He's sending me weird texts - what on earth?!

[BluEyeL]

Yeah, I disagree with Leigh on the instant chemistry thing, but here she's spot on!

 

Cancellation without rescheduling is the kiss of death and a clear sign of low interest!! A man who is interested in you will try to make sure he can get a date with you and will reschedule. He wouldn't act so....casual. Definitely, despite your previous experience, this guy is NOT interested enough in you to build a relationship. Plus, I question his character, he doesn't treat you well enough.

 

If men in the past pursued you hard and then left, it doesn't mean that a guy like the one in this thread is a good bet. Asking you on dates and keeping the dates is the bare minimum, and while it doesn't guarantee a happy long term relationship, is the first, absolutely necessary step towards that.

 

I'd say move on from the guy.

[thecrucible]

So the next day, out of curiosity, I just ask him what had happened that he stopped responding. He just said he got bored of waiting around.

 

At the time I didn't care, I was with my ex. But this guy seemed sweet, honestly the puppy dog eyes could've broken your heart. It makes me wonder now what might've been if I hadn't been so hard lined and taken the "he has to pursue me and ask me out" approach.

 

I'm in my early/mid twenties so I guess a lot of the guys I'm dating, still haven't quite worked out women and dating yet.

 

That's a good story. I've decided the same thing. I've decided that I've been too hard line on a few things and it's kept me single. So there a few things...

 

 

* I still don't do really last minute plans (as in drunken texts asking me to join him on a night out) but if he asks me out earlier that day for that evening and it sounds fun and I'm available, then I'll go.

* I don't necessarily expect actual dates in the very early stages- sitting together over a few drinks and just talking is fine for me. I want to judge the guy on the quality of his company, not what he can provide. I understand a man's point of view when he dislikes the thought of jumping through many hoops.

* I don't always sit back. Sometimes I get brave enough to flirt and send out subtle hints. Sometimes I do initiate conversation but I think there's a way to do it and a way not to do it.

* I have learnt that some guys chase me not because they like me but for their ego. Knowing that, I'm no longer overly drawn by guys who chase the most or who are the most assertive.

* If I like a guy but our paths never cross naturally, I try and put myself near him so he notices me.

* I try not to get too intense too soon but if I'm feeling something I say it because I don't want to make him play the guessing game for too long.

 

 

Anyway sorry I went off on a tangent but I definitely agree - there's a balance to be struck. I think sometimes we imbibe dating advice too much and forget that it's humans we're dealing with and not mindless robots.

[applej4]

Yeah, I disagree with Leigh on the instant chemistry thing, but here she's spot on!

 

Cancellation without rescheduling is the kiss of death and a clear sign of low interest!! A man who is interested in you will try to make sure he can get a date with you and will reschedule. He wouldn't act so....casual. Definitely, despite your previous experience, this guy is NOT interested enough in you to build a relationship. Plus, I question his character, he doesn't treat you well enough.

 

If men in the past pursued you hard and then left, it doesn't mean that a guy like the one in this thread is a good bet. Asking you on dates and keeping the dates is the bare minimum, and while it doesn't guarantee a happy long term relationship, is the first, absolutely necessary step towards that.

 

I'd say move on from the guy.

 

I agree 100%! (I think the stories about men in OP's past are irrelevant.) OP you came here and posted about THIS man, and THIS situation. Apparently people aren't telling you what you want to hear.

[Leigh 87]

The forum has been telling Leigh87 for months that fiery chemistry is not always necessary for a lasting relationship, some relationships are slow burners.

It seems some want to dismiss everyone out of hand, for the slightest little thing, and to my mind, it is then hardly surprising some will end up alone.

 

I have no idea if this guy is a waste of space or not, but if you want him you need to show some interest, otherwise he will just fade.

 

On LS a while back a guy posted about a girl who said she couldn't go on their second date because she had "a family problem", he was told to dump her, block her, a waste of time and space, etc. etc.

He obviously didn't block her and found out from her later that her grandmother was genuinely seriously ill and subsequently died.

Not everyone is a flaker or up to no good.

