Wife cheated, got pregnant, had abortion part 2

[Fearful]

Wish you luck. However, One full year will be too long to stay in this bodage. Worst, you are still incapable of taking any action that will make her suffer the consequency of her affair. You cant even expose her affair. I just wish that by next year, you will not manufacture a reason for remaining in the bodage.

[HurtHusband]

MJJean.. Happens all the time here. It's not like the west, they don't recognize foreign custody orders here. In your friends case, it is literally a black hole on the map. The ex and the in-laws shut you out and their ain't squat you can do..

Keeping a civil relationship with the ex is your best defense, but you have to realize you just can't win here. You have to get out and be at a safe distance.

[MJJean]

MJJean.. Happens all the time here. It's not like the west, they don't recognize foreign custody orders here. In your friends case, it is literally a black hole on the map. The ex and the in-laws shut you out and their ain't squat you can do..

Keeping a civil relationship with the ex is your best defense, but you have to realize you just can't win here. You have to get out and be at a safe distance.

 

The young man was a Marine. When he left service he began working as a professional DJ. Luckily for him, he was able to make a living in Japan and over time he became well known here and overseas. He's still based in Japan, but has been spending a lot of time in Australia. He misses his son very much.

 

The kicker? He's currently dating another Japanese woman. I think it's nuts! I certainly wouldn't risk impregnating a woman from a country that doesn't recognize a fathers rights to his child after having to learn the hard way the first time. Yeesh!

 

I'm a mom. Normally I would never tell a parent to take their kids to another country and file for divorce as a way to guarantee custody and/or visitation. But, in your case, I think that's the only thing you can do if you want to be a father.

[HurtHusband]

I am worried that it won't be possible to negotiate with my wife, she js use to getting her own way. If I explained my reasons and point out all the cases, the law here etc. would she 'get it'? Would she understand that I love the kids just as much as she does, but that I am worried that I will lose them, and that she is acting like an irresponsible whore and pushing me into a corner..?

 

 

The trouble is if jt did happen ( like your friend) there is almost nothing you can do. All countries are not the same, they have different laws. So why should my choice be either respect a law which says I lose my kids and have no legal rights to them or go abroad and run away.... What sort of choice is that? And it's no use saying ' my wife is different, that will never happen to me...well roll the dice and see...with no visitation laws and nothing enforceable she can do whatever she wants.

 

 

I would never seriously date a woman from this country and I too think your friend is mad to do so. It's slightly off topic but there is one other example I want to mention which really amazes me.. In japan there is a well known case of Japanese citizens who were abducted and taken to N Korea years ago. One woman's daughter was taken ( Megumi yokota I think ) this js big news, it's often in the press, Obama has talked about it...but every day in this country loads of parents lose their kids either for years or indefinitely. What exactly is the difference? Js'ent the end result the same? A parent cut out of their child's life... Misery for everyone..how can they criticize one but not the other? Can they not see the connection? . But people say ' one js by the state,the other is a civil matter..

 

. Well if your DJ friend goes to the ex's house, bangs on the door and says 'hi! I want to see my son) guess what happens? The police come along..the state enforces the status quo and reminds you your not wanted. He can actually do that, but has to keep a distance, he can't be noisy, he should hold a video camera. Sort of like a silent protest, he could 'shame' her as a tactic if he wanted to... It amazes me that people can't see how their own domestic abduction problem is not all that different to what N Korea did to Mrs Yokota.

 

 

 

 

Also your a mother, you love your kids, you feel you have a right to be in their life. Am I suppose to feel differently just because I am a man? Or am I expected to become a martyr and just give them up?

 

 

I really wonder how my wife is going to awnser the custody question....

 

"Hi wife! I am scared I will lose my kids like thousands of others. Sure, it's not your problem the law in your country gives me no rights. But you don't make me feel secure by threatening divorce and saying you'll pull the kid out of school so I can't see her etc

 

 

?

Edited January 30, 2015 by HurtHusband

[autumnnight]

I admire the lengths you are going to to be a constant and present father to your children in such a crappy situation.

