blablabla2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I wrote another post earlier today about this guy I started dating 2 weeks ago and when would be appropriate for us to have sex. I guess I was guessing something was coming in this department... He started texting this afternoon saying he would like to kiss me, I responded back saying that would be nice, etc, and then he said he would like to kiss me all over... Well I was shocked by this and a bit disappointed... I thought we really connected and we even talked about possibly having a relationship in the future, and now he starts talking about sex this early!? I'm sad and disappointed because I really liked him and can't believe he's just looking for casual sex!? He didn't say that, but I guess I can come to that conclusion? I don't even know what to respond to his message to be honest... This is my previous post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/512833-when-appropriate-have-sex-when-starting-date-someone Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Just tell him that you generally like to date a guy for ten dates casually, then if that goes well, you go exclusive for a couple months before you have sex. Real business-like, very matter-of-fact, like you've given the speech a million times before and are not phased by his advances. Then look at his eyes, and see how he reacts. You should at least be able to figure out if he sincerely likes you, or if he sees you as his next conquest. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blablabla2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 10 dates and a couple of months being exclusive, that's funny! I just responded asking him if he doesn't think that it would be a bit too early for that since we just met!? I guess he'll get the message and if he just wants sex he won't say anything else to me, if he's really interested he will know I'm a high value woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blablabla2015 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 fact a guy who goes in looking for casual sex gets the girl. a guy after a relationship gets the dreded fz What's the dreded fz? Link to post Share on other sites
Jame22 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Then look at his eyes, and see how he reacts. You should at least be able to figure out if he sincerely likes you, or if he sees you as his next conquest. Even if he does like you he's still going to want sex. I know the 10 dates and a couple months thing is a joke but no woman is worth 10 dates to a man of high value. He'll take his business elsewhere. Keep that in mind, but.... With all that said, he's in the wrong for initiating sexting. I'd drop him. That kind of stuff is unacceptable especially since the two of you haven't even been intimate yet. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Even if he does like you he's still going to want sex. I know the 10 dates and a couple months thing is a joke but no woman is worth 10 dates to a man of high value. He'll take his business elsewhere. Keep that in mind, but.... With all that said, he's in the wrong for initiating sexting. I'd drop him. That kind of stuff is unacceptable especially since the two of you haven't even been intimate yet. What's "a man of high value"? I found plenty of men who waited 10 dates and more: doctors, scientists, engineers, home owners and even one one percenter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jame22 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 What's "a man of high value"? I found plenty of men who waited 10 dates and more: doctors, scientists, engineers, home owners and even one one percenter. Men who have lots of options get what they want or move on. It's not healthy to put sex on a pedastool. Attraction isn't a choice and woman who hold sex back because they think they have to adhere to a bunch of rules aren't very fun to be around. I'm sure there are plenty of male doctors, scientists, engineers, home owners etc. with lame personalities. Jobs do not define value. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I think it really depends how much attraction there is... If you have that instant and intense chemistry - sorry, it is going to be hard to refrain from any sort of sexual stuff for ten dates. If you are meeting people who you really like and see value in but the chemistry isn't red hot - sure, hold off from sex. It is reasonable. And lastly, no matter how attracted you are, we all have the right to not have sex - a man who is really into you would wait. The men who genuinely adored me would have definitely waited for sex. I chose not to though. When I meet those men who share a strong mutual attraction with me, I haven't been able to wait ten dates; the reason things didn't work out with them was totally irrespective of our early sexual encounters. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 There aren't any set rules about this sort of thing. Do it when it feels right. Sexting you before you've even kissed is really weird. I would totally feel weird about that, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Jumping quickly into sex is for shallow people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blablabla2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 We did already kissed several times and yes, the attraction and the chemistry are great so I understand it's difficult to refrain from it. But at the same time I'm not looking for just sex and I don't want to happen that we have sex and then we look at each other and realise it was too much too soon because we don't know each other that well, so I would like to wait more time in order to know him better. Anyway, I responded to him asking him if he doesn't think that it is too soon for that since we've just met? He responded saying I'm right and that those are just words for now... Well now he knows he won't be going to have sex just now, so I guess if he's really into me he will wait but if he was just looking for easy sex I guess he won't be contacting me again, am I right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 blablabla2015, Some guys are more pushy about this than others. I would tell him that you don't have sex without monogamy, and you need time to get to know him first. Don't put a timescale on it, as it will be your decision when the time is right for you. When I was single and dating I met quite a few guys who came straight out with it and said "I like to get into a sexual relationship quickly". I used to respond "Thank you for letting me know how you feel about that. Now I know that we aren't compatible in that area, and it's saved me wasting my time. Good luck in finding the girl you want". Then I would walk off and leave them there. Don't feel pressurized into sex stuff, take your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Trust your gut feeling OP! If you ever feel uncomfortable then walk away. And Jame22, "no woman is worth 10 dates to a man of high value" oh please.. To me that just shows the man is impatient and has no self control. And is not interested in the woman. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Well, if a man doesn't think I'm worth waiting a couple of months for, he's also not worth my time or attention. Why would I give myself to someone who has a low opinion of me and thinks women owe him sex? If a man had serious intentions of finding a serious relationship, he wouldn't mind waiting because he knows it's going to happen at the right time. Let the players playing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blablabla2015 Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Well, if a man doesn't think I'm worth waiting a couple of months for, he's also not worth my time or attention. Why would I give myself to someone who has a low opinion of me and thinks women owe him sex? If a man had serious intentions of finding a serious relationship, he wouldn't mind waiting because he knows it's going to happen at the right time. Let the players playing. I agree with you, but please don't think that those men that do that have a low opinion of you, because in reality they have a low opinion of themselves instead! Just like everyone that lyes to others do so because they're lying to themselves too, just like everyone that mistreats others mistreats themselves, just like everyone that loves another really deep from the heart, also loves themselves really deep from the heart. It's always about them and how they are, not about you. The way you react is about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jame22 Posted January 29, 2015 Share Posted January 29, 2015 (edited) I agree with you, but please don't think that those men that do that have a low opinion of you, because in reality they have a low opinion of themselves instead! Men have every right to end a relationship that is not compatible for any reason, just like woman do. It has nothing to do with respect or being mistreated or any of that. Edited January 29, 2015 by Jame22 Link to post Share on other sites
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