CarrieT Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Violet, I thought I would check in to see how you and your family are holding up. My Stepdaughter was released on Sunday but back to her BioMom (it was her week; we will get her on Friday). The release stipulated that my Stepdaughter can not be left alone at all, especially at night. Apparently she had been waking up in the middle of the night and that was when the episodes were worse. At her Mom's house, there are lost of other older siblings who will be able to take shifts with her throughout the evening. My husband and I are not exactly sure how we are going to handle it yet, but we have the week to come to a game plan. Hoping you are okay... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 No advice. Just wanted you to know that I am sending my thoughts and positive energy your way. I pray that all works out. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Sending good thought to you and your family today. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 Thank you everyone! I'll post more details later. I'm losing my effing mind! I'm forgetting things- important bills, events, etc. This is not me, I don't forget important things. I'm relying heavily on my prescription xanax lately because I'm getting major panic attacks. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Thank you everyone! I'll post more details later. I'm losing my effing mind! I'm forgetting things- important bills, events, etc. This is not me, I don't forget important things. I'm relying heavily on my prescription xanax lately because I'm getting major panic attacks. Write down everything that you need to remember as you remember it. (put a little notebook in your purse with a pen). Hugs to you. Anxiety sucks, I know all about how awful it can make you feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Violet, she has professionals at the hospital - know that they know teens for the most part lie and manipulate - even those who haven't dealt with the trauma that your SD is going through. Counseling for her is a must (imho) and the same with family counseling. She needs to be able to express herself, as do your and your H. Please don't get angry at her - she isn't a mess on purpose. All of us have different wiring in our brains and what 1 person may do doesn't mean that anyone who does things differently is wrong. Worrying won't help - trust me, I have worried enough in the last 2 years and not a damn things has changed. Keep the focus on her getting help. In some ways, being at work could be therapeudic for you -- you have a job to do and you can focus on that and make that your #1 priority. Same thing for your H. You both MUST eat and get rest to keep your strength up. She needs her parents to be strong and loving. She needs reassurance that you all love her (even through the lies) and she needs to feel safe and secure with you guys. Carrie - my heart goes out to you as well. I hope things with your SD settle down and that all the parents can work together to help her during this time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 If you go 6 million secret app You will be surprised about how many kids cuts and wants to end their life The number are scary and baffling and they can be very tricky in their ways to hide cutting It's scary as hell. Kids don't want to be kids anymore. They want to have sex and make adult decision at ages when their brains are not fully developed. I don't know how to understand SD. She's so damn stubborn and hard headed! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Perhaps there's a type of spiritual act she can perform to make peace with her mother. Maybe she could even see a very good psychic. This may sound nuts but if you find someone reputable, they can be amazingly insightful. Your daughter needs to know that her mother is ok and that she has her forgiveness. Very little else is going to give her true peace. I'm not sure where you live but I know of a lady in the Arizona area. Someone gave me a session with her as a gift. She was so accurate it was uncanny, and she said she was speaking to my parents. Police find a lot of credibility with psychics, so it's not that far-fetched. It may be worth a shot. I hope your daughter gets better. They tried doing exercises with my stepdaughter in therapy where they put her mom's picture on a chair and she talks to her mom. SD was not having it. She said it was stupid. Psychic wouldn't work for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Perhaps there's a type of spiritual act she can perform to make peace with her mother. Maybe she could even see a very good psychic. This may sound nuts but if you find someone reputable, they can be amazingly insightful. Your daughter needs to know that her mother is ok and that she has her forgiveness. Very little else is going to give her true peace. I'm not sure where you live but I know of a lady in the Arizona area. Someone gave me a session with her as a gift. She was so accurate it was uncanny, and she said she was speaking to my parents. Police find a lot of credibility with psychics, so it's not that far-fetched. It may be worth a shot. I hope your daughter gets better. Violet, I thought I would check in to see how you and your family are holding up. My Stepdaughter was released on Sunday but back to her BioMom (it was her week; we will get her on Friday). The release stipulated that my Stepdaughter can not be left alone at all, especially at night. Apparently she had been waking up in the middle of the night and that was when the episodes were worse. At her Mom's house, there are lost of other older siblings who will be able to take shifts with her throughout the evening. My husband and I are not exactly sure how we are going to handle it yet, but we have the week to come to a game plan. Hoping you