suicide - why not

[skydiveaddict]

Okay. I will.

 

.....

 

WELL DONE!! Very nice.

[Xiang]

To be honest I think most people in my shoes would make the same choice. Imagine having nobody and being treated every day like you're worthless or invisible because of your social anxiety. And on top of that few if any job prospects despite being capable and well educated. I would even rather be in a wheelchair with a different personality. That's a disability that could be overcome because people are willing to look past the surface if someone has a winning personality.

+more of what u said.

Well i am the same as you. It started slow, now it's not a matter of how often a month but how often a day do i think about putting myself off. Because it's daily.

 

I am not afraid of my own death as much as i fear the people i will hurt if i did it.

If my familly was not arround i would of just done it.

Also more than anything, i don't actually want to die, i would love to fix myself, i know most of what i do is a cry for help...but at the same time, the thoughts that brought me here in the first place, pull me down.

I think it's to late, i'm to old to recover now, look at all the wasted time, lost youth, blabla. I am my worst critic i just blame myself to much.

 

I have but two friends, i was lucky to find them, opposite sex however.

Often, they are the only two people that keep me going.

I am not out of this but i don't give up either. It's a struggle, it's just that i was never known to give in so this is how i manage.

Little bouts of hope every now and then.

My hotheaded personality won't let me accept help from others either, as i think it's my duty to help myself. B

But you should deffinetly go see a coach or doctor to help you out.

 

Ik depression is a powerfull feeling and it makes you think this way, i know i am sick, it's why i don't let it kill me, even if it is winning most of the time.

So you shouldn't give up either, deep down you want to be saved, reason for the topic.

Will happen, but you more than anyone else have to fight it.

 

Yes go see a shrink and take your meds . Therapy is bull****.

Edited December 16, 2014 by Xiang

[todreaminblue]

Thanks for the sweet response Todream, but I'm past the point of caring. The only thing stopping me is the fear of death but I will die one day. Why not now before all of my worst fears, being a failure and alone forever, become a reality? I know I will hurt a few people but I hope in the end they will understand because they've seen firsthand what a hard life I've had.

 

To be honest I think most people in my shoes would make the same choice. Imagine having nobody and being treated every day like you're worthless or invisible because of your social anxiety. And on top of that few if any job prospects despite being capable and well educated. I would even rather be in a wheelchair with a different personality. That's a disability that could be overcome because people are willing to look past the surface if someone has a winning personality.

 

 

 

its hard when you feel no one appreciates your existence.....i do tux....i appreciate you.......your words touch that dark part of me i remember her..... i feel you.....she isnt around me right now.....if she was ...my responses would not be so sweet......she would convince you otherwise.....that life is just a journey of sadness and violence and no real destination that can ever be reached.....i am not that girl......she would tell you women are to be used and discarded that is their place....that you should just accept it.......she would point out to you all the cruelty in the world and then convince you to watch the news on repeat and see death and destruction everywhere....i am not that girl.......that girl believes that the only way to go is to die violently and would try and convince you thats the way to go......there is no peace for that girl......she is in a therapeutic room at the moment ...learning about the ripple effect......

 

 

the ripple effect is something that i do.....something that you do....with your words...... with your questions..with your actions..you reach other ripples in life that are out there .....people...... and the ripples touch ripples.......and you influence the directions of those ripples......however small however underappreciated.......we are all drops ......that change a ripple...the power we have is limited only to the choices we make everyday ...the small the inconsequential ripples we feel no one notices......the smile we give or the tears we cry all make a difference.......the laugh we share ...the food we give out....the cup fo coffee you make for a friend...all ripples......and the person we touch touches another ....by remembering the laugh shared or the smile or the have a great day ........do you know you can touch hundreds in a day and never be seen......or your voice heard........its called the internet......you touch me tux....dont let the ripple fade out....you might not exactly understand how you touching my heart works ....i carry it with me....your thoughts inspire me to think my own thoughts....and share ...to the people i meet who then carry it forward to the other people they meet....who then fly across the country and have a smile passed on from two thousand km away....every person on this planet makes a difference ....the good peopel adn the bad people...all have purpose.......even crazies like me.....like you....liek everyone else....people dont appreciate people as much as they should...... in general...... and thats the way it is you dont appreciate what you have until you cant see that person anymore..........you only appreciate people....when you have had no one there.....and silence all around you...i see you tux however.......do you see me?.im deb aka todreaminblue nice to meet you tuxedo cat...its a pleasure to know you......ahhh the olden days and delightful ways.....:0)....hugs...no givin up on my shift........deb

Edited December 16, 2014 by todreaminblue

[TiredConfusedHurtSad]

I dunno...could it be that you yourself are too judgmental?? I mean, someone sat next to you for two hours saying nothing -- but did you try to say anything?? My ex is half- black and was a model briefly and thought that other black girls were jealous of her good looks...she never accused them of jealousy but from her comments and "the context between us" I knew it was jealousy -- because she was projecting that jealousy onto others, since I like black girls (I mean I really do, and I'm not black)....

