love2ride Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Ok so what is wrong with me. Ive posted on here before about my breakup which happened last August. Anyways my ex is a cold hearted bitch to put it mildy. She says horrible things, is mean to me, mentally abusive yet I find myself unable to let go of her. Its not love is it? Why can't I get her out of my head and stop missing her?
Josmatjes Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Get away from her and find someone who appreciates you. You deserve better!!
BC1980 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Ok so what is wrong with me. Ive posted on here before about my breakup which happened last August. Anyways my ex is a cold hearted bitch to put it mildy. She says horrible things, is mean to me, mentally abusive yet I find myself unable to let go of her. Its not love is it? Why can't I get her out of my head and stop missing her? You used the present tense. Are you still in contact with her?
Light Breeze Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Ok so what is wrong with me. Ive posted on here before about my breakup which happened last August. Anyways my ex is a cold hearted bitch to put it mildy. She says horrible things, is mean to me, mentally abusive yet I find myself unable to let go of her. Its not love is it? Why can't I get her out of my head and stop missing her? I suspect you still have the relationship (not necessarily her) in a pedestal. Letting go, imo, is about having a positive outlook of the future. It takes a lot of mental strength to tell yourself that you will have a much better person and experiences in store for you. Don't beat yourself up too much over this. Everyone has their own timeline for healing. As long, as you are taking positive steps towards loving yourself then I think you're on the course of true healing.
ThreeYearsDumb Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I read your first post and Our situations are similar in that there was always a back and forth, and there was never any finality to it. My thought process, and perhaps yours as well, is if she fell in love once, and came back, was never really through, it is easier to see her coming back than to start over with someone new. Also the age factor is in play. I am also in my 30's and planned to build my life with her. Thinking of the big picture, the possible timeline for how long it will take to meet someone new and finally have the same level of commitment, I don't want to be mid forties. It could happen sooner, but let's face it, these things don't happen overnight. I'm still hooked in my Ex, and even believe here is a chance for us, so I don't have any answers, just saw the similarities and thought maybe it made sense for you as well.
Author love2ride Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 I read your first post and Our situations are similar in that there was always a back and forth, and there was never any finality to it. My thought process, and perhaps yours as well, is if she fell in love once, and came back, was never really through, it is easier to see her coming back than to start over with someone new. Also the age factor is in play. I am also in my 30's and planned to build my life with her. Thinking of the big picture, the possible timeline for how long it will take to meet someone new and finally have the same level of commitment, I don't want to be mid forties. It could happen sooner, but let's face it, these things don't happen overnight. I'm still hooked in my Ex, and even believe here is a chance for us, so I don't have any answers, just saw the similarities and thought maybe it made sense for you as well. Ya your right the back and forth has happened since the initial break up in August. We go a few weeks no contact then she gets in touch with me, we hang out a few times, have sex then she pushes me away. I chase her then we go no contact, As I start to move on she contacts again. Its been going like that since August. Last time was Christmas eve when she said she needed space again. So now its no contact again. Each time I go back like a lost puppy. I can't seem to be able to say no to her. I still think we could work it out if she would come around. She has said she loves me but then gets cold again. The latest thing she said was she doesn't want to date anyone, she doesn't want the drama that goes with it. Whatever that means.
Author love2ride Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 I had emails her this earlier today after NC since Christmas eve: "Now that you’ve had some space do you wanna continue being friends with benefits? Was thinking I could sleep over Saturday night and we could get up early and take the kids sledding. Or do you want me to leave you alone and move on?" I'm tired of letting her have the power, i'm tired of being such a pathetic loser so I wrote her this tonight: "You know what never mind. I’m not going to chase someone who doesn’t care about me anymore. I’m not gonna keep putting myself out there to you when you show no emotion towards me and just block me out of your life whenever you feel like it. I know i’m a good person with a lot of love to give and I have a lot to offer someone. Obviously i’m not worth it to you and thats ok i’m not blaming you for how you feel. I considered you my best friend and would have done anything for you but I no longer believe I was yours. I will not bother you anymore, you’ve made it clear enough that you don’t want me part of your life. I will only contact you in the Spring when I have to insure the bike. I guess I will have to email you since you have blocked my number. You can unblock me I won’t contact you until I have to insure the bike. I sincerely hope 2015 brings you and the kids only good things and happiness. " Now I didn't stoop so low to call names and stuff I think I made my point without being immature. Now I will let go and be happy without her, with myself. Its time for me to move on and heal from this toxic relationship. Now NC.
lil hoodlum Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Just a few of my thoughts of your situation. Some of the behaviour's you describe about your ex seems like she is exhibiting some signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. I may be completely wrong about that as i have not read more of your story. I believe the reason she comes around again and the two of you hang out/hook up, is her way of dataching from you. For her it is a gradual process. For whatever reason she is not able to just walk away you. So she is in affect using you to get over you. My advice, cut her out completely and never respond to her attempts again. Let her detox herself from you cold-turkey. You are struggling and finding a hard time letting go because you believe there is still a chance things can work out if she would just come around (your words). You are still emotional attatched to her and the dynamics of the relationship. She is still somewhat emotionally attatched to you but is detaching from you and this is her way of doing it. You are in a losing situation. She will continue this detachment process from you until she is completely done with you or until you put a stop to this. 1
Author love2ride Posted January 2, 2015 Author Posted January 2, 2015 Just a few of my thoughts of your situation. Some of the behaviour's you describe about your ex seems like she is exhibiting some signs of Borderline Personality Disorder. I may be completely wrong about that as i have not read more of your story. I believe the reason she comes around again and the two of you hang out/hook up, is her way of dataching from you. For her it is a gradual process. For whatever reason she is not able to just walk away you. So she is in affect using you to get over you. My advice, cut her out completely and never respond to her attempts again. Let her detox herself from you cold-turkey. You are struggling and finding a hard time letting go because you believe there is still a chance things can work out if she would just come around (your words). You are still emotional attatched to her and the dynamics of the relationship. She is still somewhat emotionally attatched to you but is detaching from you and this is her way of doing it. You are in a losing situation. She will continue this detachment process from you until she is completely done with you or until you put a stop to this. Thanks, ya I've wondered if she has BPD as well. You can read my story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/502389-new-here-looking-support-i-guess
lil hoodlum Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) Thanks, ya I've wondered if she has BPD as well. You can read my story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/502389-new-here-looking-support-i-guess Well regardless if she is or isn't, what is going on between the two of you is not healthy for you at all. Sounds rather dysfunctional and I believe that is all coming from her end, not yours. Best that you just remove yourself from this situation all together and focus on yourself and your recovery. Edited January 2, 2015 by lil hoodlum typos 1
Downtown Posted January 3, 2015 Posted January 3, 2015 Thanks, ya I've wondered if she has BPD as well.[/url]L2R, if you're interested, I provide a list of the red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Rebel's Thread. If that description rings any bells, I would be glad to join Hoodlum in discussing them with you. Take care, L2R. 1
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