How Do I Get This Woman to Stop Trying To Set My Husband Up With Her Daughter?

[stillafool]

I personally don't want my husband to reach out to this lady. If she's the manipulative sort, she could turn it around on him and claim that he's harassing her. I think I will just "accidentally" have this lady see that he has a wife and child by joining one of the activities of that organization and hope she sees us there and finally gives up.

 

Or you could run into to her and introduce yourself as your husbands wife and tell her now that she has met you she can stop trying to hook her daughter up with your husband. I wouldn't smile and be pleasant while telling her this either.

[evanescentworld]

Or you could run into to her and introduce yourself as your husbands wife and tell her now that she has met you she can stop trying to hook her daughter up with your husband. I wouldn't smile and be pleasant while telling her this either.

 

Or...

 

"Why, hello...! You must be..*name*...! Oh, I've heard sooo much about you! How nice to finally meet you! You're just the most delightful lady! I'm sure those rumours aren't true.... Well, I heard, rather maliciously, I thought, that apparently, YOU are trying to couple up MY husband, with YOUR daughter!! *laugh!!* oh, I know, utterly ridiculous! I mean, why would you want to do such a thing, knowing he's married and all, and I'm having his child?! I mean, how ludicrous would that be!? Just utterly off the scale of being totally unbelievable! Naturally, I've paid it no attention, because the whole thing is obviously a figment of over-active silly minds with nothing better to do, than to try to meddle and mess things up for others! Still, as my mother says, when they're picking on you, they're giving someone else a rest! I'm sure those rumours will die down now, and fade to absolutely nothing! Such inconsequential trash!! Do give my best to your daughter! Bye!!"

 

Just a scenario I'd love to be a fly on the wall for!!

[whichwayisup]

I personally don't want my husband to reach out to this lady. If she's the manipulative sort, she could turn it around on him and claim that he's harassing her. I think I will just "accidentally" have this lady see that he has a wife and child by joining one of the activities of that organization and hope she sees us there and finally gives up.

 

So is she not aware he is married?

 

This is nuts, either you or your husband just tell her to back off.

[LoveMyHusband]

So is she not aware he is married?

 

This is nuts, either you or your husband just tell her to back off.

 

She asked my father in law about him for her daughter and then my father in law told her he was now married and that his wife was expecting. And then the very next time she saw him she was asking my father in law the same thing and then claimed she forgot when my FIL pointed out that he had told her last time that his son is married. (Yeah, ok, lady!) This is very uncomfortable and awkward because several relatives of my husband know this lady and see her more often. At the same time, I don't want to step on anyone's toes.

 

I'm beginning to wonder if she already knew he was married the first time she ran into him and asked. If not, my father-in-law's telling her he was married with an expectant wife did not deter her.

 

If I had been in her shoes and the guy's father told me he was now married, I would feel embarrassed that I asked to begin with, like I said. And if something embarrasses you, you most certainly don't forget it and you try to avoid putting yourself back into that embarrassing situation. Even if I didn't know, I'd be mortified if I was trying to set someone up with someone and found out that the person was taken. I would feel like I had egg on my face for sure.

[evanescentworld]

In my opinion, meeting her with your H and being relatively 'pointed' about how you guys are HAPPILY married, and expecting a baby, should be sufficient, but what exactly do you want to do?

What do you feel able to do?

And will you gain your husband's verbal support while you do this?

Edited December 28, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LoveMyHusband]

In my opinion, meeting her with your H and being relatively 'pointed' about how you guys are HAPPILY married, and expecting a baby, should be sufficient, but what exactly do you want to do?

What do you feel able to do?

And will you gain your husband's verbal support while you do this?

 

I think my husband would be amenable to that. I figure we will go to an event with that organization and bring the baby. And that way she will probably get the hint. I don't want to cop an attitude. I think it's classless to do so. But I really don't like someone trying to set my husband up with somebody else. It's both inappropriate and bizarre.

[hoping2heal]

Is this causing you to feel insecure somehow?

 

From the sounds of it, the woman only sporadically runs into your family (or, father in law more specifically). While I do understand that its an annoyance, I feel like your reaction to it is quite strong and sounds like an insecurity issue.

 

Were it me, I would actually probably laugh it off because it is afterall-rather ridiculous that any parent be trying to set their child up with a married Father. I guess I would find it to ridiculous to take seriously, but I realize that you do in fact take it serious.

