Sort Of Dating Survey

[Leigh 87]

 

 

Chemistry is a combination of factors. It's finding him sexy, intriguing, smart, funny, unusual, attentive, completely into you, and realizing you'd get excited just waiting next to him in line at the bank...

 

 

Yep. The men I felt that instant spark with, I got excited just walking next to them.

 

I felt jolts of 'feel good" feelings JUST from Irish guy reaching out to hold my hand in his car:love:

[Diezel]

I felt jolts of 'feel good" feelings JUST from Irish guy reaching out to hold my hand in his car:love:

 

And where is he now... ah, right.

[todreaminblue]

explosive sex ...massive orgasms...yeah good...tops even..but in life if you had the choice of having a few explosive moments in your life or many moments over a lifetime........where you feel complete in regards to other areas besides sperm delivery.......i would say ....i choose many moments.....slow burn....expectation and intimacy....as far as explosions go.....i am adept at chemistry and creating my own explosions any time i want.....

 

in your opening posts leigh you say not to turn it around to what you are prefer or your dating life....but in nearly all your posts you have effectively done that yourself and belittled others statements...thats not productive dont you reckon?...everyone has an opine that ought to be valued as such.......peace out leigh.....

 

.i come in peace always.

.....

 

 

 

always wanted to saY THAT....it comes from v the mini series.....ahem....toodles...smilin atcha.........deb

[Leigh 87]

And where is he now... ah, right.

 

 

 

So?

 

That doesn't mean I have to settle for less in order to get a relationship.

 

That is a ridiculous notion, Diezel - that just because HE didn't work out - that I somehow have to settle for less than that feeling?

[Erised]

 

I agree that you can't create chemistry. .

 

I am not sure I agree.

Either you can, or I have some low level of chemistry with almost every guy just waiting to burst forth. Because I'm pretty sure I didn't feel it.- I certainly didn't feel any different than anyone else. It consistently takes a long time to develop.

 

It might be individual.

[Omei]

Wow. You have never had explosive sex?

 

I have. I only had it with the men that I felt that spark with though.

 

Slow burn sex was never explosive. But it was still great.

 

Isn't all sex explosive at the end ?

 

 

Couldn't help myself the layout was too good :-P

[LoveRefreshed]

Isn't all sex explosive at the end ?

 

 

Couldn't help myself the layout was too good :-P

 

Maybe not for everyone, but definitely me. :D

[PhoenixRysing]

It's not ridiculous to choose to seek a healthy and sustainable relationship that happens to start out with intense chemistry.

 

People have their preferences. Wanting the instant spark and it factor doesn't take away from my long term objective of getting married and having a long relationship.

 

People like me are entitled to not date the men who we don't feel great chemistry with. We aren't ridiculous for discarding such men.

 

I have enough dating options for me to not to have to bother dating men who I'm not eexcited about due to lack of chemistry.

 

You keep asking about and validating your choice to have an instant spark while asking about people who had experiences that differ and defending your own choice to want what you want. But that is the real question isn't it?

 

What do you want Leigh? What do you really want? If you want to see and be seen, love and be loved, you have to accept that all paths to that place are different. I know what your best friend experienced, and I accept that her path is real. I also know that some of us find a different path to the person we are meant to be with. Can you be OK with that?

 

Can you be Ok with the idea that sometimes there is love at first sight that happens to work out, sometimes there is a friend who breaks through the friend zone and into our hearts, and sometimes there is the guy who is the opposite of everything we thought we wanted that is in fact, everything we ever needed? Reading loveshack tells me that all of these scenarios are possible, none are definite (our looks, size, height, race, marital status, child bearing/having status - have nothing to do with it, for better or for worse). There is no formula. Love happens when it happens.

 

I can tell you that I did not have an instant spark with my boyfriend. I can also tell you honestly that there is no one else in the world that I would rather have sex with than him. Both are true. I am not ashamed to say that the man I am falling in love with came in a package and at a time that had nothing to do with what I had envisioned. Love happens when it happens.

