Light Breeze Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 He said he is worried about me. He then phoned me another 3 times during this evening to ask where I was. I went out with a friend to get dinner and he asked me to text him where I was at every different location, he wanted updates. What the hell??? Saz, this guy isn't normal. What's your answer to this? Please consider breaking up the reltionship yourself. He's very controlling and I think you can't handle this type.
Author saz123 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Saz, this guy isn't normal. What's your answer to this? Please consider breaking up the reltionship yourself. He's very controlling and I think you can't handle this type. Light breeze he has never done this before he's never cared where I am or what I'm doing. He literally kept messaging me asking if I was ok or where I was. This isn't like him. Ah my gosh. I can't handle it you're right but why would he text me so much to see if I was ok etc etc.
Itspointless Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 He has you exactly where he wants as you have become very reactive to his game of blowing hot and cold. Step out of his game! 3
Light Breeze Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Light breeze he has never done this before he's never cared where I am or what I'm doing. He literally kept messaging me asking if I was ok or where I was. This isn't like him. Ah my gosh. I can't handle it you're right but why would he text me so much to see if I was ok etc etc. So, what did you say when he said that he wanted you to text for updates? He breaks up with you, then he was worried because you didn't show for work for 2 days and suddenly wants updates everywhere you go? Sounds to me he is one very confused boy..I hope you're not falling for this.
Light Breeze Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 He has you exactly where he wants as you have become very reactive to his game of blowing hot and cold. Step out of his game! I agree with itspointless. He's doing the old push and pull game. Honestly, I don't see why girls fall for this. Saz, I hope you aren't falling for this. 4
dyna85 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 He's toying with your emotions. Your best best is to cut him loose and don't look back. He doesn't deserve someone as kind and caring as you. Remember how he treated you. His past actions towards you speak volumes as far as his character. He's doing this stupid charade to keep you hooked and in limbo. Take back the power and cut the cord. You will thank yourself later and you won't be forced to relearn the lesson later in life, if you fail to heed the warnings this time. This is a lesson of respecting yourself (for you) and for him, it will be a lesson that you can't just treat people like dirt and expect them to put up with it. You'll be doing both of you a huge favor. I know it's going to suck. Breakups are extremely painful when you're emotionally invested and it's challenging to be bold and brave and remove yourself from a situation that isn't healthy. You can do it. 4
Author saz123 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 It's making me crazy. I'm really not enjoying life. He said he is worried about me because he knows I'm sensitive and he thinks I'm upset and is worried I'll do something irrational. Like what? I feel like moving away, really far away, and never coming back.
Light Breeze Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 It's making me crazy. I'm really not enjoying life. He said he is worried about me because he knows I'm sensitive and he thinks I'm upset and is worried I'll do something irrational. Like what? I feel like moving away, really far away, and never coming back. Hey saz, I feel for you. I understand how having your emotions toyed with would feel, it hurts and is confusing. Especially at your age, you're young and vulnerable. So don't beat yourself up about this too much. Your ex is either playing you again or really overestimates his worth. It makes me laugh, that he would think that you're going to do something irrational because of him. Talking about inflated ego. I think it's time now for a clean break. You know, NC and stuff. You need to remove yourself from his orbit because its getting way too toxic for you. Like I said your nice and caring and it would be no problem for you attracting a better catch. Time to think now of your happiness. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 It's making me crazy. I'm really not enjoying life. He said he is worried about me because he knows I'm sensitive and he thinks I'm upset and is worried I'll do something irrational. Like what? I feel like moving away, really far away, and never coming back. Sorry, but I call total BS on this. (On his sudden "care") He isn't worried about you. He is wanting to make sure you will still come running back to him. He probably also wants to make sure you're not with another guy. Don't buy into his crap. 3