[No Limit]

Being from Germany myself, you actually have very good chances of getting full custody over here, especially when she's on the other side of the planet (doesn't hurt to invest into a good lawyer anyway; a real shame my mom's is already enjoying his retirement, as kind as he was in private he was a rabid dog in court). Those plans for 2016 sound quite good, stick to them.

[MJJean]

I am worried that it won't be possible to negotiate with my wife, she js use to getting her own way. If I explained my reasons and point out all the cases, the law here etc. would she 'get it'? Would she understand that I love the kids just as much as she does, but that I am worried that I will lose them, and that she is acting like an irresponsible whore and pushing me into a corner..?

 

 

The trouble is if jt did happen ( like your friend) there is almost nothing you can do. All countries are not the same, they have different laws. So why should my choice be either respect a law which says I lose my kids and have no legal rights to them or go abroad and run away.... What sort of choice is that? And it's no use saying ' my wife is different, that will never happen to me...well roll the dice and see...with no visitation laws and nothing enforceable she can do whatever she wants.

 

 

I would never seriously date a woman from this country and I too think your friend is mad to do so. It's slightly off topic but there is one other example I want to mention which really amazes me.. In japan there is a well known case of Japanese citizens who were abducted and taken to N Korea years ago. One woman's daughter was taken ( Megumi yokota I think ) this js big news, it's often in the press, Obama has talked about it...but every day in this country loads of parents lose their kids either for years or indefinitely. What exactly is the difference? Js'ent the end result the same? A parent cut out of their child's life... Misery for everyone..how can they criticize one but not the other? Can they not see the connection? . But people say ' one js by the state,the other is a civil matter..

 

. Well if your DJ friend goes to the ex's house, bangs on the door and says 'hi! I want to see my son) guess what happens? The police come along..the state enforces the status quo and reminds you your not wanted. He can actually do that, but has to keep a distance, he can't be noisy, he should hold a video camera. Sort of like a silent protest, he could 'shame' her as a tactic if he wanted to... It amazes me that people can't see how their own domestic abduction problem is not all that different to what N Korea did to Mrs Yokota.

 

 

 

 

Also your a mother, you love your kids, you feel you have a right to be in their life. Am I suppose to feel differently just because I am a man? Or am I expected to become a martyr and just give them up?

 

 

I really wonder how my wife is going to awnser the custody question....

 

"Hi wife! I am scared I will lose my kids like thousands of others. Sure, it's not your problem the law in your country gives me no rights. But you don't make me feel secure by threatening divorce and saying you'll pull the kid out of school so I can't see her etc

 

 

?

 

Considering how terribly your wife has been treating you and how she is used to getting her way, I am going to assume she lacks a certain warmth and empathy for others. She may be a great mother, but that doesn't mean her caring feelings translate to you. So, no, I personally wouldn't risk divorcing there, letting her keep the kids, and depending on her goodwill.

 

I don't know why they law is the way it is there. It makes sense in a way. We know for sure who the mother is, but it was impossible to prove who the father is until relatively recently. So, the children belonging to the mother makes sense right up until DNA testing became a thing. Now, I suppose they are keeping the law because of tradition or simply because they believe this sort of thing is too personal a matter. Whatever the reason, it's a horribly unfair way to handle divorce and custody situations.

 

No, you aren't supposed to feel differently than a mother just because you're a father. You're a parent. You love your children and want to be there to raise them. That's what you're supposed to feel. It's right and natural.

 

I think you'll respect your wife's right to be in her children's lives as much as possible. I don't think she'd do the same for you. So, I believe you'd be the best choice for custodial parent. Now all you have to do is get the heck out of Japan and file. Then make sure your wife never has a chance to take those kids back to Japanese soil.

Edited January 30, 2015 by MJJean

[HurtHusband]

I don't think it's as simple as going home for a holiday and then filing for divorce. Things wold get ugly, it would be like entrapment. My wife would just demand to come back with the kids. And as we are not resident in my home country I could't stop her, unless I move away with the kids.

