Have I scared him away?

[Elias33]

I think the nature of the message was a bit forward, confronting even. And all that based on an assumption. If the guy wasn't a player -and we don't know this- he may have been put off by such a comment. I sure would've.

 

The fact he was talking openly about sex, and not hiding his motives, it seems that he was being himself, and being frank about it. Now he gets the pitch fork pointed at him for having such an open discussion, or more importantly, being open about his interests with you.

 

There is nothing wrong with sex, nothing wrong in being into sex, the guy was rather upfront about it. So I don't see why this guy gets dragged through the mud here. If you are NOT into sex, then you can agree to go your own way, right?

 

What if you guys were talking about knitting all evening, and then ceased texting you, would you still think he is a player?

 

If he doesn't answer you in your preferred time limit, that doesn't mean he is a player, even though it would rationalize your feeling of rejection much better. But how would this be fair to him or yourself?

 

To add: just goes to show, assumptions and expectations, are an absolute toxic element in any type of relationship.

[oldshirt]

Players are like sluts - no one thinks they are one and nobody self-identifies with being one and it's an insult to be called one, even if that person is one by your definition.

 

My own opinion on this is if he was just after poontang, he would've come back for a third date because the second date was a big step forward from the first. He was making tangible progress.

 

 

Any skilled, self-respecting playa' would've reeled you in with MORE txts and more lines and more promises of a future after a physical date.

 

The fact he went radio silent to implies a couple different possibilities.

 

One is he really wasn't into you AT ALL and was just disappearing into the wind.

 

One is that he really was busy with other things and since you had only had two dates wasn't losing his head in blowing up your phone.

 

Either way, I think he probably did take offense to being called a player after only two dates. I would.

[froyo01]

I think the nature of the message was a bit forward, confronting even. And all that based on an assumption. If the guy wasn't a player -and we don't know this- he may have been put off by such a comment. I sure would've.

 

The fact he was talking openly about sex, and not hiding his motives, it seems that he was being himself, and being frank about it. Now he gets the pitch fork pointed at him for having such an open discussion, or more importantly, being open about his interests with you.

 

There is nothing wrong with sex, nothing wrong in being into sex, the guy was rather upfront about it. So I don't see why this guy gets dragged through the mud here. If you are NOT into sex, then you can agree to go your own way, right?

 

What if you guys were talking about knitting all evening, and then ceased texting you, would you still think he is a player?

 

If he doesn't answer you in your preferred time limit, that doesn't mean he is a player, even though it would rationalize your feeling of rejection much better. But how would this be fair to him or yourself?

 

From talking to other people it seems like talking about sex so early on in dating would lead them believe that it was all he was interested in. He doesn't know my surname but he wants to know my proclivity in the bedroom. Most people like sex but If you were interested in someone wouldn't you avoid sex talk on the second date so that the other person doesn't misconstrue your intentions?

[oldshirt]

From talking to other people it seems like talking about sex so early on in dating would lead them believe that it was all he was interested in. He doesn't know my surname but he wants to know my proclivity in the bedroom. Most people like sex but If you were interested in someone wouldn't you avoid sex talk on the second date so that the other person doesn't misconstrue your intentions?

 

And this is what infuriates me as a man. If he hadn't started getting flirty and sexual in early enough, he would have certainly been friendzoned.

 

Your chief complaint here is that he didn't call in three days. In other words your complaint is that he wasn't proactive enough and wasn't moving the relationship forward. You wanted to have a sexual relationship with him at some point and what set you off questioning things wasn't that he was being sexual but rather that you hadn't heard from him in a few days.

 

Your complaints weren't that he was bringing up sexual topics or that he was being sexual with you.....it's that he didn't follow through quick enough!!

 

So could you please for all that's holy in the world, tell me when the time to bring up sexual topics and flirtation and touching, kissing etc is ok!!!!

 

I and men all over the world need to know when it's ok to express our sexual interests.