Itspointless Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) Hi Saz, I know how it feels when someone goes hot and cold on you, it makes you very anxious. It also is addicting as you constantly hope for those nice moments that you know can be there. So when they do not come to you, you (at first) blame yourself: what did I do? Familiar isn't it? It is important to see this and know that such an situation is not a good one to be in. It also makes it hard to shake of the feeling - as you probably will think at some point - after breaking with him that you have ruined it. But that really is not true. You have to repeat to yourself that he does not really care. He pretends to care when he has the feeling that he looses control over you, which makes him feel lost as he probably feels lost himself. Remember what his mother said, they ignore him when he asks for attention with certain behaviour (at least I think that probably is one of the causes). Also breaking up literally make us detox. Your attachment-system craves for some hormones that his presence makes you feel, you body will miss these. You have to remember that you sometimes can't trust your feelings as they are chemically based. Edited January 10, 2015 by Itspointless 2
Author saz123 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Light Breeze, Itspointless and all you others that have posted. It's over. Finito. I saw him and we agreed it's over. Be proud of me I feel so much better? Any good ways of getting through this and getting over him? 2
Itspointless Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Light Breeze, Itspointless [...] Be proud of me I am. Very strong of you! 2
dyna85 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Light Breeze, Itspointless and all you others that have posted. It's over. Finito. I saw him and we agreed it's over. Be proud of me I feel so much better? Any good ways of getting through this and getting over him? Yay. Congrats. Now stay strong and don't allow him to weasel his way back in, if he ever tries to, in the coming days/weeks/months. No contact is the best approach. Don't look at his social media. Don't try to seek him out anywhere. Visiting this forum often helps too. Do things for you. It's going to be a journey. Take it one step at a time, and try not to look too far ahead. Go easy on yourself. 2
Light Breeze Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Light Breeze, Itspointless and all you others that have posted. It's over. Finito. I saw him and we agreed it's over. Be proud of me I feel so much better? Any good ways of getting through this and getting over him? I'm proud of you:) be strong now, you hear? Just post here when you feel down, you can do this. 2
Author saz123 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Yay. Congrats. Now stay strong and don't allow him to weasel his way back in, if he ever tries to, in the coming days/weeks/months. No contact is the best approach. Don't look at his social media. Don't try to seek him out anywhere. Visiting this forum often helps too. Do things for you. It's going to be a journey. Take it one step at a time, and try not to look too far ahead. Go easy on yourself. Dyna85 he already is I have a feeling. He was the one this evening who said that he can't be with me, he doesn't want a girlfriend, he doesn't think we're compatible etc. So I said ok I need time to myself. He goes let's be friends we can still hang out. So I said ok but I don't think I'll be able to hang out for a while. I told him I'm ok and I feel better it's set in stone and I said to him enjoy your evening. This evening he now text me "I'm so glad you're ok it means a lot to me because I care about you you know that x" Sorry, mate, but if you cared about me you'd be with me and you'd look after me. Mind games?!?!?!? Power tripping? I'm so angry I want nothing more to do with him, I'm sure I'll have my moments when I'm sad but oh well. I will come on here often and also remove that silly facebook relationship status
Author saz123 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 I'm proud of you:) be strong now, you hear? Just post here when you feel down, you can do this. I will post here when I feel down I'm so happy I made this thread you and Itspointless have been so nice to me. I can do this guys I can do this Also see my post above x 2
dyna85 Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 Saz, that is bull. He is playin' games fo' sho. Throwing crumbs your way much? Based on his past treatment, I find it really hard to believe this text is coming from a genuine place. Seems like he's trying to keep you hooked. I care for you, so please keep caring for me too. Um no. Keep it moving, buddy. You wanted out, now you don't get any more of me. Plus, if he was so caring he wouldn't have done half the crap he did when you were together. Actions speak louder than words. You don't need any more comfort if you have already had the final talk. He needs to let go and let you be. Ignore his crumbs. (I have a crazy feeling there's gonna be a whole lot more) Don't let him drag you back into his drama. You don't need to worry about his nonsense anymore. He can now deal with his issues on his own. I'm sure he's gonna love this. Lol. 3
Light Breeze Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I will post here when I feel down I'm so happy I made this thread you and Itspointless have been so nice to me. I can do this guys I can do this Also see my post above x No problem. Anyway about the text, don't think about it anymore and just consider it a goodbye text. They're breadcrumbs so don't let it confuse you. Ignore these kinds of messages, they mean nothing and only designed to make him feel good about himself. You're free of this toxic relationship. Now, enjoy life. Remember you will love and be loved again. 2
