When should a guy give up on OLD?

[PegNosePete]

Because I want an everywoman. Is that so wrong?

Not at all. By remarkable, I don't mean that they have to be into helicopter bungee jumping or elevator surfing. Just that they put a bit of effort into their profile to sell themselves. The profiles I linked you aren't exceptional guys - they are just normal guys like me or you, but they sold themselves well. They concentrate on their good points. They showed that they are interesting, passionate people. None of them are extreme sports enthusiasts or olympic triathlon winners. Just normal guys like you and me.

 

I am a decent writer (as are most of the males who can't get dates here, ironically).

Yeah, most guys think their profile is great but the fact is, most are not. I've seen professional writers with terrible profiles, professional photographers with terrible pics, etc - and they all think theirs is great and can't understand why they're getting no responses??? Selling yourself is a skill that has to be learned and practiced just like any other. It's very different to writing a novel or tech manual or forum post.

 

So my question remains. Do I need a remarkable profile to get a response from a female with an unremarkable profile?

No, but if you have a good profile then you will get a much better response rate, whether you're messaging remarkable or unremarkable women. It's like saying, do you need to put good juicy bait on your hook when you go fishing, or will old manky worms do? You'll probably catch a few fish with bad bait so you could say you don't need good bait - but you'll catch loads more with good bait. So why would you even think about using bad bait?

 

I'm messaging women who have profiles who could be facsimiles of my own, at least text wise.

OLD is a very different experience for women and men. Women spend most of their time thinking "how can I get less messages from sex pests?" whereas guys spend their time thinking "how can I get any responses on this thing??". Don't use women's profiles as a template for your own because the goals are very different!

 

Oh and final note, don't listen to people who tell you how pointless it all is. I've been very successful on OLD. They have failed miserably. Whose advice is best to listen to?

[Rydo]

I've been back on OLD since about August. Sent about 70 odd emails, had conversations with 50 of them, traded numbers with about 25 and dated I think 11 of them to be exact. Hid my profile recently though as I have been a bit busy, was seeing one girl for a few weeks(til Sunday) and I have recently started a new job and it's Christmas party season so I'm doing ok with that.

 

My profile isn't overly complicated, my pictures are generally from camera phones of me not posing as I hate getting my picture taken. My messages are always exceptionally short as I'm not wasting time on people who may not even reply.

 

Of the 11 I dated I went on multiple dates with them all(at least 3 dates) but only really saw 2 for longer. Which I always end as I don't really like the idea of being tied down forever.

[Rydo]

I still txt all of the girls I haven't dated quite often, which is a bit of a pain, I'm generally a big txter but sometimes you just want to play FIFA in peace ya know lol

[JuneJulySeptember]

I've been back on OLD since about August. Sent about 70 odd emails, had conversations with 50 of them, traded numbers with about 25 and dated I think 11 of them to be exact.

 

Yep.

 

That sounds about right. So, how is a guy who gets no responses from 40-50 women supposed to get anything out it?

 

Seriously dude. How? I mean they're all messaging you!

 

I mean, it's just whatever. I'm trying to figure out the next step. I'm kind of running out of options.

[Danda]

How stereotypically attractive are you OP?

 

I'm a woman and I get rejected, too, but then I'm not hot. I think I'm like a 4/10 to most guys, if I had to guess. So I get some lukewarm interest and a lot of fading. Occasionally a really pushy one that wants sex so bad he'd probably **** a passable CD if given the chance, and will send me incoherent drunk messages once in a while.

 

Idunno I think it's harder for average-looking people on OLD. There's only so much personality and connection you can work out of a text box.

[JuneJulySeptember]

How stereotypically attractive are you OP?

 

I'm a woman and I get rejected, too, but then I'm not hot. I think I'm like a 4/10 to most guys, if I had to guess. So I get some lukewarm interest and a lot of fading. Occasionally a really pushy one that wants sex so bad he'd probably **** a passable CD if given the chance, and will send me incoherent drunk messages once in a while.

 

Idunno I think it's harder for average-looking people on OLD. There's only so much personality and connection you can work out of a text box.

 

I'm probably a 3 or a 4. I mean, I don't think I'm lower than a 3 because my body is decent and there's nothing physically deformed about it or my face.

 

You really think you're a 4?

 

How many legit, unsolicited messages do you get in a week/month?

 

Also, people must understand I don't like using numbers to rate like this, but it's just the way the world is. Nobody would love it more than me if attraction was truly subjective.

[Danda]

I'm probably a 3 or a 4. I mean, I don't think I'm lower than a 3 because my body is decent and there's nothing physically deformed about it or my face.

 

You really think you're a 4?

 

How many legit, unsolicited messages do you get in a week/month?

 

I just started OLD again and it's been years since I last used it, so I can't really do a monthly/weekly overall analysis yet, but in the past 24 hours my inbox received 17 messages. However most of them are like "Hey" or "What;s up" and nothing else. When I view profiles of the messages I get, most of the time I don't see anything that would have made me all that appealing in particular to them, and I imagine they are mass-blasting.