 

I wonder about your DJ friend, did he know the custody situation in japan beforehand? Maybe he thought it was like the west, or that the ex would be fair.

Also now with the benefit of hindsight, does he ever regret not coming back to his home country and trying to gain custody?? His story is sadly far too common here and I of course think could my fate be the sane some day?

 

 

 

I think my wife lacks empathy, there is no history if 'shared custody' here and you also have the habit of hiding problems, sweeping them under the rug. So than you understand why in a failed marriage, they often just want the poor father just to disappear. Long term I am not optimistic about successfully sharing custody here especially if I look at all the evidence and stories like your friend.

[Cressida]

I don't think it's as simple as going home for a holiday and then filing for divorce. Things wold get ugly, it would be like entrapment. My wife would just demand to come back with the kids. And as we are not resident in my home country I could't stop her, unless I move away with the kids.

 

I wonder about your DJ friend, did he know the custody situation in japan beforehand? Maybe he thought it was like the west, or that the ex would be fair.

Also now with the benefit of hindsight, does he ever regret not coming back to his home country and trying to gain custody?? His story is sadly far too common here and I of course think could my fate be the sane some day?

 

 

 

I think my wife lacks empathy, there is no history if 'shared custody' here and you also have the habit of hiding problems, sweeping them under the rug. So than you understand why in a failed marriage, they often just want the poor father just to disappear. Long term I am not optimistic about successfully sharing custody here especially if I look at all the evidence and stories like your friend.

 

HurtHusband, sorry to butt in. I'd first like to say how sorry I feel for everyone trapped in such situations, and in this case for you. I can only imagine the pain, torment and suffering you have been going through with a woman who was supposed to be your partner, your team player, someone who'd love and cherish you and your family.

 

I don't have children but work in the legal field so to speak, however not the particular area of your case (family law + some principles of extra-territoriality). Also, I am not a lawyer or judge. My advice is:

 

-save as much money as you can, in cash; deposit them in a bank account in your home country (or another country where you can easily have access) in a friend or family member's name.

 

-sell all your assets, transform them in cash, put the cash away according to point 1.

 

-if you had any major contribution to your wife's or the family's livelihood (supported her through school, bought the house with your money, paid for the cars, or all holidays, etc.) keep receipts and keep them well.

 

-speak with a lawyer specialized in family law. Ask both a Japanese lawyer (I understand you guys live in Japan) from a firm far away from your house, give a fake name) and a German one (I got that you are a German citizen) recommended by your Embassy.

 

-it is family law and a civil case indeed, but Embassies and consular offices are primarily tasked with offering protection to their citizens and guiding them. For any problem you have in this respect, you can always approach them. That's their main purpose in a foreign country, to aid their citizens.

 

- inquire with a German lawyer on the laws of residence and the rights of the residents in Germany, i am sure things cannot be as bad as you say. If you are German citizen, you don't need residence in your home country that I know of, it's just the domicile that changes. Foreign countries consider foreigners 'residents' or not, not the home country. One cannot be 'resident' on its own country's territory.

 

-Please inform yourself as much as you can, try to borrow some money from a trusted friend/co-worker and pay for a top-notch specialist, or pay for it so that your wife doesn't find out. If you have access to your money without her knowledge then that's equally good.

 

-You have to be 100% informed of all legal 'shenanigans' before you make an informed decision. I understand your frustration and know exactly what you're talking about (friend's husband, a Japanese guy, got f*cked by wife #1 exactly like this), but you must keep your head clear and adopt the best informed decision you can adopt.

 

-as far as I'm concerned, reference to what you said about entrapment:

 

Japan has no jurisdiction in Germany and I doubt that any country of this world has signed an extradition treaty with another country to extradite their citizens for civil causes.

