Prettiest girl Ive gone on a date with doesnt think she's pretty.

[Trenton100]

Why worry about this? It sounds like you're doing good.

 

I am. I genuinely like this girl. It's just my fears from OLD.

[KatZee]

 

None of that is anything I remember dealing with before OLD. I feel worse about myself now that I've done it. Like Im not good enough and not valued as a human being.

 

Its ridiculous.

 

I have the same feelings, don't worry! I've gone on countless dates, and have had zero call-backs. I guess it doesn't really matter because I never felt a connection with any of these people, so I guess it was mutual.

 

Either way, I always feel worse after going on online dating dates. I feel like another number, or I feel like these guys think I'm an idiot and that I'm just going to put out.

 

One guy literally sat across from me as I ate dinner alone, and then he literally asked if he could come back to my apartment. Wait, what?

 

I have never gotten the impression that any of the guys were looking for an actual relationship at all, either.

 

I dono. In general, OLD is a huge waste of time. I used to see it as a convenient tool to meet people when I'm otherwise tied up at work, or too exhausted to go out. Now? Forget it. I hate it.

[Trenton100]

I have the same feelings, don't worry! I've gone on countless dates, and have had zero call-backs. I guess it doesn't really matter because I never felt a connection with any of these people, so I guess it was mutual.

 

Either way, I always feel worse after going on online dating dates. I feel like another number, or I feel like these guys think I'm an idiot and that I'm just going to put out.

 

One guy literally sat across from me as I ate dinner alone, and then he literally asked if he could come back to my apartment. Wait, what?

 

I have never gotten the impression that any of the guys were looking for an actual relationship at all, either.

 

I dono. In general, OLD is a huge waste of time. I used to see it as a convenient tool to meet people when I'm otherwise tied up at work, or too exhausted to go out. Now? Forget it. I hate it.

 

 

Oh jeez. Yeah I don't have the nerve to do that. I would expect to get slapped in the face if I made that request. Not to mention I'm kind of shy as it is.

 

 

Ironically, I live close to a major city so you would think the "numbers" game would work in my favor but it doesn't matter. It's all bunk.

 

 

After hearing your story and others, I'll never go back to it.

[KatZee]

Oh jeez. Yeah I don't have the nerve to do that. I would expect to get slapped in the face if I made that request. Not to mention I'm kind of shy as it is.

 

 

Ironically, I live close to a major city so you would think the "numbers" game would work in my favor but it doesn't matter. It's all bunk.

 

 

After hearing your story and others, I'll never go back to it.

 

Ironically, I live IN a major city, so you would think the numbers game would ABSOLUTELY work in my favor! Nope.

 

I think the larger the city, the more people want to play around. Too many options, too much room for boredom, too easy to move on to the next. Online, or otherwise.

[Trenton100]

Ironically, I live IN a major city, so you would think the numbers game would ABSOLUTELY work in my favor! Nope.

 

I think the larger the city, the more people want to play around. Too many options, too much room for boredom, too easy to move on to the next. Online, or otherwise.

 

 

Which city if you don't mind me asking?

[KatZee]

Which city if you don't mind me asking?

 

NYC. I'm assuming you're Jersey based on your user name.

[Trenton100]

NYC. I'm assuming you're Jersey based on your user name.

 

Yep. Philly. If you have a hard time with OLD up there, then there is no reason to think it could work anywhere.

[Bellaisa]

It's funny that anyone is surprised that its hard for women to take a compliment. With all the conflicting messages that women receive about their looks, added to their own beliefs, a compliment can be uncomfortable - even if they know they are gorgeous on an intellectual level.

 

It's similar to why women think they are fat when they are not. All my friends who are insanely pretty and think the opposite. This may help clear up why - "...it doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that women cannot see their body clearly. However, scientists have done just that. In fact, they have discovered that the image we project is “massively distorted” and is up to two thirds bigger than it is in reality." source.

 

Bottom line: women have distorted images of themselves.

[KatZee]

It's funny that anyone is surprised that its hard for women to take a compliment. With all the conflicting messages that women receive about their looks, added to their own beliefs, a compliment can be uncomfortable - even if they know they are gorgeous on an intellectual level.

 

It's similar to why women think they are fat when they are not. All my friends who are insanely pretty and think the opposite. This may help clear up why - "...it doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that women cannot see their body clearly. However, scientists have done just that. In fact, they have discovered that the image we project is “massively distorted” and is up to two thirds bigger than it is in reality." source.

 

Bottom line: women have distorted images of themselves.

 

Totally. When I get guys complimenting me on the train or elsewhere I kinda go... uhhhh what? My outfit isn't as cute as what that woman over there is wearing.

 

I'll compare myself to other women I see who are attractive. They will be the "stereotypical" version of what is "beautiful." Perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect outfit, heels, very feminine.

 

Meanwhile I'll be out in jeans and uggs and feel very blah about myself.

 

I hate what is driven into people's heads about what is attractive, because there are days I feel like I don't "live up" to expectations.

[spanishchick00]

I guess that's what happened. My teen years were super awkward! But comments about my physical appearance do tend to make me feel slightly uncomfortable.

 

Also, OP--- OLD SUCKS!!!! It has nothing to do with your age. I'm 30 and feel the same way. It's a cesspool of crap. I notice that the same types of guys hang around OLD. The ones who need ego boosters. The ones who just want to be your pen pal. The ones who are perpetual bachelors. The complete psychos.

