spanishchick00 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 In the past my FWB and I usually hook up every other week or so. And usually when I contact him first, he follows through. Until recently, he kept saying that he will text me when he has time because he doesn't plan this out. So, last night I asked him if we could get together he said not today. So, then I sent him like 9 texts last night, he never responded. This morning, I asked if he was free and said, "no, and stop messaging me like a crazy person." Then, I apologized for my texts, and asked him if we were done, he replied, "No, I don't plan **** out, I don't know. I'll text you." He told me to stop messaging him, because I always contact him first, which I thought he meant we are done, then he said that we're not done and that he contact me when he has time.
Jessie1231 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 You're doing FWB wrong. You're not supposed to care enough about the person to text them nine times because you don't like his first response. It seems he is ending it but if for some reason he's not, you need to. Clearly you care more than he does, so this won't end well for you. 1
preraph Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 You're trying to make a boyfriend out of a strictly sex relationship. He isn't about to do that. If all you want is sex, I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would be willing to have it more often than him, but none of them are going to put up with you bugging them like that. FWB are out of sight, out of mind, and not turning into girlfriends. 1
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 (edited) Well, he told me several times, he will text me when he is available. So, instead of being patient, I've been contacting him first. Maybe he got annoyed with the texts? He said that it's not over, yet, he didn't respond to any of my texts last night, which I assumed he didn't want to talk me anymore. What you're saying booty calls are last minute and not planned out? And he doesn't give me the sex that I want and I want it a lot. We do it like once a week, what 30 year olds do that? I bet 70 year olds have sex more than we do. I might need to find someone else. Edited February 10, 2015 by spanishchick00
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 You're trying to make a boyfriend out of a strictly sex relationship. He isn't about to do that. If all you want is sex, I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would be willing to have it more often than him, but none of them are going to put up with you bugging them like that. FWB are out of sight, out of mind, and not turning into girlfriends. So, basically I'm not suppose to initiate contact until the guy wants it???
elaine567 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Well, he told me several times, he will text me when he is available. So, instead of being patient, I've been contacting him first. Maybe he got annoyed with the texts? He said that it's not over, yet, he didn't respond to any of my texts last night, which I assumed he didn't want to talk me anymore. What you're saying booty calls are last minute and not planned out? And he doesn't give me the sex that I want and I want it a lot. We do it like once a week, what 30 year olds do that? I bet 70 year olds have sex more than we do. I might need to find someone else. You are a female FWB, so it is your job to wait and he will decide if it is your turn tonight or if he has time or the energy or the desire for the hook up. So whilst it may seem egalitarian and progressive to have a FWB. It seems to pan out that the men usually call most of the shots in these arrangements. Do not think you are the only one he has sex with if he gets the opportunity. He will most likely be seeing other women too, there is reason you are a FWB and not his gf. Your texts may have encroached on his time with another lady... So whilst you may feel unsatisfied with him and the low frequency of your hook ups, it doesn't mean he is having sex at the same low frequency.
elaine567 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 He will not want to end it, why should he? You are a source of easy sex, he will keep you on the back burner forever if he can get away with it...
somedude81 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 You are a female FWB, so it is your job to wait and he will decide if it is your turn tonight or if he has time or the energy or the desire for the hook up. So whilst it may seem egalitarian and progressive to have a FWB. It seems to pan out that the men usually call most of the shots in these arrangements. Do not think you are the only one he has sex with if he gets the opportunity. He will most likely be seeing other women too, there is reason you are a FWB and not his gf. Your texts may have encroached on his time with another lady... So whilst you may feel unsatisfied with him and the low frequency of your hook ups, it doesn't mean he is having sex at the same low frequency. Nope. The person that wants it the least calls the shots. My FWB decides if and when we meet up. She knows that I'm always horny and ready to go whenever she feels like it. It's been two weeks and all I can do is wait. I don't even know if she'll want to meet up again.
ASG Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Nope. The person that wants it the least calls the shots. My FWB decides if and when we meet up. She knows that I'm always horny and ready to go whenever she feels like it. It's been two weeks and all I can do is wait. I don't even know if she'll want to meet up again. Well... you CAN reach out. Worst that can happen is she'll say no, or not reply... Anyway, OP... you sent the guy NINE texts! I understand maybe sending the second one, depending on the type of dynamic you have, but NINE?!? That's gonna annoy anyone. And clearly he calls the shots and he's not that interested. I mean... sure, he'll take the sex, but he won't make any particular effort to have it. It's not over. It might never be over. But it just won't be very fulfilling for you, as you clearly want more out of it (even if it's just more SEX) I'd say get out there and find someone else! That way you won't have to worry about this FWB. keep him in the books, but rotate him with other FWB. As it should be!
