Torn on this one. To send a happy B day text or not?

[Simon Phoenix]

Well, I'm obviously the only one here advocating sending the message and the other posters probably have more experience than I at this, though I know everyone's experience and history is different and what YOU should do is based on your own experiences, not others'

 

IF you do decide to send the message, as I mentioned before, the key will be in you deciding that no matter what she does in reply (she'll most likely text back thank you and that will be that), it won't hurt you. If you will be hurt if she blasts you, then you shouldn't send it.

 

Like I said, if it were me, I'd take the high road.

 

There's no high road. She's not going to think less of him for not sending it. She'll understand. If anything, she might even appreciate him letting her celebrate her day without interference.

[Halcyon]

Like I said, if it were me, I'd take the high road.

 

This isn't about taking the high road or low road. If anything taking the high road is accepting that things are done and moving on, not reaching out on someones birthday in hope of something in return. Maybe their ex just wants to enjoy their day without been reminded about that? Hell I just got dumped a week ago and my birthday is in a few weeks and I'm really hoping my ex does not contact me because it will probably drive me nuts.

 

You don't send happy birthday messages to every person in your life right? Work colleagues, distant relatives, people you haven't spoken to in years? You have no obligation to send your ex a happy birthday text, just like merry xmas or any other event people who have broken up get hung up on it because it is seen as a "chance" to reopen the communication lines.

[kenmore]

I'm pretty sure I'll catch feelings over anything she replies back, or doesn't reply back, so best to let a dead dog lie.

 

Then you definitely shouldn't send it. Best wishes to you!

[tikay00]

There's no high road. She's not going to think less of him for not sending it. She'll understand. If anything, she might even appreciate him letting her celebrate her day without interference.

 

I'm not going to send anything (I freaking promise), BUT, it's just the regret, and burning a bridge for life feeling that might mess with my mind as well.

 

Feels like a double edged sword. I'm not fishing for any, "then do what's in your heart" answers. I genuinely feel like this. It sucks.

 

Do you just feel relieved you didn't cave in? Or do you carry regret for a while?

[tikay00]

And you know what's crazy? She has the same birthday as my mom......

[Simon Phoenix]

I'm not going to send anything (I freaking promise), BUT, it's just the regret, and burning a bridge for life feeling that might mess with my mind as well.

 

Feels like a double edged sword. I'm not fishing for any, "then do what's in your heart" answers. I genuinely feel like this. It sucks.

 

Do you just feel relieved you didn't cave in? Or do you carry regret for a while?

 

How the hell would not sending a happy birthday burn a bridge? That doesn't even make sense man. It's not like you told her she was the worst person on earth or that you hope she drops dead. You are being way too overdramatic.

 

As for the questions, I'm not sure what you are referring to. I was pretty pissed that I succumbed and sent her a happy birthday. Not only did she really not care, but it sent me back to square one.

[Halcyon]

I'm not going to send anything (I freaking promise), BUT, it's just the regret, and burning a bridge for life feeling that might mess with my mind as well.

 

Feels like a double edged sword. I'm not fishing for any, "then do what's in your heart" answers. I genuinely feel like this. It sucks.

 

Do you just feel relieved you didn't cave in? Or do you carry regret for a while?

 

You will regret you sent anything after the fact I can promise you that. What you are feeling is that you may miss your chance to make some kind of impression on by not sending it which is ridiculous. She will not care, she will understand. Not sending her a message isn't going to do damage, it will do nothing, think about it your reasoning isn't sound.

 

What you regret is that things ended and now things are out of your control. I know it sucks, really I do but that is reality.

[Halcyon]

And you know what's crazy? She has the same birthday as my mom......

 

Focus on your bloody mom then, she cares about you right? Jesus you want to burn a bridge ignore your mother on her birthday now there is something to worry about.

[kenmore]

"There's no high road. She's not going to think less of him for not sending it. She'll understand. If anything, she might even appreciate him letting her celebrate her day without interference."

 

"This isn't about taking the high road or low road. If anything taking the high road is accepting that things are done and moving on, not reaching out on someones birthday in hope of something in return. Maybe their ex just wants to enjoy their day without been reminded about that? Hell I just got dumped a week ago and my birthday is in a few weeks and I'm really hoping my ex does not contact me because it will probably drive me nuts.

 

You don't send happy birthday messages to every person in your life right? Work colleagues, distant relatives, people you haven't spoken to in years? You have no obligation to send your ex a happy birthday text, just like merry xmas or any other event people who have broken up get hung up on it because it is seen as a "chance" to reopen the communication lines."

 

I respectfully disagree. While I see your points, I believe there IS a high road in life in every aspect. First, you two are assuming that she doesn't want a message and will be happier being left alone, but nobody knows that except her. Second, we're not talking about a distant relative or co-worker, nor someone who is in the "distant past", we're talking about an ex who there was a strong relationship with not that long ago.

 

If it was a year later, then it's the distant past. To me, courtesy and politeness are always important, though I never expect it from anybody, so I'm never disappointed.

 

That said, since the OP said it would be devastating to get a curt reply, no reply or a short reply, then he's not in the right place emotionally, so your advice is sound.

[tikay00]

Focus on your bloody mom then, she cares about you right? Jesus you want to burn a bridge ignore your mother on her birthday now there is something to worry about.

 

True

[Simon Phoenix]

"There's no high road. She's not going to think less of him for not sending it. She'll understand. If anything, she might even appreciate him letting her celebrate her day without interference."

 

"This isn't about taking the high road or low road. If anything taking the high road is accepting that things are done and moving on, not reaching out on someones birthday in hope of something in return. Maybe their ex just wants to enjoy their day without been reminded about that? Hell I just got dumped a week ago and my birthday is in a few weeks and I'm really hoping my ex does not contact me because it will probably drive me nuts.

 

You don't send happy birthday messages to every person in your life right? Work colleagues, distant relatives, people you haven't spoken to in years? You have no obligation to send your ex a happy birthday text, just like merry xmas or any other event people who have broken up get hung up on it because it is seen as a "chance" to reopen the communication lines."

 

I respectfully disagree. While I see your points, I believe there IS a high road in life in every aspect. First, you two are assuming that she doesn't want a message and will be happier being left alone, but nobody knows that except her. Second, we're not talking about a distant relative or co-worker, nor someone who is in the "distant past", we're talking about an ex who there was a strong relationship with not that long ago.

 

If it was a year later, then it's the distant past. To me, courtesy and politeness are always important, though I never expect it from anybody, so I'm never disappointed.

 

That said, since the OP said it would be devastating to get a curt reply, no reply or a short reply, then he's not in the right place emotionally, so your advice is sound.

 

I think a year from now would be a heck of a lot more appropriate time to send a birthday message, as all of the hurt feelings would have subsided for the most part on both sides. Then a happy birthday could simply just be a "happy birthday", not a mechanism for the dumpee to start a conversation and not something the dumper looks at with skepticism because he or she is trying to figure out whether it's genuine or its a ploy. A birthday wish when bygones are bygones and things have cooled down will be looked upon as polite.

[tikay00]

I think a year from now would be a heck of a lot more appropriate time to send a birthday message, as all of the hurt feelings would have subsided for the most part on both sides. Then a happy birthday could simply just be a "happy birthday", not a mechanism for the dumpee to start a conversation and not something the dumper looks at with skepticism because he or she is trying to figure out whether it's genuine or its a ploy. A birthday wish when bygones are bygones and things have cooled down will be looked upon as polite.

 

That's what I'm thinking. I'll just wait til next year. I'll be moved on by then, and if I send it, and she doesn't reply, whatever. And there's also the chance that I won't even care to send one.