 

That former director's speech was weird, though; at least as you've summarized it. Very tactless though I suppose that's par for the course in your field. Is there a skill you can learn to support yourself, one that you have some decent modicum of interest in, which doesn't require a lot of personal interactions? Wish I'd realized in my youth how much I tend to dislike other people's company....

 

Given what you describe of yourself, my advice would be to forget about what others think, etc. -- stop looking outside yourself for personal validation (that's really what you're doing, though it's perfectly natural to do so) and learn some kind of skill where you aren't forced to somehow rely on other people so much, having to deal with them so often, therefore affording you a good deal of control over how much of humanity you can handle at almost any given moment...ultimately, though, you'll need to investigate whether what's going on internally within yourself is something having to do with biochemicals, upbringing, or genes or some combination of them all or something else entirely...good luck.

[tuxedo cat]

I'm sorry for all the people who have slogged through this thread. I know I must sound idiotic and obnoxious.

 

I look at my parents -- two functioning, respectable adults who can carry a conversation and aren't crippled by self-loathing -- and I wonder where I went wrong.

[tuxedo cat]

 

the ripple effect is something that i do.....something that you do....with your words...... with your questions..with your actions..you reach other ripples in life that are out there .....people...... and the ripples touch ripples.......and you influence the directions of those ripples......however small however underappreciated.......we are all drops ......that change a ripple...the power we have is limited only to the choices we make everyday ...the small the inconsequential ripples we feel no one notices......the smile we give or the tears we cry all make a difference.......the laugh we share ...the food we give out....the cup fo coffee you make for a friend...all ripples......and the person we touch touches another ....by remembering the laugh shared or the smile or the have a great day ........do you know you can touch hundreds in a day and never be seen......or your voice heard........its called the internet......you touch me tux....dont let the ripple fade out....you might not exactly understand how you touching my heart works ....i carry it with me....your thoughts inspire me to think my own thoughts....and share ...to the people i meet who then carry it forward to the other people they meet....who then fly across the country and have a smile passed on from two thousand km away....every person on this planet makes a difference ....the good peopel adn the bad people...all have purpose.......even crazies like me.....like you....liek everyone else....people dont appreciate people as much as they should...... in general...... and thats the way it is you dont appreciate what you have until you cant see that person anymore..........you only appreciate people....when you have had no one there.....and silence all around you...i see you tux however.......do you see me?.im deb aka todreaminblue nice to meet you tuxedo cat...its a pleasure to know you......ahhh the olden days and delightful ways.....:0)....hugs...no givin up on my shift........deb

 

That was lovely, Deb. Thanks.

[d0nnivain]

FWIW, the casting director at the party who made fun of past interns was horrible & unprofessional. Don't let her crass unfeeling nature influence you but do get a new job / internship as soon as possible. That place is making your situation worse. When you find a better job lots of things will improve.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

Therapy won't work, u need medication I think u are depressed & honestly there is light at the end of the tunnel but u need to take the first step & see the Dr.. U have nothing to lose & everything to gain...

 

I've been where u are & this is quite easily sorted which I know u will never believe feeling as bad as u do but I promise it is.. x

[Danda]

I'm sorry for all the people who have slogged through this thread. I know I must sound idiotic and obnoxious.

 

I look at my parents -- two functioning, respectable adults who can carry a conversation and aren't crippled by self-loathing -- and I wonder where I went wrong.

 

It's not idiotic or obnoxious. It's good and healthy to let your honest thoughts out and to try to gain perspective by daring to do so. I've been on a few self-help type forums before, or peer support types more accurately, and it's interesting how a thread in which the person clearly thinks they're being somehow bizarre will have like 3,000+ views tracked and tallied by the website, yet maybe only 5 replies to the original post. To me that says that a ton of people can relate (they clicked on the thread title for a reason, after all) but very few are brave enough to speak up.