lizzygirl Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 I do not believe for a second that he was a virgin at 22 yrs old. No way. He has done this before and has gotten good at it. This guy is a classic manipulative, controlling, selfish a-hole. What a total piece of crap. He has played with your emotions until you don't know which was is up or down. Real love does not do this to people. Making you feel guilty for his bad treatment of you. Insanity. The first time he told you to leave him alone for no reason when you went on vacation should have been when YOU were done with HIM. Also, this best friend....is it a male or female? Something is definitely up with that situation. I would guess he is intimate with this person or that this person is definitely an avenue to doing things he does not want you to know about. He sounds like a classic narcissist...and sadly, a lot of them actually hate women, enjoy manipulating them and hurting them and oftentimes they are gay. Educate yourself on narcissists and sociopaths. Draw your boundaries, demand respect. Cut him out of your life and hold your head up and be glad he is gone! He never deserved you. 1
lizzygirl Posted January 10, 2015 Posted January 10, 2015 P.S. narcissists are masters at charm, flattery, and can be so very persistent when they think you have cut them out of your life or they are losing you. This is when they turn on the charm more than ever. This is why we get hooked on them so quickly - they lure us in by making us feel like the best thing on the planet, then treat you horribly until you are on a roller coaster - almost like a person on drugs who has been without them for a while and you crave that "fix" again from them. Please remember that a man who can be that cold and mean to you can not possibly mean the sweet things he says to you later. It is all a game. A way to keep you, his narcissistic supply, going. They feed off of it. Just like craving his kind words and love is for you, he also craves the results he gets from manipulating your emotions and getting a reaction from you. Don't fall for it. Cut him out, block his number, and I promise that a year from now you will look back and see everything clearly and be so glad that you did. 1
Author saz123 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 Saz, that is bull. He is playin' games fo' sho. Throwing crumbs your way much? Based on his past treatment, I find it really hard to believe this text is coming from a genuine place. Seems like he's trying to keep you hooked. I care for you, so please keep caring for me too. Um no. Keep it moving, buddy. You wanted out, now you don't get any more of me. Plus, if he was so caring he wouldn't have done half the crap he did when you were together. Actions speak louder than words. You don't need any more comfort if you have already had the final talk. He needs to let go and let you be. Ignore his crumbs. (I have a crazy feeling there's gonna be a whole lot more) Don't let him drag you back into his drama. You don't need to worry about his nonsense anymore. He can now deal with his issues on his own. I'm sure he's gonna love this. Lol. That was my exact reaction when receiving that text, dyna85. I thought "what the hell? Don't tell me you care now, if you cared you wouldn't of done half the things you've done or said half the things you said. Go away" basically. I didn't reply to his text, I don't see why I should. I have a feeling there is a little more to come too... But I'm just going to be like a brick wall and not let any of it through or let any of it get to me. He wants his cake but he isn't going to eat it!!!!!!! Not my cake anyway.
Author saz123 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 No problem. Anyway about the text, don't think about it anymore and just consider it a goodbye text. They're breadcrumbs so don't let it confuse you. Ignore these kinds of messages, they mean nothing and only designed to make him feel good about himself. You're free of this toxic relationship. Now, enjoy life. Remember you will love and be loved again. That's exactly what it was - a message so he doesn't feel the guilt. It's so obvious, thanks for pointing that out Light Breeze One day I will meet a very caring man I'm sure 1
Author saz123 Posted January 10, 2015 Author Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) I do not believe for a second that he was a virgin at 22 yrs old. No way. Hard to believe isn't it lizzygirl I know! But he was. My ex ex boyfriend hung out with my now ex boyfriends bestfriend and when he heard that I was getting together with him he said "Oh yea you know he's a virgin". And I said what he can't be? Turns out he was. And believe me, you could tell. Ps lizzygirl thanks for your 2 posts they've made me see another different light. He has totally sociopathic behaviour I know. And it's true he's toyed with my emotions so much that I don't know which way is up or down. The best friend is male. Definitely not gay - although their friends have made gay jokes towards them before. But I have no idea. My ex was always asking for "anal sex". Definitely not my thing. X Edited January 11, 2015 by saz123
Author saz123 Posted January 11, 2015 Author Posted January 11, 2015 Definitely having moments when I'm like ah gosh I've lost him and moments when I'm like I don't care whatever. This is hard. :/
Light Breeze Posted January 11, 2015 Posted January 11, 2015 It's early days saz, dont beat yourself up too much. Trust me, I know the feeling. It's hard, but guess what? I'm surviving it. You can do this, and many will tell you when that feeling is gone, it'll be wonderful. Stay strong. 1
Recommended Posts