 

Again, is this causing some insecurity?

[whichwayisup]

Find the humour in this and laugh it off.

 

Let this woman hang herself, people who know her and your in laws will soon see what an idiot she is pushing to set her daughter up with a guy who already has a wife and a kid on the way.

 

You can't control what this nut case does but you can control yourself and your reaction.

 

Ignore it and focus on your pregnancy, forget her. IF she harasses, shows up at your door, calls, follows your husband around etc., then file a restraining order against her

[LoveMyHusband]

Is this causing you to feel insecure somehow?

 

From the sounds of it, the woman only sporadically runs into your family (or, father in law more specifically). While I do understand that its an annoyance, I feel like your reaction to it is quite strong and sounds like an insecurity issue.

 

Were it me, I would actually probably laugh it off because it is afterall-rather ridiculous that any parent be trying to set their child up with a married Father. I guess I would find it to ridiculous to take seriously, but I realize that you do in fact take it serious.

 

Again, is this causing some insecurity?

 

No, this isn't making me insecure. The woman's daughter is no threat. It's just that there is a connection between this family and my husband's family. Some of my husband's relatives are friendly with her. It makes me feel funny.

 

And I heard some not so flattering things about this woman that make me suspect. I was told that she "can't be trusted." I think I'm going to just bump into her with my husband and child at the next function. That would be the classiest way to deal with this.

 

I think my reaction is fueled a lot by what else I've heard. I don't know this lady, so I don't know what to think, but it sounds fishy.

[LoveMyHusband]

Find the humour in this and laugh it off.

 

Let this woman hang herself, people who know her and your in laws will soon see what an idiot she is pushing to set her daughter up with a guy who already has a wife and a kid on the way.

 

You can't control what this nut case does but you can control yourself and your reaction.

 

Ignore it and focus on your pregnancy, forget her. IF she harasses, shows up at your door, calls, follows your husband around etc., then file a restraining order against her

 

I have since had my baby. She asked about my husband while I was pregnant and then after I had given birth. And that's when my FIL was like, "I told you he's married. His wife just had a baby." I don't know if she would go so far as to stalk my husband, but I think she would inquire because she REALLY wanted him to marry her daughter. That's what I've heard. She made up her mind that they would be husband and wife. Yes, it is laughable, but it is annoying at the same time. She completely disregarded me like I didn't exist.

[Mal78]

Perhaps it's not about your husband or her daughter at all. Maybe she is projecting and she is *really* after your FIL.

 

Regardless this is a non issue. She wants a *status* relationship for her daughter. Poor girl... could you imagine what she is going through. I bet she is embarrassed.

[Mal78]

No, this isn't making me insecure. The woman's daughter is no threat. It's just that there is a connection between this family and my husband's family. Some of my husband's relatives are friendly with her. It makes me feel funny.

 

And I heard some not so flattering things about this woman that make me suspect. I was told that she "can't be trusted." I think I'm going to just bump into her with my husband and child at the next function. That would be the classiest way to deal with this.

 

I think my reaction is fueled a lot by what else I've heard. I don't know this lady, so I don't know what to think, but it sounds fishy.

 

Perhaps when you "bump" into her you can tell her you have hear SO much things about her that you almost feel like you know her! Then ask how her daughter is

[whichwayisup]

I have since had my baby. She asked about my husband while I was pregnant and then after I had given birth. And that's when my FIL was like, "I told you he's married. His wife just had a baby." I don't know if she would go so far as to stalk my husband, but I think she would inquire because she REALLY wanted him to marry her daughter. That's what I've heard. She made up her mind that they would be husband and wife. Yes, it is laughable, but it is annoying at the same time. She completely disregarded me like I didn't exist.

 

You're giving this woman way too much power. You're in complete control, he's your husband and you have a kid with him now. WHO cares if this (I will assume it's a close family friend's daughter who has known your H since he was born) woman is hoping and wishing that her daughter was married to him, it ain't gonna ever happen. She's the fool here! don't let it annoy you so much!

 

Don't you think others think she's very odd, hoping that her daughter will marry him when he's already married to you? People you know have their own lives and are way too busy to focus on this, so please, do your best to forget and live your life like she doesn't exist.

