Boyfriend did MDMA, the week after he feels differently about our relationship?

February 22, 2015

Oh March 3rd is his birthday? That makes him a Pisces...a deep thinker ....but also a dreamer, a drifter, a loner. Generally speaking.

You made the right decision.

Good luck sweetie... I have a feeling you will be just fine....

((hugs))

Yup you're right, and it describes his personality to a tee. He loves is alone time, and he loves doing things on his own. He has different plans for his life every week, including this working in Europe for a year on a farm which is nice and all but unrealistic as he would need to be sponsored by a company to work (we live in Canada). He changes his mind every few weeks/months as well about what he wants in life. It's exhausting.

He told me he is completely in love with me and cares about me more than he has cared or loved anyone, and I do believe him. He just doesn't know how to be in a serious relationship. He wouldn't leave and let me go but then the cycle would continue so this was definitely for the best.

Should I sent him a happy birthday text on the third? I don't want a conversation with him but we did end on good terms.

February 22, 2015

Yup you're right, and it describes his personality to a tee. He loves is alone time, and he loves doing things on his own. He has different plans for his life every week, including this working in Europe for a year on a farm which is nice and all but unrealistic as he would need to be sponsored by a company to work (we live in Canada). He changes his mind every few weeks/months as well about what he wants in life. It's exhausting.

He told me he is completely in love with me and cares about me more than he has cared or loved anyone, and I do believe him. He just doesn't know how to be in a serious relationship. He wouldn't leave and let me go but then the cycle would continue so this was definitely for the best.

Should I sent him a happy birthday text on the third? I don't want a conversation with him but we did end on good terms.

Hmmm..that's a tough one. Probably not though as no doubt he will respond back...which puts you right back to square one again.

I would advise to stay no contact. You'll be able to move on much faster if you stay no contact...

I am so sorry but in his case...it really is NOT you. I have no doubt he loves you...he just loves his space and freedom more right now...

February 22, 2015

Should I sent him a happy birthday text on the third?

Nope.

He needs to see that you are serious with No Contact and a birthday card would be considered a bread crumb towards opening the door back open to the relationship.

February 23, 2015

Nope.

He needs to see that you are serious with No Contact and a birthday card would be considered a bread crumb towards opening the door back open to the relationship.

Thank you, I won't do it then. I changed his name in my phone to "IDeserveBetter" so I know I won't ever text him. Also deleted him off Facebook.

I don't think the break up has hit me yet for real. I keep hoping he will contact me or this is just a dream, that he will realize he wants me in his life and he'd do anything to keep me. How can someone say they love me so much, yet want to be alone?...There is 100% no other woman. He just genuinely enjoys being alone.

I'm living in the city that I moved for him and I feel alone, even though I have a couple friends here. No family though and my very best friend is back home. We have a few mutual friends and now I can't even really see them. It's an expensive city to live in and although I make enough to pay my rent and bills I can't afford a car. I used to always have a car and drive. I feel like my freedom has been taken as lame as that sounds.

It makes me so angry how he won't see reality. He just is never happy with what's in front of him and that includes work, friends, family, leisure, and relationships. Such a coward. Ugh.

February 23, 2015

I'm sorry it turned out this way, acapelo. But it sounds like you guys have been on totally different tracks for a while. The drug stuff was just the tip of the iceberg.

And honestly, it sounds like you're a lot more mature than he is. He's got a lot of growing up to do. He's obviously in a very experimental phase of life and doesn't have a clue what he wants. (BTW, the whole "farm in Europe" thing sounds so ridiculously far-fetched ...)

It's pretty likely this guy will be popping back in your life again looking for contact. But you'd be wise to stay strong with your "No Contact" strategy, as hard as it is. Don't allow yourself to be the girl he sleeps with while he's making big plans for his future that don't include you.

In the meantime this also opens an opportunity for you to explore what YOU want, without considering him. For example if you don't think you want to stick around in this city, you can make other plans. You have freedom!

