Break NC to get my power back?

[chick0]

TOWARDTHEFUTURE, well done brother!!! you stayed strong to yourself and kept with your NC. Good on you venting out everything on here instead of unleashing good or bad to her... Believe me you're in a better place with the NC, all you have to do is read my thread and you will completely understand - I was in an 8 year relationship and she ended it November too!! She also cheated...

 

have a read if you like: https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/509880-8-year-relationship-ended-needing-guidance

 

Youll see that what you have done is good & the trouble you may have had if you didnt complete NC... If anything if you ever had to text her later on in life, when you have moved on, this is something strong and powerful but very timid...

 

"you know what girl, I thank you for leaving me, you've done a really big favor for me, you made me realise what I dont want in a woman"

[towardthefuture]

Cant believe I spent that first month begging her and thinking about winning her back. How stupid I was. Well now I'll know the next time someone breaks my heart to just skip all that, leave with class, workout and reconnect with old friends and old flames

[towardthefuture]

Not that what she thinks matters, but how much damage do you think the actions I took that first month did in terms of making me look weak? She probably thinks I'm nothing, right

[Zahara]

Not that what she thinks matters, but how much damage do you think the actions I took that first month did in terms of making me look weak? She probably thinks I'm nothing, right

 

Chances are she knows you were hurt and you were emotionally driven and panicked when you behaved that way. We've all done it. And if she is emotionally detached from you, most likely she isn't even thinking about what you did and is indifferent. But even if she did think about it, it's probably fleeting.

[towardthefuture]

Well, I was chatting with a girl online and my confidence was going up and I was feeling like I was getting over her. Then that fizzled out and now I'm back to feeling down again.

 

I just can't believe it ended like this. I wish I knew 100% for sure she cheated. There were so many red flags, and the way she broke it off was suspicious. I don't think I could ever take her back. Too much disrespect. I'm here paying all the bills, having a rough time, seeing a therapist, and she's out there having the time of her life banging some dude (probably).

 

This breakup has cost me physical labor, about two grand, emotional turmoil, and it destroyed my image of her as a loyal, trustworthy person.

 

I don't think it can ever work out again. For all I know she's out there talking **** about me.

 

Yeah I wasn't paying enough attention to her. But she made a CHOICE. She didn't accidentally cheat on me and end our relationship forever. I just wish my first LTR didn't end in such a crap way.

 

Now I'm out competing with all the other dudes for chicks again. Ughhhhhhhh. I like being in a relationship. I don't want to hook up with random chicks, I want to be with a faithful, committed, loving partner who is my best friend.

[towardthefuture]

NC day 14. Want to text her 'We're through. Never contact me.'

 

Won't do it. Bah.

[Zahara]

NC day 14. Want to text her 'We're through. Never contact me.'

 

Won't do it. Bah.

 

Stay strong.

[NopeNah]

Once you get passed these next few "stages" and start meeting/hooking up with random chick's again....oh yeah! You'll still go back/fourth for a bit,but one day the fog clears and you'll be who you were before her. Actually...you'll be better,because of this!

[Jimmyjackson]

NC day 14. Want to text her 'We're through. Never contact me.'

 

Won't do it. Bah.

 

She's already made it clear you're through when she broke up with you, no need to text her. Unless she initiates conversation with you, then you could say it

[towardthefuture]

She's already made it clear you're through when she broke up with you, no need to text her. Unless she initiates conversation with you, then you could say it

 

Yeah I know. It would just signal that I'm still thinking about her. At least posting it gets it out of my head. I'm trying to find other girls to get my mind off her. Reconnecting with my ex from high school tomorrow to catch up. She's much hotter than my current ex, and my current ex hates this girl (she chased after me while we were together).

 

Not sure what will happen tomorrow. No expectations.

