sapphiregirl Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 This guy and I have been seeing each other for about two months. He's kind, genuine, friendly and cute. He studies medicine like me and we have lots in common. We've been on four dates where we've just talked for hours, which I think is great. I like him, and he has said he really likes me too. On our last date he gave me a bracelet which I thought was sweet. We don't text much but he usually calls. The other night I invited him to my house and it was good - we had dinner and talked a lot, then watched a movie. Later, things got intimate... I ended up blowing him. It was my first time doing it. Afterwards he kept saying, "I don't want you to think I only came over to do this" etc. But he left with the both of us on good terms, agreeing that we both want to keep getting to know each other. Since then, five whole days have passed and I haven't heard from him at all. I was thinking, maybe he's embarrassed? Or worse... did he just use me? Do you think he'll contact me?
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 It could be any reason....but why are YOU waiting for HIM to contact you? pick up the damn phone and call him.
umirano Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 For five days neither of you has contacted the other? Usually when I get that intimate with someone we know each others schedules and talk about a next time right then and there, or communication is so frequent that it's not even an issue. Doesn't look good, I'm afraid.
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 This happened with the last guy didn't it? You sat around waiting for them to call you, now here you are again with the same MO. Guys like to be chased too!
Leticia Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I think everything is fine. He doesn't sound terribly suspicious to me.
Author sapphiregirl Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 (edited) What? No, it didn't. And it was ME who called him up to invite HIM over to my place. So I think he should initiate the next contact with me, don't you think? Edited January 18, 2015 by sapphiregirl
Author sapphiregirl Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 It could be any reason....but why are YOU waiting for HIM to contact you? pick up the damn phone and call him. Seeing as it was ME who called HIM to invite him over to my place, shouldn't he be the one who calls me this time?
angel.eyes Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Just to be complete, the third (and least likely) possibility besides the two you mentioned, is that he's busy with exams. It's unclear what's going on, although it doesn't look promising. It sounds as if the whole encounter was awkward. Rather than jump to conclusions, why don't you reach out to him. That will give you clarity. I don't know your history. If this has happened with other guys as another poster mentions, it may be time to revisit your whole approach to guys and dating. 1
irresolute Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 This guy and I have been seeing each other for about two months. He's kind, genuine, friendly and cute. He studies medicine like me and we have lots in common. We've been on four dates where we've just talked for hours, which I think is great. I like him, and he has said he really likes me too. On our last date he gave me a bracelet which I thought was sweet. We don't text much but he usually calls. The other night I invited him to my house and it was good - we had dinner and talked a lot, then watched a movie. Later, things got intimate... I ended up blowing him. It was my first time doing it. Afterwards he kept saying, "I don't want you to think I only came over to do this" etc. But he left with the both of us on good terms, agreeing that we both want to keep getting to know each other. Since then, five whole days have passed and I haven't heard from him at all. I was thinking, maybe he's embarrassed? Or worse... did he just use me? Do you think he'll contact me? Five days without hearing from him is not a good sign. whether he used or not, I can't tell. you guys been dating for two months, it was not a one night stand. But you need to be sure of the guy's intentions before you sleep with him. Now, you don't know what to think. Maybe he realized he was not that into you after sex, maybe he expected something else, who knows. The only thing we know is that he hasn't contacted you after sex and that's a really bad sign. Only JERKS do that. So, you got your answer.