Therefore, you could legally 'kidnap' your kids- not real kidnapping, obviously. What you could do is:

-look for a job in Germany, quietly, without your wife knowing. Have a trusted friend and family help you;

-get the job;

-ask the wife to come for holiday;

-once in Germany, tell her your family spoke to you about a job that you'd wish to take;

-provoke her to do something (lash out at your kids, or your mother, etc) or just take her how she is, i understood she's rude and cold to your family;

-tell her the kids r staying with you in Germany and she can f*ck off.

 

It's not entrapment if it's your children, you're their father, you have returned in Germany because of the situation and your wife is a bad, disinterested wife whom the Japanese legal system would always coddle. Do you have any papers/evidence about your wife's abortion? Clinic documents, a friend's legalized testimony, the doctor's? Ask a lawyer about the possibility of recording one of your conversations without her knowing of it, and using it as proof. Try to record it, set up cameras in the house and ask for phone records from her provider. Is she cheating on you now?

 

Speak the truth and nothing but the truth in any court of law, this is of utmost importance.

 

Please go speak with a lawyer. You're a young man, have a family and so much going on for you, all your life ahead of you, children to raise, and I am worried that you might become depressed if you continue like this.

Edited February 1, 2015 by Cressida

[HurtHusband]

Cressida thank you for your reply.

 

* I am from Europe but not Germany ( sorry for the confusion) I just used Germany as an example.

 

* I have photocopies of the documents from the abortion clinic. I posted all these back home. I photographed all the emails she recently exchanged with the old flame and loaded the pictures up to a private hosting site. I also lhotocopied letters he sent her from 2009 and sent them back home.

 

 

* my money and her inheritance money is in my bank account in my home country.

 

* I will contact the embassy and hope they can introduce me to a lawyer who specialists in international relationships and separation. All the embassies know what goes in here. The French embassy issued a statement two years ago criticizing this country's lack if visitation laws after two French men who were separated from their wives/kids here committed suicide.

 

* I said I wanted to go back in March, I even said my dad would pay for the kids. My wife wants to go back in June. The plan is we put the kids into summer school and go back for 2-3 months. Before that I can at least get passports from my country for the kids ( takes about 1 month) and I can make a big deal about 'summer schools' and keep the facade going. I have mentioned getting them passports etc. in the past, as it's convenient for the kids schooling, or opening savings accounts in my country etc. my wife is not suspicious.

 

 

Once back we could seperate, I could file for temporary custody.. The truth is, if we have shared custody her embassy will provide her with emergency passports and she could easily just come back here. They look after their own citizens and ignore other countries demands. Every Japanese woman coming back to thjs country is treated as a victim escaping abuse and protecting their kids. Forget my rights to see my kids. I can't imagine a life where we are both living in my home country and she is actually respecting the shared custody agreement. I have to work too. I can't watch them all the time. This country is like the 'get out of jail' square on the monopoly board. No law no rights for me here and once she gets back here it's all over for me.

 

 

 

* i don't know what my wife us up to now. After she confessed last sep. instead of remorse and reconciliation she said she doesn't care if I have affairs, she won't be angry. She said this after I talked about the possibility nf hs having a sexlife together. She just does not want it from me.

 

She said she wants me to be happy! We have no sexlife and at this stage I don't want to go near her. And i never will. But she cut the cord, she thinks we can be a happy, functioning family and raise the kids and than she can also have her privacy and some trysts on the side.. And that I'm 'uptight' or 'too serious' if I don't like this arrangement. Well I did'nt sign up for this, and I totally disagree.

Edited February 2, 2015 by HurtHusband

[merrmeade]

-as far as I'm concerned, reference to what you said about entrapment: ...I doubt that any country of this world has signed an extradition treaty with another country to extradite their citizens for civil causes. It's not entrapment if it's your children, you're their father, you have returned ... because of the situation and your wife is a bad, disinterested wife whom the Japanese legal system would always coddle.

I think Cressida jumped from getting the kids back with you onto your home turf straight to entrapment (what she might claim later if you stayed with the kids), leaving out the probabilities in between. You filled it in with

Once back we could seperate, I could file for temporary custody.

