elaine567 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 ...the last thing I want is to be settled upon. Women feel the same, yet all we seem to hear from some quarters is that if a woman isn't sexually hot, then she is basically worthless. Not all men can get "hot" women, so am I to assume men are settling in droves too? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ethan78 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 But lots of people have flaws in their personality (their thoughts and beliefs about themselves and others). That is not a crime. Women and men are allowed to change for the better. My question is if the guys who are not getting laid by these women now were getting laid at all would they really be planning on rejecting women and getting their own back years down the line? There is a high rate of divorce but people pick the way they want to. The chances of the opposite sex people who overlook nice guys now being rejected by the same guys for a long term relationship are probably very slim. Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Yet people don't get this. No quality man or woman would want to be with a man/woman that sleeps around with nasty people just because their hot. If their attractive with a good personality than fair enough. But if there a real nasty person, than that to me as I said shows there's something flawed with the person's personality in order to sleep with such a person. Its hard to argue sleeping with a racist makes that person a racist....but they would still be saying something unsavoury about themselves by doing so. Red flag for me, if I were to find out a girl I was seeing slept with someone that abhorrent and didnt care cause "he was sooo haaaawt tho!!1". "NEXT!" 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Women feel the same, yet all we seem to hear from some quarters is that if a woman isn't sexually hot, then she is basically worthless. Not all men can get "hot" women, so am I to assume men are settling in droves too? Some men settle too. If a guy is seen as really unattractive by the women that are seen as attractive, than what's a guy to do? If he wants to start a family, he'd likely get with a woman on his own looks level but probably would rather be with the attractive woman deep down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 But lots of people have flaws in their personality (their thoughts and beliefs about themselves and others). That is not a crime. Women and men are allowed to change for the better. My question is if the guys who are not getting laid by these women now were getting laid at all would they really be planning on rejecting women and getting their own back years down the line? There is a high rate of divorce but people pick the way they want to. The chances of the opposite sex people who overlook nice guys now being rejected by the same guys for a long term relationship are probably very slim. Those guys would probably only have sex with them if they have good personalities. Why would a good guy want to sleep with a woman with a nasty attitude regardless of her looks? I don't care how attractive a woman is, if her personality is complete **** where I don't even want to be around her, why would I want to have sex with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Those guys would probably only have sex with them if they have good personalities. Why would a good guy want to sleep with a woman with a nasty attitude regardless of her looks? I don't care how attractive a woman is, if her personality is complete **** where I don't even want to be around her, why would I want to have sex with her? Most play it off so you can't tell. think about this forum and how much denial goes on 1 Link to post Share on other sites
insert_name Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Most play it off so you can't tell. think about this forum and how much denial goes on Yeah I dont hold out any hope for the human race turning down sex with inappropriate people. Ill bet guys sleep with bitches all the time just to get their leg over. All I know is I couldnt do it. I turned a girl I really had the hots for down once- it took me ages to court her and then get her in my room...and then I thought about the fact that she had a boyfriend and how whikst she was nice at first she had progressively revealed that she was actually a nasty piece of work. I couldnt even do it for fun and told her to leave. Thats just me though, Im sure 99% of men would have done it regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Most play it off so you can't tell. think about this forum and how much denial goes on Yeah this is true. I've seen some really outrageous stuff posted on this forum. Especially the ones that cheat & are in severe denial of it all & some think they didn't even do anything wrong. It's just ridiculous. Yet I'm the bad guy for not wanting to be a settle guy which is a pretty common thing to think especially for a guy. As some pointed out, it's not just men that think this, but it definitely happens to men more so than women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Types of guys women have casual sex with? Guys who are sexy. Simple. Maybe because they are good looking, or charming, or intelligent or whatever, but most importantly, they are confident and comfortable