amaysngrace Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 In no way did I parent him on this. Yea you did. You gave him rules when all he wanted to do was have nag-free fun. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted February 10, 2015 Author Share Posted February 10, 2015 Yea you did. You gave him rules when all he wanted to do was have nag-free fun. Which he did. I'm not arguing on it further. I know what I did was the right thing for me, and the relationship as a whole. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Yea you did. You gave him rules when all he wanted to do was have nag-free fun. I don't think she was "parenting" him. She expressed her concern and was willing to compromise on her bottom line (no drugs). Every relationship has rules both spoken and unspoken. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Which he did. I'm not arguing on it further. I know what I did was the right thing for me. Good. I agree with you. I told you before don't compromise your principles and stay true to you. Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I believe that he is depressed honestly. He takes on a lot of responsibility and is always doing things for his family - and he also hates his job right now. That combined with being in a relationship is probably just too overwhelming for him. He over thinks absolutely everything. He is the most unique person I have ever met or dated. I can't seem to figure him out, and I am tired of trying to make him happy when he is just not happy inside. Yeah he sounds like me. He's probably not for you! Lots of interests but not having the drive to get anything new off the ground but performs well, above and beyond once engaged in a project! I think the fact you are 24 and don't want to get married til 30 is a mistake. If you find someone who is marriage potential just jump into it and start a family. Why date for 7 years building up baggage? If you don't want to get married in two years why even waste your time. My rule is if I date somebody and if In a year marriage isn't looking like a possibility and I'm looking for that then why waste my time? I'll meet new people and try new things! Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Okay, I am sure that he feels like you are being a "mom" when you have a rule like he can only use drugs 1 time in a 6 month period, I don't think it works that way, what you needed to do is to tell him exactly how his drug use makes you feel and then sit back and see what he does drug-wise, and honestly decide for yourself whether or not it is alright with you. But seriously I am confused by "I broke up with him" right in the middle of your paragraph about all the time you spent and the sex and how great it was and how you love him and are going to spend valentine's day together??:confused: You really didn't break up with him for real then, so what is your plan?? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I don't think she was "parenting" him. She expressed her concern and was willing to compromise on her bottom line (no drugs). Every relationship has rules both spoken and unspoken. I agree. Her requests were very reasonable. A lot of people who don't use recreational drugs wouldn't even try to find a middle ground in the situation. She did her part, but he's obviously not feeling motivated to meet her halfway. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) Any drug can alter a person's personality even after cease of use. I used to smoke pot, and one time I had a really bad panic attack, and even after I stopped using it, I had anxiety that didn't go away for like 6 months, and it literally altered my personality (albeit temporarily -- I'm fine now). There are many drugs people use daily that do not alter your personality. I don't know what you were smoking but it certainly wasn't pot then or you were smoking hard laced drugs. Some people can feel paranoia while high, I have but once its over it doesnt remain, and it certainly doesnt stay within your body for 6 months there are no records of such side effects. What you described sounds like real anxiety, panic attacks etc is non pot related. . Edited February 11, 2015 by Omei Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 There are many drugs people use daily that do not alter your personality. I don't know what you were smoking but it certainly wasn't pot then or you were smoking hard laced drugs. Some people can feel paranoia while high, I have but once its over it doesnt remain, and it certainly doesnt stay within your body for 6 months there are no records of such side effects. What you described sounds like real anxiety, panic attacks etc is non pot related. . Pot could uncover his pre-existing anxiety. Also, withdrawal from habitual use can induce periods of depression and anxiety. 6 months is a normal rebound time. Many people are drawn to drugs for self-medication. Pot is a drug that "works" for some people. That's why they find it appealing in the first place. Thus, when they stop using their condition is now untreated. What happens when someone stops taking their SSRI for depression or Xanax/Ativan/Valium for anxiety? Of course, the symptoms reappear; and for some time, will feel even stronger due to the withdrawal effect. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I don't think the drug use is the issue. That was the first time he did MDMA in like 3 years and he isn't a user, it's once or twice a year. I am more worried that maybe he is having drug induced depression or something temporarily..but that doesn't seem plausible in this situation. You put guidelines on him and he doesn't like it - whether he admits that to you or not. He has chose the drugs over you. Consider yourself lucky you know now. I'm glad you ended it. Don't meet with him anymore though, it sends mixed signals. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 OP, as some people have mentioned (and you pointed to in the title of your thread), MMDA can indeed have an effect on mental health afterward, since it messes with serotonin levels. I'm not saying that happens for everyone or even the majority, but the risk is there and don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise. If your boyfriend is naturally inclined to bouts of depression, then he's probably more vulnerable to that. I have one friend who fell into a pretty severe depression for several weeks after using MMDA. It was maybe her fifth or sixth time using it -- she was neither an "addict" with it nor a newbie to it. Stuff like that is why I personally have no desire to mess with those kind of drugs in my adult life, despite the great experiences I had with them when I was younger. Mental stability is a fragile, precious thing. And I actually think this aspect to drugs does support your argument for not wanting your boyfriend to use them. As others have also mentioned, you're jumping the gun in calling this like a "breakup" when you're still making plans with him. It's a breakup when you two stop seeing each other and cut contact as much as possible. It's not easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) Pot could uncover his pre-existing anxiety. Also, withdrawal from habitual use can induce periods of depression and anxiety. 6 months is a normal rebound time. Many people are drawn to drugs for self-medication. Pot is a drug that "works" for some people. That's why they find it appealing in the first place. Thus, when they stop using their condition is now untreated. What happens when someone stops taking their SSRI for depression or Xanax/Ativan/Valium for anxiety? Of course, the symptoms reappear; and for some time, will feel even stronger due to the withdrawal effect. Pots non addictive, as a life smoker ive been able to go weeks without pot without any "need" ive never met or heard of pot addiction there isnt withdrawl periods there is too much misguided information about weed on the internet, and you can clear a drug test in under a month. But it is true it has surpressed many symptoms but they don't have withdrawals. Or maybe I think we're thinking about the word withdrawl in different terms your talking about symptoms returning im talking about not being able to be without it like someone who's addicted to heroin. Edited February 11, 2015 by Omei Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Pots non addictive, as a life smoker ive been able to go weeks without pot without any "need" ive never met or heard of pot addiction there isnt withdrawl periods there is too much misguided information about weed on the internet, and you can clear a drug test in under a month. But it is true it has surpressed many symptoms but they don't have withdrawals. Or maybe I think we're thinking about the word withdrawl in different terms your talking about symptoms returning im talking about not being able to be without it like someone who's addicted to heroin. Pot affects everyone differently. Some pot uses suffer from psychosis even (yes documented cases) I can only imagine mdma is worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 Pot affects everyone differently. Some pot uses suffer from psychosis even (yes documented cases) I can only imagine mdma is worse. I dont know, I can only base off my twelve years of experience and knowledge ive tried nearly every strain watched every documentry to man on it there's just so many too many documented false information floating around in the 70's they said it killed brain cells people still believe that today, every year there's a new proclaimed side effect, last month in BC someone made claims pot killed their dog its beyond ridiculous and I can only base off my experience and of those around me I can hardly believe the things people say about it anymore. So ill just exit. Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I haven't read the replies but just want to give my two cents. A lot of people in the psychedelic community give so much credit to their trips that they allow it to change their perception on life. Read the Reddit forums on psychedelics to see what I mean. It's most common with LSD, but a lot of people seek out a trip because they're convinced it will give them this vast knowledge they have yet to obtain. It's basically like chemical hypnotiziation; simply proving the power of suggestion. Basically my point is that if he is of this mindset, he could have experienced some negative energies during his trip about the relationship and now has made that association in real life. It's stupid, but seriously happens all the time. I don't experiment so I really can't say first hand if it goes away, but I'd ask him about it. It also could be the depletion of serotonin like others mentioned. Link to post Share on other sites