Edited January 15, 2015 by towardthefuture

[towardthefuture]

Day 15 of NC. I don't want to text her anything She's never coming back, she's out there somewhere, happy, I'm doing better, I'm making my own plans and my own identity. I'm not over it. I still think of her. But I'm not fantasizing about getting her back any more. I want a new girl. I'd like to date..... I'd like to date someone younger than me this time. I did all this self improvement and I learned a lot about relationships. That's great. I can use that. I'm starting to remember all the things I didn't like about her. We didn't have common interests. She didn't support my dreams (that's why I got lazy and couldn't find a job -- I felt like any job I could get or wanted wouldn't suit her image of the man she wanted). I didn't like her friends. She didn't like me. She was always trying to change me into someone I was never going to be.

 

I have too much self respect to be a back up plan, or to take her back after cheating on me. I'm glad I did NC. I'm finally starting to feel........ disconnected. Like I'm not motivated by getting her back anymore. I'm still working out and playing guitar and looking for jobs but it's about myself.

 

Feeling good today. I deserve someone who loves me and there's someone out there for me.

[David87]

Happy to hear that friend:)

[towardthefuture]

Hard to get out of bed today. I don't feel different than yesterday (it could never work out again). But I am sad. My ex is out there somewhere with another man. She never loved me. I am this emoticon

 

I'm playing an open mic night tonight. Something new I'm trying, been working on a song all week. I need to pull it together in the next couple hours.

 

I want to find someone new. I don't want to be alone. I don't like dating, partying, clubs, pickup lines or being single.

 

Job search is slowing down. I feel like I applied to everything and am now waiting, but am not likely to ever hear back.

[towardthefuture]

Played an open mic night on Friday. Had a good time. Made a few friends, met a girl. Did a yoga class yesterday that my dad begged me to go to. It was mostly older ladies. They used me as an example for all the exercises, those randy old ladies. Kind of a self esteem booster

 

Can't believe I ever begged my ex girlfriend to come back. What a terrible, terrible moment of weakness.

 

I want to text her something like "lol, can't believe I begged you. I'm out of the fog now. I can see you didn't love or respect me, or value our relationship enough to try to work it out. I deserve better. Good luck in all your future endeavors." I don't want her to have to wait 6 months for her exit affair to fall apart to know she can never come back.

 

Will stick to NC, though.

[towardthefuture]

Today was meh. Didn't have anything to do all day so I slept from like 6 PM last night until 10 PM today with breaks for lunch. This was pretty good since I haven't gotten a full night's sleep in a long time. Then I made the mistake of reading some old letter I sent her. Now I'm all thinking about her and stuff. Arg. I really wish I knew if she cheated. I wish I knew definitively one way or the other. Because if she didn't, I want her back really bad, I want her to see all the changes I made. And if she did, I can never take her back ever. Right now I am in schrodinger's breakup.

 

Day 19 NC. The NC continues.

[towardthefuture]

Day 25 NC. Today I really wish I could just normalize some kind of relations with her. Go out to lunch or something. Just so she could see the new improved me. But the ball's in her court. I don't want to ask her to lunch and get rejected again. And I still don't know if she's with a new guy or what her situation is.

 

Playing an open mic night tonight, again. Maybe I'll see the girl I met last time. She was cute. If I go out with her, if reconciliation possibilities open up after my GF's rebound at least we'll be on more equal footing (both slept with other people). Maybe she'd turn out to be a better fit than my ex.

 

I blocked my ex's cell number with a program that auto replies to tell her she's been blocked. Not that I think she'll try to get in contact with me.

 

Got a rejection letter from the last job I interview for, they said they'd keep me on the radar for future openings. Got an informal on-site chat for another job next week. This is the most important thing for my self-improvement but also the thing I'm making the least measurable progress on, even though it's the thing I spend the most time on.

 

That's my update.

[LovelyDaze]

Day 25 NC. Today I really wish I could just normalize some kind of relations with her. Go out to lunch or something. Just so she could see the new improved me. But the ball's in her court. I don't want to ask her to lunch and get rejected again. And I still don't know if she's with a new guy or what her situation is.

