carhill Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 You can do anything you want to do. Everything is a choice. You choose. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Technically, I'm emotionally invested in two women. One prob has 75% the other 25%, I will never give the wife 100%, bc I can't. I notice you don't elaborate or clarify on which is which, so I'll take the pessimistic attitude and assume your wife has drawn the short straw. The question is what is right for her and the child, despite my anger towards her right now What is right for your wife is that you file for divorce, but make it no-blame, otherwise it will get truly messy. You're both equal operators in this, so point-scoring is frankly a waste of time, and capricious. What's right for your child is that you put them first, even above the woman you love the most. Without question, unconditionally. It's no longer about your marriage. I get the feeling that's a tied-up done deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Oberfeldwebel Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Technically, I'm emotionally invested in two women. One prob has 75% the other 25%, I will never give the wife 100%, bc I can't. The question is what is right for her and the child, despite my anger towards her right now. See an attorney most states have a schedule based on income, whatever it is it is, then treat your ex with respect for your child. Like others have suggested, you are a grown man you make your decisions in life. Choice wisely. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 (edited) It's an ego thing. Absolutely. You nailed it. You're ego is bruised. If you both love other people, I really can't see the point in staying together. Why do you both want to be miserable, when you could find a partner you don't have to compare your wife against. Edited January 31, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biere123 Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 This is all too real unfortunately. Messed up marriage I know and I may be a hypocrite but would you be ok if your wife loves another man too? Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 A couple of general reminders: 1. Any allusions to, or statements directly relevant to, any member trolling or being a troll are met with a minimum three day moderation. No exceptions. It can be more than that if additional lack of civility and respect is involved. 2. Our policies allow for past postings of thread starters to be referenced, if topical, with complete and clear attribution, evidenced by direct quotes and links to those quotes. Otherwise, blanket statements or summations regarding such content will be deemed to be off-topic and handled appropriately. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 GIven that you love another woman, the question is superfluous. If you behave like a hypocrite there are certain penalties you have to 'suck up'. This is one of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 This is all too real unfortunately. Messed up marriage I know and I may be a hypocrite but would you be ok if your wife loves another man too? I'm sorry but I find the hypocrisy unbelievable. You reconnected with an old flame that you never got over. You compare her to your wife and now you feel disrespected and can't believe she would ever do that. Maybe you guys were not the match you thought you were when you got married. You ask 'how on earth I am supposed to handle this? ' In turn I'll ask how was your W supposed to handle it when the shoe was on the other foot? With these actions I wonder how you both try and teach your child right from wrong. Put your bruised ego aside and discuss what you both want. With husband and wife in love with other people I can't see the marriage surviving, but you could successfully co-parent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biere123 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 She's the one who drove me away. She caused me to check out. That doesn't mean that what I did wasn't selfish, but I'm not 100% at fault. How would you men feel if your wife said she loves another man, yet loves me too despite what I've done? Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 She's the one who drove me away. She caused me to check out. That doesn't mean that what I did wasn't selfish, but I'm not 100% at fault. How would you men feel if your wife said she loves another man, yet loves me too despite what I've done? No-one can cause you to check out. That was your choice. Marriages are made of two people both of whom have free-will. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 She's the one who drove me away. She caused me to check out. That doesn't mean that what I did wasn't selfish, but I'm not 100% at fault. How would you men feel if your wife said she loves another man, yet loves me too despite what I've done? Your sense of entitlement and righteous indignation are laughable. The above point has been adequately answered by Waterwoman, and is accurate. And you just make yourself look more of a jerk, because while your wife confesses she has love for you, you have demonstrated no such measure of any affection for her, at all. So really, you're the bigger fool. You are 100% at fault, for abandoning your 50% of the relationship. She still has affection for you...So you in fact, are the bigger culprit. Divorce, and be responsible parents (although the more of your comments I read, the more I truly and honestly despair for your child, if he has a father like you...) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biere123 Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 How would you men feel if your wife said she loves another man, yet loves me too despite what I've done? Answer the question instead of attacking me. You don't know the ins and out of our relationship. You don't know the emotional abuse I've suffered. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) Guy, they aren't going to answer you because they are just going to focus on the fact you cheated, and because they all know the answer to your question is "I would feel like she is full of sh*t if a woman said that to me". Look, let me break this down: you are no angel, far from it. Does it mean you deserved this? Nope, and does it make the "I totally love you..but also this other dude!" any less shady? Nope, it does not make it any less shady at all. So make no mistake there, you aren't the only shady person here. So to conclude, of COURSE any sane rational human being would not be happy to hear their partner spout such utter nonsense at them. Though to be fair, a person wouldn't be very happen if their partner did the things YOU did as well. So you both are cheaters, you both don't know what love or boundaries are. That is probably the best answer you are going to get here, otherwise it's just going to be people focusing on the bad you did, not just the bad your wife did. So you can be pissed, but you also have to note you did the same thing. But on the other hand, you also have to note you having done the same thing still gave this woman NO right to do what she did. If you treated her so badly she should of walked away instead of banging other dudes, but she didn't. So you both learned lessons, mainly: keep your damn clothes on and don't screw others until the relationship is over. If this is difficult for two grown ass people to do then cheating is the least of what either of you needs to worry over. Edited February 1, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 She's the one who drove me away. She caused me to check out. That doesn't mean that what I did wasn't selfish, but I'm not 100% at fault. How would you men feel if your wife said she loves another man, yet loves me too despite what I've done? The best thing to do is look forward and figure out what you both want to do. Maybe you both checked out of the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
TexasMan68 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 How would you men feel if your wife said she loves another man, yet loves me too despite what I've done? Answer the question instead of attacking me. You don't know the ins and out of our relationship. You don't know the emotional abuse I've suffered. I would feel like ****!! There you happy? Does that make you feel good to get some sympathy. I would also not ask ask a bunch of strangers on the internet how they would feel about it knowing I was to blame for it. You obviously both went outside the boundaries of your commitment to one another and now are paying the price for it. Man up!!!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 She's the one who drove me away. She caused me to check out. That doesn't mean that what I did wasn't selfish, but I'm not 100% at fault. How would you men feel if your wife said she loves another man, yet loves me too despite what I've done? I'd try to be a grownup and show some integrity and not cheat just because I have a hall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Ok. The two of you are both mixed up and it's doubtful if you should stay together. You both own 50% of your marital problems but 100% of each of your marital EA infidelity. So stop trying to point fingers. This one is not complicated . There are two choices (1) you BOTH cut all contact with anyone outside your marriage (2) you bothe enter the world of polyamorous marriage. You either have to tell your wife you cannot live in a marriage with more than two people in it and you tell her she has about 24 hours or less to make a choice or you will make it for her. If you let her continue with no consequences , her EA will turn physical for sure and you will be in an open marriage for sure. Right now she is trying to cake eat. That means having you and the security of her marriage and her boyfriend one the side for excitement. If you play Mr. Nice Guy and give her space and tell her how much you will do anything to stay married to her , you will get crapped all over. You can not control her actions but you can control what you will accept. Your non negotiable conditions need to be No contact at all with OM Total transparency of all electronics Commitment to you and your marriage This bull **** about loving both of you needs to end and she needs to be knocked off the fence one way or the other . And by the way that goes for you also 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Biere123 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 OK, so how do you control feelings then Frisky? Is it impossible to love two people, just one more than the other? How can one be committed to a marriage when thoughts and feelings are with another? This situation is complicated and ridiculous. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 This situation is complicated and ridiculous. I agree. And until YOU can make the decision for yourself, you need to stop expecting your wife to be able to make the same decision for her. In that regard, I think you two shouldn't be together; nor should you be with anyone. Perhaps it is best to learn to be on your own for a while to understand why you felt the need to involve two people in your life... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted February 10, 2015 Share Posted February 10, 2015 Is it impossible to love two people, just one more than the other? What is YOUR definition of love, Biere? See, in MY world, love means caring about someone so much that you would do ANYTHING to avoid hurting them. So it would be impossible to love two people because by its very nature, you are hurting at LEAST one of them by doing what you're doing, if not BOTH of them. Love isn't what YOU feel about getting YOUR needs met, keeping YOU happy. That's just being selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
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