Author SubliminalSessions Posted December 15, 2014 Author Share Posted December 15, 2014 You let him back in???? Lol, no...he hasn't got all of his things yet. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted December 15, 2014 Share Posted December 15, 2014 Lol, no...he hasn't got all of his things yet. Well, find out when he intends coming to pick them up, then pre-empt his visit by pre-emptying the place of all his remaining stuff, and leaving it outside for him to collect.... (Do NOT answer the door, whatever you do, though!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SubliminalSessions Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 (edited) Well, find out when he intends coming to pick them up, then pre-empt his visit by pre-emptying the place of all his remaining stuff, and leaving it outside for him to collect.... (Do NOT answer the door, whatever you do, though!) Evan, I can't just do that though. The man has no car, not even a bike, and I live in a suburban neighborhood and the bus and light rail is barely walking distance. Plus, the embarrassment from my neighbors and him possibly trying to vandalise my car are also concerns. You guys are killin me lol. I know you're trying to help, but I can't be that cruel. Me even trying to get him out is an enormous burden because he's guilt tripped me, and plus I've been there before...but only temporarily. Like years ago when I was 19, living place to place for almost a month depending on men for shelter. What if they'd of threw me away before I got on my feet? However, we had another conversation today...and this time he's understood that my need for space is justified. He also understood that he can't just come into someone else's home/life with all his emotional/financial baggage, and expect to be loved regardless (I quickly put him in his place when he said, "if someone can't be with me now, I don't want them when I'm doing better). I told him it has nothing to do with love or no love, I told him that no one has agreed this is a healthy start to a relationship. All it's doing is adding more to my already full plate. I also gave him a brief lesson on why I think he's in the position that he's in. I told simply: you need to learn to bite your tongue, stop trying to be friendly with everyone, and don't get involved in office gossip. Exactly why he lost the last job he had in October, all income that he could have had to get a place/car in the 2 months he's been living rent free. I'm finding out a lot of his issues are related to the fact he's trying to compensate for an earlier life. He thinks that because I tell him to bite his tongue, that I'm telling him to not have a voice. I said no...you can have a voice, WHEN ITS CALLED FOR. But mind your business otherwise, and let people speak to you first. Stop trying to be noticed, because it's keeping him from being successful in life. And then, it's others peoples responsibility when he screws things up. Edited December 16, 2014 by SubliminalSessions Link to post Share on other sites
Author SubliminalSessions Posted December 16, 2014 Author Share Posted December 16, 2014 ...otherwise, to add...he's been very sweet. I know this man truly loves me, but I told him I don't feel it's the right premise to begin a relationship. He's really charming me now, and that's why its so hard. I haven't cried yet, but I know when we part ways in a couple days, it's gonna be hard to hold back the tears. But I think the time apart is much needed after seeing each other everyday for the past 45 days. Link to post Share on other sites
LostInLosingLove Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 ...otherwise, to add...he's been very sweet. I know this man truly loves me, but I told him I don't feel it's the right premise to begin a relationship. He's really charming me now, and that's why its so hard. I haven't cried yet, but I know when we part ways in a couple days, it's gonna be hard to hold back the tears. But I think the time apart is much needed after seeing each other everyday for the past 45 days. He sounds like a narcissist, a user, perpetually playing the victim, and in constant need of your devoting attention while living some kind of peter pan syndrome lifestyle in never wanting to grow up. You should really be thankful that you're getting rid of that leech. To each their own. I may or may not be projecting... Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 ...otherwise, to add...he's been very sweet. I know this man truly loves me, but I told him I don't feel it's the right premise to begin a relationship. He's really charming me now, and that's why its so hard. I haven't cried yet, but I know when we part ways in a couple days, it's gonna be hard to hold back the tears. But I think the time apart is much needed after seeing each other everyday for the past 45 days. when the tears come realize he said himself he realizes he has to go and move out...this isnt right for either of you......dont ask him to stay again......and dont let him stay again...you did your bit you gave him a bed when he had nothing....one of the reasons i wrote what i wrote to you in my earlier posts was because you said he was a sweet guy who seemed to have depression and then you say no he isnt now you say yes he is ....again...being single is much more preferable to being with someone you arent sure of half the time...dont let any guy move in on you after two dates.....it is a mistake....good luck....deb Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 OP, don't delude yourself. You don't know if this man loves you or not -- he could very well be with you because he would have nowhere to sleep / nothing to eat / no way to get around / no money to buy things otherwise. You won't know how he truly feels about you until you kick him out and stop supporting him financially. Plenty of people can put on a sweet romantic act for the sake of financial support -- and it doesn't even sound like your guy is all that sweet. You can't possibly be this desperate. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 He really loves you? If he did he would get a job and get off his ass, stop trying to manipulate you and "charm you" into letting himself stay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Boundaries. Get some. Why on earth would you allow this arrangement? Holy crap this is insane. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 She warned me against him drinking, hangs on to old failures in life, always finds a way to Mess up good opportunities, and has way too much baggage to be in a relationship with anybody. One suitcase and a lot of emotional baggage 3 Link to post Share on other sites
travelbug1996 Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Bwahahahahaha this thread had me ctfu. Please don't let complete strangers move into your house. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Why does this dude not have a job again? I mean really this loser has no job, no car, no housing, is emotionally fked up and you let him move in because he's pretty attractive and you want an Insta-relationship?! With HIM??? Go read ktya's latest thread. That's gonna be you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Work on your boundaries. He does all this because you allow it. He's talking to people because he's looking for his next victim - plain and simple. His lack of car, job etc is only his fault. It's a product of who he is = a loser, user and a taker. You feeling sorry for him won't help you to break free from him. Stop feeling sorry for him and start getting mad that you've allowed yourself to be taken for a ride. He won't work until he HAS TO. He won't "have to" while you pay his way! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SubliminalSessions Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Why does this dude not have a job again? I mean really this loser has no job, no car, no housing, is emotionally fked up and you let him move in because he's pretty attractive and you want an Insta-relationship?! With HIM??? Go read ktya's latest thread. That's gonna be you. Lol, Only he can answer that. He's been job searching and supposedly has something set up for today...and his resume seems to be pretty decent...except that I do find it relatively weird that he's had like a plethora of decent jobs over the last several years in different cities. But I know most recently, his current job status is (and I told him) that he got involved in office chatter during his FIRST week with another employee, who then told another employee who then told the manager and he got fired. I had to give him a little lesson on life to stop being so chatty/friendly, forcing himself on RANDOM people, and maybe he won't end up in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SubliminalSessions Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 One suitcase and a lot of emotional baggage Exactly, I told him that. And last night...he bought the emotional baggage back again. I asked him to not leave popcorn out on he stove, and he starts mumbling about how I...me...hates him. It's the kind of emotional baggage that I don't need in my house. On another topic, I want to know if this sounds crazy as all out, or should I do this in mutual benefit. Basically, I'm going out of town for what could be 2-3 weeks next week. It's the holidays and I feel bad to throw him out. I have 2 options, I can either make him leave before I leave, or I can demand his last paycheck from the temp job he worked. But then, he would have to move out when I return right around January 1st. Because honestly, apartments aren't available because no one is moving out around the holidays. My issue is 1. Leaving him there and all the implications involved and 2. Still not being able to get rid of him when I return. But...I could also use the money even though it's not much. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 OP he exhibits WARNING SIGNS of a con-artist, e.g. the plethora of decent jobs. My mooch aka ex-boyfriend "presented" to me similar resume and job loss situation when he started leeching on me 2 weeks after we signed a lease together. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Reference: personal experience. Sorry for being so harsh but I am STILL trying to save myself from the con-artist that I got involved with. Lol, Only he can answer that. He's been job searching and supposedly has something set up for today...and his resume seems to be pretty decent...except that I do find it relatively weird that he's had like a plethora of decent jobs over the last several years in different cities. But I know most recently, his current job status is (and I told him) that he got involved in office chatter during his FIRST week with another employee, who then told another employee who then told the manager and he got fired. I had to give him a little lesson on life to stop being so chatty/friendly, forcing himself on RANDOM people, and maybe he won't end up in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Ask him for the money BEFORE you leave, or you'll never see a dollar from him... My own leech used this strategy ALL THE TIME ("oh, I will pay you when I get my paycheck", e.g. never) Exactly, I told him that. And last night...he bought the emotional baggage back again. I asked him to not leave popcorn out on he stove, and he starts mumbling about how I...me...hates him. It's the kind of emotional baggage that I don't need in my house. On another topic, I want to know if this sounds crazy as all out, or should I do this in mutual benefit. Basically, I'm going out of town for what could be 2-3 weeks next week. It's the holidays and I feel bad to throw him out. I have 2 options, I can either make him leave before I leave, or I can demand his last paycheck from the temp job he worked. But then, he would have to move out when I return right around January 1st. Because honestly, apartments aren't available because no one is moving out around the holidays. My issue is 1. Leaving him there and all the implications involved and 2. Still not being able to get rid of him when I return. But...I could also use the money even though it's not much. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIvy Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 (edited) sounds like he is using you and he is definetly playing you. He not your responsibility and you barely know him. Not only that but it's even more telling that he just brought his suitcase, as if that's ok. Sounds like knows you're nice and taking advantage of that. Tell him he needs to move out ASAP. After that, lose his number, he's a Moocher. Also, he clearly doesn't love you. He is using you. Don't fool yourself. Not being mean but it's pretty obvious what his intentions are and I don't want you to get hurt. Edited December 18, 2014 by BlueIvy Link to post Share on other sites
LostInLosingLove Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 On another topic, I want to know if this sounds crazy as all out, or should I do this in mutual benefit. Dude, after everything you've seen with your owns eyes and after what everyone has been saying to you... You're absolutely nuts if you allow him to continue to stay with you. One could argue that it's in the holiday spirit but honestly, this is a real problem that has the potential to keep getting worse. In my opinion(for how long you two have known each other) he's already exhausted all the good will/charity you owe him. I'd ask myself, if this wasn't the holiday season "what would I do?" But...I could also use the money even though it's not much. If it's not much, it's definitely not worth it. Don't be greedy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Omg you're actually considering letting him stay at your house while you leave for 3 weeks?! At this point you're just asking for it. I mean good god are you crazy? He's a loser mooch AT BEST. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Okay, you're asking for it. I'm sorry. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Exactly, I told him that. And last night...he bought the emotional baggage back again. I asked him to not leave popcorn out on he stove, and he starts mumbling about how I...me...hates him. It's the kind of emotional baggage that I don't need in my house. On another topic, I want to know if this sounds crazy as all out, or should I do this in mutual benefit. Basically, I'm going out of town for what could be 2-3 weeks next week. It's the holidays and I feel bad to throw him out. I have 2 options, I can either make him leave before I leave, or I can demand his last paycheck from the temp job he worked. But then, he would have to move out when I return right around January 1st. Because honestly, apartments aren't available because no one is moving out around the holidays. My issue is 1. Leaving him there and all the implications involved and 2. Still not being able to get rid of him when I return. But...I could also use the money even though it's not much. You would do better to just keep it real with yourself and admit that you're willing to buy a boyfriend to avoid being alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Omg you're actually considering letting him stay at your house while you leave for 3 weeks?! At this point you're just asking for it. I mean good god are you crazy? He's a loser mooch AT BEST. This. Don't be surprised if you come back to an empty house. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Loneliness is the worst, believe me I really know how it feels, I have been there for many years. This is not the way to surround you with someone. He does care about him, not you!! If you do want to do good for people go volunteer at a shelter, your home is yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SubliminalSessions Posted December 18, 2014 Author Share Posted December 18, 2014 Omg you're actually considering letting him stay at your house while you leave for 3 weeks?! At this point you're just asking for it. I mean good god are you crazy? He's a loser mooch AT BEST. I know it all sounds crazy, but what's not crazy is I was going to rent my place out on air b&b while I was away anyway, so rather than rent to a total stranger, atleast I've stayed with his person for awhile. He recently got hired for another temp agency. Basically, I gave him this option, but I told him I won't GUARANTEE it: he could stay at my place while I'm gone, but come January 1st he has to go. So I told him he needs to be calling, emailing and looking at places until then. He agreed to pay me his portion until that time. If he doesn't find a place by that time, he'll still need to leave and find an extended stay place, a couple of which I recommended. And yes, I am not so much worried about coming back to an empty place, more so him breaking something...like my vacuum cleaner like when I came home last month to see he ran over a shoe string Link to post Share on other sites
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