 

Playing an open mic night tonight, again. Maybe I'll see the girl I met last time. She was cute. If I go out with her, if reconciliation possibilities open up after my GF's rebound at least we'll be on more equal footing (both slept with other people). Maybe she'd turn out to be a better fit than my ex.

 

I blocked my ex's cell number with a program that auto replies to tell her she's been blocked. Not that I think she'll try to get in contact with me.

 

Got a rejection letter from the last job I interview for, they said they'd keep me on the radar for future openings. Got an informal on-site chat for another job next week. This is the most important thing for my self-improvement but also the thing I'm making the least measurable progress on, even though it's the thing I spend the most time on.

 

That's my update.

 

I've read your thread, toward and I'm so happy you're doing your best to try to get over your ex and move on.

 

About the cute girl you recently met, even if you two went out and hit it off, PLEASE don't invest too much into it. You are not indifferent to your ex yet so your heart is not completely free. You want to be in a place where you are fine with whatever your ex does in her life romantically before you bring another person into a serious relationship because the ghost of your ex will hover right over it.

[towardthefuture]

I've read your thread, toward and I'm so happy you're doing your best to try to get over your ex and move on.

 

About the cute girl you recently met, even if you two went out and hit it off, PLEASE don't invest too much into it. You are not indifferent to your ex yet so your heart is not completely free. You want to be in a place where you are fine with whatever your ex does in her life romantically before you bring another person into a serious relationship because the ghost of your ex will hover right over it.

 

She's not coming back.... she hates me. She was so clear that she's DONE. She had the same exit plan I see people suggest to getting out of abusive relationships. Which really messes with my head. I was neglectful, I was stupid, but I wasn't ABUSIVE. I yelled at her like twice in eight years and profusely apologized for both. I never hit her or anything and never would have. Disappeared in one day after what was apparently months of planning, cut communication, set her self up in an apartment without telling me where, immediately stopped responding to any communication. Not sure why I'm thinking about this day. I read all about emotional abuse today too and I didn't do ANY of that stuff. I was kind of a layabout but I always supported her and stuff. I didn't go out with her friends and family but I never told HER not to, in fact I supported her doing so. Ugh

 

Hang-ups on my end or no, I'm just trying to just get on with it. I don't want to get into another super long term relationship but I'd like to get into like a 6 month transitional relationship with someone who is also looking for something similar. Like in High Fidelity when he dates that depressed chick.

Edited January 23, 2015 by towardthefuture

[LovelyDaze]

I don't want to get into another super long term relationship but I'd like to get into like a 6 month transitional relationship with someone who is also looking for something similar. Like in High Fidelity when he dates that depressed chick.

I think it is great that you are thinking of cautious ways to protect your heart and align a plan to finding love. The problem with any kind of plan like that about the "6 month transitional" thing is you OR the other person have no idea how you will feel after that 6 months is over.

 

Let's say you meet a nice woman that agrees to that. You decide to end it after that 6 months so you can move it along BUT she has fallen madly in love with you. Things will then get complicated. Or even worse in your case, how about if it was vice versa? SHE decides the 6 months is up and she's ready to hit the road. Then you would be left to deal with yet ANOTHER broken heart and that will weigh on you much, much harder being that you never finished healing from the one before that.

 

Of course you can do whatever you feel is best and right in your gut but I just think you will have your best chance at clarity, peace, and great love is if you spend this time keeping up the NC (great job recuperating BTW!), growing, and learning on your own what you want and don't want when it comes to a relationship.

[towardthefuture]

Day 26 NC, 2 months post BU

 

Going ok. My workout regimen has slowed down but I'm still working out almost every day. Haven't played video games since the breakup. Have tried a lot of new things. Played open mic nights twice, starting to feel more comfortable performing in front of a crowd. Hanging out with family more often. Doing a yoga class, there are some cute girls in it. Getting more comfortable talking to people, starting to feel pretty confident starting conversations and approaching people. Getting out a lot more. Taking care of business cooking, chores, etc, etc. Still in therapy but I'm starting to transition away from talking about the relationship and into talking about my own issues. Meeting the CEO of a company next week for an informal chat about a possible job. I'd say as far as the initial adrenaline rush of self-improvement is wearing off, much of it has still stuck to the wall and I'm happy with that. Have gone on some bad dates and struck up conversations with a couple girls on OKC. Starting to feel a little less of that 'never gonna find love again feeling'.

