Have you ever dated outside your race/culture/religion?

[orangetree]

My boyfriend of 2.5 years is from another Culture than I am. I'm from Mid/Eastern Europe, he's from Latin America.

In the beginning we probably fought more than the average couple because of cultural differences and even language problems (we spoke English in the beginning even though that's not my or his mother language). Today everything is fine and we barely fight, we just bought a house together and are planning a future together.

[Ruby Slippers]

For me it isn't so much the cultural differences as it is the family reaction. My family wouldn't be too pleased. I don't really care at this point but it could be an issue for her.

I've learned that when it comes to disapproving families, there are basically two types of people: those who establish healthy boundaries with their parents and do not allow them to interfere in their personal relationships, and those who don't. I've dated both kinds.

 

The first type told his difficult and disapproving mother that if she couldn't respect me and our relationship, he wouldn't have anything to do with her. She was a single mother, very dependent on him, and saw me as a threat, so constantly meddled and complained. Eventually he cut contact with her and didn't speak to her for the last year of our relationship.

 

The second type, with a widowed and extremely needy mother, was never able to establish healthy boundaries and keep his interfering family from meddling in our relationship. I couldn't stand the constant stress, so I left.

 

The important factor here is your boundaries and how firm you are in defending your relationship from any intrusion.

[AVarma]

he had a lot of hatred for the US and other countries too, which came out as the relationship progressed.

 

He hated the US even though he lived and worked here? I'd like to say I'm surprised but unfortunately I know many Muslims like him.

 

Although some "guys" don't seem to really like a white guy dating a woman of "their" race, but I could care less what others really think about that.

 

I have to say this surprised me a lot. I also grew up in Texas and I knew a lot of people who were mixed latino/white. I didn't even realize it was an issue.

Edited December 28, 2014 by AVarma

[Tayken]

Jesus... you'd think people in 2014 would be more open minded than this.

 

 

Well...sometimes there are external forces in play in the form of family, society, friends. For example, a white woman with friends that all have white bfs/husbands, is unlikely to go date a minority.

 

Bottom line should be for all based on the marriage statistics, it should not make a difference who you date if you are being treated well, you get along with the person, you both respect each other...why ignore all this only because they don't look like you, and instead settle for someone that does but is an a-hole?

[somedude81]

I self-identify as a Christian white male, though I don't practice my religion. My only GF was a white non-practicing Catholic. Her family didn't seem to care that much about religion.

 

I'm open to dating a woman of any race as long as her culture and religion doesn't get in the way.

[aggie382]

I am white. I've dated white, black, Hispanic mainly Mexican, Malay and Filipino. And I live in Texas. Lol Maybe I do it to rebel.

[PinkCarnations]

The guy I'm seeing comes from a totally different cultural socioeconomic background than mine. He's blonde hair, greened eye and was sort of the jock in high school whereas I immigrated here from a different country when I was younger. His parents are wealthy whereas mine came here dirt poor, and my parents are still poor. Also we come from different religious backgrounds. Because of these cultural differences, I already know that there's no way me and him would last. Mostly because I don't see him being very culturally aware/tolerant. im super Americanized so he doesn't yet see how different our backgrounds are.. It sucks. I wish I could be serious with him but I know he wouldn't understand my culture etc.

[xpaperxcutx]

I don't identify as anything, although I prefer to say I'm agnostic. My family are traditionally Buddhist due to our Asian backgrounds, but they don't go by religion, so much so, as things must be a certain way because of culture.

 

My boyfriend of 3 years, is Bengali Muslim, and he is very religious- he prays 5 times a day, doesn't drink, doesn't eat pork. Prior to meeting me, he had hopes of marrying someone within his culture-preferably someone from back home, but his marriage views somewhat changed after getting together with me.

 

We date, but we haven't met each other's family because neither of our family would accept us together. His family are traditionally (Sunni) Muslim, so unless I convert for him and we get married, there's no way I will ever get to meet them. I, on the other hand, could date whoever I want, but like him, my family won't meet a guy unless it's someone who I plan to marry.