 

So there is something significant to be said about you opening up with your honest thoughts and feelings. You never know how many people wind up reading your words and feeling less alone in the world.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I'm curious tux when you were a child what was your personality like? Did you ever ask your mum? Did you have friends?

[tuxedo cat]

I'm curious tux when you were a child what was your personality like? Did you ever ask your mum? Did you have friends?

 

Yeah, I had some friends but I was never popular. I was always a bit shy. Otherwise, she said I was artistic (I spent a lot of time drawing and painting) and a bit sad. While I did have some close friends who lasted, my mom said that as a kid she would often get called from parents that their daughters no longer wanted to play with me. My mom could never figure out why (the parents didn't tell her). It's sad that the problems I had as a child have haunted me all my life and I've never gotten a clear explanation about what's wrong with me.

[kenmore]

Tux, I do feel your pain somewhat. I clicked on this thread because I have found myself contemplating suicide more and more lately. I am finding myself in a hole that I can't seem to get out of.

 

I am working hard at being more positive and trying not to "go there". It is difficult.

 

There is a lot of good advice here for you, people here do care, and that means your personality is not as flawed as you may think. Trust me when I say that sometimes when I read what some people write, I can instantly dislike their personality. Time and again, it comes out in their writing. Not because of the things they say necessarily, but you can get a glimpse of who they really are by what they write.

 

I sense a really good personality in you, and being shy and awkward is not something people condemn you for. Many people are like that.

 

I can't offer any advice that is better than what others have, but I can and do wish you peace and strength!

 

And good luck. That won't hurt either.

[guest569]

Hey Tux, you seem a pretty normal and a decent person to me. I can relate to some of the stories you have mentioned and the impact it has had on you. It's hard when you are depressed and people kick you when you're down. Sounds like that director was really unprofessional and it was inappropriate, speaking about past interns in that manner. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being shy and quiet. Sometimes people mistake us for being snobbish or rude if we can't jump into a conversation. They don't understand and don't give us opportunities to participate. I've been in a similar situation where people were talking about something I have no idea of, and completely blocked me out - even physically by turning their backs to me. It's a fault of theirs, they are the poor communicators in this scenario.

 

Earlier this year I was very set on killing myself and felt suicidal every single day. I came to this forum and was pretty much told to grow up and get over it. Which did not help at all. It's great to see people who understand. You are certainly not alone and there is nothing wrong with you as a person, aside from these negative thoughts which is out of your control.

 

Now I think it's been possibly a couple of months without suicidal thoughts, or at least no strong ones. I don't really know why or how this has changed - I did try therapy - 2 sessions. One helped and the 2nd was basically "it's up to you to change now. My work is done". I was so depressed that the motivation just wasn't there to 'change' nor the knowledge of how exactly. Medication helped me a lot. I was on that for quite a few months. I have gotten rid of it now and seem to be coping - got a promotion and have improved a lot with my ability to socialise and make new friends due to my confidence returning.

 

It did get a lot better for me and I am confident it will for you too. Your confidence will come back up and you can shrug off what these morons think or say about you. It's not true what they are saying. You're a good person and if you want to make it in your chosen field you will. You can do anything you want to and don't let other people or your depression stop you.

 

I really hope some of what I have said is useful or at least comforting to you.

[Haydn]

Tux, if your not from a big city it can be lonely. I've seen London swallow the most accomplished of people. Thoughts of self destruction are not wrong and if we didn't have them then maybe we're not human enough, so I empathize. You sound pretty talented to me. Loneliness can be terrible (sometimes worse when your with with someone) I don't think you should rush to change what you do for a living. You sound good at what you do. We are in similar industries which can be unforgiving. All about you Tux not others. Keep pushing on. GL.

[kenmore]

Hey, tux cat, are you OK?

[Friggia]

I agree with everyone, you seem like a cool and very self-aware person. It reminds me of when I used to attend group therapy in college - there was this tall, absolutely gorgeous, articulate African American girl who had a problem with extreme social anxiety that was affecting all aspects of her life and would burst into tears if asked direct questions. There were many people in that group who were very smart, interesting, and attractive yet still had problems with social anxiety.

 

Doesn't Boston have a large film, tv and commercial industry? I say that because I know someone (not in casting) who finds enough work there in the film industry to be able to take half the year off. Maybe you could find a more stable casting job there, or in Atlanta or New Orleans. My state doesn't get too many productions, but has one casting agency that seems to handle everything.

[CalvinM]

Knowing I want kids and that I'd never have them if I was selfish about things. Knowing a three year relationship ended and being ok with things.