maysj18 Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I dont know, I can only base off my twelve years of experience and knowledge ive tried nearly every strain watched every documentry to man on it there's just so many too many documented false information floating around in the 70's they said it killed brain cells people still believe that today, every year there's a new proclaimed side effect, last month in BC someone made claims pot killed their dog its beyond ridiculous and I can only base off my experience and of those around me I can hardly believe the things people say about it anymore. So ill just exit. First and foremost, I have no issue with pot whatsoever. I also had no plans to get in a drug debate but I just want to point a few things out. Pot is linked to psychosis and other mental illnesses when used in people who are predisposed to these types of diseases. It doesn't cause them, but can definitely bring them to the surface. It's most common in young adults and adolescents. It's not terribly common but it is well documented and studied. That doesn't mean that pot is bad, but just that it has risks like everything else. Secondly, studies suggest that habitual users don't experience withdrawals because THC is stored in normal fat tissue and is slowly released over time. Think of it as a natural nicotine patch. This is also why it likely stays in your system for so long. So the consensus is that people may very well be addicted to it, but we have a natural tapering system in our bodies that keep us from experiencing withdrawals. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 (edited) OP if you are no longer going to be with this guy still acting as if your dating is going to cause you pain and confusion. breaking up and getting back together and breaking up over time causes damage to relationships that you can't take back. When you breakup with someone make sure you're positive and not doing it because you're currently unhappy in that moment. Breakups are usually permanent courses of action. I don't want to talk about weeds suggestive study its never ending debate it really is. Edited February 11, 2015 by Omei Link to post Share on other sites
soyou Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'm sure there must have more clues out there as to why he wanted to pull away. Perhaps, you must have unconsciously ignored all of these clues and kept feeding your head with his sweet words "you're the best girl I've ever been with" etc I don’t know why how many problems and issue he has in his life but I do know for the fact that he doesnt want (to fight) for this love anymore. He chose to walk away. His love for you was not strong enough/important enough for him to fight for. You're strong enough to break it off. I hope that you're strong enough to let it go. This will get worse as time passes by. P/S: the drug is not the issue. I've used MDMA, ecstasies many times in my life so I can guarantee you that the after-effect has never affected my love or my feelings for my loved ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I haven't read the replies but just want to give my two cents. A lot of people in the psychedelic community give so much credit to their trips that they allow it to change their perception on life. Read the Reddit forums on psychedelics to see what I mean. It's most common with LSD, but a lot of people seek out a trip because they're convinced it will give them this vast knowledge they have yet to obtain. It's basically like chemical hypnotiziation; simply proving the power of suggestion. Basically my point is that if he is of this mindset, he could have experienced some negative energies during his trip about the relationship and now has made that association in real life. It's stupid, but seriously happens all the time. I don't experiment so I really can't say first hand if it goes away, but I'd ask him about it. It also could be the depletion of serotonin like others mentioned. This poster also raises a good point about the change of mindset a drug trip can provoke. People can have a lot of revelations and epiphanies while tripping. (And I'm not coming at this from a judgy angle, but personal experience. I did a lot of drugs when I was younger, including a few psychedelics. One mushroom trip in particular I remember as permanently altering some of my viewpoints on life.) With MMDA, additionally there's the after-effect of serotonin depletion, which as a FACT causes depression, on a chemical level. Some people can shake that off in a couple hours, others can't. Whether or not the OP's BF is experiencing this, he does sound depressed. The "I don't want to see or talk to anyone, I just want to be alone," the disheveled appearance, the pushing away of his GF. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2015 Share Posted February 11, 2015 I'm sure there must have more clues out there as to why he wanted to pull away. Perhaps, you must have unconsciously ignored all of these clues and kept feeding your head with his sweet words "you're the best girl I've ever been with" etc I don’t know why how many problems and issue he has in his life but I do know for the fact that he doesnt want (to fight) for this love anymore. He chose to walk away. His love for you was not strong enough/important enough for him to fight for. You're strong enough to break it off. I hope that you're strong enough to let it go. This will get worse as time passes by. P/S: the drug is not the issue. I've used MDMA, ecstasies many times in my life so I can guarantee you that the after-effect has never affected my love or my feelings for my loved ones. Not meant as a pile-on, but have a look through the OP's threads. There were red flags for a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Alright, so just wanted to give everyone an update on what happened between me and my now ex-boyfriend since posting on this thread. We spent Valentines day together, and we had amazing time. He took me out for cocktails and then a fancy dinner. We went to my place and had some great sex and decided we would try and work on things together. During the next week he initiated contact a couple times through text, but it was mainly me. We saw each other twice. Then this past Friday I asked if he wanted to come spend the night with me and he responded "Yeah sure that would be fun. I'll pick you up from work." He picked me up and said that he needed to discuss something with me. We got up to my place and I asked what he wanted to talk about, and he said that he has been talking to his male best friend about going on a back packing trip to Europe around August, and would like to try and get a work visa for Europe and live and work there for a year. I told him to go ahead and do what he wants, but that he has made false promises to me our entire relationship (saying he wants to move in together, get a dog together, and travel together) and that this relationship just isn't working out. I then asked him if he wanted to work in Europe alone, and he said yes that it has always been a dream of his to live in Europe, have his own farm somewhere secluded and just be away from everyone for 6 months (lol). I told him that we were not working out and I am breaking up with him. He would not leave and spent the night, and we had some amazing passionate sex that night and also in the morning. Best sex we have ever had together, actually. In the morning I told him he had to leave soon, and he refused. He wouldn't let me go because he said when he left it would be the end. He was very sad...held me close and said "what if a month from now this is a complete mistake...?". Then he asked to get breakfast with me and we went to a cafe together and just sat there not knowing what to say. He asked what my plans were after work, inviting me over with his family to have pizza and I just looked at him puzzled. He dropped me off at work for 2pm and he said "so I will talk to you later?" and I said no, you can't. We broke up and we can't speak and I cannot see you. Then I left the car and I am going strict no contact. Have changed everything on social media, etc. Anyways, I don't know why it was so hard for him to let me go after what he told me about going to Europe. He knows we wouldn't have worked out. He is afraid to be in a committed relationship. So frustrating and my heart is broken since I moved across the country to be with him. Wasted a year and a half with this guy. any words of advice or thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Don't ever consider a relationship a waste of time. They are learning experiences towards that One Relationship that will be for the rest of your life. And sometimes it takes being with one, two, or ten people until you figure it out. Revel in the journey - not the destination. Remember the good in what you had with him and hold on to those memories for what you want in the next relationship. Look at what wasn't working and why it couldn't work and that will help you make a decision about who to date next. I am proud of you for going No Contact and sticking to it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Want to echo CarrieT's sentiments. It wasn't a waste. It was just another chapter. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted February 22, 2015 Author Share Posted February 22, 2015 Thank you for responding. I know I will be able to stick with no contact since we didn't really even text that much anyways. I cried at work yesterday and that is going to be the hardest part of it all. Thinking of all the good memories with him. I did write down a list of all his bad qualities and that helped open my eyes a bit. March is just a bad month. March 1st is my moms birthday, March 3rd is his birthday, then March 14th is the one year anniversary or "date" of my mothers death. It's just hard because he was my support through that time because he also lost his mother years ago. I hate feeling heartbroken. I've been through it before and I know I will get past it, but it is the worst feeling ever. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Share Posted February 22, 2015 Oh March 3rd is his birthday? That makes him a Pisces...a deep thinker ....but also a dreamer, a drifter, a loner. Generally speaking. You made the right decision. Good luck sweetie... I have a feeling you will be just fine.... ((hugs)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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