Not sure, but I don't think that was the idea. I think you'd need a good lawyer as soon as you got back to advise as things develop. Getting a divorce implies determining custody, I suppose, so if you want to remarry you'd have to do that eventually. But I thought Cressida was assuming that WS would go back and file in Japan, then demand extradition, which she wouldn't get. That is the main thing; she wouldn't get it.

 

Of course, as you pointed out, the vulnerability is having her in your home country with you at any point. But I think that if you got that far with good legal advice from lawyers from your home country all along the way, you would have gained so much confidence and knowledge that you'd be in a much stronger position to fight — and win. I agree with you that there is the possibility that she could figure out a way to get them back to Japan — nefariously (e.g., "kidnap" them while you're at work) or otherwise. I wonder, however, if you'd be as defeatist about it as you are right now, having gone through herculean leaps to get to that point and surrounded yourself with your own support system. There might be a whole new set of options you can't even imagine right now, and you'll have a strong, positive mindset about making it work.

 

Personally, I think you should marry a lawyer from your home country once you get rid of geisha girl.

[HurtHusband]

1. I just checked my wife's phone and read one mail from the old flame. He talks about work and says "it's a pity i won't be in japan for valentines day to enjoy a romantic meal with you" I did not check the 'sent' folder. I assume that my wife is having an emotional relationship with this guy. He mentions being assigned to a new dept. that would make it easier to come visit japan. He also wrote his address? Or could it be the work address? He has either 1 or 2 young sons, he's 33. Could be the work address, but why the hell did he write his address?

 

 

I will have to check again later... I feel sort of sick checking my wife's phone however it's important that I know her plans and what she is planning... You all know about her affair etc. and reconnecting with the old flame.. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised but it still makes me feel sad....

 

 

I could achieve custody of the kids by either moving to a non Hague country of which there are many ( Malaysia , Dubai , most of Asia) or once back in Europe basically moving away with the kids, assimilating, even re-marrying. The longer I stay, the less likely they would be sent back. If it even got to court.

 

As i already wrote 'shared-custody' does not legally exist here and back home me forcing a 'shared-custody' arrangement on my wife would seriously inconvenience her and make her unhappy. Should I just walk away and pray to the gods that she let's me see them now and than.. I don't like being in a situation where one of us seemingly has to lose. But if I had a choice I would of course prefer to win.

[oldshirt]

Not to rub salt in your wounds but your reluctance to inconvenience her and make her unhappy is major contributing factor to her helping herself to the convenience and happiness of other men's beds.

 

Why do you give one frog's fat a$$ about her convenience and happiness? She obviously doesn't care one bit about yours.

 

 

And I'll go back to what I and many other posters have said previously, I think you are overemphasizing the fear of never having contact with your children again. Your wife is selfish and entitled to the extreme. Those people typically don't want to have 24/7 care of anyone but themselves. She may try to stick it to you by keeping them from you for a matter of weeks, a few months maybe, but it's just a matter of time before she'll be begging you to take them so she can indulge herself.

[merrmeade]

I think you're getting clearer, HH, and just need to stick to a master plan. Print out that post of Cressida's and check things off as you do them. She had some damn good advice you should read over and over and not leave out any steps. You need that evidence of her ongoing infidelity, so keep snooping for that reason, sent box included. That is what you will give your lawyer when the time comes. That's your full house. And don't forget you've done nothing wrong. You didn't ask for it. You owe her nothing. Go forward not backwards.

[MJJean]

I don't think it's as simple as going home for a holiday and then filing for divorce. Things wold get ugly, it would be like entrapment. My wife would just demand to come back with the kids. And as we are not resident in my home country I could't stop her, unless I move away with the kids.

 

I wonder about your DJ friend, did he know the custody situation in japan beforehand? Maybe he thought it was like the west, or that the ex would be fair.

Also now with the benefit of hindsight, does he ever regret not coming back to his home country and trying to gain custody?? His story is sadly far too common here and I of course think could my fate be the sane some day?