 

It's not the end of the world. But it was never serious for me.

Edited December 24, 2014 by CalvinM

[writergal]

Hey Tux hope you're feeling better about your situation in NYC. I think if you shift your perspective you'll feel differently about your situation. And if that doesn't work, maybe moving to L.A. or London, Paris, or Italy would be a better fit for you, and allow you to continue your work in the fashion and film industries.

 

NYC is not for everyone. And I do think where you live does affect your health and happiness. If you're not happy living in NYC then you need to consider a move to another state / country.

 

If you're miserable there, then there's no reason for you to stay in NYC and continue to be miserable. Give yourself a timeline 6-12 months to save up money for a move. During that time, research where you want to move to and find out what professional networks and job opportunities exist where you want to move to, that have ties of some kind to the professional contacts you've made in NYC. People do that all the time. Social networking makes life a lot easier, especially when people who respect your work and who like you as a person know you need help. There is nothing wrong with asking for help moving to L.A. or whever.

[ballycastle]

I watched Boy Interrupted on You Tube a few days ago. I wanted to see it as it is a documentary about a 15 year old boy who commits suicide. It is deeply moving viewing and I suggest anyone who, like me, has contemplated ending their life to watch it.

It is graciously and gracefully done and you really get to try and see it from all view points, from the suicidee and his family. Depression runs in families as it all too acute here, but you see the devastation it causes, years after.

 

 

The problem with suicide and depression is that you think 'no one will miss you when you're gone,' but Boy Interrupted' changed that for me. You could see it in the eyes of the ones coming to terms with their loss.

 

 

Harrowing, but worth a visit.

 

 

Even more touching that his parents decided to share their pain and loss with the world.

 

 

I hope those feeling like I have done on this and other threads can take some time out this Xmas to reflect and feel something positive out of the festive season if they believe in it or not.

 

 

Funnily enough I have always loathed this time of year, but little things like angelic choirs singing, artwork in Christmas decorations or the usual crap TV has changed me somewhat. I feel in myself a little better.

[kenmore]

If anyone can contact her, please do. I can't other than through threads. I'm too new.

 

I hope she is OK, this can be a great or terrible time of year, and this thread worries me.

[ThaWholigan]

For those who have been suicidal and pulled themselves out, how? Does it ever get better?

 

The last time I remember being happy for more than a moment I was a child. Since then it's been a gradual decline.

 

I could deal with everything the world threw at me if only I weren't so alone.

 

I've been weighing the pros and cons lately, and I just don't see any reason to go on. Every day of my life is torture because of how the world treats me. I am constantly reminded of how inadequate I am by others. I'm not lazy. I try so, so hard to find acceptance. I overextend myself to the point of exhaustion. When that doesn't work, I try a more indifferent approach and that doesn't work either. Nothing does.

 

Something is fundamentally flawed and unlikeable about me, although I've never been able to place what. (I know that I'm shy and awkward, but that can't be the only reason...can it?) And even if I could, I probably couldn't change it. People treat me like a leper. There's no way of ingratiating myself.

 

I don't even know how to listen to advice from others because my circumstances are so extreme. I can't think of any other adults who are incapable of making friends.

 

 

Hope this helps - I also want to add that maybe some art-centered meetups could be good for you! Meeting people in a cathartic environment could foster some close friendships where you are. And remember, as long as you're here, you're not alone! You can PM anyone of us if things are difficult, and I always have my info torrents that I send to people to help .

Edited January 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Deleted external link.

[tuxedo cat]

 

Hope this helps - I also want to add that maybe some art-centered meetups could be good for you! Meeting people in a cathartic environment could foster some close friendships where you are. And remember, as long as you're here, you're not alone! You can PM anyone of us if things are difficult, and I always have my info torrents that I send to people to help .

 

I'm sorry to be just listening to this now. I've been avoiding this thread a little because it's a painful subject for me.

 

First off, thanks so much. It was extremely sweet of you to take the time to record this.

 

I followed your advice and wrote down the two lists. There wasn't perfect overlap, but I did find some commonalities. Like you I have a bad temper and I also harbor a lot anger towards people because of past experiences. That side of me comes out more in private.

