Met a great guy, but then he moved in after only 1 week. Need a break, what to say?

[No_Go]

Please DON'T let him, listen to all the people here, this smells to me to a professional manipulator, soooo similar to my ex. If you leave me a private message I am even willing to talk to you over some form of messenger, I burned myself so badly with my trust to a stranger that I feel horrible seeing people repeating my mistake...

 

 

I know it all sounds crazy, but what's not crazy is I was going to rent my place out on air b&b while I was away anyway, so rather than rent to a total stranger, atleast I've stayed with his person for awhile. He recently got hired for another temp agency.

 

Basically, I gave him this option, but I told him I won't GUARANTEE it: he could stay at my place while I'm gone, but come January 1st he has to go. So I told him he needs to be calling, emailing and looking at places until then. He agreed to pay me his portion until that time.

 

If he doesn't find a place by that time, he'll still need to leave and find an extended stay place, a couple of which I recommended. And yes, I am not so much worried about coming back to an empty place, more so him breaking something...like my vacuum cleaner like when I came home last month to see he ran over a shoe string

[Chatmonkey]

OP, you are the one with the issues unfortunately. Who the f*ck allows this to happen.

 

Nope. Nope. This is EXTREMELY weird.

[Simon Phoenix]

I know it all sounds crazy, but what's not crazy is I was going to rent my place out on air b&b while I was away anyway, so rather than rent to a total stranger, atleast I've stayed with his person for awhile. He recently got hired for another temp agency.

 

Basically, I gave him this option, but I told him I won't GUARANTEE it: he could stay at my place while I'm gone, but come January 1st he has to go. So I told him he needs to be calling, emailing and looking at places until then. He agreed to pay me his portion until that time.

 

If he doesn't find a place by that time, he'll still need to leave and find an extended stay place, a couple of which I recommended. And yes, I am not so much worried about coming back to an empty place, more so him breaking something...like my vacuum cleaner like when I came home last month to see he ran over a shoe string

 

You are lost in the wilderness somewhere. I mean, I can't even believe this is real life.

[evanescentworld]

Exactly, I told him that. And last night...he bought the emotional baggage back again. I asked him to not leave popcorn out on he stove, and he starts mumbling about how I...me...hates him. It's the kind of emotional baggage that I don't need in my house.

 

On another topic, I want to know if this sounds crazy as all out, or should I do this in mutual benefit. Basically, I'm going out of town for what could be 2-3 weeks next week. It's the holidays and I feel bad to throw him out. I have 2 options, I can either make him leave before I leave, or I can demand his last paycheck from the temp job he worked. But then, he would have to move out when I return right around January 1st. Because honestly, apartments aren't available because no one is moving out around the holidays.

 

My issue is 1. Leaving him there and all the implications involved and 2. Still not being able to get rid of him when I return. But...I could also use the money even though it's not much.

 

You sound totally, utterly bananas, and frankly, if you decide to let him stay, you deserve every consequence.

You have been told by us how he operates.

You've been told by those with the (virtual) same experiences, how he operates.

You've even been told by people close to him, how he operates.

 

And you still insist on debating what to do?

 

Ok, you're on your own, now. Good luck.

You're going to need it.

[eblude]

Let me tell you something. I ended up in many situations where i said yes cos of my good heart and lord i paid hard "should have said no".. If you do not let him go fast trust me you will be stuck with him for a long time .. you think now it is bothering you having him ... wait if he stays for extra month or 2 you will start hating yourself

[somedude81]

Anybody prepared for a truly horrible story when she gets back if she lets him stay?

 

I predict that she'll return to the place being trashed with blood on the walls and bodies left over from a human sacrifices.

[evanescentworld]

Anybody prepared for a truly horrible story when she gets back if she lets him stay?

 

I predict that she'll return to the place being trashed with blood on the walls and bodies left over from a human sacrifices.

I was thinking more of 2 weeks' worth of washing up in the sink and three homeless guys occupying her bedroom....

 

But your scenario works too.....

[veggirl]

So is he paying rent? Because at least with air b&b you'd get RENT and probably a background check done on the people. And they probably wouldn't be SQUATORS which is what this mooch is. He's probably going to steal/sell your **** while you're gone. You're out of your mind.

[Art_Critic]

you also need to pay attention to your local laws regarding booting him out after 30 days, in my county you have to legally evict someone who has been living at a residence more than 30 days..

 

Juts boot the guy out now, save yourself all the extra drama he is about to bring into your life.

