Man Mountain Makino Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I feel bad for you, bro. You come across as a good guy who is being good to the wrong person. It's not reciprocated or respected, seems to me. You're in a bad spot, I hope you come to a firm decision as to what's right to do. Me, I'd just end the marriage. But I'm a hardass about this issue. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 The words in the card are indeed very beautiful and thoughtful, but I do think your wife is deserving of them. I don't know your full story but if she would rather live in a cardboard box with him if he would have had her, I honestly don't understand why you are still with her. If love is the answer, then I say you need someone who loves and respects you back. Sometimes you have to love yourself for others to love you. Allowing herself to be her plan B is sending her a very clear message that youll be there no matter what. How can you, her husband be plan B? How can you accept that you don't deserve any of this? Sometimes in life you have to let go of the ones you love. Maybe a period of desperation would be good for you. Invest time in yourself and stop being a doormat. People only treat you how you let them. Can you say what your wife has done to make you feel safe since her affair? Has she told you it would never happen again? I feel you are going to get very hurt in the future by this woman. It's very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 We celebrated our 31st anniversary just two months before the affair started. I usually compose the text I put in the anniversary card on my office computer then hand write the card. It takes me a couple of hours and it's always from the heart. I've always felt she was worth my time. This is what I wrote: I'm curious as to what message she wrote in the card she gave to you ??? Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 You've started a lot of threads here at LS and the all pretty much boil down to "I hurt, she's not very sorry, what should I do?". Maybe you should start taking another tack. Does she still show you any affection? Are you sleeping together? Having sex? If the answer is yes to these questions then you might have to accept that this is as good as its going to get. She can't become a remorseful WW if she has no remorse - right? She seems to still want OM or at least that's your perception. So maybe you need to accept that you are going to share her with other guys and accept the cuckold role. I think you have a better chance to embrace that lifestyle then salvage your marriage. This way you can keep this princess that you are so devoted to and still get SOME level of affection and closeness from her. I'm not just throwing this out there to shock you. There are many men who actually get off on their wife having sex with other guys. Some like to watch, some prefer that she just tell them all of the sloppy details while the two of them have sex. With all of the conflicting feelings you have about this it could be that this is where you are headed anyway. If you are still having sex with her maybe the next time you are getting started tell her you want to hear some of the nasty details about her and OM and see where that takes you. You will probably begin with bad triggers but hang in there and give your psyche a chance to react. Maybe ask her to show you what she means and take it from there. You need something man. Reading your threads & posts is painful - you need to do something different. Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 It rips me up to re-read this and then think about what she has done. And I know there are going to be guys after reading this that will rip me to shreds for staying this long. But you have to know this woman to fully understand and appreciate my commitment to stick it out longer. And I'd really like to hear from the woman here, would you want to be in a relationship like this or am I just too much? Honestly, if you cannot explain what makes this woman so amazing, then she probably is nothing special and it's just your SUPER low self esteem talking. I myself would have described my xWife this way. It wasn't until I left her for a while that I came to my senses. It really requires almost like a detox period where you go through painful withdrawls, but you finally get healthy coming out the other end. My xWife was really beautiful and smart, and all kinds of other good things. Like you I married young. Like you I was self delusional about what a great woman I had and about my own value. In the end I found none of that to be anything except inexperience and fear. I did date better women... and I eventually married an accomplished woman (physician), who actually loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 But you have to know this woman to fully understand and appreciate my commitment to stick it out longer. I think that she is special to YOU, but she would not be to anyone else. I also think that her behavior SCREAMS that she considers you a "chump" and that you are hopelessly attached to her like a magnet. The only chance you have of getting her back (and I think that once you actually implement this, if you manage to do so, you won't WANT her back) is to throw her out and stop being a doormat to her. She is clearly not looking for a man who worships her at bended knee. She is looking for a man who is a MAN and who will respect himself enough to not tolerate behavior such as what she has done to you. Trust me, she is taking notice of the fact that she can do whatever she wants, and you still drool at her feet. You aren't going to keep her by what you are currently doing. (I don't think she's worth keeping, but that's my opinion). If you want any chance of keeping her, then throw her out and stand up for yourself and let her see that she can respect you as a man - because you respect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 You can decide what title you call yourself but as one other poster said you opening multiple threads hoping for someone to give you a magic piecof advice that will change your wife into the woman you married and who loved you. That woman is DEAD!!! What you are now living with is a clone of that woman who is using you for creature comforts and who has absolutely no fear of you leaving her no matter what she does to you. She has all the power here and only you can change that. If something changes and OM wants her, she will be banging him again before you know what hit you. Or she will find another OM . Why not, you will be there anyway. My suggestion. Hand her some divorce papers and tell her to go to OM . If she actually believes her party will be over she might act like a human to you. So stop worrying about whether or not you are a chump and don't be one. Link to post Share on other sites
wish-i-knew Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 VBM If you were to write her a card today, what would you say? Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I thought same as Mr Lucky. What did she put in the card to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Broom Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 This is the catch when dating specific kind of women. They are demanding and often get their partners to the state of this posters plight, wherein they get all their needs meet with almost little resistance. Basically, it becomes a H wrapped in a "yes" man. The problem becomes that they eventually realize their status and lose the respect, even though the H is doing everything he can do to be a good spouse. She would never respect you now. Too much learned behavior, especially if she thinks she settled. She is fine with you continuing this on and she'll do whatever she wants and expects you to just deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Buckeye2 Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 VBM ~ your not a chump. Your a man with 31years invested in another person. That's not to be taken lightly. Children, future grandchildren, holidays, remind your wife she is at threat to lose all those things. It's not money and finances she will value, family means so much more especially as we grow older. I know you’re having a hard time telling the OMW. Have you told your kids, family members or friends? If not your wife’s life hasn’t changed much at all. All she has done is to say she’s sorry and be nice to you. She should be doing that anyway without having an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
10thengineerharrison Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 I think this poem applies. Read it, go look long and hard in the mirror, and come back with the answers to your own questions and post them here for feedback. I think "reward" is all about respect. And respect starts with one's self. "The Man in the Glass," -Peter Dale Wimbrow Sr. "When you get what you want in your struggle for self And the world makes you king for a day Just go to the mirror and look at yourself And see what that man has to say. For it isn’t your father, or mother, or wife Whose judgment upon you must pass The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back from the glass. He’s the fellow to please – never mind all the rest For he’s with you, clear to the end And you’ve passed your most difficult, dangerous test If the man in the glass is your friend. You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years And get pats on the back as you pass But your final reward will be heartache and tears If you’ve cheated the man in the glass." -10th Engineer Harrison 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 24, 2015 Share Posted January 24, 2015 VeryBrokenMan, I am sorry to come in heavy here, but I think you need a smack with the proverbial 2 x 4 ;- Definition of stupidity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ^^^^^^^^^^^ Attributed to Albert Einstein 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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