 

and it's perfectly realistic for me to wait passion and to be excited about one another from day one. Many people can get this in a lasting relationship, where the other person is super excited about u from day one.

 

This guy isn't that excited about the op. I was merely suggesting that she holds out for a guy who's excited about her rather than tthis guy who clearly just isn't that into her ( and waiting for him go grow into her over time )

[writergal]

I'd think if his interest in you was serious, he would have rescheduled the first date with you, the same day he cancelled. That's a red flag that he didn't reschedule. Don't chase him either. Let this one go.

 

If he was really interested, there'd be no doubt about it in your mind. Right? If he's randomly texting you still without any mention of meeting in person again, then he may just be one of those guys who likes to get a virtual ego boost from women. The kind of guy who can't be bothered to meetup in person, but who will text you all day / night long when it's convenient for him.

 

Worst thing you can do is chase him down to meetup again. Sounds like you have an active social life and no problem meeting single men, so I wouldn't worry about this guy. His actions of not rescheduling suggest he's not interested in meeting up with you in person again.

[newlyborn]

If a man is into a woman, he doesn't can first dates. And, in the rare instance that he finds himself double booked.... He would call you to cancel, he'd apologize and then he'd set up another date. He'd make it known that he was really sorry and that he was still really interested in grabbing your attention !

 

i really have to agree with this here. it looks so awful to cancel a first date that the person would be very apologetic and would immediately reschedule if serious about spending time with you.

 

this actually happened to me this past weekend where dinner plans fell through because the guy got sick. he first texted and said he wasn't feeling well and asked to phone me in an hour. i didn't respond. he proceeds to call in a half hour. i didn't answer, and it went to voicemail. he leaves a message and five minutes later sends three long texts, explaining how he got sick, telling me how sorry he was, asking if we could reschedule next weekend then describing what he had to do each week day up until next friday.

 

i waited about two hours to listen to the voicemail. sure enough he sounded so sick my heart dropped. i finally texted back that i was sorry he didn't feel well and yes of course to rescheduling. and i got a few excited, grateful texts from him. and we are on for next weekend...

 

i think a good rule of thumb for first dates is ONE cancellation with a firm reschedule. life is too busy and too full of wonderful people to waste time on half-interested flakes...

[Diezel]

He was probably trying to decide whether you qualify or not as dateable material.

[newlyborn]

I am thinking the following;

 

1.I have mentioned an interview a attended recently - is he just trying to stay on this topic of conversation, as we've run out of other things to talk about?

2. He thinks i'm some sort of gold digger.

 

What do you guys think?

i don't think he sees you as a gold digger per se. i think he is keeping you in the rotation (with others) by keeping some kind of textual exchange going.

 

if he continues to contact you, i would avoid all talk about everything other than seeing each other. if he asks you out again, go.

 

i do think that attraction can grow with repeated contact, as long as it is fun and feels good.

[deathandtaxes]

What do you guys think?

 

I think you're spending too much time thinking about this. He bailed on a first date and didn't offer to reschedule. That should have been end of story. All the rest....just keeping you on the back burner for when he's done with his current lady or he's just bored.

[SaraSnow]

I agree 100%! (I think the stories about men in OP's past are irrelevant.) OP you came here and posted about THIS man, and THIS situation. Apparently people aren't telling you what you want to hear.

 

Well I mentioned them as examples of how being aggressively pursued does not mean a guy has genuine interest in you. Since that is the case, I would presume the opposite to be true also.

 

There isn't anything I don't particularly want to hear, so I'm not sure what you mean. People telling me he isn't that interested, I'd be inclined to agree with. I started the post to garner some thoughts on what I saw as odd behaviour, not for reassurance.

 

I don't see texts as anything more than what they are - that is, quick, easy and generally, quite meaningless. So I have not attached much importance to this guy, though I did have an interest in him initially.

 

I hope that clarifies my position a bit. I like hearing peoples' thoughts and opinions but I don't like to hear accusatory tones when they aren't necessary. We are all in the same boat here.

[SaraSnow]

i really have to agree with this here. it looks so awful to cancel a first date that the person would be very apologetic and would immediately reschedule if serious about spending time with you.