 

 

 

I think my wife lacks empathy, there is no history if 'shared custody' here and you also have the habit of hiding problems, sweeping them under the rug. So than you understand why in a failed marriage, they often just want the poor father just to disappear. Long term I am not optimistic about successfully sharing custody here especially if I look at all the evidence and stories like your friend.

 

No, he had no idea! He met her here in the US where she was going to University. As young lovers, their plan was to get married and live here. Then he went into the military, they were on again and off again, he got out, she got pregnant. She went for child support, he was proven father, he had visitation and she decided to go home to Japan to visit her parents. She then decided not to come back. When he started contacting the embassy and State Department he learned of the custody situation and that there was nothing they government here could do as the kids were in Japan and considered Japanese citizens there.

 

So, once he had some connections he moved to Japan to woo her and get her to marry him so he could be with his child. She then left him because he was working too much although she didn't have trouble spending the money. He doesn't get to see his son at all. He decided to stay in Japan because he still has hope, but I think that ran out and now he's there because he is successful at his profession in Japan and Australia in a way he wouldn't be here. Honestly, I think how much energy and passion he puts into his work comes from the custody situation. I think he channels it into his work obsessively to stay sane.

 

Man, do what you have to do to get custody. Come up with a firm plan and implement it. Get out with your kids.

[Cressida]

In response to the user above who mentioned my previous use of the word 'entrapment':

 

I used it reference to what Hurt Husband had said in his post above mine, not knowing whether he referred to himself taking the kids to another country and thus 'entrap' them or the wife keeping them from him in Japan and do the same.

 

A parent cannot kidnap, entrap or sequestrate a minor of his (particularly biological parents) unless there's a police warrant +court order+ the other parents has custody and has expressed disagreement with the first parent on something significant related to the kid's livelihood. Example, mom has custody of a child, ex husband is drug dealer, she allows visitation and the father runs away with the kid.

 

Even in this case things would get extremely complicated and dragged for YEARS if the father ran away with the child to another country.

 

Hurt Husband:

 

1. You did the right thing with the evidence. Collect everything you can get your hands on. Try to tell as many one-sided (your side) friends about her affairs. Record one conversation with her. Take her to therapy sessions and record them (not illegal).

 

2. Same with the money- good for you. Keep everything in your name, never allow hers on any deed/bank account. I'm sorry to say it but your wife has shown tremendous cold-heartedness and selfishness. You cannot trust someone like that with anything as she's capable of leaving you barefoot on the sidewalk.

 

Have you ever signed documents attesting that the inheritance is hers? Is it just money/property or does she have proof of its provenience? Is it a large inheritance or just something decent but not consistent enough to function as leverage in your favor? Does anyone in her family- parents, sibling, etc- depend in any manner on that inheritance? Does she come from a reputable family in the city/region?

 

3. That I know of (very limitedly), the Japanese society is conservative in terms of traditions and etiquette, and divorced women, although frequent, are looked down on by the society, family, etc. Therefore it doesn't suit your wife to be in a situation like this either.

 

4. So getting back to the 'entrapment' thing, when I referred to extradition of citizens, I meant the children, and I used the term in the incorrect context. I didn't mean that you will be extradited- you wouldn't be committing any crime.

I'm not sure but I think that it would take years for your home country's government to order the return of the children to their mother/Japan, if you initiate the divorce procedures there (your country). However, they could do it. Keep this in mind, this is family law and it gets very very complicated.

 

5. Another thing you must look into- that I know of (again, you must see what a lawyer says), divorce between spouses with different citizenship is usually dealt with by the legal authorities of the state where the filing citizen is resident. One doesn't need to be resident of their own country, but the fact that you haven't lived in yours for a long time could complicate the whole deal, in terms of creating a very lengthy process and the need for legal input from the Japanese government.

Where was your marriage contracted, was it in Japan or your home country?

 

6. A very important thing- what citizenship do the children have?

 

This could be crucial. You should discuss with a lawyer, as I said, but it could serve you a great deal if you began procedures for obtaining the citizenship of your country for the children (assuming they only have the Japanese one). I think you could even do it without your wife knowing as it's the documents of the parent with that respective citizenship that are required in the application process. Your wife would theoretically never find out. But check this with a lawyer, as if your kids had double citizenship it could help your case (taking them to your country then refusing to let them go) tremendously.

