Author HeBrokeMyHeart Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 1 month of NC is not enough time to look at the situation outside of your deep emotions or too have solid control of them when you look back at it. Its going to be hard to kick like a heroin addiction but give it more time and see how you feel I do feel like I am much better then I am. And can control my emotions a lot more. He is older then me, he's 26 while I'm 19. I get the plate thing I do, but if we applied that to every relationship where would most marriages be right now? I guess I am old fashioned and I believe the saying 'if something is broken fix it don't throw it away.' I guess that's why the divorce rate has plumped in the years. Our generation forgets to value what's most important. If something valuable broke like a expensive tv, a car, heck a house. If them things needed work doing to them, you wouldn't throw it away and replace it. You'd try fix it. Which is why I don't agree with the plate anology a plate isn't valuable, you have more then one. The way I like to see relationships is like a family home. You've spent years in this house, every room, every corner is filled with a memory of your past. You care & value this house. Now when things get tough & it starts needing to be repaired or things need fixing. Do you up & sell? Because what's done is done? The house has out lives that purpose? No you fix these things. Because you care & you're memories are there. And that's how I see relationships. Okay so some relationships can't be fixed. & that's the only time I wouldn't apply this notion; cheating, abuse or both parties unhappy. But with easily fixed things, I believe why throw it away? If you both care & miss each other why not work at it? If you know where it went wrong, why not fix it? And that's why I believe so many marriages fail, we have become a lazy nation & throw away the most valuable things in our life. Sorry for going of course ahaa 1 Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 My honest opinion? You're 19 and your hormones are all over the place. I remember when my world fell apart when I was your age as well.. I have since dated multiple people for multiple years each. You'll be ok.. I say move on. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 You can't force things to happen after a break up and he broke up with you. Things have to happen naturally, meaning that he should be the one to get back in contact with you if he feels he made a mistake. That is how it worked with my ex, but I got to a point where I went NC to heal and it just so happened that she got back in contact with me, but after 3 months NC. That gave me and her time away. Me to heal and her to reflect. My feelings are different and I have worked to change behaviors and improve myself. Posters were right on here in that you should move forward and really work on yourself so you are a better person for your next relationship and give it time. If it is meant to be then it is meant to be, but again, forcing something will not end up good and you have to lose all hope of reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBrokeMyHeart Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 My honest opinion? You're 19 and your hormones are all over the place. I remember when my world fell apart when I was your age as well.. I have since dated multiple people for multiple years each. You'll be ok.. I say move on. And this is the one thing that I hate about sites like these. That people generalise that everyone is the same. Just because your hormones were everywhere at your age does not mean mine are or that the next girl/guy my age will be either. No one is ever completely the same, people act, behave & are different for a reason. So what you may say happened to you will not apply to another person. My hormones are very stable, I'm a very calm, happy person. Just because I'm 19 doesn't mean my emotions are like a broken clock. One thing I can't stand is people generalising on they're own life experiences. Sure you have wisdom on things someone else may not have, but doesn't mean that your wisdom applies to someone else's situation. Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 And this is the one thing that I hate about sites like these. That people generalise that everyone is the same. Just because your hormones were everywhere at your age does not mean mine are or that the next girl/guy my age will be either. No one is ever completely the same, people act, behave & are different for a reason. So what you may say happened to you will not apply to another person. My hormones are very stable, I'm a very calm, happy person. Just because I'm 19 doesn't mean my emotions are like a broken clock. One thing I can't stand is people generalising on they're own life experiences. Sure you have wisdom on things someone else may not have, but doesn't mean that your wisdom applies to someone else's situation. Point proven haha. I'd bet big money that 10 years from now you'll look back at this (most likely with your new bf/husband) and laugh. Why chase someone who doesn't want to be with you? I took me awhile and a lot of hard truths to realize that life is way to short to be caught up in crap that does not matter. Go out and enjoy life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBrokeMyHeart Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 You can't force things to happen after a break up and he broke up with you. Things have to happen naturally, meaning that he should be the one to get back in contact with you if he feels he made a mistake. That is how it worked with my ex, but I got to a point where I went NC to heal and it just so happened that she got back in contact with me, but after 3 months NC. That gave me and her time away. Me to heal and her to reflect. My feelings are different and I have worked to change behaviors and improve myself. Posters were right on here in that