Millionaire Boyfriend

[Andy_K]

£30 is fair enough out of context... But when you combine it with the fact the guy is loaded and boasts about stuff he has to your daughter, that's not so cool. Especially if he's not even bothering to actually buy a present and just giving cash. I don't think that's a good sign.

[Peggy1000]

Thanks for all the replies I genuinely appreciate all perspectives. There have been some very well thought out responses (and some not so!) I know iv conducted myself very well in this period. Iv not asked for anything and been very appreciative of anything paid for, I am conscious that he's probably had many women just wanting him for his money. I didn't know he had money when I met him and whether broke or rich I now love him. i think some of u are right saying there are people who cannot help but brag and I think he may be one but I'm starting to get put off by it. Money will not make me happy but a kind considerate man will. 30 pounds in England doesn't go very far and my daughter is very very responsible with money she saves every penny she has and she's saving for an iPhone (500 pounds) This man tells her he might buy one in each colour and then laughs about it. he could help her to get closer to buying one after all his bragging. It's not about money it's the overall message he is sending.

[orangetree]

Your daughter is 12- 30 is totally reasonable in my opinion. Only because you're dating a millionaire doesn't mean she should get used to a different lifestyle. If he keeps giving her a lot of money and one day you break up, what then? She will be used to have a stepdad who paid a big part of her life and suddenly she doesn't have that luxury anymore. She's 12, she has to learn how to deal with money and how to make own money in the future. And your boyfriend is right- He's NOT her father. It's not even his job to give her money.

And why on earth does a 12 years old need an iPhone?

 

If you don't like him bragging in front of her, tell him that. I would do the same.

[Peggy1000]

Here's the quintessential issue... she didn't mind the bragging and the ego stuff while he is out wining and dining her.

 

She minded as soon as she deemed the present as "not enough".

 

That says a lot about the too of them.

That's when the bragging and ego stuff was "no longer cool".

 

With absolute respect, I don't think you know enough about the situation for the comment you have made. I am not comfortable with him taking me out because a number of times he has shown me receipts and then reminded me for days how much he spent and then I start to feel awkward. I don't know whether he's testing me or just being rude I'm confused not an ungrateful person.

[Peggy1000]

With absolute respect, I don't think you know enough about the situation for the comment you have made. I am not comfortable with him taking me out because a number of times he has shown me receipts and then reminded me for days how much he spent and then I start to feel awkward. I don't know whether he's testing me or just being rude I'm confused not an ungrateful person.

 

Also I always offer half and have also offered to pay in full which has nearly come to fall outs because he will not let me no matter how much I insist. I always say thank you many times as does my daughter without being promoted.

 

In addition he was very rude to me once and in apology he gave me a credit card and told me to go shopping. I declined this offer and said that an apology will be more than find and that money should not be used to fix a wrong. Please do not confuse me with a a low moral gold digger.

[Allumere]

This is simple. Tell him you find his behavior inappropriate, douchey...however you want to frame it. You care for him but his fixation on money for whatever the reason is a turnoff. Site specific examples, how it makes you feel etc. I would NOT bring up his gift to your daughter as it was just that, a gift. But all other scenarios you mentioned are appropriate. Personally, if someone I was with continued with that kind of behavior I would have to exit the relationship as it wouldn't work for me.

[Gold Pile]

Red flag number one: Sometimes the guys that always brag about having money..........don't really have money.

 

Red 2: Bragging isn't a good quality even if he has money.

 

Red 3: All this talk of English monetary units, I fear he may not be an American.

[lollipopspot]

Does he have his money through working or inheritance?

[d0nnivain]

This is why people shouldn't give money. I'm frugal & shop for bargains all year. I give people great gifts because I get them on sale. For example I am giving somebody a beautiful vase -- retail price almost $200. I paid about $40. If I gave the person what I spent they would think I was cheap but the present is magnificent.

 

 

Your BF sounds like kind of a jerk for bragging. $1M doesn't get you all that far any more.

[gaius]

I can maybe get him being cautious with you but it's very mean spirited to be bragging about how much money he has and then to be that cheap with your daughter. Even if he doesn't want to give her money as a spoiling issue he could provide her with some sort of experience. If he had warm feelings at all for you.

 

I've never given my younger sister anything all that valuable but I did spend a whole lot taking her to Florida and Washington DC one time just so she'd have the experience of knowing what flying on a plane was like, and seeing the nations capital. We took the train down and stayed in a hotel that wasn't that expensive.

[acrosstheuniverse]

To be honest, after only six months, £30 seems a nice amount of cash. It may not seem lots to me or you, paying rent and bills, but to a 12 year old it's significant.

 

What stood out to me was the comment about how she has a Dad already, I get the sense that he doesn't want to be a nuisance in the family, coming in and flashing his cash, when it could really upset the Father who isn't able to provide as much for her as a millionaire. Plus he could worry it looks like he's buying her affections.