 

I've started to kind of fantasize about my ex sexually (unintentionally), but then it gets interrupted by the idea of her doing those things to someone else.

 

I wish I hadn't gone through the month of being a nutcase after the breakup. The begging, a period of sending some... ill-advised texts in an emotional state, the last word email (don't regret that at all actually), and then the late night phone call that totally undermined my last word email. Sometimes I wonder if I'd left a stronger impression after the breakup if she'd have contacted me by now. Oh well

 

Can't go back

[OK_computer]

Power is being in control.

 

By choosing to maintain NC, that gives you all the power. If you send any message or make any contact, it shifts the power into her hands. If she ignores you (because she will, your message would scream desperstion / weakness as you're looking for validation from her), then she has essentially all the power over you. Right now, the power is in your hands.

 

 

This is the realest thing I've read all day. I've been in NC for a year now and I also seen my ex everyday. There were times in that year, when i've seen her and I could bet she was expecting me to apporach her/break the ice,etc.

 

As long as you're in NC, you have the power, your life and future are in your hands, and so are the decisions you make. When you go back, break NC, you're a puppet to your emotions again. I can't be someones puppet, and maybe what the exes miss the most, or maybe they're just GLAD you're out of their hair, or their bed, in my case.

[towardthefuture]

Day 27 Woke up today to an involuntary nostalgia tour. When we met, the times when it was really good, our trip to new york, our first apartment. All the way up to her leaving me for someone else. I miss her, I love her, I hate her, I wish it didn't happen. Wish I'd seen the signs. 8 years.......... I wanted to marry this woman. I wanted to have kids with her.

 

I find myself wondering what are the chances she'll look back and give me a second chance? The guy she left probably didn't deserve a second chance. But two months later I'm on much more solid footing than I've ever been. I don't think I could give her a second chance. But I won't just decide one way or the other.

 

I just want to hold her. I know I shouldn't. But it's just what my body and emotions want.

 

I wish I hadn't freaked out so much post break up, my emotions totally got out of control. Now she's with someone else, ****ing someone else. It disgusts me. It's the #1 reason I don't think I could take her back -- all our time would be tainted by this idea of her doing all the stuff I've done to her and she's done to me with someone else. All the stuff I basically taught her how to do. Ugh

Edited January 25, 2015 by towardthefuture

[AlexfromBoston]

I can guess what the answer to this question is going to be. And I myself know what the answer it. But I thought I'd ask anyway.

 

Some background on my situation: ex gf left at the end of november after 8 years. Said she was 'unhappy for a long time' and 'didn't see a future with me anymore'. I cried, begged, pleaded. Eventually I sent her a letter saying something to the effect of "I'm doing a lot of self improvement, it's going really well. I just wanted you to know that and then I'm gonna back off completely. If you don't respond to this I'm moving on. If you get in touch later I won't be here. I won't be your backup plan." That was breaking NC, but it was a good letter to send. I felt like I got my power back. I got a private number call + hangup a week after that, which I'm sure was her.

 

Then a few days later I sent a kind of pathetic late night phone message that was like "I love you, I'm working really hard on myself to become someone who deserves you." Totally undid my previous 'final word', gave the power back to her. Now my exit impression is needy instead of strong. So it's been 10 days since then and I'm wondering if I should send something else strong that sends the message like, "I'm done pining over you."

 

The message I was thinking of was "Thank you for leaving me. I know the lessons I've learned from the breakup and the self improvements I've made and continue to make will make me a great catch in my next relationship. I've learned so much about how to treat a woman and make her happy. Please do not contact me as I no longer love or trust you. Best of luck in all your future endeavors."