rester Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Well, he told me several times, he will text me when he is available. So, instead of being patient, I've been contacting him first. Maybe he got annoyed with the texts? I don't think there's a question that he's annoyed with the texts. He told you several times he will text you when he is available. If he's not texting you, he's not available and doesn't want you contacting him first, and especially not nine times "like a crazy person". Even in an established, secure relationship, nine unanswered texts is a lot unless there are extenuating circumstances. And he doesn't give me the sex that I want and I want it a lot. We do it like once a week, what 30 year olds do that? I bet 70 year olds have sex more than we do. I might need to find someone else. You probably need to find someone else. Doesn't sound like you are both on the same page. So, basically I'm not suppose to initiate contact until the guy wants it??? That's what it sounds like, unfortunately.
somedude81 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Well... you CAN reach out. Worst that can happen is she'll say no, or not reply... Anyway, OP... you sent the guy NINE texts! I understand maybe sending the second one, depending on the type of dynamic you have, but NINE?!? That's gonna annoy anyone. Well of course I reach out, but I'm not going to be annoying. She has her own life and has no obligation to me. Nine unanswered texts in one night is way too excessive. 2
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 So... did he call me a crazy? In the past I sent him one too many texts and he never called me crazy. Until today. Usually he tells me to chill out. I just don't understand why he wouldn't jump at the chance of wanting it. I'm giving this guy a free pass, yet he doesn't take advantage of it??? So, I have be the girl that every guy hates. I have to play hard to get, have to be shy, have to flake out last minute and play mind games, never respond to his texts so that he will chase me and want me more? This is frustrating.
Jessie1231 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 So... did he call me a crazy? In the past I sent him one too many texts and he never called me crazy. Until today. Usually he tells me to chill out. I just don't understand why he wouldn't jump at the chance of wanting it. I'm giving this guy a free pass, yet he doesn't take advantage of it??? So, I have be the girl that every guy hates. I have to play hard to get, have to be shy, have to flake out last minute and play mind games, never respond to his texts so that he will chase me and want me more? This is frustrating. No, just find a guy who's interested and you won't have to play any of those games. 4
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 10, 2015 Author Posted February 10, 2015 Well of course I reach out, but I'm not going to be annoying. She has her own life and has no obligation to me. Nine unanswered texts in one night is way too excessive. Maybe if he would have responded to at least one of my texts, I wouldn't have sent him 9.... I don't do text etiquette. I don't understand why he wouldn't reply back when I asked him if he'll be available later in the week?
rester Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Maybe if he would have responded to at least one of my texts, I wouldn't have sent him 9.... I don't do text etiquette. I don't understand why he wouldn't reply back when I asked him if he'll be available later in the week? Yikes. I'm sorry, but this is exactly the attitude that is going to drive this guy away. And most likely any guy. You don't have to accept the way he treats you, but pestering him is not going to get him to change his ways.
somedude81 Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 Maybe if he would have responded to at least one of my texts, I wouldn't have sent him 9.... I don't do text etiquette. I don't understand why he wouldn't reply back when I asked him if he'll be available later in the week? Nobody likes to be pestered. The only reason I can think of about why he didn't reply back was that he didn't want to think about you at that time. The best thing you could have done was wait a day and then try again.
preraph Posted February 10, 2015 Posted February 10, 2015 So, basically I'm not suppose to initiate contact until the guy wants it??? Oh, I don't think there's much danger of that happening. When's the last time he asked you to get together without you initiating it?
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 Actually I sent him 11 texts last night, 2 more after midnight. Wow. I just googled "stop messaging like a crazy person" and saw some images of the tons of texts some girls send to guys when the guys are just ignoring them. I'm never going to text him again, and I already deleted his number, so I won't be tempted anymore. This sucks. I guess I have to go back on okcupid to meet guys/go on dates to distract me. I don't understand his behavior-he's saying that its not over, but he keeps telling me he'll contact me, when it doesn't even look like he's going to..unless he's making me believe that so that I'll leave him alone or he's playing mind games. Don't worry, I'll find a date on okcupid by the end of the week.
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 11, 2015 Author Posted February 11, 2015 And since he used the "s" word, the word the rhymes with "fit" is that bad? Is he implying that our hooking-up is utter crap? He did say, "I don't plan "s-it" out.