 

For example, I have a 12 year old 'nephew', the son of my best friend. I am earning more than my best friend now, and could happily afford to spend £100 on him at Xmas. In fact, I'd LOVE to spoil him with something his parents maybe can't provide. But when I thought about doing that, I instantly felt weird, how strange it'd feel to Mom and Dad for him to open a £100 gift on Xmas morning from Dad's friend, when they may have scraped together £50. It's not appropriate, and so I spent maybe £20 instead on a few thoughtful gifts.

[MissBee]

Hello,

 

Iv been going out with my boyfriend for 6 months and theres no rush but he has said that he's looking for someone to settle down with and he see's a future with me. We are together nearly every day and he tells me how much he loves me. I have got a 12 y o daughter and they get on really well. He makes her laugh and jokes with her but to me he complains about how he wants more time alone with me and acts like she's an inconvenience. Its confusing because when she's around he acts like he thinks she's great.

 

My boyfriend is a millionaire and regularly talks about how money is no object and he can have whatever he wants. He joke brags to my daughter all the time and tells her how he is going to buy an iphone even though he knows she would love one but cant afford one. He laughs and my daughter takes it in good humour. He pays for us to have nice meals and to go out for drinks. I don't feel he is obliged to pay for anything and always show appreciation.

 

Now its xmas he asked what he should get my daughter, i said he could buy her a gift or give her money. He chose money as it would be easier and she can buy what she wants, he said he'll give her 30 pounds. I was taken aback and I said that i thought he would maybe have given her more. He said he barely knows her and that she has her own dad and that 30 pounds is enough. Money is no object to him so i feel like he is making some kind of point as opposed to anything else. I feel embarrassed to tell my friends and family that they man who says he wants to marry me has only given my daughter 30 pounds at christmas. I'm not a money digger and I dont ask him for anything. I work and I pay my own way. He doesn't offer to help me out much even though he knows i don't have very much money which is fine but then he brags all the time saying he can have what he wants and talks about spending thousands at a time.

 

What do you think?? Am i expecting too much or is he being a bit mean?

 

It seems you have a lot larger concerns in general about your boyfriend's relationship with your daughter outside of the 30 pounds.

 

Before you mentioned that you also expressed him speaking about her like she is an inconvenience, taunting her and how bringing up how he's not her dad (as though that's relevant) and how can he say he wants to marry you but then say he barely knows your daughter...I mean all of that is off putting to me and you should trust your gut on this. Don't play around when it comes to your child. If the relationship between her and a man you're potentially going to marry is one you're not totally comfortable with, listen to that!

 

While a gift is a gift and you can't dictate it, 30 pounds seems pretty cheap for someone who is well off and even I, who am not rich, probably would not do that. For one, I don't give people money, unless it is a gift card to a store or restaurant they like and even this, I've given giftcards like 3 times. I prefer to buy them a gift that they may not know exactly how much it costs versus offering them a sum of money as the latter can be subject to more scrutiny. Whereas a gift often seems more thoughtful and the person doesn't immediately know how much you've spent.

 

Cheapness as I have always said is a mentality and is not about how much money someone has, as people who are wealthy can also be stingy and cheap and it's usually this overall miserly quality that is unattractive and I'd never be with someone who exhibits such qualities. I am not by any means rich, but am very giving especially when it comes on to people I love and don't want to be with someone who isn't just as open and giving but has to count every penny or eww....talk about how much money they have? That is so tacky.

Edited December 24, 2014 by MissBee

[gaius]

I'm one of the cheapest guy's you'll ever meet. I've actually hung around with the bums in Boston at night rather than pay for a cab when I've gotten back in late and the subway/trains aren't running until morning, since everything except the bars seem to close at midnight. But I always had a standing offer to take one of my ex's and her mom out to dinner at some place nice, even though her mom didn't like me. Because that's what you do when you actually care about someone.

 

50 bucks after 6 months, you've gotta be kidding me when you have that kind of money. And if you're so worried about showing up the seed donor you can always give credit to the mother. The more important fact is she knows you would do something like that for her rather than getting credit from the kid.

[insert_name]

Thanks for all the replies I genuinely appreciate all perspectives. There have been some very well thought out responses (and some not so!) I know iv conducted myself very well in this period. Iv not asked for anything and been very appreciative of anything paid for, I am conscious that he's probably had many women just wanting him for his money. I didn't know he had money when I met him and whether broke or rich I now love him. i think some of u are right saying there are people who cannot help but brag and I think he may be one but I'm starting to get put off by it. Money will not make me happy but a kind considerate man will. 30 pounds in England doesn't go very far and my daughter is very very responsible with money she saves every penny she has and she's saving for an iPhone (500 pounds) This man tells her he might buy one in each colour and then laughs about it. he could help her to get closer to buying one after all his bragging. It's not about money it's the overall message he is sending.

 

And he has, £30 closer- although it sounds like this is not close enough?

 

If we are talking overall messages then you should be more concerned with your daughter investing in fantasies from someone she barely knows, although it sounds like you are the one who is doing that as you haven't said how your daughter has reacted, she might be taking his words with a pinch of salt and appreciate the gift in the spirit in which its meant.