 

Now, a few other pieces of info:

- I was not a good boyfriend for the last 2 years. I was a couch-body, got really negative about life because I was unemployed and sick.

- I really suspect she had an exit affair, and if so is probably still in a honeymoon stage relationship with that person.

- I think my breakup was very very similar to the plot of forgetting sarah marshall

- I still kind of want her back, but if she had an exit affair which I've *decided* is fact, since I don't have all the facts, I really really would not take her back. Who knows what I would actually do. There's still some lingering love there.

- I have done *significant* self improvements. No longer sick, went in therapy and anti-depressants, no longer negative, my worldview changed, lost 4 belt sizes, no longer play video games, have a great job interview tomorrow, etc, etc.

- She has been almost sociopathically committed to NC since DDay.

 

So obviously I shouldn't send this text right? Pros are I would feel like I got my power back, it might make me more attractive making me 'the one who got away' instead of 'the clinger she successfully escaped' which might facilitate a second chance years down the line when the whole thing has a lot of distance. The big con is obviously breaking NC again.

 

I'm definitely leaning towards not sending it. And definitely decided to table the idea of sending any like "I've got my **** together just like I said but you can't come back now" message until I've got a job firmly instead of just interviews.

 

But what do you guys think?

 

Toward, whatever you do, DO NOT send another text to your ex. Ok, you initially had the right idea and were doing the right things; however, when you sent that extremely pathetic(sorry, have to be harsh) late-night text, you made yourself appear weak and needy. Now, a lot of these self-proclaimed "gurus" will say don't beg, whine, etc...but in my opinion, that is just our nature as human beings. I think it looks far worse if you just casually accept the break and walk off into the sunset, emotionless. Quite frankly, it will either appear contrived or completely devoid of emotion. Neither are going to help your case. Normally, after the pleading and begging, I would send an acceptance email(never a letter)and go NC for at least 3 weeks. But unfortunately, we took some extra steps that may have set you back just a bit. No problem buddy, we can fix that. here is my advice to you:

 

First off, you really need to decide if you want her back. If you are on the fence, my immediate advice would be to delete her from your life and go NC. Call it a day, move on to bigger and better. If you want her back you are going to have to do some damage control. The only way you can accomplish this is by initiating your NC starting today. Remember, you have to maintain NC for 3 weeks. If it sounds like a long time, remember, it will feel even longer. So, in the interim, you are really going to need to work on yourself. Call up your single buddies, hit the gym and start going out. You are really going to have to work on yourself. If it applies, clean up your look and acquire some new clothes. Remember, as of now, your back on the market and looking. You've been domesticated for quite a while, so theres no doubt that you will struggle a bit. Don't worry, once you start working on your appearance and your self-image, you will develop a good routine and more confidence.

 

If you have pics of her on your phone...REMOVE THEM!!!

If you have pics of her on your computer....STORE THEM ON A USB DRIVE!!!

If you are friends with her on social media...REMOVE BUT DO NOT BLOCK!!!

Her contact info is on your phone...WRITE THE NUMBER DOWN AND DELETE!!!

 

So at this point, you're probably getting the gist of what I am saying. You are going to want to remove her from your life. Become a ghost to her. This sudden departure form her life is going to be an incredible shock to her psyche. She IS GOING to start missing you. After 8 years, its not a matter IF she will start to miss you, its WHEN she will start to miss you. Trust me, after 3 weeks I would almost guarantee she will reach out to you. If she doesn't, no biggie. Give it more time.