you should move forward and really work on yourself so you are a better person for your next relationship and give it time. If it is meant to be then it is meant to be, but again, forcing something will not end up good and you have to lose all hope of reconciliation. I agree with you. I don't want to force anything because with anything in life what happens when you force a door open it pulls away. So forcing was never my intention, I just wanted some guidance on how to handle this situation in the right way and if there was a small bit of hope left. I won't be contacting him due to respecting his relationship (even if it is a rebound) it took you 3 months you say? In that time did you have any contact what so ever? How was your relationship when it ended. Did it end on good or bad terms? I am moving on with my life, I'm speaking to new people, dating them, making plans and generally happy with life. I never ever NEEDED my ex I want him that's the difference. I know that even if things may not work out, I will be fine like I am now. Things are going great for me at work, my career is progressing amazingly. I have people I love around me & I have a lot planned for next year which I look forward too. Sure I miss my ex a lot & want to reconnect but only because I value my relationships, be with partners, friends or family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBrokeMyHeart Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Point proven haha. I'd bet big money that 10 years from now you'll look back at this (most likely with your new bf/husband) and laugh. Why chase someone who doesn't want to be with you? I took me awhile and a lot of hard truths to realize that life is way to short to be caught up in crap that does not matter. Go out and enjoy life. I'm sure I will look back at this point in life one day, and it will be from learning & experiencing it in order to grow as a person. I never intended on chasing him I just wanted to see if there was any hope left that someday reconnection could happen. I know no one will know specifically but I wanted some guidance on how to take things. I won't contact him due to respecting his new relationship (rebound or not) but I am moving on with my life myself, and I can say I am genuinely say I'm happy & mean it. Not one thing I can pin point in my life is bad. I miss my ex granted but I do not need my ex in anyway for my life to be happy or great. I simply miss the person & I value my relationships with anyone, because at the end of the day who's going to be there when you die? Your job? Diploma? Your money? It's going to be the people who care about you & who you care for. That's why relationships are the most important thing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 "I have dated & actually hooked up with someone else" Your 19 y/o you are basically still a child and you have proved that by hooking up with someone after a month, I have been with my wife 20 years apart 5 months neither she or I would contemplate seeing anyone else either now or for the foreseeable future if ever, you are so young just enjoy yourself and don't get too hung up on relationships because is you do at your age you will flutter like a moth from flame to flame just be young and have a good time with your friends, I was 25 before I even contemplated a long term relationship with anyone because life was too good to be so serious about anything. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 You are spending far too much time analyzing, rationalizing and explaining his new relationship. You need to delete him from social media altogether. This guy is very immature for 26 and your relationship sounds like it wasn't the healthiest anyway. It's impossible to reconnect with someone who doesn't want to. You need to redirect your energy on you. It doesn't matter if his new relationship is fake, a rebound, etc, etc. It isn't your business anymore and it saps too much time away from the most important person, which is you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 . Secondly he's emotionally damaged & would never rush into a relationship. THIS is what you want to get back with? You miss an emotionally damaged person? YOUR words, not ours. You just want what you can't have right now. You are talking about looking back and what you might have... well, I'll tell you right now the one thing you won't have... HIM. So maybe it's time to move on and let go. And don't say you blocked him on social media and then two posts later say you are still checking out his statuses and being upset by them. You are doing this to yourself. You say relationships are the most important thing to you? Well, apparently to him, his relationship with you wasn't. Embrace that thought, move on, and stop analyzing his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBrokeMyHeart Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 Okay so my ex boyfriends split up with me over a month ago. Since then he's in a rebound relationship & we haven't spoke since it ended. I've moved on with my life and even though I do still miss him & care for him I don't think id ever be able to get back with him. I'm dating & talking to new people and my life is generally great at the moment. I am truly happy with how my life is at the moment. Things obviously didn't end to well between us & with a new year around the corner I kinda wanted to build some bridges and leave the past in the past. I will eventually have to see this guy as we have the same social circle as well as the fact he lives on my front door. Thing is my ex seems to still be playing games and in all honesty as much as if like to be the bigger person & try he civil I don't know if it's the right thing to do. If he hadn't been acting in the way he is then I would defiantly do it, but in all honesty I don't think he's truly moved on & I don't want my new year started off in a bad way if he's still angry at me. Can someone help me? Take the high road and be a better person or leave him to his make believe life?? Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 You know the answer to this. Staying NC is the high road. If you have to hash out your feelings on LoveShack, you have not moved on---there is hurt, there is pain, there is resentment. Let it be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 You don't send him a Happy New Year's message. /thread 1 Link to post Share on other sites
