I ruined everything and I hate myself for it

[saz123]

I read everything and I just wanted to say you are a very strong young lady! You deserve a guy who treats you so much better and believe me you will find him! keep working on yourself always!

 

Hi MissLilly! Sorry I have only just read this post.

 

Thank you so much that means a lot. I will carry on working on my self, always! Got a big life ahead of me

 

Xx

[saz123]

Hi guys,

 

So 3 weeks on...... He messages me. He said:

 

- He's missing me

- He isn't coping well

- He misses our intimacy

- The thought of me being with someone else makes him want to smash things

- He regrets breaking up with me

- He accused me of moving onto other men

- He asked me to say whether I had got with someone else

- I mean the world to him

- He wants a friends with benefits situation

- He said I am the only girl he has been truly close with

- He cried

- He feels like he still owns me

 

 

I'm so angry guys. So angry. I told him no and he won't get the message, he doesn't understand why I'm not showing that I care. Because I don't care anymore. He's accusing me of moving on. I feel like this is never ending and its driving me barmy.

[SoThatHappened]

- He wants a friends with benefits situation

Translation:

 

He's not getting sex anywhere else and he's desperate.

 

You really want to be with a guy who sees you in that light?

 

Next.

[dyna85]

Omg saz! I was wondering how you were doing.

 

First of all, the fact that he feels like he owns you is scary. FWB, no thanks. As far as all the other stuff, too bad. He had his chance and he screwed it up royally. He needs to come to terms with his loss. Of course it is going to hit him hard. He messed up big time, and hopefully will learn not to treat someone else the way he treated you. I would leave him to his own devices, because he needs to deal with it. All of his reasons still scream 'me me me' and don't really demonstrate much consideration towards you. It's time for him to face the fact that he took your love for granted. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call for him.

[saz123]

Omg saz! I was wondering how you were doing.

 

First of all, the fact that he feels like he owns you is scary. FWB, no thanks. As far as all the other stuff, too bad. He had his chance and he screwed it up royally. He needs to come to terms with his loss. Of course it is going to hit him hard. He messed up big time, and hopefully will learn not to treat someone else the way he treated you. I would leave him to his own devices, because he needs to deal with it. All of his reasons still scream 'me me me' and don't really demonstrate much consideration towards you. It's time for him to face the fact that he took your love for granted. Hopefully this will be a wake-up call for him.

 

Dyna!!! Hi

 

This is exactly what I thought too. He's trying to make me feel guilty at the same time and I just needed to make sure I wasn't being horrible. FWB no thanks!!!!!!! It's because he can't get sex anywhere else he comes back to what he thinks is an "easy option" what a joke. What a joke.

 

Thanks for your post x

 

I've told him to not contact me as we need to disappear out of each others lives for a long while.

[saz123]

Translation:

 

He's not getting sex anywhere else and he's desperate.

 

You really want to be with a guy who sees you in that light?

 

Next.

 

Haha yes this is exactly what I thought. Thank you! On to the next one (who will hopefully be a gentleman).

[Light Breeze]

Hi saz,

 

Glad you're doing fine.

 

Your ex is a piece of work, ain't he?

 

By the way, how's the other guy you were messaging on FB? I hope you're taking it slow.

 

Good luck!

[saz123]

Hi saz,

 

Glad you're doing fine.

 

Your ex is a piece of work, ain't he?

 

By the way, how's the other guy you were messaging on FB? I hope you're taking it slow.

 

Good luck!

 

Light Breeze!

 

He really is a piece of work isn't he. He messaged me again last night to say to me "You seem like you're not bothered, have you already moved one? I need to know if you have, I need to dissapear".

 

Sorry, what?

 

I don't need to answer to him! Surely if I had moved on, that's his problem if he's upset about it? Am I being cold hearted? I just don't have any sad feelings anymore.

 

The guy I've been messaging lives in the city and I've visited him twice. We're literally only friends but I'm the happiest saz I've been in ages, and to me that's all that matters.

 

He's very charming too I might add! Seems he knows how to treat a girl. He has a very good job and good morals, very grown up. So far, so good. But I'm very reserved. I don't want to jump into the water! We've agreed to keep our friendship etc a secret, as it's private to us anyway.

 

I just hope I'm not doing anything wrong, I was the dumpee after all.

 

I hope you are well Light Breeze, and you too Itspointless! x

[Rainoflight]

It might be mean

 

But

 

As you said, remember those times when you texted him many times and he said nothing?

 

Well, maybe it you should do the same.

 

Cheers and congratulations,

 

Stay strong.

[saz123]

It might be mean

 

But

 

As you said, remember those times when you texted him many times and he said nothing?

 

Well, maybe it you should do the same.

 

Cheers and congratulations,

 

Stay strong.

 

Thanks Rainoflight! Exactly, I fighted for him lots of times. Now I have no interest.

 

Moving onto better things.

[Itspointless]

I am doing OK, thank you

He messaged me again last night to say to me "You seem like you're not bothered, have you already moved one? I need to know if you have, I need to dissapear".

 

Sorry, what?

 

I don't need to answer to him! Surely if I had moved on, that's his problem if he's upset about it? Am I being cold hearted? I just don't have any sad feelings anymore.