 

In public I'm shy and obsequious. About a year ago I was working at this cafe and a friend of mine there said to me that people often don't know what to make of me because I don't reveal much of myself but that everybody thinks I'm extremely nice. She laughed and said, "there isn't anybody who doesn't think you're nice." I remember finding this kind of surprising because I often wondered if I was giving off negative energy like you suggested. Maybe it's not that I'm giving off bad energy but that I'm not giving off any energy. In other words, people become suspicious when somebody is inhibited. The culture in my hometown is pretty accepting, while in NY, people are less trusting and may think a quiet, nervous person is up to no good. Combine that with the fact that I'm ambitious and driven and you can see how people might assume the worst.

 

Actually, that makes a lot of sense and it explains why I thrived in a less competitive environment when I was working at the cafe. When I don't feel threatened because it's not a career job, I probably give off a different vibe.

 

I'm a competitive person but I haven't found a good way of channeling it. I tend to conceal it for the most part because I don't want people to dislike me or because I feel that it's wrong to show. Then when it comes out here and there, people are taken aback because I don't fit their image of competitive or because they don't think I have the confidence or ability to earn my drive...like "who does she think she is." My competitiveness usually takes an anxious rather than aggressive form.

Edited January 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Deleted external link

[Taramere]

Given our acrimonious history, I'm hesitant to post here - but I will attempt to be objective and honest.

 

I have a friend who is possibly a little like you, only the manifestation of her issues is far more severe (she has had a serious eating disorder for years). She's a sweet and considerate person, but she's also very intense. Whereas with other friends we will have a laugh together, you can't really have much of a laugh with this particular friend. She can be witty, and she's insightful - but she's never really grasped the use of humour as a coping mechanism and as a means of bringing some perspective to situations.

 

I think you are also an intense sort of personality who doesn't really show much signs of having a sense of humour. Like my friend, it may be that you can make witty comments - but I suspect that past grievances in your life aren't something you can laugh about. If you heard people joking about having been bullied, I think your reaction would likely be one of horror and "that's not funny!" Perhaps you'd analyse it and decide that they had Stockholm Syndrom or something... but I think what you'd fail to do would be to understand that humour is an incredibly effective coping mechanism which can actually help people to make the best times out of the worst ones.

 

I haven't spent much time in NYC. I have a good friend there who kind of fits the stereotype in many ways (tough minded, sarcastic etc). That friend has helped me through some tough times, just by creating an environment where I can laugh about problems I would have otherwise cried about. Without a strong sense of humour, I think you're going to continue blowing every problem out of proportion and analysing everything to the nth degree. With humour, you can still analyse things but at the same time humour is a way of reminding yourelf not to take it all so seriously. It's also one of the primary means by which people bond and by which they resolve disputes.

 

If people don't really feel that they can have a laugh with you, then they're probably not going to feel particularly comfortable around you - no matter how nice, kind and solicitous your demeanour might be. You can spend the rest of your life analysing it, and attributing various dysfunctions or negative emotions to people you don't get along with...but I think the bottom line is that until you develop a better sense of humour you're going to struggle to get along with people.

 

More probably with other women. I say that because a lot of men tend not to think women have a sense of humour in any event. So they won't care if you don't show much sense of humour. Women, on the other hand, do actually use humour in our dealings with eachother all the time. We use it to bond, we use it to negotiate tricky little areas of potential dispute, we use it to challenge and we use it to cope when life throws crap at us.

 

I would challenge you to watch Borat. It goes without saying that you won't be amused by it - but on this occasion, instead of analysing everything that's wrong with the film (or with people who do find it funny) which justifies you not finding it amusing...ask yourself what makes it so hard for you to laugh. The answer to that is probably an answer to quite a lot of your issues.

[hoping2heal]

For those who have been suicidal and pulled themselves out, how? Does it ever get better?

 

The last time I remember being happy for more than a moment I was a child. Since then it's been a gradual decline.

 

I could deal with everything the world threw at me if only I weren't so alone.

 

I've been weighing the pros and cons lately, and I just don't see any reason to go on. Every day of my life is torture because of how the world treats me. I am constantly reminded of how inadequate I am by others. I'm not lazy. I try so, so hard to find acceptance. I overextend myself to the point of exhaustion. When that doesn't work, I try a more indifferent approach and that doesn't work either. Nothing does.

 

Something is fundamentally flawed and unlikeable about me, although I've never been able to place what. (I know that I'm shy and awkward, but that can't be the only reason...can it?) And even if I could, I probably couldn't change it. People treat me like a leper. There's no way of ingratiating myself.

 

I don't even know how to listen to advice from others because my circumstances are so extreme. I can't think of any other adults who are incapable of making friends.

 

Do you have any valuable relationships at all, with anyone? Even family?

