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love2ride

By love2ride
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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love2ride Established Member

love2ride

Posted
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Well hello to everyone i'm new here and found this forum when I googled, "stomach hurts when thinking of ex". lol it brought me here. I was with my ex for about two years and have been broken up since late last August. I was fine for about a month in a half after the breakup when my life came crashing apart.

 

My ex and I had a huge connection. I was extremely attracted to her and loved her but we seemed to argue way to much. We lived together during our first year until I was asked to leave the first time. Our relationship was up and down and had our fair share of bad times. During that time I had a rough time and we ended up getting back together to give it another go. Then after about another year things started to get rough again and I came home to a note she had written saying she was done and again I had to move out. It sucks to because she had two kids and I miss them as well.

 

Anyways I moved out and like I said she would text me here and there with random messages saying, "she missed me" or "we are good people just better off apart" or she heard a song and thought of me. I had blocked her on fb and ignored these texts. I felt ok and was moving on with my life.

 

We had left on bad terms she had said some hurtful things to me and in turn I said some back. So she finally asked if we could be friends. I said fine and ended up going for a walk with her. Big mistake. All my feelings came back and I missed her. We kissed on the lips and then started texting regularly. She said her life is so amazing now and a big relief is off her back. She told her mom she feels likes she's on drugs or something she feels so good. **** that totally hurt. She maintained she wanted to only be friends and kept on trying to discuss dating other people and stuff. I told her I didn't wanna talk about that stuff because it hurt and I was jealous. Anyways we hung out a few times and ended up having sex. Of course I wanted to get back together and she gave me the run around saying she wasn't ready to even think about that and she couldn't give me any commitment.

 

Finally I was just in agony and the jealousy was killing me because she said she wasn't dating but hanging out with "friends". I told her I had to let her go and I couldn't do this. Around this time my anxiety medicine was changed and I had to get rid of our puppy that I had taken with me because I couldn't afford him on my own. I went into a major depression. I even checked in at the hospital. I felt like crying all the time and felt frantic and helpless. Finally they started me on a new anti depression med that seems to be helping. So its been about two weeks since I saw her and the kids on Halloween. I have been sending her constant emails trying to explain stuff and basically begging her to come back.

 

Yesterday was the last time i emailed her. I asked if we could go for a walk and talk, she said she doesn't want to go down that road again with me. I asked if there was anything I could do to change her mind. She says she only wanted to be friends and knows I can't do that. She is right. So today is day 1 of no contact for me again.

 

I don't know why I was fine after the breakup and now i'm just a mess. I want her back so bad. I obsess in my head and analyze everything about the relationship. I imagine her sleeping with other men and it just kills me inside. It just hurts like hell. I can't concentrate on anything. Work sucks because she's all I think about all day. I tried going on dating sites but that made it worse because i'm not attracted to anyone and makes me miss her even more. I deleted myself off all of them after a day. Now i'm scared i'm never gonna meet anyone again. I'm 39 and worried that all the single people are horrible. Am I still in love?

 

I feel so lost and lonely it sucks! I wanna move on so bad and get over this hurt. How can she be so happy and elated and i'm suffering so badly!?

Edited by love2ride
Berke0 Member

Berke0

Posted
Posted

Hey man im only 17 and its probably not the same scale but I know what you're going through. It's easy for people to say 'NC' etc but when you really love someone all you want to do is talk to them and attempt to reconcile one way or another.

 

I suggest if you want to win her back go down the "friends" route; of course it is difficult for you as you care about her and are extremely jealous. However you mentioned when you met up as friends you ended up having sex, which must have occurred due to her still having an emotional attachment towards you. If you approach her as a "friend" and maintain that you can hope that she recovers her feelings for you, at the same time do not show any signs that you want to be more than friends as it might scare her away.

 

Take it slowly and see how it works out; at the same time it will drastically ruin any progress you have made towards moving on and getting over her, but if you really want her back

it's a risk you have to take.

 

All the best please keep me updated

elaine567 Established Member

elaine567

Posted
Posted
we seemed to argue way to much.

 

Concentrate on this. ^^^

 

She asked you to move out twice, used you as a FWB, and told you she doesn't want any commitment and she doesn't even want to go out for a walk with you in case you get the wrong idea.

 

Listen to what she is telling you here, it is pretty loud and clear.

MOVE ON. FIND SOMEONE ELSE.

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love2ride Established Member

love2ride

Posted
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I can't do the friends thing. I will be stuck in limbo while she gets on with her life and probably ends up dating someone else. Then I just get hurt more. **** it i'm a good guy if she wanted me back she has my number. Your right Elaine I need to move on. It just hurts how someone you love can be cold all of a sudden.

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JCG Member

JCG

Posted
Posted

Do not contact her under any circumstances. This is tough I know. She has to feel the loss. If she knows she can have you back at any time, there is no urgency on her part to do...well...anything. You have to cut her off. Disappear. Become a ghost to her. You haven't made her feel the consequences of her decision. Be strong. I know it hurts. Do not respond to any contact. You have to do the complete opposite of what you want to do. Make her feel your absence. Think about some of the reason you want her back. A lot of it has to do with, because you can't. We as humans, want things that are out of our reach. You are not out of her reach. We are wired this way. It will be a win win for you. Either way, you win. If she doesn't come back, then, in time you will heal and know it was for the best. Take your power back. Don't contact her or respond.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

Posted
Posted

You can't go back, but you can go forwards.

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love2ride Established Member

love2ride

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Thanks JCD your right. I had the power then lost it like a blubbering idiot. That made me feel better. No contact. Tough part is I miss the kids. Thanks guys! **** her!

JCG Member

JCG

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I want to share with you the best blog I ever read. It totally made me rethink things and gave me some power back. It's written for women in mind, but it's from a guy's view. It's called Therulesrevisited.com

Read it. There is one blog in there called "cut him off" or 'her' in your case. And "the importance of silence after a break up". It's promise it will change your thought process. Xo

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