Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Yes Zahara, You are right...a lot of what you said is very right. No doubt.
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Ok ok. I get it. You all think I'm insecure and needy. That's definitely the way I acted. And that is how he sees me. However, with my last boyfriend I never acted this way. I think there were definite things that brought this behavior out. I've admitted I made mistakes, and wish everyone would stop pointing them out. They are obvious. And I'm not gonna take everyone's advice. Some advice is not for me. And however much I told you about the situation no one really knows what goes on between two people but the two people that were in it. And maybe I can't fix this, but maybe I can. It may take time, it may not stick, it may not be the best decision for me and I may be wasting my time, but I really feel like I need to try, because right now I have all this regret and heavy weight that this was all my fault...if we hangout again and he turns out to truly be terrible, then so be it. I just don't know how to live with myself when I've screwed up my chances of finding a great partner. Great partner? You're deluded. You really need to work on yourself because your perceptions are very skewed. The man was forceful with sex, only wanted to see you for sex, guilted you for sex/blowjob, dimissed you quickly from his life and you want try again because he could be a great partner? Go ahead and self-destruct again. 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I hate it thought that it's all about the woman's decision about sex. If she does it on the first date the guy loses respect for her and if she has fun messing around than she is too easy. But the guy can do whatever he wants and that's fine, he isn't judged. We are both adults, we both slept with each other. I didn't think less of him for it.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I don't know Zahara. It's the potential. I don't know if he would be a great partner or not. I just want more of a chance to figure that out.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I'm aware I entered into the relationship promiscuously...maybe that wasn't wise, but crazier things have happened. One of my greatest boyfriends I slept with on the first date. Over time it became something much much more. We dated for 5 years.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Adarling, is this the same guy from the thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/514956-me-am-i-crazy-he-jerk ?? If so, you're being CRAZY and need to stop! Have some self respect and find someone who deserves you. 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Zahara, I am taking to heart what you said. I promise. So thank you. I know I am stubborn.
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I hate it thought that it's all about the woman's decision about sex. If she does it on the first date the guy loses respect for her and if she has fun messing around than she is too easy. But the guy can do whatever he wants and that's fine, he isn't judged. We are both adults, we both slept with each other. I didn't think less of him for it. This isn't about whether you had sex on the first date or 46th date. It has everything to do with how you behaved. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 This isn't about whether you had sex on the first date or 46th date. It has everything to do with how you behaved. This a thousand times... Adarling you're coming off as Psycho Girlfriend Material in everything you do. The first thing you can do is stop obsessing over that d-bag. He was NEVER into you from the start, he just wanted a one night stand. 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I know! That's what I'm saying! Haha. I hate the way I behaved. I thought that was clear.
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I don't know Zahara. It's the potential. I don't know if he would be a great partner or not. I just want more of a chance to figure that out. If there was potential and he saw that on his end, he wouldn't have treated you the way he did. The "potential" is all IN YOUR HEAD. If a guy sees potential in a woman, he's going to take it slow and he's surely going to show her respect and care. He's not going to be forceful for sex on the first date and then guilt you into a blowjob the next time he wants to see you.
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I know! That's what I'm saying! Haha. I hate the way I behaved. I thought that was clear. Exactly. Hence your rant about sex on the first date is not relevant. You're now using that excuse as to why he doesn't want to be with you. 1
losangelena Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Some mistakes we can't come back from, unfortunately. I honestly don't think it would have mattered how you acted, he would have faded anyway. I know you JUST WANT one more chance, but I don't see it happening. It's a disappointment, sure, but one you'll be able to come back from eventually. 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 I get it! I admitted it! I don't like the way I came across, like a crazy girl. And I know he was very motivated by the sex we were having. I see all that.Yea, he did things that I wasn't sure about, and maybe didn't even like. But I messed up too. But I know me, and I know that was not characteristic of me. So you all can call me crazy all you want -- and on that note, I just want to point out that I hate it that anytime a woman is emotional about a man it's:crazy. She's crazy. Attraction, and all the brain chemicals that are associated with sex, and love, and all of it, are extremely powerful. Crazy in love? It happens to the best of us. I just want to wait awhile, if I still feel that strongly about him see if he wants to have coffee and see if we can't correct our missteps. Wait...but that's CRAZy right!!!!