 

Now, like I was saying, you did some damage, but its not irreversible. In fact, at this point, she's going to expect this behavior to continue. So when you are no longer pining for her, she's going to sense a modicum of insecurity. She will feel the loss, trust me. If she is in another relationship, she's still going to feel the loss. Now, her sexual desires may be cover..her emotional desires may be covered, but that certain connection you two have shared over an 8 year timespan will not. This is where she will feel the hardest loss. So if she texts or messages you in the meantime, be polite but brief. Ask her politely to give you some space as you are moving on. Now, can you see what is going on here? You are slowly taking the power back. If she reaches out to you, but you politely reject her, she is going to feel insecure and get frantic. If you are a social media hound, make sure to upload pics or you and your boys having fun, partying with other girls. She will be checking your FB, trust me. Just give off this vibe that you are better off and are having a good time. Women can sense this kind of stuff...and if you live in a small community, word could also get around as well.

 

Now, you are probably feeling as this swill negatively impact your chances at reconciliation. It WILL NOT. Take my word on this. Women are typically jealous creatures and this loss of a connection, coupled with her overwhelming sense of jealousy and insecurity will drive her through the roof. At this point, you will notice that she will start reaching out to you more often. Continue to politely brush off her advances until she suggest something concrete...ie, "lets meet up baby". Just stick to your guns. Trust me.

 

If she doesn't contact you in 3 weeks and you really feel the need to break NC, send her a simple, "hey, hows it going" text. If you are not emotionally capable of handling her response(or lack thereof) then stay NC until you can. So basically, if she responds "good, you?" You need to answer with a "I am doing great" or another variation of that phrase. After this brief conversation try to be the one to terminate the contact. If she asks if she can call, simply reply, "can we make it tomorrow, I'm actually busy right now". Make it seem like you are better off without her. Eventually, if you play it cool, your conversations will continue until, as I have previously stated, she provides you with a concrete indicator. And if there is a planned date, go on it and play it cool. Appear distracted(check your phone periodically) but remain polite and charming. Its a tough balancing act but you will really need to pull it off to be effective. If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me buddy. I am serious when I say, your ex WILL contact you again.

[towardthefuture]

Toward, whatever you do, DO NOT send another text to your ex. Ok, you initially had the right idea and were doing the right things; however, when you sent that extremely pathetic(sorry, have to be harsh) late-night text, you made yourself appear weak and needy. Now, a lot of these self-proclaimed "gurus" will say don't beg, whine, etc...but in my opinion, that is just our nature as human beings. I think it looks far worse if you just casually accept the break and walk off into the sunset, emotionless. Quite frankly, it will either appear contrived or completely devoid of emotion. Neither are going to help your case. Normally, after the pleading and begging, I would send an acceptance email(never a letter)and go NC for at least 3 weeks. But unfortunately, we took some extra steps that may have set you back just a bit. No problem buddy, we can fix that. here is my advice to you:

 

It was an email. Unfortunately I left that phone message afterwards that undid it....... at 4 am. Someone on another forum was like you need to show her you care and youre ready for a bigger commitment! Bad advice.

 

First off, you really need to decide if you want her back.

 

I'm really not sure any more. But I would like to be able to reject her or have the option to take her back if I wanted.

 

If you are on the fence, my immediate advice would be to delete her from your life and go NC. Call it a day, move on to bigger and better. If you want her back you are going to have to do some damage control. The only way you can accomplish this is by initiating your NC starting today. Remember, you have to maintain NC for 3 weeks. If it sounds like a long time, remember, it will feel even longer.

 

Been NC for a little over 3 weeks. Havent sent anything since a few days before new years when that phone call was.

 

So, in the interim, you are really going to need to work on yourself. Call up your single buddies, hit the gym and start going out. You are really going to have to work on yourself. If it applies, clean up your look and acquire some new clothes. Remember, as of now, your back on the market and looking. You've been domesticated for quite a while, so theres no doubt that you will struggle a bit. Don't worry, once you start working on your appearance and your self-image, you will develop a good routine and more confidence.

 

Done all this. Went from 30 pounds overweight to abs, got buff arms shoulders back and chest. Got new clothes, haircut, better grooming.

 

If you have pics of her on your phone...REMOVE THEM!!!

If you have pics of her on your computer....STORE THEM ON A USB DRIVE!!!