February 23, 2015

I'm sorry it turned out this way, acapelo. But it sounds like you guys have been on totally different tracks for a while. The drug stuff was just the tip of the iceberg.

And honestly, it sounds like you're a lot more mature than he is. He's got a lot of growing up to do. He's obviously in a very experimental phase of life and doesn't have a clue what he wants. (BTW, the whole "farm in Europe" thing sounds so ridiculously far-fetched ...)

It's pretty likely this guy will be popping back in your life again looking for contact. But you'd be wise to stay strong with your "No Contact" strategy, as hard as it is. Don't allow yourself to be the girl he sleeps with while he's making big plans for his future that don't include you.

Thanks for the response! Talking on here makes me feel a lot better. I have friends here to talk to but most of them are mutual friends with my ex so its kind of weird to discuss this with them.

I agree he was very immature. I am starting to take off the rose colored glasses and I wrote a list of all the bad qualities about him and it's so long! Mostly about him neglecting the relationship, needing so much alone time and not making me top priority in his life. He also hated children...lol and his fear of commitment. I shouldn't even be that hurt....we hung out maybe 1-3 times a week, didn't live together, didn't text every day, etc..it just wasn't a very close relationship.

February 24, 2015

Making this decision is why he was depressed. That's all it was. Either way, he is sacrificing a lot. Stay in touch with him.

February 24, 2015

Making this decision is why he was depressed. That's all it was. Either way, he is sacrificing a lot. Stay in touch with him.

Sorry, I'm not quite sure what you mean. Deciding whether to stay with me or break up made him depressed? I dunno, he made it pretty clear that being in a relationship is stressful for him.

February 24, 2015

Sorry, I'm not quite sure what you mean. Deciding whether to stay with me or break up made him depressed? I dunno, he made it pretty clear that being in a relationship is stressful for him.

I think preraph is saying that his weird behavior recently can be explained by his mind brewing with future plans, and the realization that his relationship with you would suffer/fail. He's had a lot going on internally that he hasn't been sharing with you. The relationship was "stressful" because he found himself pulled in a lot of other directions.

February 24, 2015

I think preraph is saying that his weird behavior recently can be explained by his mind brewing with future plans, and the realization that his relationship with you would suffer/fail. He's had a lot going on internally that he hasn't been sharing with you. The relationship was "stressful" because he found himself pulled in a lot of other directions.

Oh okay, well then yes that is definitely right. It explains him wanting to be alone and the distance I felt between us the past two weeks.

Also explains why he was so upset when I ended it and didn't want to let me go and just spent the entire morning with me. Explains why he wanted to spend Valentines day with me so badly. But ultimately he didn't fight for me to stay, so his future plans he wants for himself are more important.

And the comment about staying in touch with him...I'm not sure if that is a good idea. I am going no contact. It's not like he will wake up one day and a switch will click in his head, needing me in his life and knocking down my door to want to get back together. He will adjust to the break up I'm sure.

February 24, 2015

It sounds to me like your wants and needs in a relationship, which are completely valid, are vastly different than what he's willing to give.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing the pain of a breakup. Breakups SUCK. I admire your strength to stick to NC and it will be the fastest path to healing.

Make sure you are clear on what you want and don't want... and also, the amount of affection you deserve--which is definitely more than this guy was giving you. Breakups are a useful time to reflect on these things, and while it sucks, once you're back on your feet, you'll be so much stronger for it. You can use your inner findings to guide you to a new and stronger relationship.

February 25, 2015

It sounds to me like your wants and needs in a relationship, which are completely valid, are vastly different than what he's willing to give.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing the pain of a breakup. Breakups SUCK. I admire your strength to stick to NC and it will be the fastest path to healing.

Make sure you are clear on what you want and don't want... and also, the amount of affection you deserve--which is definitely more than this guy was giving you. Breakups are a useful time to reflect on these things, and while it sucks, once you're back on your feet, you'll be so much stronger for it. You can use your inner findings to guide you to a new and stronger relationship.