 

I have been on TONS of OLD dates, and I really can't think of one normal person I've met off it. I actually just had this conversation with someone, when you need to go to the bar to meet someone quality, you know the world has flipped upside down.

 

I think OLD is the new "bar scene." It's so easy to go online and find people willing to hook up, have casual things with and then move on to the next.

 

This is why my friends and I have deleted all OLD profiles. It's such a sad demographic on there.

 

I deleted my OLD profile permanently. But I do have 2 OLD dates "supposedly" lined up for this week, I will give this one last try. I don't ever plan on coming back on OLD. I'm just gonna have to meet someone the old fashioned way.

[Trenton100]

That's why I'm really hoping this girl works out. I probably wouldn't read so much into it if it wasn't for past OLD experiences. She's off the site as well, for reasons you guys mentioned.

[Trenton100]

Totally. When I get guys complimenting me on the train or elsewhere I kinda go... uhhhh what? My outfit isn't as cute as what that woman over there is wearing.

 

I'll compare myself to other women I see who are attractive. They will be the "stereotypical" version of what is "beautiful." Perfect hair, perfect makeup, perfect outfit, heels, very feminine.

 

Meanwhile I'll be out in jeans and uggs and feel very blah about myself.

 

I hate what is driven into people's heads about what is attractive, because there are days I feel like I don't "live up" to expectations.

 

To be fair, some of the compliments are probably legit. Some of us dont find the perfect 10s to be all that perfect.

 

Like the person Im talking to now. I take one look at her and I'm hooked. To others she probably wouldn't grace a magazine cover but in my eyes, it doesn't matter. I've never had a date with anyone prettier.

Edited December 22, 2014 by Trenton100

[Evening]

This drives me crazy. I think she is. I've told her how pretty she is. She sends a picture of herself now and then (nothing sexual which I like) and I always compliment. But then I get the "I'm not used to being told that" or "oh stop". I like the fact she doesn't flaunt and dresses in a normal fashion, but if I think you're pretty and you keep sending pics, what else do you expect me to say?

 

She really is in my view too. I'm not kidding. She's natural and doesn't go crazy with makeup or anything like that. She says the reasons she likes me is because I'm nice, cute and think she's pretty.

 

And when I say here the prettiest girl I've ever been on a date with, I mean it.

 

Bonkers.

 

Funny, it sounds like me. Lol But its not me. I have had problems with how I look in the past, it left me some scars and thats why I sometimes feel so insecure. And I am not believing that I am pretty enough.

 

There could be problems in her childhood or in her past or people who treated her in unlovable ways that made her believe that she is the opposite.

Just trying to explain.

 

There could be other reasons too, of course.

[elaine567]

Some of us dont find the perfect 10s to be all that perfect.

That is why it is such an artificial grading.

Not everyone wants the perfect ten as a partner.

 

I recognise physical beauty in a man, the perfect 10, but am I attracted? Yes at some superficial level, but for a life partner??

Real attraction to me is a lot more than the perfect smile, and being "fit".

Real attraction has also to do with intellect, humour and personality too.

[idoltree]

All I know is if this doesn't pan out, I am 100% through with OLD. I've grown so impatient over this kind of second-guessing and flakiness. I have to join a forum to get advice at this point when I'm freaking 40.

 

I'll take my chances the old fashion way. OLD is such a backwards, impersonal can of horse****.

 

Don't do this. If you're all "if this doesn't work, I'm done!!1!", you're going to inadvertently put too much pressure on things working out with this girl. You'll act in ways that will come off as needy. Stop being dramatic, dude.

 

Second, it's not unusual to be confused at being back in the dating game after a long relationship or marriage. You're 40 and you need perspective you don't have because you haven't dated online before this... So what? It's a confusing thing. No one's judging you, so why are you your worst critic?

 

Third, don't get mad at online dating because you're taking women on expensive first dates and feeling frustrated when you don't get a second. Take women out for coffee on a first date, or meet for a single drink (say you have plans and ask her on a second date.) A first OLD date is not the same as a first date with someone you've already met in real life, as we discussed in another thread. You're assessing whether you're attracted to one another in real life, therefore don't treat it like it's an actual first date.

 

It's really not the fault of online dating if you're not being sensible. It's a method to meet people, not an arch enemy actively sabotaging your chances.

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

Has this woman you think is so "pretty?" been single for a long, long time? I wonder if her relationship with her father has been good. Or maybe she use to get bullied by boys? Maybe she's been rejected a lot by guys. Maybe she the guys she liked preferred her friends? I don't know. But when someone hasn't had a lot of " positive feedback" on looks they simply aren't going to be use to it, when someone gives compliments. They are use to or expect, rejection, heart ache, frustration or meanness from men. Perhaps deep down this lady believes that love is conditional and that your compliments are meant to be for someone else and not for her.

 

My advice is to not compliment her so much, just keep talking to her and take her out for dinner and say you look pretty but only do it once and don't over do it.She might be a little fragile underneath it all, and feel uncomfortable with compliments because it seems absolutely foreign to her. Be patient and help her to understand that not all men are " out to get her". I have a friend who is use to compliments from men. So she has no problem believing that she is beautiful. Some woman are beautiful but don't often hear it, therefore they don't believe it. If you like her, you'll have to go slow and take your time with her.