 

We see each other once a week or whenever he is off from work. We hang out with his friends (all of whom are from different backgrounds) and we try to date as normal as possible minus the part about us never meeting each other's family.

Edited December 28, 2014 by xpaperxcutx

[SpiralOut]

Yes I have. I'm white and I've dated a few Asian men: Chinese, Korean, and my current guy is Cambodian.

 

 

It is no problem to me. The only real issue I've had were the parents not liking it that I am white. I never met the Chinese man's parents. They wanted him to be with an Asian woman, although according to him, no woman he marries will be good enough anyway. That's not why we broke up, though.

 

 

My current bf had to tell his parents he does not want an arranged marriage. His father tried to set him up in one already. Anyway, apparently they are okay with him dating whoever he wants so long as it makes him happy. He says they are old and just want him to find someone. I'll be meeting them next month sometime.

Edited December 28, 2014 by SpiralOut

[Tayken]

The guy I'm seeing comes from a totally different cultural socioeconomic background than mine. He's blonde hair, greened eye and was sort of the jock in high school whereas I immigrated here from a different country when I was younger. His parents are wealthy whereas mine came here dirt poor, and my parents are still poor. Also we come from different religious backgrounds. Because of these cultural differences, I already know that there's no way me and him would last. Mostly because I don't see him being very culturally aware/tolerant. im super Americanized so he doesn't yet see how different our backgrounds are.. It sucks. I wish I could be serious with him but I know he wouldn't understand my culture etc.

 

So when do you plan to have this serious discussion then....am just curious?

[PinkCarnations]

So when do you plan to have this serious discussion then....am just curious?

 

Honestly. Prob never.. I'm having fun with him right now, but I'm also waiting for things to inevitably end between us. we're too different.

[the tank]

I dated a south korean. One of my best relationship. She had to move out to her country than...

[Halcyon]

I'm a white male, atheist not very serious about it. I've dated inside my race and outside it really makes no difference to me I grew up in a diverse area and have been exposed to all sorts of people since I was little, to me they are just that, people like everybody else. It always been about the person though met them and we just clicked similar views in life, what we wanted etc.

 

Outside my race I've dated asians mostly: Chinese, Japanese, Indonesian or Malaysian various backgrounds and religions in the families. None of them actively practiced them. There were a few issues with some of the parents disapproving of me, mostly one of my exes because we were living together prior to engagement and they felt she should be living at home until she got engaged. However she found home life suffocating so told them to respect her Independence. Other than that there was no real issue. They would have wanted her to move home regardless if she was living with me or not.

[Danda]

I've tried before but it didn't work. I'm the type of person who prefers the familiar all around and doesn't find "variety to be the spice of life" the way some people do. There are some exceptions, like friendship, in which case I've had a pretty wide variety in that area and have enjoyed it. But with romance and food, I tend to have figured out what I like and stick with it.

 

My second boyfriend was a hardline Catholic. My upbringing was damn near fundamentalist and pretty much scarred me for life, so I have a very hard time jiving with religion that hits too close to home for me. I consider myself spiritual but find organized religion really off-putting. There were too many times that the words coming out of his mouth gave me the thought that he reminded me of my biological father, and that just sent **** right into the twilight zone for me.

 

I also dated a black guy for a couple weeks (I am white). We were good friends, he made me laugh on a regular basis and I liked him general. I really wanted to feel attraction to him when he confessed that he felt attracted to me. I've only ever been attracted to white men and can't help it, just is what it is. After a couple weeks I called it quits because I just didn't find him attractive at all. I never told him that, though, no way in hell it could have come across in any other way than terribad.

 

At the end of the day when it comes to romance I just definitely seem to go for the male version of myself in almost every way, age range / economic status / spiritual take / race / political views / etc. Maybe I'm a bit narcy or something lol. I basically just want me but with a penis.

[Kristine]

I've never dated within my religion truthfully. I don't mesh with them I guess.

