Locust Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I asked because I'm that guy and I have reasons for why I'm that. I do lack sexual experience ;however, I have been on some dates before. I believe they never materialize into a relationship least to my knowledge. I had my first kiss (just simple kiss to lips) at 19 and I met another girl and asked her out when I was 21. We went to the movies for first date and after a month we said I love you but we were both virgins. She was not ready for intercourse but our relationship ended as we hardly spent time with each other. Then I met another lady but my interest was killed because she would come class with a hangover frequently. After that I said to myself its probably I don't get involved in a relationship because I do not want to be emotionally hurt while in school as that would add stress on academic performance. There was some other girls I been around with but I made mistakes mostly from inexperience but since I been through them I can say I had experience and learned from them. About over a month ago I went on a date but we just had differences so it did not pan out. But she didn't know about me a virgin since she did not ask. I'm just curious would any women would date a virgin who had a similar circumstance. It's not like I tired its just no relationship never materialized (except for one) and curious to know how many women would be understanding.
AVarma Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Why not just read the thread I started a while back on the subject? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/500725-ladies-would-you-date-28-year-old-virgin Tons of answers. 3
snowflakepua Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 (edited) Locust, they won't knowingly. THEY JUST CAN'T FIND OUT. DON'T BRING IT UP BUT IF THEY BRING IT UP YOU JUST NEED TO LIE ABOUT IT. LIE ABOUT IT. PLEASE DON'T ARGUE WITH ME AND JUST DO THIS. DON'T TELL THE GIRL YOU ARE INEXPERIENCED. NO MATTER WHAT THE WOMEN HERE SAY, THEY WILL GET DISGUSTED AND DUMP YOU IF THEY FIND OUT. THERE ARE NO SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES. THEY ALL FEEL THIS WAY. SOME ADMIT IT AND SOME DON'T. I have the above in caps, because I was like you when I was younger and women lied, lied and lied some more to me about this. I ONLY started getting experience with women when I began lying to them about my sexual history. I don't want any other guy to go through what I went through. I asked because I'm that guy and I have reasons for why I'm that. I do lack sexual experience ;however, I have been on some dates before. I believe they never materialize into a relationship least to my knowledge. I had my first kiss (just simple kiss to lips) at 19 and I met another girl and asked her out when I was 21. We went to the movies for first date and after a month we said I love you but we were both virgins. She was not ready for intercourse but our relationship ended as we hardly spent time with each other. Then I met another lady but my interest was killed because she would come class with a hangover frequently. After that I said to myself its probably I don't get involved in a relationship because I do not want to be emotionally hurt while in school as that would add stress on academic performance. There was some other girls I been around with but I made mistakes mostly from inexperience but since I been through them I can say I had experience and learned from them. About over a month ago I went on a date but we just had differences so it did not pan out. But she didn't know about me a virgin since she did not ask. I'm just curious would any women would date a virgin who had a similar circumstance. It's not like I tired its just no relationship never materialized (except for one) and curious to know how many women would be understanding. Edited January 1, 2015 by snowflakepua
AVarma Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 Locust, they will. THEY JUST CAN'T FIND OUT. DON'T BRING IT UP BUT IF THEY BRING IT UP YOU JUST NEED TO LIE ABOUT IT. LIE ABOUT IT. PLEASE DON'T ARGUE WITH ME AND JUST DO THIS. DON'T TELL THE GIRL YOU ARE INEXPERIENCED. NO MATTER WHAT THE WOMEN HERE SAY, THEY WILL GET DISGUSTED AND DUMP YOU IF THEY FIND OUT. THERE ARE NO SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES. THEY ALL FEEL THIS WAY. SOME ADMIT IT AND SOME DON'T. I have the above in caps, because I was like you when I was younger and women lied, lied and lied some more to me about this. I ONLY started getting experience with women when I began lying to them about my sexual history. I don't want any other guy to go through what I went through. It's funny when I asked a similar question in this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/504572-tell-her-i-m-virgin-before-sex everybody told me not to say anything (she left me before the sex happened unfortunately). Maybe it's the naivety of being inexperienced but some reason I thought people talk about these things before losing their virginity. I didn't realize how many people "silently" lose their virginity, meaning they just have sex without talking about it beforehand.