 

At what point is it to soon and we'll be accused of being a player and only after sex? And at what point is too long so we don't get freindzoned?

Edited January 27, 2015 by oldshirt

[froyo01]

And this is what infuriates me as a man. If he hadn't started getting flirty and sexual in early enough, he would have certainly been friendzoned.

 

Your chief complaint here is that he didn't call in three days. In other words your complaint is that he wasn't proactive enough and wasn't moving the relationship forward. You wanted to have a sexual relationship with him at some point and what set you off questioning things wasn't that he was being sexual but rather that you hadn't heard from him in a few days.

 

Your complaints weren't that he was bringing up sexual topics or that he was being sexual with you.....it's that he didn't follow through!

 

So could you please for all that's holy in the world, tell me when the time to bring up sexual topics and flirtation and touching, kissing etc is ok!!!!

 

I and men all over the world need to know when it's ok to express our sexual interests.

 

At what point is it to soon and we'll be accused of being a player and only after sex? And at what point is too long so we don't get freindzoned?

 

 

There were other things that I didn't mention like the fact that he cancelled dates at the last minute and only wanted to see me on a weekday evening or night time.

 

 

I understand your frustration but not your reasoning. A woman is attracted to you and because you didn't talk about fetishes and make-out with her on the second date, she friend-zones you? Obviously flirting, touching and kissing can be done on the second date but this guy was coming on far too strong w/ the things he was saying to me. I can't speak for all women but when I really like someone I over analyse and search for little morsels of hints that he may like me. So If a woman likes someone I don't think she's going to think, awk he didn't grope me at the end of the date. He mustn't like me.

 

 

Idk. I don't there is a stead and fast rule but I think there are so many other ways that you can create chemistry w/ someone that don't involve talking about sex. If you do, don't run cold on her afterwards.

[hotpotato]

Oh really? That's good.

 

I have had guys that weren't that into me do the following within the span of a WEEK to one MONTH of first meeting me:

 

- want to spend every day with me after first meeting me

-tell me how awesome and "amazing" I am constantly throughout the day

- tell me that they don't usually bother with girls but I was special:lmao:

- tell me they were taking down their dating profile after the first date expecting me to do the same

- tell me they are falling in love with me/are in love with me

- tell me they had never had that sort of an instant "connection" before:lmao:

- tell me that they have told their family and friends all about me

- told me they were worried that I would cheat and pleading with me to please " break up with them first":lmao:

- want to please me badly in the bedroom without even needing me to repay them (yes they liked head jobs, but they were really attracted to me and happy enough to just make me feel good)

- buy me expensive gifts

 

 

None of those men were into me.

 

Not to mention the guy who recently told me that he "could see us together for a long time".

 

Guys say anything for sex and a good time with a girl they merely like well enough to tolerate.

 

Unfortunate but true.

 

Honestly, Froyo, I wouldn't have sent those text messages. I think if he wants to disappear, let him. If he really wanted to text, he would. No need to chase and confront him.

 

I've found that it's best not to come out swinging so to speak.

[hotpotato]

There were other things that I didn't mention like the fact that he cancelled dates at the last minute and only wanted to see me on a weekday evening or night time.

 

 

I understand your frustration but not your reasoning. A woman is attracted to you and because you didn't talk about fetishes and make-out with her on the second date, she friend-zones you? Obviously flirting, touching and kissing can be done on the second date but this guy was coming on far too strong w/ the things he was saying to me. I can't speak for all women but when I really like someone I over analyse and search for little morsels of hints that he may like me. So If a woman likes someone I don't think she's going to think, awk he didn't grope me at the end of the date. He mustn't like me.

 

 

Idk. I don't there is a stead and fast rule but I think there are so many other ways that you can create chemistry w/ someone that don't involve talking about sex. If you do, don't run cold on her afterwards.

 

Oh ya those are booty call times.