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 12, 2015 Author Posted February 12, 2015 Oh, I don't think there's much danger of that happening. When's the last time he asked you to get together without you initiating it? Like 3 weeks ago. What are the chances of him contacting me now?
rester Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Actually I sent him 11 texts last night, 2 more after midnight. Wow. I just googled "stop messaging like a crazy person" and saw some images of the tons of texts some girls send to guys when the guys are just ignoring them. I'm never going to text him again, and I already deleted his number, so I won't be tempted anymore. This sucks. I guess I have to go back on okcupid to meet guys/go on dates to distract me. I don't understand his behavior-he's saying that its not over, but he keeps telling me he'll contact me, when it doesn't even look like he's going to..unless he's making me believe that so that I'll leave him alone or he's playing mind games. Don't worry, I'll find a date on okcupid by the end of the week. "Stop messaging like a crazy person." That's one of the funniest search terms I've heard in awhile. Eleven unanswered texts on top of your nine from the other night is crazy territory. I'm in a long-term relationship and if my girlfriend had ever done that without some emergency, I would have questioned her sanity. If I don't text back, I'm busy. We had a situation recently where I got worried about her (for good reason) and I still only sent her two texts in a ten-hour period. I waited it out for hours and she finally got back to me, explained, and apologized. Again, this is long-term relationship where we hear from each other every day, not a FWB situation that only happens once a month. You need to train yourself to not think the worst. And since he used the "s" word, the word the rhymes with "fit" is that bad? Is he implying that our hooking-up is utter crap? He did say, "I don't plan "s-it" out. S-it is just a word, but he's telling you that you are not worth making plans for. He only wants to see you when he feels like it or maybe he's bored and has nothing to do. Like 3 weeks ago. What are the chances of him contacting me now? Probably little to none after all those texts you sent. Neither men nor women want to deal with drama like this, especially if they are not in a relationship. You are making things too complicated for him and bringing too much drama to the table that it's more trouble than the sex is worth. All that said, this guy sounds like a total affhole and is treating you like crap. I would do your best to get over him. I don't think he cares about you and you shouldn't care about him. Edited: just saw that the 11 texts were the same night you were talking about before. Still, I would not contact this man again. 1
Jethro Posted February 12, 2015 Posted February 12, 2015 Like a previous poster said, you are doing FWB wrong. FWB is about random hookups when it's convenient and not much more. Booty calls and what not. You are supposed to care about him little enough so that if one text gets ignored you are not to send another because you don't care enough. And your post earlier about playing a game and staying quiet till he comes to you and build anticipation- WRONG. You are still doing it wrong. No games, no nothing. No cares, who cares if he responds to a text, in fact- who cares if he ever contacts you again- that is FWB. No emotions just ****ing and sucking and wham bam thank you maim I am outta here. My advice? Never respond to another text of his again, if he ever send you another one. If he sends you 9 texts some night, well maybe then you bring up that you don't want a FWB situation anymore, but if he wants to start dating that would be fine. FWB is he's using you, you are using him and neither one cares. You are emotionally not capable of this arrangement. OP, you do not want a FWB. You obviously want a boyfriend. Stop this now before you hurt yourself.
Author spanishchick00 Posted February 13, 2015 Author Posted February 13, 2015 Probably little to none after all those texts you sent. Neither men nor women want to deal with drama like this, especially if they are not in a relationship. You are making things too complicated for him and bringing too much drama to the table that it's more trouble than the sex is worth. Yeah, but why would he say, that he'll "text" me? I mean, asked him if we were done and he said, "no." If he was really done with me, why wouldn't he say that he was???"
somedude81 Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 Yeah, but why would he say, that he'll "text" me? I mean, asked him if we were done and he said, "no." If he was really done with me, why wouldn't he say that he was???" He probably doesn't know if he's done with you or not. Or he is worried that if he did say that he's done that you'd freak out. Odds are he only said that he'll text you so that you'll leave him alone. My suggestion is to do just that. Go on with your life. Maybe he'll contact you, maybe he won't.
Dybbuk Posted February 13, 2015 Posted February 13, 2015 You are so concerned with the "why's" you're missing the very blatant and obvious message he's sending which is the totally cliche but effective: "Don't call me, I'll call you" Which means he may or may not be done with you. This depends purely on... -If he has other women lined up (Definitely more than likely) -How desperate he is for sex given that you are super high maintenance FWB I'd put money on it that he's not going to call you. By saying he doesn't 'plan s**t out' it means he doesn't want to make time for you. He doesn't care if you want to hang out, he'll only get together if he feels like it. The fact that you keep pushing and pushing...and asking and asking is getting on his nerves so he has to spell it out for you to not text, plan, or initiate any more contact. If he wants to see you he'll text you, but I think you've already made it clear to him you want more of his attention than he's willing to give to you. Move on, maybe try to foster an actual relationship with someone who is genuinely interested in you? FWB only works if you can stay detached. 1
Recommended Posts