If you are friends with her on social media...REMOVE BUT DO NOT BLOCK!!!

Her contact info is on your phone...WRITE THE NUMBER DOWN AND DELETE!!!

 

So at this point, you're probably getting the gist of what I am saying. You are going to want to remove her from your life. Become a ghost to her. This sudden departure form her life is going to be an incredible shock to her psyche. She IS GOING to start missing you. After 8 years, its not a matter IF she will start to miss you, its WHEN she will start to miss you. Trust me, after 3 weeks I would almost guarantee she will reach out to you. If she doesn't, no biggie. Give it more time.

 

Been a little over 3 weeks. Havent heard anything yet.

 

Now, like I was saying, you did some damage, but its not irreversible. In fact, at this point, she's going to expect this behavior to continue. So when you are no longer pining for her, she's going to sense a modicum of insecurity. She will feel the loss, trust me. If she is in another relationship, she's still going to feel the loss. Now, her sexual desires may be cover..her emotional desires may be covered, but that certain connection you two have shared over an 8 year timespan will not. This is where she will feel the hardest loss. So if she texts or messages you in the meantime, be polite but brief. Ask her politely to give you some space as you are moving on. Now, can you see what is going on here? You are slowly taking the power back. If she reaches out to you, but you politely reject her, she is going to feel insecure and get frantic.

 

ATM my phone is set to autoreply to any texts she may send telling her she's blocked.

 

If you are a social media hound, make sure to upload pics or you and your boys having fun, partying with other girls. She will be checking your FB, trust me. Just give off this vibe that you are better off and are having a good time. Women can sense this kind of stuff...and if you live in a small community, word could also get around as well.

 

Deleted all her friends from FB so all she can see is my profile pic and background. Atm my profile pic is me 2.0 performing at an open mic night.

 

Now, you are probably feeling as this swill negatively impact your chances at reconciliation. It WILL NOT. Take my word on this. Women are typically jealous creatures and this loss of a connection, coupled with her overwhelming sense of jealousy and insecurity will drive her through the roof. At this point, you will notice that she will start reaching out to you more often. Continue to politely brush off her advances until she suggest something concrete...ie, "lets meet up baby". Just stick to your guns. Trust me.

 

If she doesn't contact you in 3 weeks and you really feel the need to break NC, send her a simple, "hey, hows it going" text.

 

Definitely dont feel like initiating anything

 

 

If you are not emotionally capable of handling her response(or lack thereof) then stay NC until you can. So basically, if she responds "good, you?" You need to answer with a "I am doing great" or another variation of that phrase. After this brief conversation try to be the one to terminate the contact. If she asks if she can call, simply reply, "can we make it tomorrow, I'm actually busy right now". Make it seem like you are better off without her. Eventually, if you play it cool, your conversations will continue until, as I have previously stated, she provides you with a concrete indicator. And if there is a planned date, go on it and play it cool. Appear distracted(check your phone periodically) but remain polite and charming. Its a tough balancing act but you will really need to pull it off to be effective. If you have any more questions, feel free to PM me buddy. I am serious when I say, your ex WILL contact you again.

 

I think I could pull off this kind of meeting without much difficulty. My hangup is that she's tainted goods by now. She was a virgin when we got together

[AlexfromBoston]

Well it seems like you are doing ok and I am glad that you are deciding to maintain NC. Now that you have lost weight and look better, its time to go out and meet other women. I am sure you will find a better fit. However, that said, I wouldn't necessarily look at her sleeping with another man as damaged goods. I used to have the same mentality but then I sort of grew out of that mindset. She didn't cheat on you or do anything wrong per se(of course, unless she did cheat). But if you are hung up on that, then stay NC. Usually they will text after 3 weeks or so...sometimes more or sometimes never. There is no perfect formula like some of these snake oil salesman try to pull. I am still in the "she will contact eventually" camp. As of now, continue what you are doing and stay NC. Hey, look on the bright side, this breakup helped you lose weight and become a stronger man.