[Clockwork]

Don't worry about it. The mother is a little snoopy, maybe a little desperate for her daughter to meet someone. That's it. Last time I checked, the daughter was a consenting adult and could make up her own mind. I guess it doesn't sound like she's the problem though, and since she isn't pursuing your husband and your husband has never expressed interest then I would say there is nothing to worry about.

[LoveMyHusband]

Perhaps it's not about your husband or her daughter at all. Maybe she is projecting and she is *really* after your FIL.

 

Regardless this is a non issue. She wants a *status* relationship for her daughter. Poor girl... could you imagine what she is going through. I bet she is embarrassed.

 

You are right on the money. I was told by someone that for years this woman has been romantically pursuing my father in law. I think she wants him on the side. She's married and so is my FIL. That's probably why she thinks nothing of her daughter being set up with a married man and breaking apart his marriage so she could further her own agenda. I was told that she wants this so she can be closer to my father in law. It's disgusting.

 

Women tend to keep pursuing something romantic with a man and interpreting things that aren't there. And I think this woman is doing that with her daughter. I was told that the daughter is not carrying on like this. She's living her life innocently; the mother is doing this. If I were the daughter and I knew this was going on, I'd be pissed. I don't have to tell anyone just how inappropriate this is.

[LoveMyHusband]

Don't worry about it. The mother is a little snoopy, maybe a little desperate for her daughter to meet someone. That's it. Last time I checked, the daughter was a consenting adult and could make up her own mind. I guess it doesn't sound like she's the problem though, and since she isn't pursuing your husband and your husband has never expressed interest then I would say there is nothing to worry about.

 

No, she's desperate to specifically have her daughter marry my husband, nobody else. So, okay, I wouldn't hate her because she tried to set them up in the past. People try to set their children up with people every day and sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. What I don't like is that she knows he's married and isn't deterred. It's not about having her daughter find someone; it's about her daughter being with my husband.

 

When the mother was first trying to set him up with the daughter, my husband and his parents were making all sorts of excuses to make her back off and she kept rationalizing in response why that particular excuse wouldn't make a difference. He actually told his mother on the spot when he pulled her off to the side that he didn't want to go out with her, that she wasn't his type.

 

I'm just afraid this woman is going to be psycho and terrorize us to achieve her end. I guess I've been reading too much about Jodi Arias. LOL.

[anika99]

And on top of it all, my husband was not interested in her daughter to begin with. After they approached him, he told his parents she may have been a nice person but that he didn't like her that way right then and there.

 

 

Then there isn't a problem. Why try to turn this into some sort of drama? Just forget about it.

Edited December 29, 2014 by anika99
grammar

[Clockwork]

No, she's desperate to specifically have her daughter marry my husband, nobody else. So, okay, I wouldn't hate her because she tried to set them up in the past. People try to set their children up with people every day and sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. What I don't like is that she knows he's married and isn't deterred. It's not about having her daughter find someone; it's about her daughter being with my husband.

 

When the mother was first trying to set him up with the daughter, my husband and his parents were making all sorts of excuses to make her back off and she kept rationalizing in response why that particular excuse wouldn't make a difference. He actually told his mother on the spot when he pulled her off to the side that he didn't want to go out with her, that she wasn't his type.

 

I'm just afraid this woman is going to be psycho and terrorize us to achieve her end. I guess I've been reading too much about Jodi Arias. LOL.

 

I wouldn't worry about it. The mother sounds unethical and not someone I would associate with but if the daughter isn't trying to communicate with you and your husband isn't then it isn't a problem. One old woman with a lack of respect shouldn't be something that puts a wedge in your relationship.

[LoveMyHusband]

I wouldn't worry about it. The mother sounds unethical and not someone I would associate with but if the daughter isn't trying to communicate with you and your husband isn't then it isn't a problem. One old woman with a lack of respect shouldn't be something that puts a wedge in your relationship.

 

Thanks I appreciate it.

[anika99]

No, she's desperate to specifically have her daughter marry my husband, nobody else. So, okay, I wouldn't hate her because she tried to set them up in the past. People try to set their children up with people every day and sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. What I don't like is that she knows he's married and isn't deterred. It's not about having her daughter find someone; it's about her daughter being with my husband.

