I looked...:-(

[SycamoreCircle]

I broke and looked at her social media.

 

Now, close to a year that she began the emotional affair, she is still in touch with the guy. It's weird, they broke up in October or they stopped sleeping with each other. I think he found a new piece. But she still maintains a formal allegiance, Likes his stuff and emulates his art. As I've pointed out so many times, he's 20 years her senior and has a foot in the art world.

 

She has been immersed in her work. She's curated some shows for a gallery. That's one of the ways her personality changed. She's insanely driven in her career. Virtually every interaction in her life seems to be about schmoozing and putting herself in the middle of things.

 

I also noticed she deleted a picture of me from her timeline. It was from a trip we took together. I feel so unlucky in that most BUs by a year's time, the people reach some kind of peace where they're at least capable of saying hi to each other. She takes steps to erase the memory of me. Yet, strangely her FB page theme is a photo of a portrait she made of me on show at a gallery. I guess when she looks at that she doesn't see me, she sees her accomplishment.

 

A couple of other things: her best friend whose work was in the last exhibition submitted a piece that resembles a page torn from a child's book, sort of like The Wind in the Willows, very literate child lit. It was a story of the artist's making, The Infant's Spouse(I've changed the title). The one page story details how the male, X is deserting the female, Y for the last time. Y thinks about saying something final to him, but knows it will only be mean. X is a snake in the grass who wreaked havoc on her. Y sheds only one tear for him, after that she forgets him. She knows that it will take a year or two to get over him. X is barred from the city and can never return. But one day, for Y, all feeling will turn to fondness followed by gratitude. X walks into the horizon, his camouflage disappearing until he merges with "garbage." Incidentally, one of the characters has a derivative of my name.

 

She went home for Christmas. There is a family photo the mother took. My ex looks like she is wearing a mask of pain. I'm not saying it's for me. But I feel like there are serious problems in that family---a coddling mother, an emotionally unavailable father and a younger brother who seems coolly dismissive of big sister's seething anger.

 

I know I shouldn't look at this stuff. I understand and don't understand. She is a narcissist, who like the guy in Whiplash ditches the girl because she stands between him and his greatness. I was so good to her. I loved her so much. She knows. That's why she will never tolerate me. She knows I loved her to my core. Ten years from now it will hit her.

[EmperorR]

Sometimes looking helps as it can finally be the release you need. Other times it just sets you back and makes you angry or sad.

 

Just got to let go and move on

[writergal]

As my favorite Irish playwright Oscar Wilde once quipped,

 

In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder.

 

So, you looked. Now you know and don't need to wonder anymore. She's moved on. Now, you can move on OR you can choose to remain stuck in your past with her ghost as a memory, like Leonardo DiCaprio's character does in the movie Inception, where he keeps the memory of his dead wife alive to the point where the memory becomes alive and turns into a dark influence on DiCaprio's own subconscious mind.

 

Do you really want that to happen to you too? Let the memory of your ex girlfriend morph into something dark and distorted because you refuse to let go, which will then warp your view of women and relationships, and stunt your emotional growth thus prevent you from every trying again to love that hard for a new woman?

 

Move on. Love again. That is the right choice for you.

 

And get back into acting. I think you miss having a creative outlet like that. I think once you get back into acting, you will feel a lot better.

[Oneness]

I understand why you looked...social media makes it hard to move on, when we get that itch to find out what is going on with them...do they miss us? Do they ever think of us? My exboyfriend is a Borderline, and put me through hell...but I did what you did and snooped on his FB two weeks ago. He has me blocked...so I created a fake email and FB account to see if I could take a peek... The memes he posted were sad....I know he is hurting. I abandoned him...just could not take the abuse, emotional dysregulation, accusations, threats, emotional blackmail, and rages anymore. But now that I had my fix...back to trying to heal from this toxic relationship.

 

You looked, you are only human...if she was a narcissist, I understand the damage she must have dealt you. But you deserve so much better, you know how to really love, and one day I hope you find a woman who can truly love and appreciate you for who you are. A narcissist has no capacity for empathy and no conscience...and neither does a borderline. Heal, take care of yourself, and I hope this will all fade away some day and you can have the healthy relationship you deserve.

[Itspointless]

Do not beat yourself up for looking. There is a difference between avoiding the stimulus and avoiding the stimulus while thinking that you grief while all the time you actually are supressing. It seems so clear, but sometimes we only can really find out which of the two is true for us when we are faced with the stimulus again. Sometimes that hits us with the last bits of fierce emotion and somtimes we apperently have to admit to ourselves that we apperently did not grief that much. Not speaking about you but I sometimes have the feeling many people do not know what griefing is, as they just supress. In 2013 when I was dumped I was also faced with old grief. The past is not just the past, it lives in us as a part of us. It is our job to learn living with it and that sometimes is a hell of a job.

[italiangirl03]

It's fine if you had to look, maybe you just needed some type of reassurance or whatever the case may be. I broke up with my boyfriend about a week ago and I still look at his instagram everyday without even wanting to. It's unhealthy, he's unhealthy but I look and then I get depressed about it. Maybe looking at it will give you some closure a bit. Have you tried contacting her after your breakup? Maybe she is just incapable of loving..