Author lindyhop123 Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 I'm very scared of being alone. I know it's over, I just don't want to believe it because in my mind, we have a home and a life together. I haven't gone away and had a sudden realistation. I am still in the same place as I always was. That's why it's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Dude, it's okay to be alone. You can take this time to reinvent yourself. I think that deep down you know that it's over and you're just more scared of being alone than of losing her. Okay, so you don't believe that there's another guy. Which only leads to my second conclusion. That she's going out and partying with her friends as a single woman that if she does something that would be considered inappropriate for a girl that's in a relationship, she doesn't have to feel guilty about it. But, how is that fair to you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I'm very scared of being alone. I know it's over, I just don't want to believe it because in my mind, we have a home and a life together. I haven't gone away and had a sudden realistation. I am still in the same place as I always was. That's why it's hard. I know this is going to sound counter inuitive but this is working against you big time. Think about yourself for a second...would you want to be with a girl who is too scared to leave a guy / be alone, will continue to be in a toxic situation, rather than dumping him and moving on? I doubt you would. You dont want to be with someone so dependent on you / others for happiness. You have a chance here to walk away from this in control. I'm telling you, this girl will not expect you to breakup with her and go NC. She expects you to be depressed and sad, sitting in your room and begging for her back. She knows what she is doing and she is guilty of it...its up to you to keep her honest and stand up for yourself. You will burn her by being proactive...I look back on my situations in the past and know I should've pulled the trigger. This is a perfect opportunity for yourself to develop self control and confidence. Either way, this situation is going to hurt but we all want you to do what is best for you and make the hurt be less. Staying with her for the sake of not being alone is a waste of time and energy. End it, sort out your living situations and go NC. She may try to manipulate you when she comes back but in my opinion she's cut and done. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 (edited) I know this is going to sound counter inuitive but this is working against you big time. Think about yourself for a second...would you want to be with a girl who is too scared to leave a guy / be alone, will continue to be in a toxic situation, rather than dumping him and moving on? I doubt you would. You dont want to be with someone so dependent on you / others for happiness. You have a chance here to walk away from this in control. I'm telling you, this girl will not expect you to breakup with her and go NC. She expects you to be depressed and sad, sitting in your room and begging for her back. She knows what she is doing and she is guilty of it...its up to you to keep her honest and stand up for yourself. You will burn her by being proactive...I look back on my situations in the past and know I should've pulled the trigger. This is a perfect opportunity for yourself to develop self control and confidence. Either way, this situation is going to hurt but we all want you to do what is best for you and make the hurt be less. Staying with her for the sake of not being alone is a waste of time and energy. End it, sort out your living situations and go NC. She may try to manipulate you when she comes back but in my opinion she's cut and done. I agree with the previous poster. It's over and done with really, the only thing that matters now is that you exit the relationship with your self-esteem and self-respect intact. Box up her possessions ready for collection. I think you'll be reluctant to do, that but you should, because it's the best thing for you. Then when you see her, say goodbye, and establish strict no contact. That means no contact - either direct or through a third party, or via social media. That leaves you with your self-esteem and self-respect relatively intact. You will hate doing it and sticking to NC, but you need to be in control of your own life. You'll be hurting for a while, but you are now, and that should tell you everything you need to know. Edited December 31, 2014 by Satu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trapito Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Aaah.. The infamous 'I need a break'. I know you are hurting and I'm so sorry for this. She is treating you like a doormat, expecting that you will be at her back and call. NEVER let anyone treat you this way. Demand respect. You do this by respecting her wishes. She wants space? Tell her to be an astronaut and give her all the space in the universe. Don't beg, call, grovel, ask her when she comes back, plead, ask why, etc. Just DON'T. Make her feel insignificant by acting indifferent. If you want her back, then this is your best shot. If she doesn't come back, you can be proud you didn't act like a boy but like a man. Her lashing out at you is because she is losing control, she feels the leash is slipping and is trying to pul you back to where she is in control again. Remember: He who cares least, controls the relationship. Feel in control by acting, and eventually becoming, indifferent. Take care and keep posting. You can do this. ((Hugs)) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lindyhop123 Posted January 1, 2015 Author Share Posted January 1, 2015 OK. So. She asked me for space, and then messaged me earlier today. Same old, because I was missing her I cracked. I told her I missed her, that I loved her. She didn't answer. Then at 2 minutes past midnight, she messaged me "Happy New Year". Obviously, now I know it's over. I won't be trying anymore. It hurts but I will have to bag and box up her stuff. When she comes back I'll sit her down and tell her that I think it's best that she leaves ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted January 1, 2015 Share Posted January 1, 2015 OK. So. She asked me for space, and then messaged me earlier today. Same old, because I was missing her I cracked. I told her I missed her, that I loved her. She didn't answer. Then at 2 minutes past midnight, she messaged me "Happy New Year". Obviously, now I know it's over. I won't be trying anymore. It hurts but I will have to bag and box up her stuff. When she comes back I'll sit her down and tell her that I think it's best that she leaves ASAP. Dude. You keep pushing her further away by being so needy and clingy. Honestly, what are you doing? Don't even sit her down. Make the decision and kick her out. Happy new years bro. Out with the old and in with the new :-). Link to post Share on other sites
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