Author sapphiregirl Posted January 18, 2015 Author Posted January 18, 2015 Just to be complete, the third (and least likely) possibility besides the two you mentioned, is that he's busy with exams. It's unclear what's going on, although it doesn't look promising. It sounds as if the whole encounter was awkward. Rather than jump to conclusions, why don't you reach out to him. That will give you clarity. I don't know your history. If this has happened with other guys as another poster mentions, it may be time to revisit your whole approach to guys and dating. I understand what you're saying but I just think that perhaps it should be him who calls me now, seeing as I called him to invite him over to my place. The encounter wasn't awkward, we had a good time (at lease I'm pretty sure). And this has never happened before - I don't know what that user is talking about :S
smackie9 Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 ..but I just think that perhaps it should be him who calls me now, And how is this working for you so far? And this has never happened before - I don't know what that user is talking about :S Everyone you can take a gander at her thread back in August here https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/489819-do-you-think-he-likes-me-has-he-lost-interest Where she sat back after her coffee date with a guy, and didn't bother to do a follow up call nor bothered to maybe send a text about seeing him again. Sorry but you are not owed anything. If you like a man, you call that man, you keep communication that man to show your interest. Maybe you need to *ahem* swallow your pride.
hoping2heal Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Seeing as it was ME who called HIM to invite him over to my place, shouldn't he be the one who calls me this time? I think you can get hung up on semantics until you're blue in the face, but since you blew him and are now feeling used it would be in your best interest to give him a call and see what's up. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 If you aren't open to other ways of handling the situation, why are you asking for our advice? You already knew what you wanted to do (wait until he contacts you). So what exactly are you seeking with this thread? What type of input would be helpful here?
hoping2heal Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 BTW Did he reciprocate? Maybe not oral, but did he at least attempt to get you off also or was it all one sided? If it was one sided, what was the reason? 1
Ebelskiver Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I agree with you that after being at all intimate with a guy that it's their job to be the next one to initiate contact. For one, it's just polite. For two, it's the gentlemanly thing to do. For three, in our society men use women for sex, not often the other way around, so a smart, earnest man would want to initiate contact after intimacy to reassure the woman that he isn't a creep. However, it's been 5 days and after dating for two months I would send him a text stating "Wow, thanks for getting back in contact with me after being intimate. For someone who made such an issue of not coming over to my place just to do that, you sure lost all credability by blowing me off." See if he apologizes or has some excuse. If not, another one bites the dust.
stillafool Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 I understand what you're saying but I just think that perhaps it should be him who calls me now, seeing as I called him to invite him over to my place. The encounter wasn't awkward, we had a good time (at lease I'm pretty sure). And this has never happened before - I don't know what that user is talking about :S When you say "used you" do you mean he pressured you into giving him a bj? Did you make him give you oral first? Always make them give you oral before you give any bjs. If he pressured you into the bj you were used.
preraph Posted January 18, 2015 Posted January 18, 2015 Could be any reason at all and one you didn't mention: Maybe now he thinks you're too fast for him. He told you he didn't want you to think he expected it, which read between the lines and that can be disavowing all responsibility for it happening "to him." But it could mean a myriad of things. Him not contacting you, however, can only mean one thing. I say don't contact him and see if he contacts you or not.
Redhead14 Posted January 19, 2015 Posted January 19, 2015 What? No, it didn't. And it was ME who called him up to invite HIM over to my place. So I think he should initiate the next contact with me, don't you think? Yes, he should initiate the next contact with you if he's really interested. However, this is the dilemma women get into when they initiate. They become insecure because now they aren't sure if the guy just did what they did because they were comfortable in her interest. This is the reason for not having any kind of sexual contact so early, you haven't been able to evaluate their level of interest yet. When things become balanced in terms of initiating and contacting, then you'll have a better idea of what's what at least until you have an actual discussion about what each other wants out of their dating experiences, i.e. casual or long term relationship, etc. All that being said, the man is studying medicine. That is a round the clock endeavor usually and takes a lot of time and energy. So, him not calling for 5 days probably isn't such a big deal. In addition, when you've been dating long enough, you will learn his communication pattern and schedule. You don't know what his schedule really looks like yet. Some people just don't or can't call or text as often as you might like. You can opt to do one of two things: a) wait for him to contact you and initiate another date or b) send a light text inquiring about how things are going with him and leave it at that. Don't send multiple texts or make multiple calls out of anxiety about the situation. It's only been a few dates with him, don't expect too much out of a dating scenario so soon. Don't be so invested. 1
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