 

But what do you want? Do you want to hear that only those of us who had the instant spark made it work? Do you want to hear that you are right in your choices to hold out for perfection? I will tell you that, with absolutely no sarcasm - you are right! Live your life. Chose your boundaries. Say what you need and mean it. Only just...be open. There is no formula. Love happens when it happens.

 

If you want to only go after the chemistry at first glance, then do it. You don't need a thousand messages on an internet forum to validate it. Go after what you believe. Stick to your guns, hold to your faith. Just be open to changing your mind.

 

My boyfriend was not instant fireworks, but since we started dating we have evolved to a point where I legitimately don't want anyone else to touch me. I did not need nor do I care that I did not want to rip his clothes off when I first met him. Now, one very short month later, I cannot imagine (nor do I want to) anyone else touching me. Right now, I want to rip his clothes off...because...well - love happens when it happens.

 

I got to know him. He got to know me. He is everything I said I did not want (both mentally and physically) and yet still, he is everything I did not know I needed. Right now, past the first glance, past the first non-fireworks meeting/date, he is the sexiest man alive to me. No, there was no chemistry when I met him, just a feeling of being seen, of being whole. Now, I cannot imagine wanting anyone else.

 

I am not asking you to change your mind (I didn't), I am not asking you to do anything different. I am only telling you that after reading these boards and living my life, did I truly understand... all paths to love are good ones.

 

I let go of defining who I thought I should be with and now, I am more thrilled and more excited than I ever thought possible...with a real man, not a fantasy - with a man who I adore for all of his imperfections, and I hope against hope, that he will see me the same way.

 

It was not perfect how we met, in fact, it was the opposite of perfect. But still, now, I only want him.

 

Maybe you will find a man who was everything you dreamed from day one, I hope you do. Maybe you won't. All I want, for you, and for me - is that we get to happiness. I can't tell you that I will be with my boyfriend forever, or that we are perfect. I also can't tell you that any of that had anything to do with instant chemistry. What I can tell you is this, the path is irrelevant - the end result is what we all want.

 

I did not fall in love with my guy the day i met him, but I would not trade him for the world today. Do with that what you will.

 

For what it's worth, I do believe in my own right to want what is best for me...and I got it. It just came in an unexpected package in an unexpected way. For that - I am grateful for the sight to see him as he is and... He is spectacular.

Edited January 30, 2015 by PhoenixRysing

[kendahke]

Question 1:

 

Has anyone here given someone a chance that, when they first met, didn't feel any fireworks of instant chemistry, but later on they grew to feel the butterflies and passion?

 

 

My ex of 13 years.

 

Question 2: here's an example of what one dating expert said to me, do any of you guys relate?

 

One guy I spoke with said "I wasn't infatuated with my wife when we first met (the way I was with my other girlfriends) and although I was attracted to her and we have great sex, no, we do NOT have the same sizzle in the bedroom as I have had with prior women who I felt instantly excited about and who I was infatuated with"

When I first met the ex, I wasn't that infatuated with him, but I would say that as of this moment, he's probably the best sex of my life. It was weird, but it got better each time we were together, which is why I was so devastated when I found out he cheated with a woman who doesn't like sex. She just had a lot more money than I did and wanted his companionship--and that's exactly what he got--a wealthy companion who doesn't like sex. His loss. He's trying to get me to take him back, but I've moved on.

 

Question 3 and 4

 

Has anyone had explosive sex and found raw passion with partners who you were NOT that into initially?

.......................................................

Yes.

[todreaminblue]

I am not sure I agree.

Either you can, or I have some low level of chemistry with almost every guy just waiting to burst forth. Because I'm pretty sure I didn't feel it.- I certainly didn't feel any different than anyone else. It consistently takes a long time to develop.

 

It might be individual.