 

Just in case she is disappointed that she hasn't got an iphone 5 yet you could use this opportunity to teach her a far more valuable lesson that people value material goods far more when they were the ones who did the work to earn them rather than looking for someone else to do it for them. Its this sort of determination that turns people into millionaires like your boyfriend. Would you rather your daughter made her own way in life or learned that the best way to get ahead is to snare a rich man?

[No Limit]

Yet, he could not keep his mouth shut about anything, his awesome car, his wealth... even when he tried.

 

It all depends on how he says it. If he says "I think I'll spend the weekend on my yacht" it may sound arrogant to you, but for him it's normal.

Frankly I'd be careful to judge someone by his appearance too. Guess, Desigual and Co have become my standard shopping bags, and yet I had people tell me that I was totally different than 'what I looked like'.

As if clothes determined my character...

Edited December 24, 2014 by No Limit

[Diezel]

I love it when people come back into their own threads to say: WELL YOU DON'T KNOW THE SITUATION WELL ENOUGH TO PASS JUDGMENT.

 

Um, of course we don't, if you don't give us sufficient information, we'll go based on whatever YOU are giving us.

 

The facts that are being presented are more towards the... well... ungrateful person. Say what you will, but I know plenty of people who would have just said they were happy with whatever he was giving them. If congruency is an issue, then you have bigger problems than the amount he is giving your daughter for Christmas.

 

I see the books for my company and I know how much they make, yet, I'm grateful if I see $10 for a Christmas bonus because that's money I didn't have and money they don't necessarily owe me. See where I am going with this? Same for you. I wonder what the reaction would have been had he NOT said how much he is giving her and he just showed up with $50 bucks.

 

Would you have said, "That's it!?"

 

If it bothers you so much that he is bragging about buying her an iPhone in every color than that is something YOU need to stop in the moment. But I'm sure you don't... because how is it they say all over the world? Money talks?

[GemmaUK]

Simple solution...ask him to give you cash too and split the amount in favour of your daughter so that she gets a more significant sum that you see as adequate.

[Million.to.1]

I think it's also relevant what you and her father spend on her. His gift should be significantly less than what her parents give her. AcrosstheUniverse has it right.

 

Someone you are dating for 6 months isn't really under any obligation to give anymore than they are comfortable with.

 

His general bragging about money is pretty off though, but would guess it's more a self protection thing than anything intendedly malicious.

[spiderowl]

With absolute respect, I don't think you know enough about the situation for the comment you have made. I am not comfortable with him taking me out because a number of times he has shown me receipts and then reminded me for days how much he spent and then I start to feel awkward. I don't know whether he's testing me or just being rude I'm confused not an ungrateful person.

 

Hmm, that would be a deal breaker for me I think. It shows a meanness of spirit.

 

I do know someone who is extremely well off. We chat online but have never met. I'll stay as an online friend but know it wouldn't work if we met because we are so different. His values are different. He boasts and then worries that women are gold diggers (well, if you boast about your wealth and your flash car, then you might attract the wrong kind!). But there are other reasons which boil down to insensitivity. He does mean well but just winds me up at times (and probably vice versa ). Some relationships are not meant to be.

 

I think if you build your reputation on wealth and your earning power and try to attract women on that basis, then of course you are going to be worried about attracting gold diggers. From a marketing point of view, they are what you are fishing for! The only way is to not accept anything from the guy. Pay your share. Keep the outings down to ones you can afford. He won't have any pull on you then other than personal and natural attraction. Would that leave enough for you though?

[newmoon]

since you're just a casual gf i doubt you can actually verify his savings and money and would just be relying on how he treats you and other flashy symbols. to me it's a bit like sex or anything else people choose to be really braggarts about.. the more you brag the less you probably have. not that 30 pounds is unreasonable given that you're not married or engaged, etc. but you're somewhat right in that it doesn't align with millionaire status and wanting to be regarded as having lots of things (ie the phone). personally, i'd be questioning if there really is a large amount of wealth, or if it's just an act. he could be charging all the fancy dinners and owe debts on cars and etc. unless you have a whole lot of proof i wouldn't even believe him.

[TigerLilly78]

Just an idea here op but why not tell her to get a second hand Iphone with the way some people constantly update their phones these days you can prob get one in very good condition and half the price of a new one. Thats what I do if I want a other wise unattainable expensive item and I would teach my kids the same you can have nice things even on a budget you just have to look...

[dispatch3d]

50 bucks is pretty reasonable I think. Its only 6 months and I'd be happy he's getting your child anything at all.

 

More meh on some of the other stuff honestly. It's a shame he's not more pro your kid, although wanting more alone time is understandable I guess. The IPhone thing with your kid is weird, kinda a social blunder on his part.

[BeholdtheMan]

30 pounds in England doesn't go very far

Far enough for the daughter of a woman he's been dating for only six months

 

and my daughter is very very responsible with money she saves every penny she has and she's saving for an iPhone (500 pounds)

 

I think you should focus less about the amount of money he's giving to your daughter and more on his bragging.

 

The bragging is the annoying part, yes? In that case, instead of expecting more money from him...maybe you should talk to him about the bragging. Tell him it bothers you and that you'd appreciate it if he'd tone it down.

 

I mean...it's not about the money, right? It's about the "message"