes with most things in dating.

 

It's a little out of control. People will reject a perfectly good man/woman based on the manner in which they show they like them? I can tell you I wouldn't do that. When you get to the point where you have to look out for stuff like that, then THAT is when dating becomes an intricate little game.

 

Think about rejecting someone that you could legitimately have awesome times with in life because the way they asked you out was slightly immature, though genuine.

 

I won't judge, but I'll just say it's passing up a possible good chance. I mean, you're a romantic and possibly a little iffemenate. You like notes and indirect contact. Hey, cool beans, that's the kind of guy you are. Most women don't like it, let em pass and live out your life.

 

Agreed on your "it's sad that..." part... but let's be honest. If she likes me, it won't matter if I write a note or ask her out in person.

 

She will say yes to either.

 

If she's on the fence, asking in person might tilt it in my favor. Just might.

 

If she's a hard no, then either method would not work, period.

 

So I still think I'm doing the best choice I could possibly make.