[idoltree]

OP, you describe all of this as if you are a passive person on the sidelines.

 

Your passivity led to this situation, and you need to avoid passivity to solve it. Be pro-active and take action.

[Detectingfreak]

Throw his things out on the curb, change the locks and forget about him. Block his facebook, phone number and email. Thats what i did to get rid of my ex who was abusive. I broke up with her via text after taking everything she and i had together and chucked it away. Then i told her it was over, didnt give her a chance to explain cuz she was a very controlling person and blocked all contact. Ive been NC for a year and havnt heard from her. Feels great to have my life back. You need to do the same. Worry about yourself and your survival. Whocares about the other person. I learned to never get into a relationship ever again. Its all about survival in 2014. Its not the 1950's anymore.

[SubliminalSessions]

UPDATE:

 

Hello everyone. Wow, the responses are just a lot to digest. I thought someone would have perhaps applauded my selfless actions lol. But I guess there's a thin line between selfishness, and foolishness lol.

 

Anyhow, I finally got him out TONIGHT. No I did not throw him out on the curb or change the locks. When you meet someone's mother, father, grandmother, 2 aunts and nephew/uncles over thanksgiving...that he invited me to, it's hard to do that. Like come on, let's be realistic here. That's just not something someone with any sort of integrity can do, and live with it in peace. I would live in agony just WAITING for karma to come back to me.

 

What I did do, was give him til the 1st to move, initially. That didn't happen, but I still waited and him knowing I couldn't continue the living situation, he found SOMEONE who'd open their doors (work connections). It's kinda agonizing becausee he doesn't know these people very well, and it's 3 other men living there, 1 with two children. i don't wanna get into the specifics, but i believe they are recovering addicts....alcohol/drugs. My BF didn't abuse drugs, but he did abuse alcohol and although he claims it's in the past, a couple nights out together at a bar showed he still struggles with it.

 

All in all, it's quite possibly one of the hardest things I've had to do to someone, dropping him off at a strange, but relatively well kept apartment. It felt like I was dropping off my own kid, and I don't even have kids!

 

Things financially seem to be looking up for him, and yes he did contribute financially from his odd temp jobs...but he's still several pay checks away from being stable. At this point, I'm still scatterbrained about whether I want to continue the relationship or not, but it all came down to I just couldn't continue sharing such a small space, and feeling like I was dating someone who is overly emotional, not on his feet, and just barely getting by. it was starting to interfere with me and my direction of what I need to get right in my life. Thats hard to do when living with someone who is constantly going on about what's wrong with their life.

Edited January 8, 2015 by SubliminalSessions

[RDawg]

This has got to be one of the most amusing threads on Loveshack in quite a while! I think it is awesome that you finally have him out of your space. So did you leave him there on his own whilst you went away on holiday as you intended? And if so, did he look after your spot nicely whilst you were away?

 

I found some of the responses by other posters quite hilarious in their harshness. There are some very distrustful people out there, no doubt tainted by their own bad experiences in being taken advantage of.

 

Now that you have gotten him out time will tell just how into you he is, and also if it's what you want and really need.

[lauri]

Seriously? You're considering continuing this relationship?

 

A man, who you met one night and practically moved in right away? Whats to say that he wouldn't have done this with any girl?

 

I don't understand...are you getting everything you deserve from this guy? Is he going to be able to take care of himself w/o getting charity from many other people?

 

I'm not trying to be a downer or anything but all I see here is flags.

[Diezel]

UPDATE:

Like come on, let's be realistic here.

 

Wanna talk "realistic"? Next time think about that after having someone move in after 1 week.

 

You want to be applauded for being selfless? Or stupid? Want a cookie?

 

Don't worry, it's not the first time he's been in a "strange apartment" with people he doesn't know. He did the same to you a while ago.

[evanescentworld]

UPDATE:

 

Hello everyone. Wow, the responses are just a lot to digest. I thought someone would have perhaps applauded my selfless actions lol. But I guess there's a thin line between selfishness, and foolishness lol.

 

You mean Selflessness and Foolishness.

Yes, you're right; it's what we call the difference between Wise Compassion and Idiot Compassion....

 

Like come on, let's be realistic here. That's just not something someone with any sort of integrity can do, and live with it in peace.

Why not? He took advantage of you and moved in without an invitation, didn't he?

 

I would live in agony just WAITING for karma to come back to me.

Side-note: You need to revise how Kamma works.....

 

What I did do, was give him til the 1st to move, initially.

Well that worked....