 

When the mother was first trying to set him up with the daughter, my husband and his parents were making all sorts of excuses to make her back off and she kept rationalizing in response why that particular excuse wouldn't make a difference. He actually told his mother on the spot when he pulled her off to the side that he didn't want to go out with her, that she wasn't his type.

 

I'm just afraid this woman is going to be psycho and terrorize us to achieve her end. I guess I've been reading too much about Jodi Arias. LOL.

 

Seriously? In your first post you mentioned that this mother set up your husband with her daughter years ago and then inquired after your husband two times since being married. The first time she said she didn't know he was married and the second time she said she forgot. Big whoop. That sounds pretty mundane and non threatening to me. Not sure how you are getting psycho and terrorist out of that.

 

 

You are turning a non drama into a drama. Even if this woman is so stupid that she actually still wants to set up her daughter with a married man, (and to be fair I haven't seen anything to indicate that this is what she was after. She said that she didn't know he was married and then that she forgot that he was married and it sounds like she dropped the subject both times after being told of the marriage. I didn't read where she said "I don't care that he's married he should date my daughter anyways") since you have emphatically stated that your husband is not interested in her daughter and that you don't personally know the woman and she is not in contact with you or your husband how is this even a problem for you? Who cares? Personally, when someone is crushing on my bf I feel rather proud, like if other people want him I must have quite the prize, lol. Now if I were insecure and didn't fully trust my man I would have an issue but as long as I'm confidant and secure in my relationship it doesn't bother me at all to know that other women would like a go at him.

[LoveMyHusband]

Seriously? In your first post you mentioned that this mother set up your husband with her daughter years ago and then inquired after your husband two times since being married. The first time she said she didn't know he was married and the second time she said she forgot. Big whoop. That sounds pretty mundane and non threatening to me. Not sure how you are getting psycho and terrorist out of that.

 

 

You are turning a non drama into a drama. Even if this woman is so stupid that she actually still wants to set up her daughter with a married man, (and to be fair I haven't seen anything to indicate that this is what she was after. She said that she didn't know he was married and then that she forgot that he was married and it sounds like she dropped the subject both times after being told of the marriage. I didn't read where she said "I don't care that he's married he should date my daughter anyways") since you have emphatically stated that your husband is not interested in her daughter and that you don't personally know the woman and she is not in contact with you or your husband how is this even a problem for you? Who cares? Personally, when someone is crushing on my bf I feel rather proud, like if other people want him I must have quite the prize, lol. Now if I were insecure and didn't fully trust my man I would have an issue but as long as I'm confidant and secure in my relationship it doesn't bother me at all to know that other women would like a go at him.

 

I trust my man and know he would never cheat on me. But, I am hearing things from others about this woman's supposed intentions and I'm wary. We may come in contact with them. I've decided that perhaps if she sees us all together as a family she won't ask again.

 

Actually, the setup never happened because my husband said to his family he didn't want to go out with the daughter and they made excuses to get her to stop.

Edited December 29, 2014 by LoveMyHusband

[LoveMyHusband]

I wouldn't worry about it. The mother sounds unethical and not someone I would associate with but if the daughter isn't trying to communicate with you and your husband isn't then it isn't a problem. One old woman with a lack of respect shouldn't be something that puts a wedge in your relationship.

 

The daughter is friends with my husband on FB and not a peep from her. I don't mind it at all that he's FB friends with her. I just am uncomfortable with the things I'm hearing about her mother's intentions. Then again, it could be blown out of proportion coming second hand like anything else.

[whichwayisup]

The daughter is friends with my husband on FB and not a peep from her. I don't mind it at all that he's FB friends with her. I just am uncomfortable with the things I'm hearing about her mother's intentions. Then again, it could be blown out of proportion coming second hand like anything else.

 

I suggest he delete her off of facebook. Maybe the mom is using her account and can lurk his page.

[LoveMyHusband]

I suggest he delete her off of facebook. Maybe the mom is using her account and can lurk his page.

 

The girl's father is also FB friends with my husband and my father in law.

 

Then if she lurks his page, she will see his relationship status as well as our family photos.

[Clockwork]

The girl's father is also FB friends with my husband and my father in law.

 

Then if she lurks his page, she will see his relationship status as well as our family photos.

 

Good. I hope she does. Maybe she'll see that there is actually a family that exists right now that she is trying to ruin. That usually scares most people off.