 

this actually happened to me this past weekend where dinner plans fell through because the guy got sick. he first texted and said he wasn't feeling well and asked to phone me in an hour. i didn't respond. he proceeds to call in a half hour. i didn't answer, and it went to voicemail. he leaves a message and five minutes later sends three long texts, explaining how he got sick, telling me how sorry he was, asking if we could reschedule next weekend then describing what he had to do each week day up until next friday.

 

i waited about two hours to listen to the voicemail. sure enough he sounded so sick my heart dropped. i finally texted back that i was sorry he didn't feel well and yes of course to rescheduling. and i got a few excited, grateful texts from him. and we are on for next weekend...

 

i think a good rule of thumb for first dates is ONE cancellation with a firm reschedule. life is too busy and too full of wonderful people to waste time on half-interested flakes...

 

Doesn't it just! My interest in him plummeted when he cancelled. Someone mentioned it was the kiss of death... it really is, for the cancelee if nothing else!

[SaraSnow]

That's a good story. I've decided the same thing. I've decided that I've been too hard line on a few things and it's kept me single. So there a few things...

 

 

* I still don't do really last minute plans (as in drunken texts asking me to join him on a night out) but if he asks me out earlier that day for that evening and it sounds fun and I'm available, then I'll go.

* I don't necessarily expect actual dates in the very early stages- sitting together over a few drinks and just talking is fine for me. I want to judge the guy on the quality of his company, not what he can provide. I understand a man's point of view when he dislikes the thought of jumping through many hoops.

* I don't always sit back. Sometimes I get brave enough to flirt and send out subtle hints. Sometimes I do initiate conversation but I think there's a way to do it and a way not to do it.

* I have learnt that some guys chase me not because they like me but for their ego. Knowing that, I'm no longer overly drawn by guys who chase the most or who are the most assertive.

* If I like a guy but our paths never cross naturally, I try and put myself near him so he notices me.

* I try not to get too intense too soon but if I'm feeling something I say it because I don't want to make him play the guessing game for too long.

 

 

Anyway sorry I went off on a tangent but I definitely agree - there's a balance to be struck. I think sometimes we imbibe dating advice too much and forget that it's humans we're dealing with and not mindless robots.

 

That sounds like a very sensible line of action.

 

I think that, because the whole initial stages of dating can be so murky and ambiguous, it's comforting to try and follow set rules.

 

The problem I've recognised, is that no couple and their circumstances are ever exactly the same. There are too many variables to have an exact formula to apply to dating.

a.k.a "if he likes you, he will ask you out. If he's not interested, he won't."

 

Sometimes I guess we just have to rely on gut instinct!

 

Also I get the impression a lot of people feel like texting someone is a big deal.. is this because you feel you are being misled with texts from a guy?

The reason I ask is that I don't see it as a huge deal to text someone. I'm not emotionally attached to this guy in particular, having never even been on a date with him, I don't feel anything in particular when I get a text from him. I don't feel in a hurry to text back, and when I do it doesn't take much of my time (which is why I don't see it as a waste of time really. )

[me85]

Have you run out of things to talk about?

 

Asking about money and career plans.......Not that interesting at the beginning. You should still be talking about the latest `Arctic Monkeys` song.

 

I agree completely. I do not like a guy asking about my goals or career plans right off the bat. In fact, it's a downright turn off for me. Usually I will cease contact with a newby for asking me 20 questions like that. Because it's a clear indication that they are seeing if you are date worthy (good enough for them) or potential wife material. I can understand wanting to know those things later on by month one or two of dating, because people want to see how compatible they are with other people but that kind of discussion in the first week or two? Not even, no way.

[SaraSnow]

I agree completely. I do not like a guy asking about my goals or career plans right off the bat. In fact, it's a downright turn off for me. Usually I will cease contact with a newby for asking me 20 questions like that. Because it's a clear indication that they are seeing if you are date worthy (good enough for them) or potential wife material. I can understand wanting to know those things later on by month one or two of dating, because people want to see how compatible they are with other people but that kind of discussion in the first week or two? Not even, no way.

 

weird, isn't it? It's like a lazy way of sussing someone out! He needs to relax a bit I think