turnera Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Ask her to go to therapy with you and once you're there, explain the situation. Let her at least hear one professional tell her it's not healthy and what she can do for it. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 There is more to this than parenting style, enabling, etc. He is drinking and doing drugs for a reason. Likely self-medicating for anxiety, depression, bi-polarism or any number of issues. Once the root of that reason is revealed and addressed, he should be able to pull it together better. She should demand that he enter a rehabilitation facility as soon as possible. Just because the other children appear to be functioning well, doesn't mean that this kid hasn't been affected by the divorce of his parents or other childhood stressors that are unresolved. Counseling to rule out those kinds of things would be worth the effort. Right. There is a saying that goes "a family is only as healthy as it's sickest member", or something like that. Meaning that while only one person in a family is acting out and causing problems, the entire family is probably dealing with unresolved issues and hidden pain. "lol, or just being a typical 19 year old boy who goes crazy once he leaves mommy. I watched nearly every one of DD24's friends go through that, at least the ones who moved away for school. One of them crashed so bad on drugs and alcohol that he got permanently banned from the school. Another partied so hard that she had a nervous breakdown. Neither ever graduated from any college. The other ones tried it out, saw their grades get trashed, and gave it up and concentrated back on school. " It is not normal or typical for a 19 year old to drink and do drugs to the point of destroying their life or their education. Both of my kids went through a drinking/pot phase but not to the point of sabotaging their life or their futures. They partied like crazy on their days off but still met their responsibilities and obligations. Drinking and partying to the point of being kicked out of school or having a nervous breakdown would be the behavior of a troubled individual. An individual who likely had some serious internal turmoil even before they started that behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Tunera, Time and time again Ive said she should sit down and talk to him like an adult, set the ground rules, make a budget, set expectations etc. that is NOT what she said. now re-read #49. here's a thought, take him (just you and him) to a pool hall and shoot a couple of racks, or go to the driving range or.... form a connection, then maybe the truth will come out: did you ever think he is really angry at his dad or you or blames mom for dad leaving or.... btw this will take months not days. right now he is angry, you are looking to a fuel and in the end you will be out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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