She just left. with no warning

[robb147]

Ok, so let me begin..

 

Some facts: I am 25 and she is 28

 

We have been together for over 3 years ( Lived together for 2 ).. Our relationship was an example to others. Never have I loved someone so much. We had everything a relationship can ask for. We trusted each other 200%. We respected each other. We loved, cared for each other. I treated her like gold.

 

One morning ( about 4/5 weeks ago ). We woke up, she left for work and still kissed me goodbye. Two hours later i get a text from her saying she needs some space and that she is very confused with her life at the moment. She is not sure if she is in the right career, she is not sure where she wants to be in life and she is worried as she is not entirely sure that she loves me enough.

 

This was a total shock to me.. I had NO indication of any of this. I couldnt quite understand what is going on so I asked her to please come home after work and talk to me about it. She went to her parents instead to talk to them about it. and that was it. she left. I contacted her and told her that the least she can do is to come and see me and give me some clarity on the matter. She agreed and took me for breakfast a day later. She said that she doesnt know whats going on with her (She kept crying). She said that she knows that she will regret this decision and she doesn't know what is going on with her.

 

This thing has shocked me to my core and I am not quite sure what to make out of it. Her parents has been phoning me to see how I am. They are saying that they do not know their daughter at the moment and they are just as confused as to what is going on. They also mentioned to me that she is drinking severely and they are worried about her. Her friends have also been really good to me, supporting me and inviting me out.

 

She has been sending me a text every now and again to see how am coping, I havent really replied as i believe strongly in no contact. as hard as it is. I have never loved someone this much and to stay friends with her is just no option.

 

The one weird thing that did happen, was that a day after she saw me for breakfast, she came around to fetch more of her stuff. she then had a very strange attitude towards me, trying to swing it around by blaming me for some stuff.. I think this was more her trying to justify the whole thing.

 

I am very confused - I just feel i need some closure. I also have a slight feeling that at some point she will come run back to me. But i dont think i can take her back - what if the same thing happens 10 years down the line.

 

For the first time in my life, I understand the saying "If you love someone you will let them go"... Im very hurt, lonely and deprest. I feel very empty.

 

I hope someone here can maybe shed some light or maybe someone went through something similar ?

 

 

 

My girlfriend of less than a year. Just got on a greyhound bus went to the other side of the state. I found the phone number of the place she is staying at. To my surprise, it's some dude she used to know while growing up. I was completely floored. I love her with all my heart. I thought she did too. My life has been turned upside down since I met her, now My heart has been torn out. Even worse she calls sometimes on her new boyfriends phone to ask for things. It's never to say hi, or how are you. I miss you. I have never felt so empty, alone in all my life. I thought she was the one.

[robb147]

I miss my girlfriend so much. We did everything together. Where there was one the other was close by. She would always say " I have found my soul mate my best friend. " Then she left. I don't know what to do. I am depressed, and so alone and empty. My whole world is crumbling before me and I am powerless to stop it.

[elaine567]

I am so very sorry to hear this.

But I suggest if you want some help here, you need to make a new thread.

[Bliss25]

Hi All,

 

So a lot has happened since the last time i posted.. I also took a very spontaneous decision and bought myself flight tickets to go to the coast to get away for a few days and feel the holiday vibes.. I got back yesterday.

 

Let me start of by saying two weeks ago I found out a lot more on the situation.. I got extremely drunk one night at friends and she started texting me.. I was an idiot and I phoned her to fetch me as I was too drunk to drive.. she came and fetched me and she slept over for the night.. when we got home we started talking and she broke down crying telling me she slept with someone from work.. She told me that she only did this after she left me.. this of course came down on me like the universe. I never ever thought she was that kind of girl.. which is strange because she isn't, but clearly she is.. She told me that shes been so confused and that this person from work is going through a divorce and so they both are in the same place..

 

The next morning I woke up with her next to me in bed and it felt that she is a complete stranger to me.. I looked at her and just wondered why on earth would she have done that.. She then broke down again crying.. saying that she has made a mistake and she wanted me back.. I told her that now after she had slept with the person from work, there is no chance i will take her back... I guess i always had the little hope in me that she will realize her mistake of leaving me but now that she has gone that far, there is no hope.

 

Obviously I am in a really bad place.. that's why i went away for a few days.

 

To me it is just so sad that she had given up everything we had together.. we were an amazing couple.. we were a team with no problems.. its so sad..

 

Thanks everyone for their comments

[Bliss25]

Ok so yesterday i got a text from her asking how I am doing .. not too sure what to think of this ... the last two days has been quite difficult for me as well..

[Neph_Deff]

Sounds a bit like me. I was with my ex for almost 2 years when we had a rare argument and he broke up with me over text...it wasn't an overly serious argument either. He told me he was confused and needed to be alone. My ex has only just hit 21 and also drinks a fair bit. He also just missed out on securing a farm days before we broke up (I had NO idea). His parents, siblings and friends are also confused as to why he broke up with me.Turns out he is now 'dating' a 17 yr old and started seeing her a week after we broke up. I think both of our exes are having an emotional crisis. I was his first 'serious' girlfriend (the others had no life direction and were, politely, floozies). I think perhaps both our partners see as a too much commitment. I know my ex was going to propose to me in the near future so I think he is scared.

[REDDHU]

I experienced a similar situation 2 years ago.