[tuxedo cat]

Given our acrimonious history, I'm hesitant to post here - but I will attempt to be objective and honest.

 

I have a friend who is possibly a little like you, only the manifestation of her issues is far more severe (she has had a serious eating disorder for years). She's a sweet and considerate person, but she's also very intense. Whereas with other friends we will have a laugh together, you can't really have much of a laugh with this particular friend. She can be witty, and she's insightful - but she's never really grasped the use of humour as a coping mechanism and as a means of bringing some perspective to situations.

 

I think you are also an intense sort of personality who doesn't really show much signs of having a sense of humour. Like my friend, it may be that you can make witty comments - but I suspect that past grievances in your life aren't something you can laugh about. If you heard people joking about having been bullied, I think your reaction would likely be one of horror and "that's not funny!" Perhaps you'd analyse it and decide that they had Stockholm Syndrom or something... but I think what you'd fail to do would be to understand that humour is an incredibly effective coping mechanism which can actually help people to make the best times out of the worst ones.

 

I haven't spent much time in NYC. I have a good friend there who kind of fits the stereotype in many ways (tough minded, sarcastic etc). That friend has helped me through some tough times, just by creating an environment where I can laugh about problems I would have otherwise cried about. Without a strong sense of humour, I think you're going to continue blowing every problem out of proportion and analysing everything to the nth degree. With humour, you can still analyse things but at the same time humour is a way of reminding yourelf not to take it all so seriously. It's also one of the primary means by which people bond and by which they resolve disputes.

 

If people don't really feel that they can have a laugh with you, then they're probably not going to feel particularly comfortable around you - no matter how nice, kind and solicitous your demeanour might be. You can spend the rest of your life analysing it, and attributing various dysfunctions or negative emotions to people you don't get along with...but I think the bottom line is that until you develop a better sense of humour you're going to struggle to get along with people.

 

More probably with other women. I say that because a lot of men tend not to think women have a sense of humour in any event. So they won't care if you don't show much sense of humour. Women, on the other hand, do actually use humour in our dealings with eachother all the time. We use it to bond, we use it to negotiate tricky little areas of potential dispute, we use it to challenge and we use it to cope when life throws crap at us.

 

I would challenge you to watch Borat. It goes without saying that you won't be amused by it - but on this occasion, instead of analysing everything that's wrong with the film (or with people who do find it funny) which justifies you not finding it amusing...ask yourself what makes it so hard for you to laugh. The answer to that is probably an answer to quite a lot of your issues.

 

I think you're half right.

 

When I read the last paragraph and realized you thought I was the kind of person who would be disturbed by Borat I chuckled to myself and realized your impression of me is probably a lot more cartoonish than the reality. I love Borat and my sense of humor leans toward the dark. There's a lot I find funny, and I don't remember the last time I was seriously offended by a joke.

 

My sense of humor is selective, and it mostly comes out around people I'm close to. When I'm anxious my humor is the first thing to go. I know some people cope with anxiety by joking around more, but I clam up and get serious.

 

Also - and this has always been mysterious to me - I have no ability to banter with women. Bantering with men comes more naturally to me. I've never had difficulty making male friends, probably because I grew up in a male-dominated household.

 

With women, I don't know if it's that I feel intimidated or that I just have a different sense of humor or that I'm used to relating to them in an entirely different way. Maybe it's that my humor is of the ribbing variety that doesn't seem to go over as well with women. The one girlfriend I had really great rapport with was pretty butch and I almost saw her as more of a guy.

 

When I'm around women I spend a lot of energy obsessing over what to say, and I often find myself out of my depth. For example, at a dinner party a few weeks ago the girls were exchanging camp stories and I had nothing to contribute because I never really went to camp growing up (my family couldn't afford it). Female humor often centers around shared female experiences and in-jokes. Tina Fey's brand of humor, especially in "Mean Girls," comes to mind. I like Tina Fey and I laugh at her jokes; I just don't think she and I would hit it off she's such a woman's woman.

 

I'm always reluctant to bring this problem up because I've noticed that a lot of the time when a woman complains about trouble with other women, people assume she's somehow to blame. She must be jealous or sexist or slutty or entitled. And sometimes that is true. But there are also women who legitimately struggle with other women through no fault of their own because they just have a different way of relating or because they're a little weird or because they missed out on the formative bonding experiences that other women shared. And not because they feel like they're better than other women. I'd love to have some female friends.

 

What I'm trying to say is I know it's a problem but I don't know how to fix it.