 

That I know of, if the kids had your country's citizenship as well as the Japanese one, even if your wife would physically take them to the airport to go back to Japan (assuming you did the whole thing, coming back to Europe, not wanting to let the kids leave, etc.) the authorities simply wouldn't let her pass through with the children as the father's permission is absolutely necessary- EU law. A parent/tutor/guardian needs notarized permission of the spouse/father/guardian of the minor child to get them out of the country. If the kids however have only Japanese citizenship, I think she could take them without further fuss.

 

7. Same for the lengthy thing- if your children became legal adults by the time the whole shebang is finalized (or turned 16, depending on the legislation of your country), they will have the right to express their own wish as to which parent they want to stay with.

 

You MUST discuss with a lawyer ASAP.

 

Another thing, personal this time- and please excuse me for being harsh, but........STOP being concerned about your wife's feelings, for the love of God.

 

Why would you want to have sex with her, you would be risking STDs and maybe another pregnancy that would complicate everything even further. Get yourself a F-buddy or just escorts (I know it sounds bad, but it isn't like that, especially in Japan) if you have needs just like any red-blooded male in this world, but don't make the mistake of getting hot'n'bothered with your wife. I honestly don't understand how come you don't feel disgusted by her, physically, as she had sex and got pregnant by another man...

 

Oh another thing- DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT go to another Asian country with the kids thinking that they'd be more understanding. Usually Asian states (no offense here, just to make things clear, it's just objectively speaking and no intention to be racist/xenophobic) have legal systems inspired/based on traditions and customs rather than international conventions etc. and I doubt you'd be favored as a foreigner. Secondly, the 'traditional' systems 100% favor the mother and CAN deport you ('extradite' you) to Japan if they just don't want to get involved. Go to YOUR country, nowhere else.

 

 

These are all the excruciatingly numerous facets of legal business, particularly when it comes to minors, divorce, family, etc. That's why you cannot assume anything and you absolutely must discuss with a lawyer. Only a legal expert can give you these answers. The silver lining is that you have the possibility of doing the summer school thing without your wife suspecting anything. Keep that going on and meanwhile, secretly investigate.

Edited February 6, 2015 by Cressida

[HurtHusband]

Cressida, thank you very much for your lengthy post.

I am going to consult with a lawyer who specializes in international divorce and is very experienced. Also he is practically an authority on the situation here and is married to a J woman too. He is in the US and has represented many cases sone which were covered in the media. He is not cheap, but he knows his stuff.

I am hoping he can give it to me straight and tell me what I can or can't do or the likeliest scenario.

 

 

The apartment is in my wife's name, that's her inheritance. I pay a maintenance fee of about $400 a month. She had sone savings of which he are in my account back home. This money is for the kids schooling.

It's not a huge amount. But if she ever sold the apartment she'd be cashed up as it's new and in a central area.

 

 

I don't think there is much stigma in being divorced here

 

I have to get some forms from the city hall for the kids passport applications. We got there photos taken. I told her I want to open post office savings acc for them and many other reasons, I have had the forms and wanted to get them for some time. When your an adult the application costs more and it could be less straight forward so I think it's best to get them when they are kids.

 

 

Of course the kids having passports from my home country would be a good thing. Also I have not lived in my home country for years so is it possible for me to file for divorce there? I once asked the embassy about registering our marriage and they claimed I don't have to.

[MJJean]

Residency rules are different everywhere, but I think there is a good chance that you could get a rental or use a relatives address and claim residency if you need to. That's the kind of question you ask the lawyer and then the local authorities where you'd be going to do the filing. I don't know how it works elsewhere, but here it's always best to talk to the clerks. The clerks stamp everything in their boss's name and they know the inner workings that the boss can't officially know due to plausible deniability.

 

Please keep us posted. We're rooting for you.