Thank you for your kind words

I went to go see a movie with a friend today, and I have dinner plans Friday night and Saturday night hopefully having a girls night out in the city. Today has been a good day and I can tell I will be just fine....it will take time as long as I keep busy with life and meet new people.

March 4, 2015

Rather than starting a new thread I will just post an update here.

Anyways as you know my ex and I broke up on February 21st, it was mutual but mainly my decision. We were deciding whether to break up for a month.

We have been NC ever since, but yesterday was his birthday. Around 8:30pm I got a text from him saying "Hey how are things?" I thought about it, and about two hours later I responded and just said "Things are good! Happy birthday btw" which he responded "Hey thanks! (And yes, one more year older and wiser). Glad to hear things are going well" and I have not answered and don't plan to. I kept it short, simple and to the point.

Thing is I don't feel like I broke NC because it doesn't hurt me. I don't feel heart broken. I only responded because I felt bad, it was his birthday and I don't hate him and we ended on good terms. I wouldn't have responded otherwise. Anyways. I plan on just sticking to NC from now on.

But it was weird because I didn't expect to hear from him again. He must of been lonely on his birthday or something. I dunno.

March 4, 2015

Well, drug use, a vice, is a major deal breaker. I know the breakup is painful, but I say you dodged a bullet.

March 4, 2015

People can end up suffering from depression any time in their life. It's possible that is the reason why he started to do drugs... in order to deal with it. What happens is that the drugs just exasperate the depression. Feel sad, do drugs, come down off drugs, feel even more sad, do more drugs, etc.

March 5, 2015

Well, drug use, a vice, is a major deal breaker. I know the breakup is painful, but I say you dodged a bullet.

Thanks. I think I did, too.

Today he finally changed his profile picture on Facebook (it was of us) to a picture of himself. I'm just wondering if it's because he realized we are really over from my response to his text last night saying I'm doing good (without him)....Kinda weird how he would change it all of a sudden today.

March 5, 2015

MDMA? I thought he'd be ecstatic......

March 11, 2015

I don't want to make a brand new thread because I would have to explain everything. But I have an update and I just need to vent. I screwed up.

So, my ex and I broke up Feb 21st and as of my last update he texted me on his birthday (March 3rd) saying "Hey how are things?" to which I responded "Things are good! Happy Birthday btw." The next day he changed his profile picture on Facebook of us to a picture of himself.

This past Sunday I texted him and asked him for the clothes I left at his house back, he responded enthusiastically and said he can bring them over to me that day.

Anyways, he came to my place and I went down to meet him and we chatted a bit. We were telling each other how the past two weeks had been and what we were up to. Then he suggested we go grab a bite to catch up, so we walked down the street and had a beer and some food and caught up. He said he was expecting a text from me on his birthday and that's why he texted me, he was kind of upset and he spent his birthday alone at home. (After we ate he went to pay for the bill but I said since it was my idea I would pay and he thanked me and said that was nice of me).

He also told me he has been hanging out with his friends mostly. He told me that the plans to go to Europe fell through with his best friend because his BFF got into firefighting school and will be leaving in a few months. He said he is looking for a new job right now (in the same city, he isn't moving). He said that it felt like more than two weeks that we had broken up and said "time goes by slow without you.."

Anyways, we were laughing and enjoying our conversation. I was telling him all that I was doing in the last while and was happy. We didn't talk about our relationship or anything negative. He said he felt a little bit awkward, and said it's because a "connection is still there." Anyways long story short he ended up in my apartment and we had sex. Mostly initiated by me as I invited him up (stupid ugh). Afterwards he was cuddling me and calling me his pet name, kissing me passionately. I told him I was sorry for this, and that I wasn't looking for a hook up but this also doesn't mean we are back together and he stated he knew and that the issues would just be the same if we did end up trying things again. I asked him if he felt that you could meet the right person at the wrong time? And he said yes..