 

That didn't happen, but I still waited and him knowing I couldn't continue the living situation, he found SOMEONE who'd open their doors (work connections). It's kinda agonizing becausee he doesn't know these people very well, and it's 3 other men living there, 1 with two children. i don't wanna get into the specifics, but i believe they are recovering addicts....alcohol/drugs.

With children in the house? Oh that's wonderful.

 

My BF didn't abuse drugs, but he did abuse alcohol and although he claims it's in the past, a couple nights out together at a bar showed he still struggles with it.

That's his issue. And I'm surprised, given the entire scenario, you refer to him as your BF..... I'd revisit that definition, honestly I would....

 

 

Things financially seem to be looking up for him, and yes he did contribute financially from his odd temp jobs...but he's still several pay checks away from being stable. At this point, I'm still scatterbrained about whether I want to continue the relationship or not,

Exactly. Not your BF. And I would advise you to show extreme caution in your choice, because you cannot fix him, and neither can love. You may think that being in the arms of a good woman will throw a light-switch in his head, but it won't. He will just see you as one more easy pushover, and free ride.

 

but it all came down to I just couldn't continue sharing such a small space, and feeling like I was dating someone who is overly emotional, not on his feet, and just barely getting by. it was starting to interfere with me and my direction of what I need to get right in my life. Thats hard to do when living with someone who is constantly going on about what's wrong with their life.

Definitely NOT your BF.....

[seminoles84]

Oh geez....

[SubliminalSessions]

So did you leave him there on his own whilst you went away on holiday as you intended? And if so, did he look after your spot nicely whilst you were away?.

 

Ah yes, forgot to answer that one. Actually I didn't leave on vacation at all. I stayed in the area and had Christmas with him and my friends. Overall, it was a lackluster Christmas, but I spent new years with another friend.

 

I did however, moved my travels to after the new year...that being TODAY. I debated among myself back and forth about leaving him at my place while I was away. But I had to be realistic about the situation and think to myself: who would do this for me? Not just spend a night while they're at work. But actually leave on vacation, and let someone who has no stuff of their own stay in their house, after knowing them for such a short period of time.

 

But what did it for me is when last week, he's out at the bars with his friends for HOURS, then He's arguing with me over a used sleeping bag from off the street trying to bring it HOME, and then a few nights later he comes in at 530 am drunk. That right there quickly made me change my mind. Yes, all that sounds hilarious, but it's the reality of the situation. You just won't hear about it because people are embarrassed to be so real about what they go thru with other people.

 

Since I dropped him off last night, I haven't gotten any texts from him. Honestly I'm not hanging onto the relationship. As I told him, at this point in his life, he does not need to be trying to get into anymore relationships until he fixes the one wih himself.

Edited January 8, 2015 by SubliminalSessions

[SubliminalSessions]

With children in the house? Oh that's wonderful.

 

That's his issue. And I'm surprised, given the entire scenario, you refer to him as your BF..... I'd revisit that definition, honestly I would....

 

 

 

Exactly. Not your BF. And I would advise you to show extreme caution in your choice, because you cannot fix him, and neither can love. You may think that being in the arms of a good woman will throw a light-switch in his head, but it won't. He will just see you as one more easy pushover, and free ride.

 

 

Definitely NOT your BF.....

 

Okay.., the part about children is a little weird. But, the thing is it's the other guys kids who just visit him on the weekends. Again, not an ideal situation at all, and just me even knowing he's living in that situation is just...hard to bear.

 

I referred to him as my BF just as a reference point. I really can't say what we are right now.

[rester]

So around the end of October, I met a guy one night while at a Halloween party. We spent a couple of nights together, but then on the 3rd time we met, he somehow 'moved in' with me. I know he mentioned he was having some roommate issues, but at the time he came with just a suitcase so I presumed he was just visiting with me. But then, it turned out that he was actually homeless and just couch surfing. On top of that, he got fired from the job he just got hired at, within a week of knowing him (because he doesn't know when to bite his tongue).

 

Well, he is a great partner in many ways...but over the last 3 weeks, I'm realizing he's depressed, down on his luck, and it's really bringing me down. We've had 2 conversations about finding work and my inability to live with anyone right now due to my lease conditions and the size of my apartment which is very small. And since he's only worked 2 days since I've known him, I see his face everyday.