 

I have dated a muslim, I'm Catholic. It really didn't last long. About 4 months. The religious factor was a huge issue when it came down to it.

 

I was married to a Protestant the cheater, than a Lutheran our child together is baptised Catholic. Now I'm seeing a Morman. He wants me to convert, nope.

 

I guess I'm fascinated by others beliefs. But I'm not willing to change mine.

[Tayken]

Honestly. Prob never.. I'm having fun with him right now, but I'm also waiting for things to inevitably end between us. we're too different.

 

Hmmm...so you are using him, and the relationship is based on lies? There you have it folks, many more like this out there.

 

Wow

[Emilia]

Have any of you ever dated Indians or Muslims? How was the experience? Positive? Negative?

Yes both Indian and Kenyan Indian, there were big differences between the two (both first generation), the latter being an atheist, not believing in the caste system and generally not fitting that soft, bookish Indian mold. The experience would have been positive with him was it not for his inability to overcome some of the cultural restrictions his upbringing put on him.

 

I'd say you are underestimating how different it makes you that you are second generation American. I think it would help you if this is how you viewed yourself rather than Indian Muslim since you were born and raised in the West.

 

No matter how traditional, the 'plastic', educated South Asians (ie those born in the UK) I know are very different from the first generation migrants, mainly in that they have a more secure self identity, view relationships and patriarchy in a more liberal way. I know it's not easy to find your own identity but try talking to different men to see whose values are closest to yours.

[still_an_Angel]

I dated a muslim indian guy who was born and raised in South Africa. We had a good connection, but I never really blended well with his family. I always felt like a visitor even though I had been in their house many times and have attended family functions. Maybe if it was just us it could have worked out somehow as we were both open-minded and tolerant about our cultural and religious differences, but the 2 families presented a challenge.

[Got it]

I am married to someone of another race. I am agnostic/atheist and he is Christian though not practicing.

 

I don't care about race and religion, my preference though is someone that is liberal, educated, and open minded.

 

Race has not caused any issues in my marriage.

[Shepp]

Never.

 

I guess the closest I've ever come is my wife being from a city in the US, me being a country lad from the UK. But its not like we're from different races or cultures, just she says tomayto, I say tomarto.

 

I wouldn't of been against it if the right girl had come along but i dunno how it well it would of ever worked. I'm not closed to understanding other cultures or religions but at the same time my minds not for turning - i know what i think, what i believe and how i want to live, live and let live and all, but let me have my beliefs. I agree with Danda variety isnt the spice of my life - I keep friends from all walks of life, I'll try new food, new sport, new holiday spot, maybe even a new pocketknife - maybe. But in my own home, my own family, i like things as i like them.

 

My sister married a Indian chap, he's a top lad - but British born and bred so not particularly difference cultures but different races and its never hurt them.

[spiderowl]

I was born and raised in the US to an Indian Muslim family. I myself however do not practice the religion. I eat pork for ex. I have noticed however the different reactions from people when they hear my "funny" name. Some are intrigued, some are suspicious. I've heard a few rumors of women being warned not to date me because of my religious background.

 

My parents are pretty traditional and would oppose me marrying someone from a different religion, although I've made it clear that I'm not going through the arranged marriage process (although I have considered at moments of desperation).

 

So how many of you have dated outside your culture? Have any of you ever dated Indians or Muslims? How was the experience? Positive? Negative?

 

I have dated an Indian Hindu. He was a total gentleman but very focused on work, ambition and status. He was keen on the best 'brands' and most of what he did was about status and showing it. I did not feel we connected over that and really he needed a woman who was into that kind of superficiality (though I don't think she would have been good for him!). I did feel there was a cultural difference but I don't know if different religions had anything to do with that.

 

Are you saying that you will eventually marry someone from your own religion but will choose her yourself rather than through an arranged marriage? If so, is there any point in anyone of a different religion/viewpoint dating you? They would need to only view it as a fling surely?

Edited January 9, 2015 by spiderowl