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 The older the virgin, the less helpful announcing it will be. Wearing it on your sleeve will be a turn off. Sex is a natural act so your instincts will take over. Try to relax about the whole thing. 3
Assada Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 the question is why do you need to bring it up? None of that crap matters. Women do date inexpereiced guys all the time. Some guys are just insecure about it, which is what lets em down
AVarma Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 The older the virgin, the less helpful announcing it will be. Wearing it on your sleeve will be a turn off. If you don't mind me asking, do you ever have to tell her? I mean is it feasible to go through an entire relationship or even marry the woman who took your virginity and it just never comes up?
d0nnivain Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 If you don't mind me asking, do you ever have to tell her? I mean is it feasible to go through an entire relationship or even marry the woman who took your virginity and it just never comes up? I am a woman. I never had sex with another woman. I was about 19 when I lost my virginity & the guy knew. He was my age & I think I was his 2nd GF. I never again discussed numbers with anybody but every lover I ever had including my husband had some experience before we became intimate. I did go on a date from OLD with a 50+ year old man who while I was telling him we had no chemistry & I did not want to go on a 2nd date with him announced to me that he was looking forward to consummating his marriage, impregnating his wife & losing his virginity all in the same act. Granted I had already dismissed him as a potential partner but that announcement really creeped me out. It wasn't something he should have announced to me in that fashion at that time.
Danda Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 The thing is that if you put it out there upfront like it's a huge deal, the woman is going to respond to your attitude, not the fact that you're a virgin or inexperienced. Can you imagine going on dates with a woman who you find cute and charming, but who will not STFU about how fat she thinks she is? You probably wouldn't wind up dating her too long and she would probably assume it's because you think she's fat, when in reality her attitude and obsessing probably just drove you nuts. It's the same thing with the whole male virgin topic. DO NOT LIE. If a woman finds out you lied to her it's almost always game over, whether instantly or a slow and painful death. Whatever you do, don't lie. But don't bring it up, either. Most women won't ask you about it because like most humans, many of us can be a bit jealous and don't particularly want to hear about a new crush's sexual escapades with his exes, anyway. But if she does ask you, be honest but be chill and brief about it. Chances are though she won't ask. And if she asks you flat out, "Have you had sex before?" well that's a pretty weird question if it comes out of left field and you're not acting nervous as all holy hell. Maybe rethink sex with her at that point. 1
preraph Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 There is no reason to ever announce that you are a virgin, to women, to your guy friends who may use it against you, or to anyone. It's insecurity that makes you want to announce it and then get some sort of overwhelming approval so you feel comfortable to move forward. That's putting unrealistic burden on a new person and expecting way too much up-front commitment from them. No one knows how it's going to go so no one can make you feel secure that it's going to go well. My understanding is that I did once bed a virgin, but I never knew it until 30 years later when he told me I was his first and would always be special. I was like, "Oh, right." He swears he told me at the time, but we were loaded and it was very late and all I remember about that night at my house is that he seemed to want to stay up all night and I was exhausted and wanting to turn in. So by the time we got in bed and did whatever we did, I probably wasn't listening to a thing he had to say and just glad to be finally in bed. So I'm surprised it was special for him Stop worrying about being a virgin. Don't tell anyone. No one can tell just from what you do or don't do. Everyone, even a self-proclaimed stud, has a lazy or off night. No one judges you from the first night in bed unless you try to recreate a porn movie with them, in which case they'll know you're a rookie for sure and warn all their friends about you. 2
aggie382 Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 I agree that it's not something that should be announced because it can be a turn-off. I also have to say that instincts just take over when you start, so there's really no practical or logistical reason to tell people either.
snowflakepua Posted January 1, 2015 Posted January 1, 2015 With all due respect women do consider it a big deal. No matter how you feel about it don't mention it. If you are asked directly about your sexual history do lie. Yes, many women will dump liars. But you have a choice. Either get dumped on the spot for being a virgin and not only getting dumped but having the girl tell not only her friends that you are a virgin but they will tell all of their friends you are a virgin. You will be a pariah and have to find another social circle. Or get dumped a few months down the line for lying. I would rather deal with the later. The thing is that if you put it out there upfront like it's a huge deal, the woman is going to respond to your attitude, not the fact that you're a virgin or inexperienced. Can you imagine going on dates with a woman who you find cute and charming, but who will not STFU about how fat she thinks she is? You probably wouldn't wind up dating her too long and she would probably assume it's because you think she's fat, when in reality her attitude and obsessing probably just drove you nuts. It's the same thing with the whole male virgin topic. DO NOT LIE. If a woman finds out you lied to her it's almost always game over, whether instantly or a slow and painful death. Whatever you do, don't lie. But don't bring it up, either. Most women won't ask you about it because like most humans, many of us can be a bit jealous and don't particularly want to hear about a new crush's sexual escapades with his exes, anyway. But if she does ask you, be honest but be chill and brief about it. Chances are though she won't ask. And if she asks you flat out, "Have you had sex before?" well that's a pretty weird question if it comes out of left field and you're not acting nervous as all holy hell. Maybe rethink sex with her at that point.
