ThisisIt606 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I posted earlier with this as helpful background: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/515675-his-eagerness-meet-tonight-red-flag-considering-blizzard So we rescheduled for tonight. It's freezing where I live (literally, weathermen said this is frost bite weather, and public transit is running a limited service) ME: Although the trains running with delayed service. I'm not comfortable being out tonight in this frigid weather without full service. ME: I am busy most days after work this week. With this obscure weather and my schedule I din't think we'd be able to meet. However I wish you the best. HIM: Alright, do you want to touch base at the end of the week to reschedule? ^ I thought my 3rd "no"/cancel, i'm busy, and best of luck was enough for someone to pick up that I'm not going to meet them. Is he honestly this aloof? Or is it more creepy/wants to meet at any and all costs? What can I say to just put a complete end to it without being too rude? This is the hinge app so if I send something I can not block immediately after bc he will never see that I said and the entire convo will delete.
Gloria25 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Do the fade.... IMO, he deserves the fade. He is rude and out of line and it's not like he is looking for anything more than booty. Boy, I mean indoor sexin' in inclement weather is nice and all - but he doesn't know you from Adam and you are not his escort. You have no obligation to meet with him and/or confirm a meet after the weather changes. He is rude and is coming off as a dog in heat. NOT sexy, NOT cute, NOTHING. 1
preraph Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Yeah, just stop responding. I mean, guys aren't mind readers, so there's only two ways to go. One is tell him you're not interested and the other is disappear. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 No you weren't clear at all. Every message you sent conveys that you are interested but circumstances (the weather & your work) are preventing the meeting. Not one thing you said indicates that you do not want to meet him. If you don't want to meet him you have to say "we tried getting together but it didn't work out. I'm taking that as a sign that we should not meet. Sorry. Best of luck as you go off to meet new people." 9
JFReyes Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 No you weren't clear at all. Every message you sent conveys that you are interested but circumstances (the weather & your work) are preventing the meeting. Not one thing you said indicates that you do not want to meet him. If you don't want to meet him you have to say "we tried getting together but it didn't work out. I'm taking that as a sign that we should not meet. Sorry. Best of luck as you go off to meet new people." I agree with this assessment. Many people don't realize that any communication other that face-to-face or via voice call can be interpreted in different ways, unless the message is crystal clear. 1
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I agree with this assessment. Many people don't realize that any communication other that face-to-face or via voice call can be interpreted in different ways, unless the message is crystal clear. I replied saying, "we tried getting together but it didn't work out. I'm taking it as a sign we should not meet and I'm just not that motivated to do so. Best of luck to you and off to meet other people." Hopefully that is direct/to the point for him.
EgoJoe Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I think you still took the easy way out. Took it as a sign. Psssht.
you_can_not_see_me Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 You wanna know why he doesn't get it? because guys communicate directly! Most men tell you what's on their mind and they think everyone else would be like that too. I think expecting men to get the message without being direct is asking too much actually. having a man worry that a girl is not interested while she hasn't told him directly, only promotes pessimism and low self esteem. Think about it, guys are the ones who have to make the move in the vast manjority of cases and many men find it had to even make that initial move, if you add in self doubt and trying to read a girl's ambiguous message, you have a perfect mindset for a guy to develop self esteem issues. So girls just skip the vagueness and straight up tell the guy you aren't interested. Just do that. 3
Gloria25 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 You last statement was clearer. But it sound more like she's backing out cuz the circumstances suck - not cuz she's not interested....
Author ThisisIt606 Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Well my REAL reason was too harsh to state ( upon doing a little background search your education doesn't satisfy my personal standards, pictures that weren't hand picked for your dating site aren't very attractive, thought you were too creepy and naive offering to pick me up on a first meeting, thought you were inconsiderate to not even ask if I could make it out in a blizzard when public transit was shut down, I have other guys that I'm more excited about meeting, etc.) So I didn't want to say any of THAT obviously (way too rude). Also we never met, this was all texting so there's no base of a relationship established yet. I just needed to communicate "no thanks, not going to meet." Basically as time went on (and the weather got worse) I lost all motivation to meet him/didn't care to anymore which is what I tried to state in my last (more direct) message.
preraph Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 When it's a first-time deal, he shouldn't be that invested to be heartbroken or anything.
you_can_not_see_me Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Well my REAL reason was too harsh to state ( upon doing a little background search your education doesn't satisfy my personal standards, pictures that weren't hand picked for your dating site aren't very attractive, thought you were too creepy and naive offering to pick me up on a first meeting, thought you were inconsiderate to not even ask if I could make it out in a blizzard when public transit was shut down, I have other guys that I'm more excited about meeting, etc.) So I didn't want to say any of THAT obviously (way too rude). Also we never met, this was all texting so there's no base of a relationship established yet. I just needed to communicate "no thanks, not going to meet." Basically as time went on (and the weather got worse) I lost all motivation to meet him/didn't care to anymore which is what I tried to state in my last (more direct) message. -facepalm You don't need to say the stuff in the first paragraph to be direct. All you need to do is say "sorry but I don't think its a good idea to meet up anymore, I just don't think there is much interest on my part anymore, but good luck to you on meeting someone else". that will be direct but respectful. 2
JFReyes Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 -facepalm You don't need to say the stuff in the first paragraph to be direct. All you need to do is say "sorry but I don't think its a good idea to meet up anymore, I just don't think there is much interest on my part anymore, but good luck to you on meeting someone else". that will be direct but respectful. Or direct and painful, as I was told after coaxing a straight answer from my ex after 10 years together: "I have no romantic interest in you whatsoever". At least it was direct; I got the message clearly.
Recommended Posts