 

And this is what infuriates me as a man. If he hadn't started getting flirty and sexual in early enough, he would have certainly been friendzoned.

 

Your chief complaint here is that he didn't call in three days. In other words your complaint is that he wasn't proactive enough and wasn't moving the relationship forward. You wanted to have a sexual relationship with him at some point and what set you off questioning things wasn't that he was being sexual but rather that you hadn't heard from him in a few days.

 

Your complaints weren't that he was bringing up sexual topics or that he was being sexual with you.....it's that he didn't follow through quick enough!!

 

So could you please for all that's holy in the world, tell me when the time to bring up sexual topics and flirtation and touching, kissing etc is ok!!!!

 

I and men all over the world need to know when it's ok to express our sexual interests.

 

At what point is it to soon and we'll be accused of being a player and only after sex? And at what point is too long so we don't get freindzoned?

 

I've never friendzoned a guy for waiting to long. If friendzoned a guy, I was never into him.

[Leigh 87]

Sigh.

 

I love how there are always one or two posters who chime in:

 

" oh, I work 70 hour weeks... it is totally normal for a guy who is into you to only text you once a week"

 

That, my friend, is the EXCEPTION - nearly ALL men that are excited to meet a woman in 2015, have smartphones attached to them and WILL text a girl who is on their mind MORE than once a freakin week:rolleyes:

 

I know of men who have serious careers and who really place a lot of emphasis on their careers: they still texted the women who they were excited about once a day.

 

As I said - a couple of men who were actually into me at the time - they didn't text me constantly, but they found time to text me daily. Even the ones who worked 12 hour days, 6 days per week. Even the men who were non texters; even the men who didn't normally text a woman every day.

 

When a guy is excited about meeting you, you are someone that makes them happy and puts them in a good mood after a hard days work - texting a girl they are truly into is a relief and something they actually look forward to.....

 

I wish posters would stop feeding rubbish to women when they are dealing with a guy who is CLEALRY just not that into them!

 

It gives women false hope!

[Shining One]

I wish posters would stop feeding rubbish to women when they are dealing with a guy who is CLEALRY just not that into them!

 

It gives women false hope!

False hope was not my intention. I was simply pointing out other possibilities. In any case, there is insufficient information to make any sort of claim. For all we know, he could have been following the silly three-day rule.

 

I guess I better break up with my girlfriend. I'm obviously not into her since I didn't text her yesterday.

[Leigh 87]

False hope was not my intention. I was simply pointing out other possibilities. In any case, there is insufficient information to make any sort of claim. For all we know, he could have been following the silly three-day rule.

 

I guess I better break up with my girlfriend. I'm obviously not into her since I didn't text her yesterday.

 

 

You clearly aren't infatuated with her. She clearly isn't on your mind all the time. If she was - you would text her at least once a day, just to say a quick " goodnight, miss u"

 

I am talking about "those" type of relationships with a lot of passion.. Not many people get those and the OP may not care if a guy is crazy about her or not.

 

I am weighing up her options - is she comfortable with a boyfriend who was never infatuated with her but really likes her? Or, does she was the butterflies and a guy who is really excited about her?

 

It is up to the OP to choose - in my experience, where I have dated A LOT of men and have had long term relationships; men who are really excited about meeting a girl WILL text them regularly after the first date, they wont cancel and if they do, they will CALL THEM to apologise profusely and set up another date that they DO NOT flake on.

 

You may be into your girlfriend. If you met a girl you were crazy about and infatuated with, you would think about her all the time and want to text her most days.

[oldshirt]

There were other things that I didn't mention like the fact that he cancelled dates at the last minute and only wanted to see me on a weekday evening or night time.

 

.

 

AHHHH HAAAA there is the missing piece of the puzzle. This all makes perfect sense now-

 

- this guy is married (or at least has a steady GF)

 

You dodged a bullet.

 

Ditch his number and contact info and carry on. Don't look back.