are okay... Thank you, unfortunately I'm not doing well at all. We had family therapy and it was a fail. She is so angry at my H right now. To remain anonymous I prefer not to get into the details of why she's mad at him. She's mad at me because she wants me to pick her over my H. She doesn't understand my H and I are a team. One day she'll move out and live her life, but I plan on spending my life with my husband. SD and H got into a big argument during the session. We had the visiting hour afterwards. My in-laws were with us and SD had my H kicked out of visiting time. My husband is sitting in the dark crying. He says that she broke her heart and he doesn't want to live. She absolutely hates us! She would prefer to live with my H's parents over us. My father-in-law always picks her over my H. They always fight. I cried the entire drive home. I don't know what to do anymore. It gets worse every effing day! Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Sending good thought to you and your family today. Thank you! I'm sorry I got a bit snippy with you on the infidelity suicide thread. I'm really not in a good state of mind to be posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 I can't handle this anymore. I'm not strong enough. We're losing SD more and more each day and there's not a damn thing I can do. She's so angry! The therapist said she's too explosive to leave the hospital. Who knows when or if we'll get her back. I'm losing hope, I can't stop crying off and on. I am so stupid! I honestly thought things were getting better. Now my life is a mess. I can't take any time off work because I have an important deadline. I'm faking it as well as I can because I can't lose my job. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Violet just breathe. I know it feels really bad right now and you want to give up hope with the situation but please don't. Just take it one day at a time. Do you pray? Maybe you can ask God to give you enough strength for the day every morning when you wake up or even just right now. Thinking of you. xo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 I can't handle this anymore. I'm not strong enough. We're losing SD more and more each day and there's not a damn thing I can do. She's so angry! The therapist said she's too explosive to leave the hospital. Who knows when or if we'll get her back. I'm losing hope, I can't stop crying off and on. I am so stupid! I honestly thought things were getting better. Now my life is a mess. I can't take any time off work because I have an important deadline. I'm faking it as well as I can because I can't lose my job. She is in good hands and as awful as things are right now, it will get better. Once she is diagnosed, and I'm pretty sure from what you've described she has a mental illness, is put on meds and they start to work, she does counseling too, she will feel better, as will you. It just may take more time for this to happen. There are going to be more ups and downs. Don't lose hope, as bad as it is, you can't lose faith or give up on her. She needs you and your love, your energy and good thoughts. I know you're scared and things are so out of control, it's okay to cry and feel anxious, life threw a shi.tty curve ball your way, it sucks big time. Take everything one hour, one day at a time. Don't think about next week or next month. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Thank you! I really appreciate everyone who has posted on my thread. I wrote SD a four page letter. I'm trying to decide if I should give it to her or not. She said some very hurtful things tonight, but what's ironic is that I don't feel angry. I feel numb, sad, and like a failure. I know teenagers don't understand what life is all about. She's her worst enemy. I'm afraid she's going to make her life so hard by holding onto all of this pain and anger. In all honesty, I blame myself. Maybe I should of tried to show her more support. I thought I was showing her love and support. I always told her how proud I was and that I love her. I come from a family of hard workers. My grandparents raised my brother and I on a farm after our mom's death. They taught us how to work. I'm a bit of a workaholic and I have a strong work ethic. I have two jobs and sometimes I work 75 hours a week. I wonder if I've been too engulfed in my jobs. I should have made more time for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Share Posted February 3, 2015 Violet just breathe. I know it feels really bad right now and you want to give up hope with the situation but please don't. Just take it one day at a time. Do you pray? Maybe you can ask God to give you enough strength for the day every morning when you wake up or even just right now. Thinking of you. xo When I was a kid I prayed every single night until I was about 19 or 20. Now I only seem to pray when I'm struggling. I feel guilty only praying when life is bad. I haven't prayed much the last few years. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Violet this is not your fault. You aren't to blame because she is struggling. Kids with stay at home moms struggle too, like my own. It's not really anything that you have said or didn't say, done or didn't do. This is about your SDs way of processing her feelings and reaching her own unhealthy conclusions. If you think that maybe you can do something differently to strengthen that bond that you share with her then definitely try something different but to blame yourself is unfair. That's a big burden for you to be carrying and it really is unwarranted. You have nothing to do with the way that she is wired. As far as praying...there is a bible story about the Prodigal Son...who left home when he had money and squandered it away, but when famine struck the land he was living in and his money ran out he returned home, ashamed and broken. His