 

So far I've moved into texting with 3 guys from OLD. Almost had a date with Guy A but he flaked (at least I got some funny first date stories out of my thread though lol). Second guy - I thought he did the fade but then he popped up out of nowhere and vanished mid-convo after only like 4 texts (never responded to my question, which was just asking why his work day was bad, he said it was bad). So it's like he.. faded again? Or was mugged and had his phone stolen. I don't know. Guy 3 is turning out to have a bit of a drinking problem and is a total flirty perv. He's either in a good mood and sending me really erotic texts, or he's drunk and sending me angry texts that make no sense. At least it's entertaining and he doesn't know my address.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I just started OLD again and it's been years since I last used it, so I can't really do a monthly/weekly overall analysis yet, but in the past 24 hours my inbox received 17 messages.

 

As a generality, how can you lose in dating if you are a man/woman who has 17 people interested in them in the span of a day?

 

I haven't had 17 people interested in me in my entire life.

 

I mean, with so many odds stacked in your favor, you're going to be able to find somebody attractive who is compatible.

 

But then, I guess your pickiness goes up to meet the level of numbers that you attract, perhaps?

[Danda]

As a generality, how can you lose in dating if you are a man/woman who has 17 people interested in them in the span of a day?

 

I haven't had 17 people interested in me in my entire life.

 

I mean, with so many odds stacked in your favor, you're going to be able to find somebody attractive who is compatible.

 

But then, I guess your pickiness goes up to meet the level of numbers that you attract, perhaps?

 

Well the highest per day was when I first joined, but now it is tapering off with a spike once in a bit. The first couple of days it was way more than 17.

 

But here's the thing, most of them are just mass-blasting as far as I can tell. Their messages are one or two words, and I can't see anything about their profile to indicate there was any reason other than "Yeah I could get off to that if I had to" re: my photo, that made them include me in their carpet bombing. So that's like the equivalent of spamming my inbox lol. And it doesn't really mean they are interested.

 

I've replied to 16 so far, and only those 3 I mentioned above actually went anywhere to the point of trading numbers for texting / phone convo. The others faded quickly (stopped responding or started responding with only a few words and no return question), OR got seriously creepy and I stopped responding.

 

Then I messaged 2 guys first. One never replied so he probably looked at my pics and passed. The other one responded to me and we had pretty good conversation but it never went anywhere date-ish and he stopped replying.

 

But bear in mind again I pretty much just started, not even two full weeks into it yet. So if I had already scored that'd be pretty crazy, I think.

 

I'm picky in the sense that I want to feel like there is a reason that I am honing in on a guy, not like agreeing to go on first dates with 20 random dudes in a couple weeks. I'm a bit cautious and introverted so dating in general is hard for me. OLD just makes it even worse.

[PegNosePete]

That sounds about right. So, how is a guy who gets no responses from 40-50 women supposed to get anything out it?

Improve your profile, photos and messages. There's plenty of help out there but very few seem willing listen to it. Try the profile reviews forum of your chosen dating site (this site doesn't allow revealing of personal information so it's difficult to help on here except for generalities). Or re-read the profiles I linked to you to see what works well.

 

Once you start feeling like the rejections are getting to you, it's time to quit.

Quit or step it up a notch, yeah. It really separates the quitters from the winners.

 

I got no replies to my first couple of profiles but then learned the tricks, and after that had no problem getting replies, conversations and dates.

[JuneJulySeptember]

 

Quit or step it up a notch, yeah. It really separates the quitters from the winners.

 

I do appreciate your help and meaning well, but can you please take it down a notch with your winners versus losers spiel?

 

I'm on the thing and paid and threw my pics up and am getting virtually daily rejections and have tweaked my profile a number of times. So, it's not like I'm sitting on the couch with a tub of ice cream whining.

Edited December 17, 2014 by JuneJulySeptember

[spanishchick00]

A guy should give up on OLD, when they have been on OLD for more than 4 years!

[LookAtThisPOst]

I do appreciate your help and meaning well, but can you please take it down a notch with your winners versus losers spiel?

 

I'm on the thing and paid and threw my pics up and am getting virtually daily rejections and have tweaked my profile a number of times. So, it's not like I'm sitting on the couch with a tub of ice cream whining.

 

Same here, I've done the whole "tweaking" of the profile through the consult of my friends with pretty much the same results. There's no amount of tweaking one can do that can garner results. Kind of like when you take an idiot to a motivational speaker...you just wind up with a motivated idiot.

 

Though I had responses, I'd land probably 2 dates (from online) per year, 3 tops.

 

Ironically, I've gotten more dates through Meetup than online...so I've been rather fading out of the online community.

[Rydo]

A guy should never start OLD in the first place.

 

I agree. I'll keep them all to myself then

[LookAtThisPOst]

The only real success you can get from changing your profile is changing your pics. If you feel like going out of your way to have a female friend take some really good pics of you, that might help. Changing the wording is a waste of time.

 

Let me clarify, when I say tweaking, that includes EVERYTHING...EVEN the pics.

[mario_C]

A guy (or girl) should quit O.L.D. when they find someone. Of course, you should also market offline, but it's not against the law to use both.