 

 

i also think chemistry can be created even if its a little ember of a spark.....that can grow in the right mind set......but that ember.....has to be there to start with.......creating anything takes capacity to want that spark to grow... .and if i find a guy a nice guy with a good heart who ticks boxes......ill go deeper and ill help a spark to grow...ill make him feel it too........deb

[Conners]

You keep asking about and validating your choice to have an instant spark while asking about people who had experiences that differ and defending your own choice to want what you want. But that is the real question isn't it?

 

What do you want Leigh? What do you really want? If you want to see and be seen, love and be loved, you have to accept that all paths to that place are different. I know what your best friend experienced, and I accept that her path is real. I also know that some of us find a different path to the person we are meant to be with. Can you be OK with that?

 

Can you be Ok with the idea that sometimes there is love at first sight that happens to work out, sometimes there is a friend who breaks through the friend zone and into our hearts, and sometimes there is the guy who is the opposite of everything we thought we wanted that is in fact, everything we ever needed? Reading loveshack tells me that all of these scenarios are possible, none are definite (our looks, size, height, race, marital status, child bearing/having status - have nothing to do with it, for better or for worse). There is no formula. Love happens when it happens.

 

I can tell you that I did not have an instant spark with my boyfriend. I can also tell you honestly that there is no one else in the world that I would rather have sex with than him. Both are true. I am not ashamed to say that the man I am falling in love with came in a package and at a time that had nothing to do with what I had envisioned. Love happens when it happens.

 

But what do you want? Do you want to hear that only those of us who had the instant spark made it work? Do you want to hear that you are right in your choices to hold out for perfection? I will tell you that, with absolutely no sarcasm - you are right! Live your life. Chose your boundaries. Say what you need and mean it. Only just...be open. There is no formula. Love happens when it happens.

 

If you want to only go after the chemistry at first glance, then do it. You don't need a thousand messages on an internet forum to validate it. Go after what you believe. Stick to your guns, hold to your faith. Just be open to changing your mind.

 

My boyfriend was not instant fireworks, but since we started dating we have evolved to a point where I legitimately don't want anyone else to touch me. I did not need nor do I care that I did not want to rip his clothes off when I first met him. Now, one very short month later, I cannot imagine (nor do I want to) anyone else touching me. Right now, I want to rip his clothes off...because...well - love happens when it happens.

 

I got to know him. He got to know me. He is everything I said I did not want (both mentally and physically) and yet still, he is everything I did not know I needed. Right now, past the first glance, past the first non-fireworks meeting/date, he is the sexiest man alive to me. No, there was no chemistry when I met him, just a feeling of being seen, of being whole. Now, I cannot imagine wanting anyone else.

 

I am not asking you to change your mind (I didn't), I am not asking you to do anything different. I am only telling you that after reading these boards and living my life, did I truly understand... all paths to love are good ones.

 

I let go of defining who I thought I should be with and now, I am more thrilled and more excited than I ever thought possible...with a real man, not a fantasy - with a man who I adore for all of his imperfections, and I hope against hope, that he will see me the same way.

 

It was not perfect how we met, in fact, it was the opposite of perfect. But still, now, I only want him.

 

Maybe you will find a man who was everything you dreamed from day one, I hope you do. Maybe you won't. All I want, for you, and for me - is that we get to happiness. I can't tell you that I will be with my boyfriend forever, or that we are perfect. I also can't tell you that any of that had anything to do with instant chemistry. What I can tell you is this, the path is irrelevant - the end result is what we all want.

 

I did not fall in love with my guy the day i met him, but I would not trade him for the world today. Do with that what you will.

 

For what it's worth, I do believe in my own right to want what is best for me...and I got it. It just came in an unexpected package in an unexpected way. For that - I am grateful for the sight to see him as he is and... He is spectacular.

 

Well said!

