amaysngrace Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You should find someone who is more on the same page as you are when it comes to matters of what you believe to be right from wrong. Yea I'm sure this party guy has good traits but if you don't see eye to eye on doing drugs then I'm afraid that you probably aren't compatible. Don't compromise your principles or become accepting of something you're dead-set against. Stay true to you. Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I don't care much for drug use, including alcohol and legal prescription drugs. But I grant my gfs to use drugs as they see fit. I've tried some and never got hooked. The experience wasn't so great and it's too expensive, let alone life's easier while staying within the limits of the law. I don't accept drug induced cheating and economic or educational failure either. That being said I think it is possible to have a successful life and romantic relationship with a recreational drug user, but I certainly see why it's a deal breaker to some. Op, I would try to find out what exactly it is that bothers you deep down inside. Is it the possibility of him getting addicted? The medical danger? The legal risk? Or the loyalty? Then explain your fears to him. That's the only way you can reach a compromise. And if you really can't accept the drug use it is acceptable to break up over this and you will be doing the both of you a favor. Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) I'm not worried about finding him dead. I'm also not worried about his loyalty - I trust him completely that he would not cheat on me. It's the fact that he is so care free about using drugs, not worried about side effects, I am worried that this could become a more frequent habit for him. I'm worried this isn't just a phase and that this will continue into his life. I certainly am worried I would see him on a drug, if he happened to not tell he did them, as that would upset me as well seeing him out of it. Lots of things worry me about it. It would be the same if he was drinking everyday, or if he started smoking cigarettes - I would break up with him no doubt. All my experiences with drug users (family, friends, acquaintances, in the work place) beyond alcohol and weed have been negative for me. Edited February 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed deleted off topic off topic post 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 People chase the high...that's a fact and when life gets grown-up and boring, then what? Will they still be chasing that high? You really have no way of knowing. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 It's up to him to take my feelings into consideration or not I guess. Why shouldn't you take his feelings into consideration? Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Why shouldn't you take his feelings into consideration? I am? I asked him his view point on drugs and why he does them last night, and I am trying to compromise with him, as long as he tries to compromise with me. I never told him not to do drugs at all which is taking his feelings into consideration. However, by him doing drugs and not telling me until the day after knowing how I felt about them, he didn't take mine into consideration that evening. Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I am? I asked him his view point on drugs and why he does them last night, and I am trying to compromise with him, as long as he tries to compromise with me. I never told him not to do drugs at all which is taking his feelings into consideration. However, by him doing drugs and not telling me until the day after knowing how I felt about them, he didn't take mine into consideration that evening. Assuming you don't leave him over this, or issue an ultimatum, I think you two need to develop some policy for how you'll treat his drug use. It obviously angered you that he kept it a secret, but it also seems like you might be just as angry if he told you in advance and you knew that's what he was out doing. It's somewhat understandable that your BF would be uncomfortable sharing that info with you. Who wants to provoke a big fight? It's a given that you'll never be supportive of his drug use. But think about what type of conditions could make it more comfortable for you. If every answer just leads to: "It's going to be a huge rift every time this comes up," then, I don't know if this is something you two can get over. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I can't see how you two are ideally matched when this is a deal breaker for you. You let it be known early on - yet he crossed that boundary and now has you considering changing your guideline that keeps you happy. I'd say he's not the one for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acapelo_dp Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 I've invested a lot in this relationship, and we get along really well and do love each other a lot. We have a respectful relationship (majority of the time). I talked to him on the phone tonight and told him how I felt about his drug use and why I didn't like the idea - I said that I didn't want to see him get hurt or become dependent. He said he understood completely. Then I told him that I am not going to give him an ultimatum, but there will be some ground rules for us to compromise. I told him that 1. Please tell me when you are going to be doing them, 2. Be safe about it and do it with people you trust 3. Have a decent amount of time between use (like 2-3 times per year). He said that sounds good and thanked me for understanding. He also told me that he would like to hear my concerns and push him to be safe. I'm going to see how it goes. But, if this "occasional" use becomes more frequent I am out. Thanks for all the advice and words from everyone, it truly helped give me unbiased opinions. This is one of the first relationships where I have starting compromising instead of giving ultimatums, when I was younger and more immature. It feels good not to fight. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BeatsByDirk Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I like how OP responded to this situation! I hope this all works out and you are rewarded for your open mindedness, trust, and compromise with a beautiful healthy relationship with a caring thoughtful person! Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 (edited) You work with them you know they never leave their drugs so, he won't change Better leave him now than one day finding him dead of an overdose or seeing him get into jail because the police had nothing better to do, they decided to catch the users instead of the drug dealers or one of the dealer tried a new drug on him, and beat him up for not paying enough money! He is not an addict now, but he will be! Do you wanna live in fear and anxiety for the coming 10 years until you decide to leave him later when you missed out on too many great guys who don't do drugs! I mean people start with easy drugs and then they will develop addiction! Some of you might see this as an Ok but you don't know what type of guy he is, he might become addicted! Wow....overreaction much? So he's done psychedelics a handful of times. He's not an addict. He is not abusing. I've done MDMA a few times. honestly for me, nothing to write home about. It didn't "lead me to higher drugs" or make me an addict. I got bored of it grew up and haven't done it since. For reference: I've been a weed smoker since I'm 18 years old, on and off. It has not lead me to harder drugs or to become an addict. I will go months without even one hit, smoke a joint casually with friends and then that's it. Sounds like what your bf is doing. A rare occurrence thing. If you said he was out shooting heroin, or smoking meth, or snorting glass, I'd be very concerned. But again, it's how you feel personally. If you can't handle this, you gotta just walk. Your decision of how to handle is a good one, if it ever gets way beyond what you can handle, which I don't think will happen, you can make your next move. Personally, I see him outgrowing it before anything else. Edited February 3, 2015 by KatZee Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 OP...either you can deal with occasional drug use or you cant. I only drink..but I have no problem with a girl who smoke pot frequently. And with actual drugs, Im only ok with occasional psychedelics, as Im curious to maybe try one day myself. Hard addicting drugs I have zero tolerance for (heroin, cocaine, meth, etc). Theres a huge difference in how hard drugs affect people lives vs naturally occurring safer drugs like pot or shrooms. Nevermind the fact that they are never debilitatingly addictive or cause ODs So its all on you what you wanna deal with OP. Go find someone more straight laced, if youre a straight laced gal yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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