father welcomed him home with arms wide open and his heart was filled with joy to have his son with him again. Luke 15:11-24 Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I thought I should stop in and give a little update. Life has been really hard since I last posted on this particular thread. I've been trying to completely drown myself in work to keep my mind off of everything. It's been a long time since I've cried this much. SD was in the hospital for over two weeks. She's out now, but said she doesn't want to live with us right now or she'll try to kill herself again. She's temporarily staying with grandparents. Being rejected by a child who you love with all your heart is the worst feeling in the world. Makes me feel so sh*tty. My H and I didn't raise her. We saw her a few hours a week and every other weekend. Becoming full-time parents to a preteen hasn't been easy. Obviously we haven't done a good job. We started family therapy. SD and my H got into a screaming match. There's so much pain and anger on all sides. Absolutely no trust. She accused us of messing with one of her electronic devices while she was gone. I've been working so much that I haven't even set foot in her room. I had no clue to what she was talking about. It's sucks!! She did say she's willing to come home and try though. We are going to have another session this week. We decided it's best to bring her home slowly by starting out with visits. I never imagined I would be in this type of situation. We won't give up even if it destroys us in the process. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 violet1 and Carrie, I am so very sorry for your pain! Can't offer much advice, but I want you to know there can be light in the tunnel.... Mine is now 21 and doing well. Didn't know if I could ever say those words. Her mom was a mess and certainly not the best example. Her father AWOL. SD became a cutter young and the suicide option scared the $hIt out of me. She went from an "A" student to barely there. To boy CRAZY... Was raped, and... On top of all that, had a raging case of endometriosis requiring a hysterectomy at 20. Thank goodness she had a couple good boyfriends, and I think found a good husband. All I can suggest is be available. Chances are she will pick someone to "talk/vent" to that won't be a therapist. No telling who they might choose. violet and Carrie, it wouldn't surprise me if you all were it.... A listening ear at the right time can make a world of difference.... With SD, I found a bit of advice my dad gave me years ago helped---he said, "the GOOD LORD gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them accordingly." A lot of times when SD was acting out, she just wanted someone to hear her. For me it was "one day at a time" and a lot of the serenity prayer. Blessings and best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I am really sorry you are still struggling but at least you think there is some improvement. I think of you everyday and check this thread. You continue to be in my prayers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 She did say she's willing to come home and try though. We are going to have another session this week. We decided it's best to bring her home slowly by starting out with visits. I never imagined I would be in this type of situation. We won't give up even if it destroys us in the process. It's encouraging that she wants to come home to you. You two being there for her as you've been can make all the difference in the world. Hang in there. xo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 I am really sorry you are still struggling but at least you think there is some improvement. I think of you everyday and check this thread. You continue to be in my prayers. Thank you! It's going to be a long process with lots of therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author violet1 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Share Posted February 19, 2015 It's encouraging that she wants to come home to you. You two being there for her as you've been can make all the difference in the world. Hang in there. xo I'm happy that she's willing to try. She's a very stubborn girl! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 If you don't mind me asking, how is your SD? I hope you are doing well. Blessings Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 I will report on my stepdaughter who has been hospitalized twice in the past two months for suicidal ideation... In our case, my stepdaughter has been given HUGE accommodations in her school to help her get through the year. One of the things that came out in therapy was her budding sexuality (she is probably coming out as lesbian) was a conflict with her social group which subsequently caused a dramatic drop in grades. They have essentially forgiven her from doing *ANY* homework whatsoever just to get her to attend classes and take tests. She is personally driven so she studies independently and has brought most of her failing grades up to solid A's. We may have turned a corner with her malaise and there hasn't been any incidents of her just curling up into a catatonic state for almost two months and she is laughing more now. I'm just concerned about the summer where she will have little direction or anything to do. We are encouraging camps or even a part-time job, but she is reluctant to make any commitment this early. Keeping fingers crossed... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted March 7, 2015 Share Posted March 7, 2015 So much good news in your post CarrieT. Back to "A's and attending class is a miracle.... Summer isn't here yet so you've got some time with that. A direction could surface by then... One day at a time..... Blessings 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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