My husband and our disabled son

[writergal]

Now would be a good time to sit down with your husband, and create an action for your family. Have you discussed marriage and family counseling with your husband yet?

 

I also agree with CarrieT that you will only be able to protect your son and have state resources available to him until he is 21. After that, the state will consider him an adult. He won't have access to the therapies has now.

[MoreFire]

First let me tell you your husband is being an absolute D-word.

My son is developmentally delayed with autistic traits . I know how hard it is and I also know how much more effort mothers put into raising special needs kids . We somehow feel more responsible for them . Let me be brief ,your husband needs to understand tht little boy is HIS son aswell.He needs to spend time with him and bond with him ,let him do that and also always speak very highly of your son in his presence so that he associates him with something positive. He needs to spend time with him . Period .it was always hard for me to let my son spending time with my ex husband as I always been very attached to my little one but ultimately it's the right thing to do to create a strong bond and make him understand how much sacrifice you put in it everyday

[pink_sugar]

He is my best friend and the love of my life and when our son is not involved we are fine. However, my son is my world! I adore the ground he walks on .

 

I see this A LOT when it comes to divorced couples...the kids become the center of the universe for one partner (usually mom) and when the kids grow up and are out of the home, the husband and wife are like strangers to one another.

 

From this little snippet of your post, I can see where there is a problem. It is perfectly normal to love your kids, but in the above referenced post...sounds very helicopter parent-ish. Your husband might be becoming resentful because your son being the center of the universe for you is leaving him feeling left out and neglected. And as Carrie said, "my son" rather than "our son" seems like you're making your husband to an outsider rather than the father of your child.

 

Because of your husband's feelings, it sounds like he is inadvertently taking it out on his disabled son. In other words, he might not mean to, but he is resentful to his son for taking away his wife's attention and affections for him. It sounds to me, not an issue with your husband and your son, but rather the lack of intimacy and closeness that you and your husband once had. And bringing a baby into this mix is going to make it worse once there is 2 kids that you will be focusing all your energy on.

 

You need to make time for your husband too. If you need to find a sitter for a few days and go on a vacation together, date night, sexy evening alone or whatever it is. You need to reconnect. I personally think the issue is between both of you, not just your husband and your son. You need to make time for each other.

[MoreFire]

I see this A LOT when it comes to divorced couples...the kids become the center of the universe for one partner (usually mom) and when the kids grow up and are out of the home, the husband and wife are like strangers to one another.

 

From this little snippet of your post, I can see where there is a problem. It is perfectly normal to love your kids, but in the above referenced post...sounds very helicopter parent-ish. Your husband might be becoming resentful because your son being the center of the universe for you is leaving him feeling left out and neglected. And as Carrie said, "my son" rather than "our son" seems like you're making your husband to an outsider rather than the father of your child.

 

Because of your husband's feelings, it sounds like he is inadvertently taking it out on his disabled son. In other words, he might not mean to, but he is resentful to his son for taking away his wife's attention and affections for him. It sounds to me, not an issue with your husband and your son, but rather the lack of intimacy and closeness that you and your husband once had. And bringing a baby into this mix is going to make it worse once there is 2 kids that you will be focusing all your energy on.

 

You need to make time for your husband too. If you need to find a sitter for a few days and go on a vacation together, date night, sexy evening alone or whatever it is. You need to reconnect. I personally think the issue is between both of you, not just your husband and your son. You need to make time for each other.

 

I agree with you ,she should make time for her husband but he also needs to connect to te child ,as the mother of a special needs child the dynamics are different ,the child might not be able to fully express his emotions and needs . They need all the extra care,affection and patience that a parent can give .Both of them . I think there is an enormous sense of responsability especially for the mother to nurture and protect their child as they re not able to do alot of the basic tasks most children are able to do,this can lead to neglect their partner . Priorities are automatically changed .

Edited March 24, 2015 by MoreFire

[pink_sugar]

I agree with you ,she should make time for her husband but he also needs to connect to te child ,as the mother of a special needs child the dynamics are different ,the child might not be able to fully express his emotions and needs . They need all the extra care,affection and patience that a parent can give .Both of them . I think there is an enormous sense of responsability especially for the mother to nurture and protect their child as they re not able to do alot of the basic tasks most children are able to do,this can lead to neglect their partner . Priorities are automatically changed .

I definitely see your point, but her son's special needs do not sound so severe as to coddle him or ignore her husband. I think if she made her husband assume some responsibility, he may not feel so excluded. We're not talking down syndrome, but mild autism. The OP is doing a disservice to her son for trying to protect him from everything. The reality is you can't protect your child from everything, but you can help them learn to function better in the world.

[William]

Since this thread seems to have become a private debate and the OP is nowhere to be found, we will close this thread for now ~Thanks for all the replies everyone