 

The guy I've been messaging lives in the city and I've visited him twice. We're literally only friends but I'm the happiest saz I've been in ages, and to me that's all that matters.

 

He's very charming too I might add! Seems he knows how to treat a girl. He has a very good job and good morals, very grown up. So far, so good. But I'm very reserved. I don't want to jump into the water! We've agreed to keep our friendship etc a secret, as it's private to us anyway.

 

I just hope I'm not doing anything wrong, I was the dumpee after all.

 

I hope you are well Light Breeze, and you too Itspointless! x

Hi saz, I am happy reading your progress, it is telling that you feel this relieved. Perhaps some sadness will come back, but I think the relieve is in your case a sign that you made a good choice. Use your anger to grieve, as I think it is a form of it (it is one of the stages). You are not cold hearted, but I guess you feel wronged by him as he is showing massive double standards. Seems that you indeed were some kind of supply for him.

 

Perhaps you can sent your ex that you are focussing on you now and that you wish him the best.

[saz123]

I am doing OK, thank you

 

Hi saz, I am happy reading your progress, it is telling that you feel this relieved. Perhaps some sadness will come back, but I think the relieve is in your case a sign that you made a good choice. Use your anger to grieve, as I think it is a form of it (it is one of the stages). You are not cold hearted, but I guess you feel wronged by him as he is showing massive double standards. Seems that you indeed were some kind of supply for him.

 

Perhaps you can sent your ex that you are focussing on you now and that you wish him the best.

 

Thanks itspointless.

 

I feel relieved part of me feels a bit sad I guess, but that's just me. I care for people even if they've wronged me. I still wouldn't want them to be really sad. I sent him a message saying "I think it's best we distance ourselves from each other for a while, there isn't any bad blood between us". And he never replied, he was trying to hard to win me back, I guess there isn't much to say to my message if it's not what you want to hear.

 

I'm sure he'll find the girl of his dreams, but that isn't me. I'm off on a girly weekend away with my girls, so I wish you all a good weekend too!!

 

Thanks again for everything.

[Itspointless]

Thanks itspointless.

 

I feel relieved part of me feels a bit sad I guess, but that's just me. I care for people even if they've wronged me. I still wouldn't want them to be really sad. I sent him a message saying "I think it's best we distance ourselves from each other for a while, there isn't any bad blood between us". And he never replied, he was trying to hard to win me back, I guess there isn't much to say to my message if it's not what you want to hear.

 

I'm sure he'll find the girl of his dreams, but that isn't me. I'm off on a girly weekend away with my girls, so I wish you all a good weekend too!!

 

Thanks again for everything.

It seems you are dealing really well with everything. You also did well with what you sent. You can be really proud of yourself!

 

Have much fun on your girly weekend

[Light Breeze]

Light Breeze!

 

He really is a piece of work isn't he. He messaged me again last night to say to me "You seem like you're not bothered, have you already moved one? I need to know if you have, I need to dissapear".

 

Sorry, what?

 

I don't need to answer to him! Surely if I had moved on, that's his problem if he's upset about it? Am I being cold hearted? I just don't have any sad feelings anymore.

 

The guy I've been messaging lives in the city and I've visited him twice. We're literally only friends but I'm the happiest saz I've been in ages, and to me that's all that matters.

 

He's very charming too I might add! Seems he knows how to treat a girl. He has a very good job and good morals, very grown up. So far, so good. But I'm very reserved. I don't want to jump into the water! We've agreed to keep our friendship etc a secret, as it's private to us anyway.

 

I just hope I'm not doing anything wrong, I was the dumpee after all.

 

I hope you are well Light Breeze, and you too Itspointless! x

 

I'm fine, thank you .

 

Anyway, just take it slow and enjoy. I agree with itspointless feeling relieved means you think you have done the right choice.

 

Have fun with your girls

[Josmatjes]

He sounds like a psycho....stay away from him...seriously!!

[Hija77]

You need to work on your self-esteem, girl. This guy treated you like garbage. Why would you want him back?? If your description is accurate, he's borderline demonic. Seriously. What you wrote is awful. You may not be, but I'm offended FOR you. Don't you know you deserve better than that? Would you want one of your friends/family members dating someone who treated them in such a disrespectful manner? My advice is go NC. It might make him reach out, but I encourage you to fight the urge to respond. Don't be complicit in the next emotional pounding he's got in store for you.

[Litlikeamonument]

This sounds very much like my first relationship. Our exes could be brothers!

 

Unfortunately I was too vulnerable/stupid/stubborn I don't even know what to call it, but I spent the better part of 7 years with him. He constantly broke up with me. My favorite was the time I wore coconut body lotion to his house (he hates coconut). No matter what I did, it wasn't enough and I constantly blamed myself. It wasn't until year 7 that I found myself sitting in my car crying over the same exact nonsense I had been crying about for years. Eventually he realized I wasn't coming back this time and the end result was that I had to get a restraining order. (If I was such a horrible girlfriend/human, why did I need a restraining order against him? Oh yeah, because he's nuts!)

 

I'm proud of you for being as self aware as you are. Just know that you have done nothing wrong, and you sound like a great girlfriend. When you find the right person you will see that he appreciates how caring and concerned you are. Everything will seem right and all the pieces will fit. Best of luck to you!