AVarma Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) The thing is that if you put it out there upfront like it's a huge deal, the woman is going to respond to your attitude, not the fact that you're a virgin or inexperienced. Can you imagine going on dates with a woman who you find cute and charming, but who will not STFU about how fat she thinks she is? You probably wouldn't wind up dating her too long and she would probably assume it's because you think she's fat, when in reality her attitude and obsessing probably just drove you nuts. To be fair I don't think the OP is talking about obsessing over it, but I mean if a friend happened to mention that a guy you liked was a virgin and he was in his late 20's, early 30's, would you still give him a shot? Edited January 2, 2015 by AVarma
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I would worry more on being judged by a man who has limited sexual experience......sexual experience is different to every one person that you are sexual with so lack of experience isnt really a concern..not for me.........at my age though.....havent met many virginal men who are 45.......but if i did.....it wouldnt hold court to me dating him...i woudl be more interested in him as a man than as a bedmate.......deb 1
AVarma Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I am a woman. I never had sex with another woman. Lol. You didn't have to clarify that. I already knew.
Elle1975 Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Lack of sexual experience, yes (although at my age, not going to happen). However, lack of sexual curiosity is what I find unappealing. 2
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I am a woman. I never had sex with another woman. I was about 19 when I lost my virginity & the guy knew. He was my age & I think I was his 2nd GF. I never again discussed numbers with anybody but every lover I ever had including my husband had some experience before we became intimate. I did go on a date from OLD with a 50+ year old man who while I was telling him we had no chemistry & I did not want to go on a 2nd date with him announced to me that he was looking forward to consummating his marriage, impregnating his wife & losing his virginity all in the same act. Granted I had already dismissed him as a potential partner but that announcement really creeped me out. It wasn't something he should have announced to me in that fashion at that time. that has to be a funny date from hell scenario......did he use the word impregnate...i would have said with a totally serious face....... i plan on impregnating myself with a turkey baster...i just have to find the right doctor to donate his sperm..would that be mean......not if he used the word impregnate.....i wouldnt have had a problem with a fifty year old guy telling me he was virginal....i would have a problem with a guy who uses the word impregnate on a first date from old....lol.............deb
AVarma Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 (edited) Lack of sexual experience, yes (although at my age, not going to happen). However, lack of sexual curiosity is what I find unappealing. I'm assuming 1975 is your birth date. According to the CDC 1.3% of men aged 35-39 are virgins. You never know, you virgin may be just around the corner! that has to be a funny date from hell scenario......did he use the word impregnate...i would have said with a totally serious face....... i plan on impregnating myself with a turkey baster...i just have to find the right doctor to donate his sperm..would that be mean......not if he used the word impregnate.....i wouldnt have had a problem with a fifty year old guy telling me he was virginal....i would have a problem with a guy who uses the word impregnate on a first date from old....lol.............deb Honestly d0nnivain's story is sad more than it is funny. It's sad to think that this man will never get to experience intimacy. It's even sadder to think there is nobody out there to help or guide him or that if there is it may not be possible to change him.It's sad to think that there are people out there who just never stood a chance. Edited January 2, 2015 by AVarma
ascendotum Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I agree that it's not something that should be announced because it can be a turn-off. I also have to say that instincts just take over when you start, so there's really no practical or logistical reason to tell people either. There is a stigma about it for sure past a certain age (I'd say early 20s) and any guys in that position really need to keep their mouth shut. They are likely not getting inundated with opportunities so really dont want to blow it when they actually find a girl they like who likes them back. While the girl wont come out and ask him if he is a virgin, many will suss it out if the guy acts all unsure of himself around the girl. Just by not being confident quite a few girls will write him off quick. Also plenty of girls in getting to know the guy beforehand will ask him about his past relationships and how long he's been single . The virgin guy will have to deal with that in a confident manner (ie he's a bit fussy and not found the right girl yet or that he used to have bad anxiety but he's much better now and ready for a gf ) or by lying about having had a gf or admit no relationships but say you have had a couple fwb/ons. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 My boyfriend was a virgin before I met him. Honestly, I wasn't fully aware of the facts until 2-3 months into our relationship. By that time we have had intercourse many times. He is the best lover I have had. He is so loving and sweet, and I love that fact, that despite his lack of "experience", he makes it obvious that he only wants to do things with me. I really don't think there's anything wrong with being a virgin. You'll be putting yourself in a position to experience new things with your partner, and you will learn.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Honestly d0nnivain's story is sad more than it is funny. It's sad to think that this man will never get to experience intimacy. It's even sadder to think there is nobody out there to help or guide him or that if there is it may not be possible to change him.It's sad to think that there are people out there who just never stood a chance. She had already told him she didn't think they were a match when he told her about being a virgin. This didn't happen in the context of a caring relationship. I also don't really get the stigma attached to being open about it. You want someone who accepts you as you are. When I was in my mid-20s, I was in a relationship with a guy who was a virgin, and he told me that before we had sex. He didn't reveal it as some shameful secret, though, just told me the facts during a discussion of sexual histories. He said he knew it was old-fashioned, but he was holding out for real love and was glad he had waited. We had a brief discussion about it, and that was that. I was glad to know, and it didn't turn me off in any way. We were very much in love, so it only made the experience more special and memorable. Our sex life turned out to be explosive, hot, and fun
AVarma Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 He didn't reveal it as some shameful secret, though, just told me the facts during a discussion of sexual histories. He said he knew it was old-fashioned, but he was holding out for real love and was glad he had waited. Glad to hear it. My own reason is a bit different though. I was born into a Muslim family where dating was forbidden and I was expected to have an arranged marriage. My father was also pretty abusive which led to emotional and self-esteem problems. So basically my own virginity is the result of religious stigma and low self-esteem. I don't think I'd be as confident as your ex when talking about this. It won't be a therapy session but it won't be nonchalant either. Also you were in your mid 20's. The guy in d0nnivain's story was in his 50's (just typing it makes me sad). I myself am a few years from 30. I can't say that the age doesn't make it feel worst.
Jimmyjackson Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I haven't read all of the answers because, well, I couldn't be arsed to be honest. But I will tell you I lost my virginity at 21 to a girl who was experienced, she had only slept with 4 guys herself but 4 more people than I had. Anyway, she actually loved that I hadn't had sex, I mean put yourself in her shoes...if you met a girl who hadn't had sex before and was hot etc, you'd feel good knowing no one else has 'been there' so to speak. If someone likes you and wants to date you it won't be an issue, if they're scared by it or anything then they're not worth your time. Losing it in a relationship is good, I don't regret my first despite the fact she dumped my ass, I lost it knowing I was in a loving relationship and it felt great.
Jimmyjackson Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 Locust, they won't knowingly. THEY JUST CAN'T FIND OUT. DON'T BRING IT UP BUT IF THEY BRING IT UP YOU JUST NEED TO LIE ABOUT IT. LIE ABOUT IT. PLEASE DON'T ARGUE WITH ME AND JUST DO THIS. DON'T TELL THE GIRL YOU ARE INEXPERIENCED. NO MATTER WHAT THE WOMEN HERE SAY, THEY WILL GET DISGUSTED AND DUMP YOU IF THEY FIND OUT. THERE ARE NO SPECIAL SNOWFLAKES. THEY ALL FEEL THIS WAY. SOME ADMIT IT AND SOME DON'T. I have the above in caps, because I was like you when I was younger and women lied, lied and lied some more to me about this. I ONLY started getting experience with women when I began lying to them about my sexual history. I don't want any other guy to go through what I went through. I know this is crap for sure, if a girl is dating you and actually wants a significant relationship with you, she won't feel this way. I lied initially and then got caught out and I was told that I didn't need to lie in the first place and that it wasn't an issue.
todreaminblue Posted January 2, 2015 Posted January 2, 2015 I'm assuming 1975 is your birth date. According to the CDC 1.3% of men aged 35-39 are virgins. You never know, you virgin may be just around the corner! Honestly d0nnivain's story is sad more than it is funny. It's sad to think that this man will never get to experience intimacy. It's even sadder to think there is nobody out there to help or guide him or that if there is it may not be possible to change him.It's sad to think that there are people out there who just never stood a chance. I apologise that i made light of it....i should have been more thoughtful to another perspective........ the fact that he isnt really considering a womans needs or desires just his own desires and wants....and that isnt the path to love....its a bit of irony i feel that at fifty he still doesnt know that...and to proudly state hsi intentions to impregnate a woman.....when i read irony i often make light of the ironic part....and i do see the lighter side......but now i see your perspective...thank you..deb..
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