musicalsteve82 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 If you didn't feel chemistry on the first date, would you go on a second? Why or why not? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lovexocoach Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Depends on what happened on the first date. Was she nice, interesting, fun? If so, date her again. And it depends on how you define chemistry. Just because there wasn't lust or butterflies or whatever on the first date doesn't mean that chemistry can't develop in time as you get to know her. Keep in mind that chemistry can grow over time. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Nope. The chemistry that has to grow over time is always less passionate and intense and has less " sizzle" than the natural chemistry two people share effortlessly (that grows through time spend together also). Think 20 years down the road if you are married! If you didn't have natural chemistry and sparks from the get go, it is going to be a little harder to spice things up when you gain weight have children and life happens. It also depends on the type of person you are. I generate chemistry with a high number of men when compared to most women because I have a naturally cheeky demeanour and a way about me. Where as I have a friend who never feels chemistry at first site, so it would be foolish of her to go for instant chemistry. She always needs time for chemistry to grow with all the men that she dates! I wait for instant fire works because they happen once every few months or more often. For me. If I had less luck in generating chemistry or instant sparks, I would give guys more or a chance even if we lacked chemistry on the first and second date.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dybbuk Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I have never put a heavy emphasis on chemistry. That's not to say that I don't think it's important but I feel romantic feelings can grow and change over time. I've had some relationships start off with fireworks and sparks on the first date and quickly fizzled out in no time... to basically my current situation with my BF who I liked well enough on our first couple of dates but there was still a lot of uncertainty between him and I. It wasn't until after we spent a good amount of time together that those sparks really started flying and now none of the others guys I dated can hold a candle to how I feel about it. So simple answer... if I didn't feel it the first date I would still give him a chance if he's a nice, genuine and fun person overall. Usually by the 3rd date I have a better idea if we are progressing and getting closer or I really just find we're incompatible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 If you didn't feel chemistry on the first date, would you go on a second? Why or why not? If I got on well with them yes. I don't tend to get that fizz bang moment that people talk about. I am more of a steady burn kinda girl... Besides if it doesn't work out between us and you are a great guy how am I going to set you up with my single female friends with out knowing more about you to know who you might suit better??? I may not have that extra attraction there but I am sure as heck not going to throw a good one back out for the wolves when I find one!!! Not when so many of my friends are also trying to find a good un! Just saying! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Chemistry is very important IMO for long-term relationships, but that's because my expectations are to be in-love with the other person, not just have a little live in buddy/pal whom I share my life with because we get along or have nice conversations. So no, without chemistry there wouldn't be much interest on a second date unless I wasn't looking for something serious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 (edited) If you didn't feel chemistry on the first date, would you go on a second? Why or why not? I, typically, don't put a whole lot into a first date. Nervousness, maybe insecurity, etc. play into it and the person may be a little "off" then. If they ask me for another date, I will go in order to give them and myself the opportunity to get over those first date jitters. I also don't put a lot on "chemistry" very early either. If there is "chemistry" that early, it's not about chemistry, it's about endorphins which fade a little over time. This is about that initial high people get when they are excited about a new person before they really get to know them. Chemistry really comes into play after you've spent time with someone and you find out what you common interests, goals, etc. are and how well you communicate with each other. Being able to talk on a deeper level than you would with a virtual stranger in the beginning. Ruling people out based on "first, second date" chemistry, may cut down your opportunities for potential dating/relationship partners. Of course, if you're "put off" fast, you're put off, don't go further. But, if there's a little doubt, give it chance. Edited January 21, 2015 by Redhead14 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 My thoughts and experience. By the way, The relationship in my post is still going insanely strong. Best of luck! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/487529-chemistry-lesson-learned 4 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 IMO, instant chemistry amounts to a flash bang, then it's over. Most of the men I've been nuts about were due to chemistry building over the course of getting to know them, listen to them, finding out how they think and them warming up enough for me to experience their sense of humor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 If it's not a complete NO, yes, I do go on the second date. I didn't have first date sexual chemistry with my boyfriend of 7 months, but I liked him so I gave him a second date. Second date was worse than first, but I gave him a third. Sexual chemistry started to develop after the 5th date. And now I love him and I'm on cloud nine. I didn't have instant chemistry with my ex-husband either, when I met him more than 20 years ago. But from the sexual point of view, the marriage was always very strong, despite that. Chemistry always develops slowly for me. It's not just a pretty face and/or body, but the entire persona that I'm falling for. That complete image I need, for me, takes time to develop. I never ever have first sight crushes. Even for movie stars. They too have to grow on me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I go out if I enjoyed the person. I'm not a "chemistry" person. I've had a lot of people feel chemistry with me - apparently- but what people describe as chemistry, I guess I've only felt ONCE in my life. And it was not magic. I'm not a big believer in "chemistry" I'm a big believer in getting to know people and growing together. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunfire73 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 My first relationship after divorce, on our first date there was a lot of chemistry. But the relationship didn't last long, only 8 months. My now relationship, on our first date, I didn't feel anything like butterflies on my stomach or something like that. But I like him and so we had our 2nd date. He also pursued and showed much interest. So I developed my feelings starting on our 3rd date, and now we're together for 17 months now. We are still so giddy and so much in love. I thought it would fade eventually like the first, but we're still excited to see each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eighty_nine Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Nope. The chemistry that has to grow over time is always less passionate and intense and has less " sizzle" than the natural chemistry two people share effortlessly (that grows through time spend together also). Think 20 years down the road if you are married! If you didn't have natural chemistry and sparks from the get go, it is going to be a little harder to spice things up when you gain weight have children and life happens. It also depends on the type of person you are. I generate chemistry with a high number of men when compared to most women because I have a naturally cheeky demeanour and a way about me. Where as I have a friend who never feels chemistry at first site, so it would be foolish of her to go for instant chemistry. She always needs time for chemistry to grow with all the men that she dates! I wait for instant fire works because they happen once every few months or more often. For me. If I had less luck in generating chemistry or instant sparks, I would give guys more or a chance even if we lacked chemistry on the first and second date.... Once again I disagree with you. Especially when it's OLD and you literally know nothing about them before the date. If theres no chemistry by date 3 then maybe. But to say that If there arent total fireworks on date #1 to drop them- even if you like them, had a nice time, have some attraction will eliminate a lot of potentially great partners. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I think that a first date doesn't tell you much. Also, I think that things that begin in a flash, often end in a flash. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Lol, the people I felt 'initial crazy chemistry' with always wound up being the people to hurt me the most. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Bellaisa Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 The chemistry that has to grow over time is always less passionate and intense and has less " sizzle" than the natural chemistry two people share effortlessly (that grows through time spend together also). I don't agree. My husband and I didn't have chemistry in the beginning. We didn't even get along. But, after about a year of hanging out together as acquaintances, we realized that we were attracted to each other. That sexual chemistry hasn't left since that day and we are stronger than ALL of our friends who hand instant chemistry. In fact, they are all divorced! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 If you didn't feel chemistry on the first date, would you go on a second? Why or why not? Probably not. But it depends. Chemistry for me isn't magic, it's simply a matter of did we get along seamlessly, was I laughing and not watching the time, did I envision myself kissing you, am I excited about seeing you again and can't wait to know more? That's what determines second dates for me and what I think of as chemistry. It's me feeling a desire to know more, me being excited about you, me totally seeing myself kissing you and just feeling like this is the beginning of something. If I can't imagine kissing you, if I'm not thinking about our date after I get home, if I'm not excited to see your name pop up on my phone, if I'm not imagining a potential future, then I will probably not go out with you again unless I'm bored then maybe I'll go out again just to see. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 The chemistry that has to grow over time is always less passionate and intense and has less " sizzle" than the natural chemistry two people share effortlessly (that grows through time spend together also). Stopped right here, because absolutes. Also, you said "Nope" and it's just a first date. How do you know if you share that effortlessly as YOU said "grows through time" if you say no after a first date. Contradictions abound. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 If there was zero chemistry at all then no, I don't agree to a second date and in fact I will tell them asap that I'm not interested in them in any romantic sense at all therefore hoping to intercept any second date invites. Often though, men will ask for a second date even when I have already told them I'm not interested. I had hoped being straight up might avoid the awkwardness of this happening but it doesn't always work out that way. Chemistry appears to mean massively different things to different people though - so maybe chemistry needs to be defined? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Just in my past experiences, I'd have to say you can tell a couple of things chemistry-wise the first time you're around someone one-on-one for a couple of hours. You know if you're physically attracted to them or not and you know if you like their personality or not. If the total of those two attractions is strong enough, then you like the person and feel you have something to talk about and don't feel real awkward trying to converse with them. To me, that's chemistry. But being able to talk without feeling any physical attraction isn't because it won't go any further. In my experiences, I was uncomfortable at times when a guy who was someone I would see over and over simply because we all were part of the same big group of friends decided they liked me but I wasn't feeling it back. For me, the chemistry wasn't there. The two times that come to mind were both cute guys, cool guys, but there was something that just didn't click for me. One took care of me one night after I got sick so I loved him for that, but it didn't make me want to date him, as sweet as he was. Another guy was a friend of my roommate and I knew he was interested in me and we of course spoke and saw each other over maybe 4 years' time because of the wider social circle. At the time, I thought he was good looking, but I just didn't have that spark. Also, in fairness, I was usually focused on someone I was in love and obsessing over, so it wasn't easy to get my attention. Years later, after the smoke cleared, we began to date. He was all for it, of course. I enjoyed sex with him. He lived maybe 40 miles out of town so he'd stay at my place for a few days at a time, and it was during this time that I knew my "gut" had been right. Once we had hashed over some music and the local gossip, we just hit a wall and had nothing left to talk about. Other guys, I just never run out of things to talk about with. It just wasn't there. We didn't "break up." We just faded away and eventually ended up occasional F buddies, and then I cut that off after a few years as his alcoholism got so bad it made me uncomfortable. I think everyone is different. I'm someone who has always known what and who I like. Other people have to wade in to find out, which might be a better way. I'm not sure. But if you feel you have strong chemistry instincts, then maybe you do. I've never proven myself wrong. My instincts were right. It's just important to remember that the attraction can be one way and not reciprocated. That can feel like intense chemistry, but unless you have the other person locking into you back, it's just not mutual. Maybe it's some old mating instincts kicking in or something. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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