unforgotten Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I am not going to. It's not my wish that she'd have a happy new year either as cruel as it may sound. And I hope I'm not getting one from her either! Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBrokeMyHeart Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 I am not going to. It's not my wish that she'd have a happy new year either as cruel as it may sound. And I hope I'm not getting one from her either! Still angry at her?? How long ago was the break up?? Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Still angry at her?? How long ago was the break up?? Hey!! Don't change the subject...! The subject is you, and no, do not get in touch with the ex, for no reason, not any not nohow. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 No, bad idea. The guy is dating someone else. Furthermore, it will make you look like you are reaching out, in a bad way. Your life is great you say, so just enjoy it, but don't ruin how well things are going by sending a "happy new year" text message. Link to post Share on other sites
unforgotten Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Still angry at her?? How long ago was the break up?? 2,5 months post breakup. She at least emotionally cheated on me after 7 years being together and is dating the guy. She threw me under the bus like I was nothing and now I'm supposed to send her a happy new year message? I'm not that pathetic. **** her. I don't know how will I react though when we bump into each other in January since she'll probably want to shake my hand, kiss and wish me all the best in a new year. Isn't that awkward? You're wishing me all the best after you ruined me in ways you can't even begin to imagine. **** you. Perhaps that should be my response. A simple **** you should do it. She asked me to leave her alone if I want her to be happy. It was the worst thing to do and I did it. Did she ever think about my happiness? And now you're wishing me all the best?! I mean... Get the hell out of my life and out of my head, please. Link to post Share on other sites
Invictus01 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 It is time to be selfish and think about your broken heart. If he wanted to hear from you, he wouldn't break up with you a month ago. So, go out tonight, party it up and maybe meet some guys. New year, new beginnings. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 I think it's too soon. I had a very cordial breakup with my ex two months ago, but I still don't feel comfortable sending her a text over the holidays. I'd rather wait a bit longer before contacting her again, because I know I still have healing to do. Also as a courtesy to her, she might be trying to heal too and getting a text from me might open up old wounds, which she doesn't need when she's trying to enjoy herself. I would wait. You might find you never want to contact them again, and if, for whatever reason you do get in touch somewhere down the line, they aren't going to hold over your head "YOU DIDN'T TEXT ME ON NYE!" (and if they do, push them under a bus for being a dickhead). Link to post Share on other sites
seminoles84 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Absolutely not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HeBrokeMyHeart Posted December 31, 2014 Author Share Posted December 31, 2014 The only reason I felt like doing this is because I know I'm in a better place, I don't resent him, hate him & I now understand why we needed to break up. I myself wasn't happy at the end of the relationship either but instead of walking away I wanted to try fix things. I have walked away from it now & my life is happier, I'm dating & seeing other people and I am in a much better place. I will always care & love him just not as strongly as I use too & that never goes away when you spent a big part of your life with someone. I just have to see this guy quite often and I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us, it ended badly but both of us are in better places now. I agree with about he needs to heal too & I think that's one of the reasons I'm holding back as he still seems to be playing games. I don't want to reach out & give him any fire power. Link to post Share on other sites
unforgotten Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 What is wrong with trying to fix things? It takes courage and it's the hard path to take but IMO only loosers walk away when things get complicated. It's so easy to give up and be a quitter. Link to post Share on other sites
Elle1975 Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Only things aren't complicated, things are over. We can't make people love us by being persistent. We can however get slammed with restraining orders. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 31, 2014 Share Posted December 31, 2014 Do not send a happy new year message or any other message to your EX Your relationship is over & your EX is in a new relationship. To reach out now is going backwards. unforgotten -- it does take a stronger person to work to fix problems in a relationship but the time to do that is before the break up, not a month later when at least one of you is dating somebody else. Also texting something like Happy New Year isn't a relationship fix. It's a passive aggressive & doesn't fix anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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