He ended up staying the night. He said he knew it was a bad idea because it would just make it harder to leave in the morning. He said I meant a lot to him and that if we were in our thirties and had lived our lives that I would be the girl he would want to marry. He said is not interested in getting with other women and he just wants to be single and find out where he wants to be in life concerning his career and geographical area. In the morning he gave me a hug and kiss like he usually does and I said good bye.

I was fine the day after. We have had NC since and I don't plan on contacting him again. But today I feel lonely and I have been thinking about him. How could I be so strong at first and then screw up SO badly??

March 11, 2015

It's called being human....

((hugs))

March 11, 2015

I don't think the drug use is the issue. That was the first time he did MDMA in like 3 years and he isn't a user, it's once or twice a year. I am more worried that maybe he is having drug induced depression or something temporarily..but that doesn't seem plausible in this situation.

.....or maybe that he is hiding some drug use, not nec. MDMA.

Or a regular depression.

March 11, 2015

It's called being human....

((hugs))

Thank you

I just feel hopeless now. I woke up crying because I dreamt about him. For two weeks I was completely fine without him and now I feels like I'm falling apart. Thinking of all the good memories.

March 11, 2015

Thank you

I just feel hopeless now. I woke up crying because I dreamt about him. For two weeks I was completely fine without him and now I feels like I'm falling apart. Thinking of all the good memories.

Hey there - sorry you're hurting. You mentioned upthread that March is a really tough month for you, so ((hugs)). I think it makes total sense that you'd be reeling now - it's pretty common for people to have lapses in no contact, and to go through this rollercoaster - but now you can see why it really is the best way to heal. Every time you see him or reconnect with him (that includes looking at his FB, by the way!) you're resetting the healing clock.

He sounds like a good guy at heart, and he clearly cares about you, but he's just not ready to commit to you and be the boyfriend you need. If you were still together, you'd just feel pain of a different kind. Better just to be kind to yourself. You WILL get through this, and you're going to be OK.

March 11, 2015

Thank you

I just feel hopeless now. I woke up crying because I dreamt about him. For two weeks I was completely fine without him and now I feels like I'm falling apart. Thinking of all the good memories.

Looking back, I noticed when I went through a breakup last year, that the pain was worse when for one reason or another I had contact with him. Without contact, I was actually pretty OK. I wish I could go back in time and totally cut him off right when it ended.

So I know EXACTLY how you feel. I really think you're in for more pain unless you take a hold of this right now. You could send a text "Hanging out and sleeping together was a mistake. It's best for both of us that we have no further contact. Take care." Then delete, block, ignore.

March 11, 2015

Thank you

I just feel hopeless now. I woke up crying because I dreamt about him. For two weeks I was completely fine without him and now I feels like I'm falling apart. Thinking of all the good memories.

Oh shoot...I wish you lived near me..I am serious. I would have you over, we could have a slumber party... remember those? We could laugh, cry, whatevs.

Do you have any friends you could do that with? If not, we're here for ya.

It'll get better...you just had a minor setback. Just go no contact and stick to it...you'll be fine again.

((more hugs))

March 11, 2015

I promise you that things will get better.

I've been in your shoes before. My heart was shattered. I was still in love with my ex the moment we broke up. He was still in love with me. Love was there but we both knew that it was not the right time. We could end up hurting each other if we continued.

I couldnt remember how many nights I cried. My tears kept falling and I just couldnt hold it back. I screamed his name inside my head and heart. I asked him inside my head if he missed me terribly like the way I missed him.

Many days, I woke up feeling empty and asked myself if I did the right thing - breaking up with him.

I felt lonely through the days and nights. I missed him so much. Every single thing reminded me of him, ached.

As time passed by, I felt less sad and slowly moving on.

My ex boyfriend is the most sweet hearted person in the world and I shall never forget him in my life. We do talk and meet each other once per several months to update about each other's life. He is going well and has moved on from me and so I am.

Looking back, both of us agreed that this is the best decision we made mutually - break up.

So believe me. Things will get better. One day when you look back, you will be proud of yourself and thankful for this to have happened.

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Boyfriend did MDMA, the week after he feels differently about our relationship?

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