displaying their sexuality in some way. If women are going to have casual sex, they're gonna want the guy to 1) be good at it, and 2) are not particularly judgmental about it. Granted, some guys are pretty adept at concealing their chauvinistic attitudes, but by and large, they're significant but a minority nowadays. As for not wanting to be a settle guy - well, you don't have to be. You don't have to have casual sex, but if you want to learn anything from those guys, it's about being more comfortable as a sexual being. Can't learn the good looking part too much , but at least that you can learn and it can go a long way. If you seem uptight about sex, then not only will you not have much casual sex if you wanted to, but you will begin to more and more fit the profile for "settle" guy. Not saying you have to be like the casuals, but learn to be a tad more flexible - general "you" by the way, nobody in particular. All of my intimate experience has come from casual sex relationships, and not only am I not a super good-looking "party douche" (honestly, they're definitely not the only guys having casual sex), but I'm also someone who is generally more relationship minded. As far as I know, the reason may be because of looks but it's mostly because I was open about sex and unashamed to display that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Yeah this is true. I've seen some really outrageous stuff posted on this forum. Especially the ones that cheat & are in severe denial of it all & some think they didn't even do anything wrong. It's just ridiculous. Yet I'm the bad guy for not wanting to be a settle guy which is a pretty common thing to think especially for a guy. As some pointed out, it's not just men that think this, but it definitely happens to men more so than women. Yes I have seen it and people come in and back them up it is almost like being the cheating woman or woman cheating on wife with is natural. I just don't get this place but the cold weather keeps me logging back in like I'm watching tv instead of going out somewhere 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Types of guys women have casual sex with? Guys who are sexy. Simple. Maybe because they are good looking, or charming, or intelligent or whatever, but most importantly, they are confident and comfortable displaying their sexuality in some way. If women are going to have casual sex, they're gonna want the guy to 1) be good at it, and 2) are not particularly judgmental about it. Granted, some guys are pretty adept at concealing their chauvinistic attitudes, but by and large, they're significant but a minority nowadays. As for not wanting to be a settle guy - well, you don't have to be. You don't have to have casual sex, but if you want to learn anything from those guys, it's about being more comfortable as a sexual being. Can't learn the good looking part too much , but at least that you can learn and it can go a long way. If you seem uptight about sex, then not only will you not have much casual sex if you wanted to, but you will begin to more and more fit the profile for "settle" guy. Not saying you have to be like the casuals, but learn to be a tad more flexible - general "you" by the way, nobody in particular. All of my intimate experience has come from casual sex relationships, and not only am I not a super good-looking "party douche" (honestly, they're definitely not the only guys having casual sex), but I'm also someone who is generally more relationship minded. As far as I know, the reason may be because of looks but it's mostly because I was open about sex and unashamed to display that. I won't allow myself to be the settle guy though. If I even ever get a sense of it, than why would I even stay with her? All I'd want is a woman that genuinely likes me & isn't with me for some hidden reason. And I've been told by some women that I'm fairly attractive. I don't have model looks or anything, but I'd like to think I'm a bit above average. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Yeah this is true. I've seen some really outrageous stuff posted on this forum. Especially the ones that cheat & are in severe denial of it all & some think they didn't even do anything wrong. It's just ridiculous. Yet I'm the bad guy for not wanting to be a settle guy which is a pretty common thing to think especially for a guy. As some pointed out, it's not just men that think this, but it definitely happens to men more so than women. Why do you think women "settle", more than men? If some truly gorgeous girl decided that you were "the one", would you just think she was "settling" with you? Do you not believe in "love"? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 Why do you think women "settle", more than men? If some truly gorgeous girl decided that you were "the one", would you just think she was "settling" with you? Do you not believe in "love"? No I wouldn't, but would this girl genuinely like me as a person? Or would she view me as "the one" for things I could give her? And of course I believe in love, but not superficial love. Being with someone just for things you can provide for someone isn't love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ltjg45 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 Why do you think women "settle", more than men? If some truly gorgeous girl decided that you were "the one", would you just think she was "settling" with you? Do you not believe in "love"? It does raise up some questions, if nothing else. What does she see in me that she can't see in others? Whatever that may be, does she truly value it that higher that she prefers me over the other guys? Like NJ123, I want a woman that wants me for who I am. No matter what my earning potential, it means nothing if she can't live with the real me. The first hint that I feel she is there for the material things I can offer to her and not me, I will be jumping ship. Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 (edited) NJ123 you know when you sometimes not too often but sometimes you see a pretty girl with an ugly guy? Well after reading all the settle for provider switch and bait stuff I can't help but wonder if those are the guys in these situations. I have a strange feeling, even without any proof that they are Edited February 12, 2015 by Mangina Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 NJ123 you know when you sometimes not too often but sometimes you see a pretty girl with an ugly guy? Well after reading all the settle for provider switch and bait stuff I can't help but wonder if those are the guys in these situations. I have a strange feeling, even without any proof that they are I think some are. I mean it's absolutely true if you have money, than you can get the gorgeous women regardless of how you look. There's proof of that time & time again that it happens. If I was really wealthy, I'd probably pretend I'm working an average pay job & drive an average car on dates to see who would actually like me for me & not for my money & things I could give her. Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I think some are. I mean it's absolutely true if you have money, than you can get the gorgeous women regardless of how you look. There's proof of that time & time again that it happens. If I was really wealthy, I'd probably pretend I'm working an average pay job & drive an average car on dates to see who would actually like me for me & not for my money & things I could give her. Yes I see what you are sayi ng but you went off a tangent a little bit. Those rich I believe get sex I do not have proof but if they didn't they would easily get another girl Anyway I was talking about more common guys who do not appear wealthy. Usually the very rich guys with the hot girls flount their money with fancy cars and cloths. I am talking about regular couples or people dating that you at a cafe or the mall once in a while 1 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 If I was just looking for casual sex, I have a couple of guys that come to mind. Basically, I connect well with them, they are decently attractive and they would be easy (I could go pick them up in a night). The guys that I'm thinking of are guys I would never date, for a variety of reasons (for example, one of them believes Timothy McVeigh had a point...could never happen!). But I get along well enough with them that I would consider them for a night of fun. If I was looking to date someone, I would need to align interests and values more closely. I'd need to make sure he was someone I actually wanted to spend time with, I would probably prefer someone that I could eventually sleep with without a condom (ie. not super slutty), and someone whose values align with mine well enough to negotiate (eg. does not think that Timothy McVeigh had a point, and is not a smoker). Personality becomes a much bigger factor, and looks become less important (though I'm still looking for chemistry!). For a potential long term relationship, I'd also want to make sure he'd be okay with having kids, and I might even think a bit about genetics and whether he'd be a good dad. Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 If I was just looking for casual sex, I have a couple of guys that come to mind. Basically, I connect well with them, they are decently attractive and they would be easy (I could go pick them up in a night). The guys that I'm thinking of are guys I would never date, for a variety of reasons (for example, one of them believes Timothy McVeigh had a point...could never happen!). But I get along well enough with them that I would consider them for a night of fun. If I was looking to date someone, I would need to align interests and values more closely. I'd need to make sure he was someone I actually wanted to spend time with, I would probably prefer someone that I could eventually sleep with without a condom (ie. not super slutty), and someone whose values align with mine well enough to negotiate (eg. does not think that Timothy McVeigh had a point, and is not a smoker). Personality becomes a much bigger factor, and looks become less important (though I'm still looking for chemistry!). For a potential long term relationship, I'd also want to make sure he'd be okay with having kids, and I might even think a bit about genetics and whether he'd be a good dad. So they are not complete douchebags they are just attractive guys that you do not see as a good match but would you go through with it and sleep with them? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 (edited) If I was just looking for casual sex, I have a couple of guys that come to mind. Basically, I connect well with them, they are decently attractive and they would be easy (I could go pick them up in a night). The guys that I'm thinking of are guys I would never date, for a variety of reasons (for example, one of them believes Timothy McVeigh had a point...could never happen!). But I get along well enough with them that I would consider them for a night of fun. If I was looking to date someone, I would need to align interests and values more closely. I'd need to make sure he was someone I actually wanted to spend time with, I would probably prefer someone that I could eventually sleep with without a condom (ie. not super slutty), and someone whose values align with mine well enough to negotiate (eg. does not think that Timothy McVeigh had a point, and is not a smoker). Personality becomes a much bigger factor, and looks become less important (though I'm still looking for chemistry!). For a potential long term relationship, I'd also want to make sure he'd be okay with having kids, and I might even think a bit about genetics and whether he'd be a good dad. How come looks always come into play for casual sex even if their the biggest pieces of **** on the planet, but not as much for long term relationships? This is where this conception comes into play where guys think their being settled for. You'd rather **** a good looking guy that thinks a psychopath was right in what he did that killed hundreds of innocent people, than an average looking nice guy looking for a night of fun as well. WTF? It's just mind boggling to me. Edited February 12, 2015 by NJ123 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 So they are not complete douchebags they are just attractive guys that you do not see as a good match but would you go through with it and sleep with them? I don't think a guy that agrees with a bomber that killed innocent people is exactly a good person. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 How come looks always come into play for casual sex even if their the biggest pieces of **** on the planet, but not as much for long term relationships? This is where this conception comes into play where guys think their being settled for. You'd rather **** a good looking guy that thinks a psychopath was right in what he did that killed hundreds of innocent people, than an average looking nice guy looking for a night of fun as well. WTF? It's just mind boggling to me. Physical attractiveness is more important, relative to other aspects, for casual sex because the primary focus is sexual arousal and orgasm and in an efficient manner. It's more immediate than getting to know someone and building a relationship with them. If a woman could have her casual sex guy with all the relationship stuff too, she'd take that in a skinny minute. Reading this thread caused me to put an image to the dynamic and I was a bit in awe of a guy who had the right stuff to be able to sit on Liz Taylor's lap and still move her to a practical aural orgasm when describing him decades later. Heck I got a hard-on just listening to her. If only he had been straight and a relationship guy. He never lacked for affairs with men or women though. That's how life goes I guess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I never had this issue personally, but you constantly hear that women do sexual acts with those men that they will not do with their LTR. Sadly, it isn't even because they don't like those acts, they just can't see themselves doing them with their partners. There was a thread on reddit about this. A guy discovered his wife did things with her ex that she admitted enjoying, but wouldn't do them with him. That put a ton of strain on their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Mangina Posted February 12, 2015 Share Posted February 12, 2015 I don't think a guy that agrees with a bomber that killed innocent people is exactly a good person. She said they were okay except for whatever deal breaker. For example abortion I would not date someone who has had an abortion Link to post Share on other sites
Author NJ123 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Share Posted February 12, 2015 I never had this issue personally, but you constantly hear that women do sexual acts with those men that they will not do with their LTR. Sadly, it isn't even because they don't like those acts, they just can't see themselves doing them with their partners. There was a thread on reddit about this. A guy discovered his wife did things with her ex that she admitted enjoying, but wouldn't do them with him. That put a ton of strain on their marriage. lol I think I actually read that thread on there awhile back. If we're thinking of the same one. And that's another thing I actually wanted to bring up. I've heard of this quite a bit. Wtf is that about? It almost seems like from this thread, that the guys that are never offered casual sex from attractive women are the ones that will be settled for. Which is pretty sad. I mean let's face it, I'd like to think that the vast majority of attractive women have had at least 1 one night stand in their lives. I've been offered casual sex a few times, but most of them weren't attractive if I'm being honest. The one girl was average or decent looking, but I turned her down due to a few circumstances at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
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