 

This whole thing has become a nightmare in disguise, and I can't have this guy living with me anymore. He turns passive aggressive, starts crying, and is too emotional. I also need my space! Ive lived on my own for years. I try to tell him constructive things, or tell him I need space, and he quickly assumes i want to breakup. I don't want to breakup, but I def. need a break. I'm trying to get us to part ways when I leave for Christmas next week, but I don't want him staying at my place! We were going to go down to Florida together for awhile and visit my family (he introduced me to his for thanksgiving), but his unpredictable quiet treatments would drive me crazy, and I don't need that energy when I'm around my family. My friends say, "where is he gonna go?" I say: he's ten years older than me, it's not up to me to provide him shelter. What can I do?

 

Ah yes, forgot to answer that one. Actually I didn't leave on vacation at all. I stayed in the area and had Christmas with him and my friends. Overall, it was a lackluster Christmas, but I spent new years with another friend.

 

I did however, moved my travels to after the new year...that being TODAY. I debated among myself back and forth about leaving him at my place while I was away. But I had to be realistic about the situation and think to myself: who would do this for me? Not just spend a night while they're at work. But actually leave on vacation, and let someone who has no stuff of their own stay in their house, after knowing them for such a short period of time.

 

But what did it for me is when last week, he's out at the bars with his friends for HOURS, then He's arguing with me over a used sleeping bag from off the street trying to bring it HOME, and then a few nights later he comes in at 530 am drunk. That right there quickly made me change my mind. Yes, all that sounds hilarious, but it's the reality of the situation. You just won't hear about it because people are embarrassed to be so real about what they go thru with other people.

 

Since I dropped him off last night, I haven't gotten any texts from him. Honestly I'm not hanging onto the relationship. As I told him, at this point in his life, he does not need to be trying to get into anymore relationships until he fixes the one wih himself.

 

You speak of this guy like you've been together for years, but you only met on this past Halloween. You mention the word "partner" and "breakup" in your OP when you had only known him about 6 weeks.

 

I'm honestly curious why you think you got into such an instant relationship with this guy. You hardly knew him and let him move in with you. It doesn't even sound like he cared about you very much...he just needed a place to crash and you were nice enough to let him in.

 

Hopefully you will be more cautious in the future.

[Satu]

Definitely NOT your BF.....

 

He doesn't match any definition of BF, that I can think of.

[Satu]

I really can't say what we are right now.

 

Parasite and Host works for me.

[lauri]

Ah yes, forgot to answer that one. Actually I didn't leave on vacation at all. I stayed in the area and had Christmas with him and my friends. Overall, it was a lackluster Christmas, but I spent new years with another friend.

 

I did however, moved my travels to after the new year...that being TODAY. I debated among myself back and forth about leaving him at my place while I was away. But I had to be realistic about the situation and think to myself: who would do this for me? Not just spend a night while they're at work. But actually leave on vacation, and let someone who has no stuff of their own stay in their house, after knowing them for such a short period of time.

 

But what did it for me is when last week, he's out at the bars with his friends for HOURS, then He's arguing with me over a used sleeping bag from off the street trying to bring it HOME, and then a few nights later he comes in at 530 am drunk. That right there quickly made me change my mind. Yes, all that sounds hilarious, but it's the reality of the situation. You just won't hear about it because people are embarrassed to be so real about what they go thru with other people.

 

Since I dropped him off last night, I haven't gotten any texts from him. Honestly I'm not hanging onto the relationship. As I told him, at this point in his life, he does not need to be trying to get into anymore relationships until he fixes the one wih himself.

 

Please read what I just bolded and tell me what you would tell me if I was dating someone like this.

[Simon Phoenix]

Okay.., the part about children is a little weird. But, the thing is it's the other guys kids who just visit him on the weekends. Again, not an ideal situation at all, and just me even knowing he's living in that situation is just...hard to bear.

 

I referred to him as my BF just as a reference point. I really can't say what we are right now.

 

The fact that you are even considering it shows that you still are a bit cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. I can't believe you actually think people should congratulate you for being selfless. You're lucky you aren't broke, raped or murdered. What you did was unbelievably stupid and careless and, quite frankly, you are lucky you even have a computer to type out your story to us. And now you are considering staying with this guy? I'm sorry, but what the hell is wrong with you?

[hurts2death]

well its not if its bad that you live together too early its like if it was feeling like and wanted by both.

 

in my ex rl i used to take my ex for drinks and then we used to spend the night together i had two more houses on the area but what i wanted was being with her,. so long story short after some weeks from first meetingeach other and since we had free time we ended up sticking to one an other 24/7 i know that might be too much but relationship was ok for like 4 years it ended for irrelevant reasons.