Me and my girl friend were together for 15 years.One day,out of the blue she said she needed some space and asked for one week's no contact for her to think.I latter found out that she was cheating on me with her friend's boy friend:mad:

I don't want her anymore,but the fact that I got cheated is just too hurt.

[darkmoon]

she can not confide in the people closest to her, her family and partner, quite an indictment that, and this is not insanity, it a decision she has made, based on fear of your reactions - what else?

 

i think there is more to this than we know, some secret that she could no longer live with while with her family and partner in her life, i mean to say, she can not even talk to her family

 

so i do not see a sneaky break-up, i see a story of a woman with no one to turn to

Edited January 8, 2015 by darkmoon

[Light Breeze]

What first came into my mind while seeing OP's update was that her ex was having an emotional affair with this co-worker before it turned into a physical one after she left him. Hence, her reluctance to tell her family and BF and also her seemingly erratic behavior. Well, that's just me and I'm wrong a lot of times.

Edited January 8, 2015 by Light Breeze

[Chi townD]

Damn dude. I saw that coming a mile away. I wish I would have found this thread sooner. Let me break it down to you to try and ease any questions you may be having.

 

 

When a girl breaks up with you and tells you that she's confused. The only things that EVER confuses a girl is her feelings. Therefore, she was confused about her feelings toward you and her feelings towards someone else. But, she couldn't be THAT confused if she made the decision that she valued this other dude more. So much so, that she's willing to dump you to go to him.

 

 

She spoke about changing careers. Why? Isn't she normally happy with the work that she's doing up till lately? It's because the center of her guilt was there at her work. You stated that her drinking increased. That was to mask her guilt and make her feel numb.

 

 

After she broke up with you, you stated that there was no one else and you were sure of it. Of course you were and the hundreds of people that come here claiming that there's no chance of their SO cheating on them. See, when they break up with you, 9 times out of 10, they're going to keep the other girl or guy their secret. How would it look if she broke up with you and immediately started to bring around some other dude? They would know the REAL reason why she broke up with you and she didn't want people thinking that she was a cheating whore. So, she would have kept this other dude a secret. Then, after a period of time has passed, she would have slowly started to introduce this guy as nothing more than a friend that's helping her out through one of the toughest times in her life. Actually, it would have been perfect, she was fresh into a break up and he was getting a divorce and they were each others shoulders to cry on! Perfect story!

 

 

However, I think she discovered that this guy probably isn't getting a divorce, or is trying to get back with his wife. He just wanted to "hit it and quit it". Once that happened, chances are this other dude's interest in her wasn't as intense anymore. Therefore, she tries running back to you, her back up plan! Dude, that's not fair to you.

[Kevin_D]

See, when they break up with you, 9 times out of 10, they're going to keep the other girl or guy their secret. How would it look if she broke up with you and immediately started to bring around some other dude? They would know the REAL reason why she broke up with you and she didn't want people thinking that she was a cheating whore.

 

Sorry for hijacking this thread, but my ex was one of those 10% that didn't keep it a secret. She had flirted with him openly for quite a while and as soon as she broke up with... not only did she express her deep feelings for him all over Facebook; She also changed her settings so that everything she posted became PUBLIC so that everyone could see how quickly she replaced me.

 

Out of curiosity, why do some people do this?

[Holmes85]

Sorry for hijacking this thread, but my ex was one of those 10% that didn't keep it a secret. She had flirted with him openly for quite a while and as soon as she broke up with... not only did she express her deep feelings for him all over Facebook; She also changed her settings so that everything she posted became PUBLIC so that everyone could see how quickly she replaced me.

 

Out of curiosity, why do some people do this?

 

KevinD,

 

That's actually quite easy to explain.

 

First of all no one who is in the right state of mind would do this act.

 

Second the thoughts you are having right now, also might have been the thoughts of other people on facebook as well (despite of liking the status and updates).

 

By putting such an act, they are trying to convince themselves that it was the right thing to do, that the deal they have right now is much better. They don't want to double guess what they are doing, if your Ex started having doubts, I'm sure she would reach out to you, but she doesn't want that, girls like to think they are NEVER wrong, mistaken, but not wrong (not all of them of course).

 

Your ex sounds emotionally immature, but let her ride this high cloud, in due time that cloud is going to come down to earth (they all do), thats where her decisions would hit her like a truck or she would just jump to another cloud, either way it won't end well with her unless she changes her ways. But the good news is, by the time she's done going through with that process, you wouldn't even care about her.

[Chi townD]

Sorry for hijacking this thread, but my ex was one of those 10% that didn't keep it a secret. She had flirted with him openly for quite a while and as soon as she broke up with... not only did she express her deep feelings for him all over Facebook; She also changed her settings so that everything she posted became PUBLIC so that everyone could see how quickly she replaced me.

 

Out of curiosity, why do some people do this?

 

 

In your case, I can only speculate that you dated one severely selfish person. Devoid of sympathy for others pain. She was so wrapped up in her "happiness" that she wanted the world to know it regardless if she hurts someone in the process. See, she had already mourned the loss of you and the loss of relationship while she was still with you.

 

 

When she discovered that this other douche rocket was ready to enter a relationship with her, she pulled the plug on yours. She already moved on and was leaps and bounds ahead of you in the healing process that she didn't even consider your feelings. It was all about her.