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Thanks losangelena for your simple sweet message And you are probably very right...
losangelena Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 A follow up to say—wait two weeks to do anything. If you're still feeling that itch, reach out. But chances are, your feelings will have cooled considerably, and getting him back won't matter as much. 1
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I get it! I admitted it! I don't like the way I came across, like a crazy girl. And I know he was very motivated by the sex we were having. I see all that.Yea, he did things that I wasn't sure about, and maybe didn't even like. But I messed up too. But I know me, and I know that was not characteristic of me. So you all can call me crazy all you want -- and on that note, I just want to point out that I hate it that anytime a woman is emotional about a man it's:crazy. She's crazy. Attraction, and all the brain chemicals that are associated with sex, and love, and all of it, are extremely powerful. Crazy in love? It happens to the best of us. I just want to wait awhile, if I still feel that strongly about him see if he wants to have coffee and see if we can't correct our missteps. Wait...but that's CRAZy right!!!! NO, anytime a woman hounds and chases a man even when he's telling her that he doesn't want anything to do with her, it's crazy. The man tells you that all it is is sex and you chase him even more and hound him for attention and validation. Yes, that's crazy. And even after acknowledging that he was using you for sex, you want to reach out for coffee. How delusional are you? The man was telling you NO. You chased and hounded. We're telling you stop. You argue and insist. You see the pattern? 1
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Looking back at Zahara's message, I think she's right, it may be all my ego here, and being wrapped up with how I behaved. If I could have walked away differently, if I would have been strong and made him value me and respect me, I would feel better about myself. I just felt so weak around him. He was very intimidating, and maybe I even thought it was hot to play the submissive role until it felt like crap and I had no power left. I hate hate hate the way this played out. He got inside my head, and he knew it. HE was very dominate and would say things during sex like he wanted to get inside my head...and own me, and all this crap. And he did. Ad it messed me up. Big time.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 yes, zahara, I'm all screwed up. I know.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Had my own little mini fifty shades of gray here and i couldn't handle it.
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 yes, zahara, I'm all screwed up. I know. No passive pity party here. You need to identify your ways and work on yourself. In your last thread you mentioned that your sense of value is shot and you need to do something about it. Time to have a loving relationship with yourself rather than chasing that "relationship" that will keep hurting you. 1
Jessie1231 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 I get it! I admitted it! I don't like the way I came across, like a crazy girl. And I know he was very motivated by the sex we were having. I see all that.Yea, he did things that I wasn't sure about, and maybe didn't even like. But I messed up too. But I know me, and I know that was not characteristic of me. So you all can call me crazy all you want -- and on that note, I just want to point out that I hate it that anytime a woman is emotional about a man it's:crazy. She's crazy. Attraction, and all the brain chemicals that are associated with sex, and love, and all of it, are extremely powerful. Crazy in love? It happens to the best of us. I just want to wait awhile, if I still feel that strongly about him see if he wants to have coffee and see if we can't correct our missteps. Wait...but that's CRAZy right!!!! You do understand that men can be crazy too right? It doesn't matter the sex that's committing the crazy, nonstop texts and desperate behavior are off-putting and hard to come back from. I would find someone new if I were you.
Iknowme Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Look... You have this idea that this guy doesnt like you because of how you acted. Im here to tell you its not your fault and there really was never much you could have down. Just so you know where im coming from i am considered an extremely handsome guy who could have almost any girl if i wanted. So here is the truth- he waited over a month of talking before getting you on a date(i read your last thread) and had his friends show up. This is already a strong sign he wasnt the interested from the beginning. Then he pushed you into sex on the first date...*sigh* the fact that did this already showed he didnt respect you and had no interest in taking this further, he was just interested in a quick **** and thats it. Then you gave him what he wanted. That was the end of any respect he may have had for you. Then you obviously fkd up to the point where he now strongly dislikes you. Sure you can have sex on the first date if the chemistry is just so strong and it just flows AND the women initiates primarily. But when a guy pushs you to have sex in the back if a car and you go with it you're already done. Sorry but after you gave in to his advances you where already practically done and after how you acted this is completely under any circumstances unsalvagable in the remotely near future.
Author adarling Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 after rereading some of these messages, and if I'm being honest, then yea, he was def in it for the sex. But a lot of men think about that first and then consider the relationship later. But regardless, he was a dick at the end, and a part of me is really mad at him. So, if I chalk the hope of ever fixing this, is there a way to get my self respect back after the fact? Is it wrong to want to tell him off (in a mature way)?
Zahara Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 after rereading some of these messages, and if I'm being honest, then yea, he was def in it for the sex. But a lot of men think about that first and then consider the relationship later. Did you forget that he was forceful in your first encounter and the next time he wanted to see you, the moment you said you couldn't he guilted you and you ran and blew him. He was using you for sex. Period. No buts. But regardless, he was a dick at the end, and a part of me is really mad at him. He was a dick from the beginning. So, if I chalk the hope of ever fixing this, is there a way to get my self respect back after the fact? Is it wrong to want to tell him off (in a mature way)? It's like talking to a brick wall. There is no fixing this. You get your self-respect back by RESPECTING YOURSELF and staying away from people that use you. If you want to redeem yourself, stay away from him and focus on yourself. And NO CONTACT, please. He doesn't care about you telling him off. He doesn't care what you think. He's just going to think you're going crazy again. 1
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