 

Leigh, if this way of dating works for you, you don't need to justify to everyone. We are strangers and we don't know you who who really cares?

 

However, I honestly believe what you are looking for is based more on lust and a guys desire to think you are amazing, physically speaking. You have posted about 5 guys, maybe even more since you broke up with your ex. While its fine to date around, every single one of these guys you insisted that there was instant chemistry/fireworks and they could be the one and you hadn't met anyone like them, only for them to leave as quick as they came.

 

I am in no way saying you should take my advice, I know you won't. Just offering my honest opinion.

[Leigh 87]

Well said!

 

Leigh, if this way of dating works for you, you don't need to justify to everyone. We are strangers and we don't know you who who really cares?

 

However, I honestly believe what you are looking for is based more on lust and a guys desire to think you are amazing, physically speaking. You have posted about 5 guys, maybe even more since you broke up with your ex. While its fine to date around, every single one of these guys you insisted that there was instant chemistry/fireworks and they could be the one and you hadn't met anyone like them, only for them to leave as quick as they came.

 

I am in no way saying you should take my advice, I know you won't. Just offering my honest opinion.

 

I don't care that it didn't last. I'm 28 and not desperate to have to find a partner yet. They were really fun experiences.

 

It taught me that I not only need the Iinfatuation and lust at first site- I also need to take it slowly and get to know the guys to ensure their compatible. Those spark guys weren't compatible.

 

It hasn't made me want to go for guys that I'm less excited about one bit.

[Conners]

I don't care that it didn't last. I'm 28 and not desperate to have to find a partner yet. They were really fun experiences.

 

It taught me that I not only need the Iinfatuation and lust at first site- I also need to take it slowly and get to know the guys to ensure their compatible. Those spark guys weren't compatible.

 

It hasn't made me want to go for guys that I'm less excited about one bit.

 

If you didn't care about "Irish" lasting then why the obsessive threads analyzing every little detail about it. Wanting to do LDR with a guy moving to the opposite end of the world after knowing him 2 weeks?

Sorry that reeks of desperation to find a partner. I don't want to be harsh but you are being a hypocrite.

 

Also I am not saying you should for go for guys that you are not excited about. Stop putting words in my mouth and take the time to read what I'm actually saying. What everybody is saying! You'll save yourself a backlash and argument.

[Leigh 87]

If you didn't care about "Irish" lasting then why the obsessive threads analyzing every little detail about it. Wanting to do LDR with a guy moving to the opposite end of the world after knowing him 2 weeks?

Sorry that reeks of desperation to find a partner. I don't want to be harsh but you are being a hypocrite.

 

Also I am not saying you should for go for guys that you are not excited about. Stop putting words in my mouth and take the time to read what I'm actually saying. What everybody is saying! You'll save yourself a backlash and argument.

 

I was willing to try long distance. I don't necessarily think it would have worked. In fact, it wouldn't have worked. The infatuation and passion mmade us both consider something that, realistically, would never have worked.

 

I'm definitely not desperate for a relationship. ...I have plenty of really nice guys who earn a good income and who are amazingly nice people- want relationships with me. I declined because I won't settle for less than butterflies. I would never have been infatuated with said men, it would have been less intense and less passionate than with the men I had good chemistry with from day one.

 

I could be in a loving reationship by now. If I wanted.

 

The passion and chemistry blinded me with Irish guy. So I've since learnt that you have to take the time to get to know someone rather than let the intense chemistry dictate the pace....

[Rejected Rosebud]

I am not in a healthy place for ME when I am all explosive and lust crazed and bonkers over a stranger, I had that experience and it was very bad for my life and for me!! I learned my lesson!! I am more the type really to look for depth and a real inner connection and that is what makes me feel super sexually connected, that is what I have and I would not trade it for all the "fireworks" with strangers in the world no matter how hot they might be!! I am not saying that you Leigh should be like me though, I am 100% in favor of everybody conducting their personal life as they see fit!!